A/N: Sorry if it took me a long time to reveal this one. I experienced a very hectic schedule because of my damn school. Anyway, I'm very free right now so I'd be able to update this fic more often. Yay! Thanks to those who read this up to now… I appreciate your support because this story is not that good at all. And I publicly apologize to some friend I had… if she's reading this I just want to say sorry for my stubbornness and stupidity and if she does not want to see me again, then that's fine. I have my own life and she has her own.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 16

Do I need to do this? Do I need to do this?

How many times had I asked myself that question?

Confessing my "undying love" may ruin our friendship. Or my reputation.

Hmpf! Argh!

I can't concentrate on my studies! I can't even do calculations. Well, of course I can still compute . . . 1 plus 2 equals 3 . . .2 plus 3 equals 5 . . . 3 plus 4 equals 7.

Seven. Sendoh's jersey number.

I really need a breather. This boring period in my everyday life will end any minute from now. Then it's time for me to be free . . . Dismissal time is near, I should not fear. Wow, I rhymed.

I keep on telling myself: IT'S NO BIG DEAL. Couples from romantic novels always do that stuff. They find refuge in each other, they proclaim their feelings, they kiss, and live happily ever. But I'm not from a novel. And Sendoh and I aren't a couple, as faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar as I'm concerned . . . I find refuge in Sendoh. Refuge, as in protection, security or as an asylum. I mean, he's the one who bares with my craziness. And he accepts the fact that . . . I'm wild. I get strength and inspiration from him since he is my friend . . . and my crush. But he never did leave me even though he ignored me during several incidents. And I am always there for him. I won't ever think of deserting him . . . Wow . . . that's such a very sweet thought coming from yours truly.

So step one is accomplished. Step two . . . I should proclaim my feelings for him. Then we kiss?

Ah!!!! My face is burning . . . I feel hot . . .

Sendoh is only inches away from me now. I can feel him staring at me . . . I almost shivered . . . He's like a ghost sometimes . . .

I looked at him directly. He is facing my direction too. He is . . . sleeping.

Not again. Shit.

I won't blame him. At least he would have enough energy to handle today's practice. The elimination for the interscholastic games in our division is coming. I hope we would win. We will win. We should win. Sendoh is with us. I have confidence in him. Everyone in the team depends on our magnificent ace player. It must be hard to be him. Even though he's not the captain of Ryonan team, he carries a heavy responsibility. But I'm sure he could handle all the stress. I will help him all the way. I hope.

I can see his face now as the time ends for Ryonan's final match . . . maybe it's with Kainan. Sendoh will beat Maki . . . my . . . um . . . ex-crush? I don't know what I saw in him. He was great in basketball . . . he was um . . . tall . . . dark . . . and handsome for me. Why did I just notice Sendoh just now? My dream guy is sitting beside me . . .

Sleeping.

I didn't realize I spent the last period daydreaming. I didn't even hear the bell ring. What was the lesson again anyway? Hmm . . . I planned what to say to my dear Akira later on . . . Why do I need to plan every single thing? So I fear screwing up. I fear ruining our friendship. I fear every single thing! Then I'm not going anywhere! Why am I so afraid? Do I love him that much . . .

Maybe I DO!

He did accept me for being me, insane and all. I accepted him too, having porcupine hair. Love is all about acceptance . . . and risks. I fear losing him. I'm going to conquer this fear! I'm fearless!

(Insert background music here)


I walked towards Sendoh's chair . . . which is not really a long way to walk. It's just inches away, remember? I pounded my fist on the free space on his armchair and practically screamed, "Wake up!"

Sendoh almost jumped, his eyes wide open. He looked like he watched a horror movie. Ok that was too fearless of me to do that. He looked at me, 100% alert.

"Um, sorry!" I forced my fake laugh. Which is like this: hahahahaha.

"Uh, it's okay," he said, then grinned a little.

That was really a wrong start of me being "fearless". It went overboard. I don't think it's necessary to frighten the person I like . . . I'm not that hideous.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Bad dream?" I asked Sendoh as we walked to the gym. I didn't even look at his face. There was a voice in my head shouting, "Do step 3 already!" I'm not even ready for that yet! I have a very stubborn mind.

"Sort of," Sendoh said with his trademark smile that manipulates the minds of irritating high school girls who are currently taking pictures behind us!

*flash*

I looked around with a mean expression on my face.

*flash*

I saw a very stupid, foolish, inane, idiotic, imbecilic, half-witted, moronic creature who has the genetic features of an ape holding a camera with a smirk on his . . . do you call that his face?!

It's Shigeki.

Damn him. Does he work in a tabloid now?

"Hey, don't be mad!" Shigeki laughed.

So . . . high school girls huh?

"Okay, I looked silly but don't push it," I warned grimly. I looked at Sendoh. He seemed annoyed too in a way. Of course he did. He dislikes Shigeki as much as I do. *Gasp*

"No you didn't. You look beautiful when you're angry," Shigeki said suavely.

So he thinks I can fall for him that easily? Then think again.

"Hey Sendoh, we have better things to do," I turned my back and started walking fast, ahead of the two, with my pride and head up.

Tripping is my forte. I trip everyday.


Obviously, I did trip, butt first.

Like I said, tripping is my forte.

*flash*

I'm soooooooooooo angry!!!!!!!!!! Being the gentleman that he is, Sendoh helped me stand up. I glared at the . . . ape behind us. Mocking me, his annoying smile never disappeared from his face. I wish his camera would disappear.

But I got a better idea. . . Want to know what?

Ask Shigeki what I did to the camera and to his head.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Maybe you were a little too harsh on Shigeki," Yukino laughed.

I seriously looked at Yukino straight in the eyes. "I was never too harsh on Shigeki."

We were sitting on one of the benches after practice time. It's finally time for me to relax. Even I got exhausted from our training. But we have to train . . . or they have to train. I can't imagine our team facing defeat. I can't stand to see Sendoh lose. Or cry. He won't cry. He's emotionally efficient. If he cries then I'll cry too! I never saw Sendoh cry! He's always so merry. He gives life to everything. I think that if he's in a bad mood, everything around us becomes dull. He's like the sun and I'm the moon . . . I'm able to revive my spirit because of him. Wow again. . .


Yukino raised up her arms. "Whatever!"

I shook my head and repeated her statement, "Whatever."

I could see Sendoh from where we were sitting. He was walking towards the locker room with a towel draped on his bare shoulder . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Okay . . . I'm back in the black hole that engulfs everything except Sendoh. . . because he's the black hole.

"Face it. Shigeki's crazy about you!" Yukino replied excitedly.

"But I'm not crazy about him," I answered monotonously, looking away from Sendoh for a while to see Yukino. I glanced back at Sendoh and saw him entering the locker room. Aww . . .

"So you're crazy about Sendoh still," Yukino interrupted. Define the obvious please.

I didn't answer. I just shrugged.

"Yeah right. Then why were you staring at him and not at me the whole time?" Yukino asked.

Why would I stare at Yukino? What is there to stare at? I just stuck out my tongue at her.

"Why do I feel like I'm talking to a mannequin?!" Yukino exclaimed angrily. Sorta. Kinda.

"Because you're the kind of person who talks to one," I joked soberly. I don't know if that's a joke or a fact.

"Ha-ha, you think you're so funny . . . wait 'till I tell this to Sendoh tomorrow," Yukino threatened playfully.

I just raised my eyebrows. Maybe Yukino's angry now, I think. Or was she already angry seconds ago? She mentioned that she'd tell this to Sendoh tomorrow. Well, if she does tell him, I'm going to tell him first tonight . . .

I closed my eyes for a while, blocking out Yukino's voice ("So that's your only reaction? I'm really going to tell him about this Nanami if you don't speak to me right now! Hey!). What's going to happen tonight will decide everything . . . it's either a bright beginning, or a tragic end.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It is another one of those quiet walks . . . Darkness enveloped us. Only the brightness of the lampposts around illuminated the road to my house, which is merely a few blocks away. The locket around my neck was glimmering, striking me, making me remember about IT. My big confession, as if I never forgot.

A few inches separated Sendoh and me. I have to start speaking now . . .

"Can we . . . slow down for a while," I softly said, "I'm a little tired."

"Your house is close anyway. Don't worry about it," Sendoh said to me smilingly . . . comfortingly.

Don't worry about it.

I took a deep breath. "I . . . I have to tell you something . . ."

Sendoh eyed me curiously. "Yeah? Like . . . what?"

I stop and froze. Interestingly, Sendoh immediately stopped too. He grinned, "What? Don't tell me I terrify you."

I slowly smiled. "No . . . it's just . . ."

"You have a problem or something?" Sendoh questioned.

I looked down, to stop myself from blushing. I started to count to ten before I speak out. . .

"Why won't you tell me what's bothering you?" Sendoh continued to ask. Why can't he stop?

I shook my head.

3 . . .

2 . . .

1 . . .

"Okay, I'll tell you my problem now . . ." I started cautiously. Sendoh seemed like he is listening to every word I was saying now. I kept on looking down still. "It's not really a problem . . . I . . . I think . . ."

"You think . . ."

I finally looked at him straight in the eyes.

Silence . . .

"I think I'm falling for you."

At last, I've done IT . . . It was very pressuring . . . I don't have plans of doing this one more time.

I looked out for a response from Sendoh. He seemed to be . . . dazed than delighted. But, is that a blush I can see rising on his cheeks?

Silence again. Sendoh looked like he wanted an explanation still. This restlessness should stop now.

"No . . . I mean . . . I'm not falling for you . . . I . . . it already happened . . . I . . . already fell in love with you . . ." I continued awkwardly.

No response still. Sendoh opened his mouth. What is he going to say?

He sighed. He slowly shook his head, "No, This isn't right."

This isn't right.

That's all he said.

This isn't right.

I was shattered into a million pieces. This is not just pressuring . . . it is also heartbreaking. I can feel my throat aching. I was mad, annoyed, disappointed, and embarrassed . . .

I inhaled rather loudly. "What . . . what . . . do you mean?" I asked gently. If I release my anger, I will really cry.

"Can we just be friends?" Sendoh said unfeelingly.

Friends.

Yeah.

Just friends.

I can't take this anymore. I feel like I'm going to break, literally, anytime soon. He won't care if I do. He doesn't care about my feelings for him. He doesn't care really about me! Everything is just for fun. Is that it? Is that what's behind his annoying smile? Every situation is just playtime for him. Friends. That's it? That's it?! So I was wrong . . . Very wrong . . . I'm such an idiot . . . To wish for something that won't really come true. I'm just a girl. I'm just Noboru Nanami . . . the clown . . . the one who recites in class when no one else knows the answer . . . the one who has a lot of "friends" surrounding her but doesn't really have a friend who is . . real . . . the best bud behind it all but who doesn't get recognition. That's me, right? That's just it. That is what everyone knows me for. I'm no good in anything else. Sendoh doesn't even know what to say to me now. He spoke like we were talking about basketball. Yeah . . . basketball. He shoots but I get the rebound . . . Am I not that important. What about the locket . . . what is that really for? I'm confused . . . I'm so confused that it hurts me.

"Okay . . . you want us to be friends. Okay, I'll still be your friend," I said with a smile on my face. Oh my gosh . . . I can't believe I'm saying this.

"Are . . . you okay?" Sendoh asked, with a "sudden" tiny bit of concern in his voice. He reached his hand out to touch my shoulder. I raised my hand for him to stop.

"Why thank you for asking that . . . I'm not really the most undisturbed person alive here but I'm fine," I answered. My voice was starting to crack. I need to go now . . . My eyes were almost brimming with tears.

"I ha-ave to go! I need to do something else!" I shouted, then ran away. I need to get out from this situation. I need to get away, from humiliation, from more disasters . . . I need to get away from Sendoh, my friend.

Home is the safest place for me to be now.

I swear, I'm never falling in love again with any one of my best friends.