Getting Off The Griefmobile
By Annakovsky
See part 1 for all relevant info and disclaimer.
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CHAPTER THIRTEEN
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When Xander grinned at her, that too-wide, brilliant Xander grin, Willow felt a decidedly non-gay burst of delight in her stomach.
Liking Xander wasn't like liking a boy, she thought to herself, it was just liking Xander, who, okay, if you wanted to get technical, had certain boy-like attributes, but that didn't mean that you lost all your lesbian street cred just because you happened to think that your best friend – who just happened to have a penis (like having a birth defect!) – was kind of okay to look at or, you know, maybe kiss once in awhile. It wasn't a big deal. They were just totally platonic friends, but with occasional smooches. Like people who kiss hello, right? Sometimes, you just really needed to say hello in the middle of "The Real World". It could happen to anybody.
Besides, sexual orientation was much more fluid than everyone seemed to think, and according to the Kinsey report, everyone was totally going to think that she had just been going through a phase and was lame-o poseur Lesbian-Until-Graduation girl.
Oh, God. She was a LUG. A complete absolute despicable LUG.
She went on a walk and desperately tried to think about hot girls. Faith, she was hot. Um, Charlize Theron. Angelina Jolie. Xander. DAMNIT. No. Kirsten Dunst. Cameron Diaz. Xander. AARGH!
No! This was all wrong! She was going to go see Charlie's Angels 2 again right now, and if that couldn't get her back in the hot girl mode, well, maybe there was some kind of reprogramming camp she could sign up for.
She stomped back into the house to get her purse, and passed Buffy on the way up to her room.
"Hey, Will, I managed to get a couple of fake wedding rings for you guys to wear tonight at that demon party thing." Willow looked at her blankly. "You know, because Angel signed you up as Mr. and Mrs. Harris? And do you have an evening dress, by the way?"
This day just would not get better, would it? So she found herself out with Buffy in the prom dress section of Dillard's, looking for the perfect dress to wear while she was pretending to be married to Xander.
"How about this one?" Buffy asked holding up a green dress.
"The color's a little too reminiscent of Anya's bridesmaid's dresses," Willow commented. Buffy looked at it and made a face.
"Whoa, sorry." She put it back on the rack and continued looking. "So Will, how've you been doing, lately?"
"Um... fine. Fine. And yourself?"
"Oh, I'm good. I just ask 'cause you've been acting a little weird the last two days."
"Really?" Willow realized that her voice was about two octaves too high on that one.
"Yeah, pretty much exactly like that," said Buffy dryly. "So spill already. What's the deal?"
"Nothing! I'm fine." Willow hadn't realized how much she was out of the habit of telling Buffy what was going on with her. Had she really used to talk with her for hours about how she had a crush on Xander, or how she liked Oz's hands? "I'm fine. Totally okay. No problems here!" Buffy nodded slowly and looked away.
"Right," she said, sounding sad. She started looking very hard at the dresses on the rack. "Okay, so how do you feel about strapless?"
"No, Buffy, wait. Okay. I am a little, um, freaked." Buffy looked at her and gave a small smile.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Willow took a deep breath. "I, um... may not be quite as gay as I had thought. Less flaming and more, um, sparkling. Or flickering."
"You're sparklingly gay?" Buffy looked confused.
"I think I like a boy again," Willow said. She could feel her face turning beet red and she turned her full attention to looking through the dresses.
"You... what? Wait, what? Who?"
"No one in particular, just, you know, in general I might sort of like boys in an aesthetic kind of non-practical in-no-way-acted-upon thought-life kind of way." Buffy stared at her, now looking very bewildered. Then her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.
"Oh my God, you don't like... *Andrew*... do you?" She almost whispered the Andrew part, in the way you might say 'herpes' or 'gonorrhea' if you were asking your friend about the burning when she peed.
"What? Oh, no." Willow was very taken aback by that. She laughed. "No. Andrew? No."
"Then who... oh. Oh. OH." It was interesting how many ways a person could say the word 'oh'.
"Yeah," said Willow.
"You don't... no way. Xander?" Willow nodded. "Wow. That's... wow. Kind of... are you serious? I mean... WOW."
"Stop saying that! You're making me freak out more."
"Sorry, I just..." Buffy shook her head as if trying to clear it. "Okay, so does he know about this?"
"Well, there may have been an incident involving his lips... and my lips... and them kind of... colliding."
"Ohmygod, you *kissed*?" Buffy's voice was getting kind of loud.
"Shhh! No!" Buffy looked at her. She groaned. "Well, not if it's opposite day."
"Will, this is huge! Huge! Why didn't you say anything?"
"I was in denial! And I'm having a massive sexual identity crisis! Buffy, what do I do? I feel terrible."
"Why? So you're bi. That's allowed, right? I mean, I thought you were always bi. You loved Oz, you loved Tara, whatever. Right? Am I totally off base here?"
"Yeah, I guess. I just feel like everybody's going to think I was faking being gay or something, or just experimenting."
"Oh, c'mon, Will. Anybody who saw you and Tara together... well, I guess that's limited to, like, four of us, but still."
"I guess." Willow went back to glumly looking through dresses.
"So is Xander a good kisser?"
"Buffy!" Willow turned red. Buffy grinned at her. She started to smile herself. "Well, let's just say that he's improved in technique since senior year. And he wasn't exactly bad then."
"Will, I am making it my mission to find you the perfect dress. Xander won't know what hit him."
They beamed at each other. Willow had forgotten how good it felt to have a best friend.
*****************
TBC...
By Annakovsky
See part 1 for all relevant info and disclaimer.
***********
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
***********
When Xander grinned at her, that too-wide, brilliant Xander grin, Willow felt a decidedly non-gay burst of delight in her stomach.
Liking Xander wasn't like liking a boy, she thought to herself, it was just liking Xander, who, okay, if you wanted to get technical, had certain boy-like attributes, but that didn't mean that you lost all your lesbian street cred just because you happened to think that your best friend – who just happened to have a penis (like having a birth defect!) – was kind of okay to look at or, you know, maybe kiss once in awhile. It wasn't a big deal. They were just totally platonic friends, but with occasional smooches. Like people who kiss hello, right? Sometimes, you just really needed to say hello in the middle of "The Real World". It could happen to anybody.
Besides, sexual orientation was much more fluid than everyone seemed to think, and according to the Kinsey report, everyone was totally going to think that she had just been going through a phase and was lame-o poseur Lesbian-Until-Graduation girl.
Oh, God. She was a LUG. A complete absolute despicable LUG.
She went on a walk and desperately tried to think about hot girls. Faith, she was hot. Um, Charlize Theron. Angelina Jolie. Xander. DAMNIT. No. Kirsten Dunst. Cameron Diaz. Xander. AARGH!
No! This was all wrong! She was going to go see Charlie's Angels 2 again right now, and if that couldn't get her back in the hot girl mode, well, maybe there was some kind of reprogramming camp she could sign up for.
She stomped back into the house to get her purse, and passed Buffy on the way up to her room.
"Hey, Will, I managed to get a couple of fake wedding rings for you guys to wear tonight at that demon party thing." Willow looked at her blankly. "You know, because Angel signed you up as Mr. and Mrs. Harris? And do you have an evening dress, by the way?"
This day just would not get better, would it? So she found herself out with Buffy in the prom dress section of Dillard's, looking for the perfect dress to wear while she was pretending to be married to Xander.
"How about this one?" Buffy asked holding up a green dress.
"The color's a little too reminiscent of Anya's bridesmaid's dresses," Willow commented. Buffy looked at it and made a face.
"Whoa, sorry." She put it back on the rack and continued looking. "So Will, how've you been doing, lately?"
"Um... fine. Fine. And yourself?"
"Oh, I'm good. I just ask 'cause you've been acting a little weird the last two days."
"Really?" Willow realized that her voice was about two octaves too high on that one.
"Yeah, pretty much exactly like that," said Buffy dryly. "So spill already. What's the deal?"
"Nothing! I'm fine." Willow hadn't realized how much she was out of the habit of telling Buffy what was going on with her. Had she really used to talk with her for hours about how she had a crush on Xander, or how she liked Oz's hands? "I'm fine. Totally okay. No problems here!" Buffy nodded slowly and looked away.
"Right," she said, sounding sad. She started looking very hard at the dresses on the rack. "Okay, so how do you feel about strapless?"
"No, Buffy, wait. Okay. I am a little, um, freaked." Buffy looked at her and gave a small smile.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Willow took a deep breath. "I, um... may not be quite as gay as I had thought. Less flaming and more, um, sparkling. Or flickering."
"You're sparklingly gay?" Buffy looked confused.
"I think I like a boy again," Willow said. She could feel her face turning beet red and she turned her full attention to looking through the dresses.
"You... what? Wait, what? Who?"
"No one in particular, just, you know, in general I might sort of like boys in an aesthetic kind of non-practical in-no-way-acted-upon thought-life kind of way." Buffy stared at her, now looking very bewildered. Then her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.
"Oh my God, you don't like... *Andrew*... do you?" She almost whispered the Andrew part, in the way you might say 'herpes' or 'gonorrhea' if you were asking your friend about the burning when she peed.
"What? Oh, no." Willow was very taken aback by that. She laughed. "No. Andrew? No."
"Then who... oh. Oh. OH." It was interesting how many ways a person could say the word 'oh'.
"Yeah," said Willow.
"You don't... no way. Xander?" Willow nodded. "Wow. That's... wow. Kind of... are you serious? I mean... WOW."
"Stop saying that! You're making me freak out more."
"Sorry, I just..." Buffy shook her head as if trying to clear it. "Okay, so does he know about this?"
"Well, there may have been an incident involving his lips... and my lips... and them kind of... colliding."
"Ohmygod, you *kissed*?" Buffy's voice was getting kind of loud.
"Shhh! No!" Buffy looked at her. She groaned. "Well, not if it's opposite day."
"Will, this is huge! Huge! Why didn't you say anything?"
"I was in denial! And I'm having a massive sexual identity crisis! Buffy, what do I do? I feel terrible."
"Why? So you're bi. That's allowed, right? I mean, I thought you were always bi. You loved Oz, you loved Tara, whatever. Right? Am I totally off base here?"
"Yeah, I guess. I just feel like everybody's going to think I was faking being gay or something, or just experimenting."
"Oh, c'mon, Will. Anybody who saw you and Tara together... well, I guess that's limited to, like, four of us, but still."
"I guess." Willow went back to glumly looking through dresses.
"So is Xander a good kisser?"
"Buffy!" Willow turned red. Buffy grinned at her. She started to smile herself. "Well, let's just say that he's improved in technique since senior year. And he wasn't exactly bad then."
"Will, I am making it my mission to find you the perfect dress. Xander won't know what hit him."
They beamed at each other. Willow had forgotten how good it felt to have a best friend.
*****************
TBC...