A/N: Chapter 17's finally here! Yay for me! Hopefully, I'll update this at least once a week . . . or once a month . . . Well, I'm free now!!! Woohoo! No more classes! No more homework!

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Chapter 17

"Nanami, wait!" Sendoh was chasing me up to my house. Wait, I've heard that before, and I'm not hearing it again.

I did not give Sendoh a chance to get to me. I'd look more stupid if I run. I'm not a coward.

But why am I running away from Sendoh if I'm not a coward?

I'm not running away. I'm walking away.

What's the difference?

Running is faster.

So why won't I run?

Like I said, running away would make me look stupid.

So walking away doesn't make you look less stupid?

Damn. I'm not talking to myself anymore.

Sendoh caught up with my pace and blocked my path. I sidestepped to the left but he still mirrored my position.

"This isn't like any of your basketball games. Let me go," I mumbled, looking down still. I don't want Sendoh to see me on the verge of tears.

"We need to talk," Sendoh said urgently.

"There's nothing more to talk about," I glared at him.

Sendoh sort of froze, but then sighed, "I'm sorry if you feel that way . . . I really am . . ."

Coldly, I looked up at him and said, "Don't worry . . . I'm sorry for feeling this way too."

I didn't say anything more and tried to walk past him still. He blocked my way with his right arm.

"I really am sorry . . . it's just . . . I just consider you as a friend . . . you're like a sister to me . . ."

Yada yada yada. Sure . . . whatever . . . blah blah blah.

I still remained wordless. A part of me wants to hear him still. A part of me doesn't. But I don't have any other choice but to stay.

Sendoh continued, sounding unsure of what to say, " . . . I don't know how to say this . . . but I think I know why you felt this way . . . it's because . . ."

"No you don't know why I felt this way. Do you even know what run through my head these past days . . . things do change," I stated irascibly.

Sendoh shrugged. "It all became different . . . with us attending high school and all . . . I don't know . . ."

I snapped, "And as you were saying, you think I feel this way because?"

"It started when your brother left . . ."

"What does this have to do with my brother?" I demanded. I'm starting to think that Sendoh has a big problem with his head.

"Before he left, I promised him I'd take care of you for him . . . well sorta . . . he insisted. He said you might not do well without him or something . . . " Sendoh answered, "And since then I tried to become closer to you . . ."

"Oh I see now. You're temporarily taking the place of my brother in my life," I interrupted. I'm bursting with all the intensity in my brain. "That's fine with me! That's totally fine! But haven't you noticed that I don't really need my brother to live . . . I'm more independent! I can tie my shoes. This is not helping, you know! I just confessed that I have this . . . enormous crush on you and you act like it's no big deal?"

"It is a big deal! Then what will happen to us now? Do you think we'll still be the same after this?"

"Oh no, don't blame this on me now!"

"I'm not blaming you!"

"Can you blame me for actually feeling this way? I am human . . . And yeah you know from all we've been through I've grown to love you. That's rare for me right?"

Sendoh grew silent. Maybe he figured that shutting up would make things easier for me. Or he's still processing all the things I said.

For a while we just stood there. A few people started to pass by us, most of them from various schools, but luckily, none of them are from Ryonan High. I don't want it to look like Sendoh dumped me. He can't dump me . . .

But he DID. Just now. Didn't he?

I can't leave. Sendoh won't let me. This is stupid. Why can't he let me go . . . set me free . . . What else does he want me for? Does he want to tell me something?

"What?" I asked him irately.

Before Sendoh could reply, a meddler cut in our delicate barrier from annoying outsiders. Of course, it was his "suitor". The flirty girl . . . what's her name? Monami? Masami? Mizuki?

"Sendoh-san!" her piercing voice traveled through my ear, wreaking havoc to my entire system.

She was peering at us curiously, maybe thinking of a new gossip to spread tomorrow at school. She was still in uniform, twirling her long hair. I closed my eyes and had a vision of . . . the twirly girl in front of me still twirling her hair until her hand became entangled with it and she couldn't get it out. So she used her other hand to get it out of her long beautiful hair but it still got stuck. And now she used her feet but they became entangled too with her strands, then soon, her body got stuck in her locks too. And she was forever stuck in her hair, blissfully twirling it till . . . the end. What a story! That was rather mean of me but it helped me clash with my heartache. I'm such a hysterical girl.

I realized that I was staring at her. Evilly. She rolled her eyes at me and stared at Sendoh, who was doomed in his Sendoh-ish world again.

"Hey . . . what are you doing here? I told you, I don't want to see you anymore," Sendoh finally came to his senses. Yeah, he stopped dating the twirly girl. Is there even such a word as twirly? But for a millisecond, I pitied the girl. She had to do everything to be popular. Although she's not. And Sendoh dumped her too. But she did deserve it. I did not.

"But . . . but . . ." the twirly girl urgently protested.

"Okay, I'm gonna go now," I held my palm up and started to walk away.

"Don't . . ." Sendoh pleaded behind me.

I ignored him. He could have twirly girl as long as he likes. But not me . . . anymore.

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I wanted him. He didn't want me. It's a sad sad situation. . . and it hurts deeply. But he didn't want me. I don't know if I really want him now after this.

There are as good fish in the sea as ever came out of it.

But I don't want fish. They're smelly. Mermans are okay. But they don't play basketball and their hair get all messed up all the time. Not like Sendoh.

I continued to ponder on the bed, flipping through a book of proverbs. Okay, I admit . . . that's where I got the whole fish statement.

Teach your grandmother to suck eggs.

Money does not smell.

He cannot say bo to a goose.

Pigs might fly . . .

Every dog has his day.

Hey, this book is pretty cool. I guess I'll continue to read it. Maybe it'll help me forget about . . . Sendoh.

Confession is good for the soul.

Love is blind.

Desires are nourished by delays.

Facts are stubborn things.

Lucky at cards, unlucky in love.

All is fair in love and war.

Okay that's enough quotes for now . . .

I started to cough. I remembered that I read a proverb about coughing?

Love and a cough cannot be hid.

I slouched on my bed and took another deep breath. I can't help it. Sendoh has always been a part of my life. I can't throw him out just like that. I still do love him. .

Maybe this is for the best . . .

I should forget these feelings . . .

Maybe there's really someone out there for me who's definitely not Sendoh. Maybe he's just around here somewhere . . . in the surface of Kanagawa.

The phone beside me rang. I didn't answer it. I let our new housekeeper answer it downstairs. She just arrived this afternoon by the way. Her name is Tae. She's about 30, and she has noticeably darker skin than I. I didn't have much time to talk to her because I was too depressed.

The ringing stopped. I guess Tae answered it already.

Just as I suspected, it wasn't long until Tae knocked on the door. I

was too lazy to open it so I told her to come in.

"Nanami, you have a call from . . ." Tae started. I've noticed that she has a pretty loud voice, like she's shouting all the time.

"Yeah, yeah, tell him I'm sleeping . . . just tell anyone who calls me that I'm asleep," I said, crossing my legs and observing Tae. She nodded her head and went out of the room, forgetting to close the door. Then all the mosquitoes in the world will enter my room. I frowned and stood up, walking towards the doorway.

I heard Tae's loud voice downstairs. She was on the phone saying,"Nanami said she was asleep."

I rolled my eyes. Tae's not really the smartest person in the world to understand what I wanted her to say. But I didn't correct her when she hung up. That'd deliver the message that I don't want to speak with anyone right now. I want to think all night long. . . What will happen tomorrow? Will this conflict pass quickly? I dunno. But I decide that from this minute, I will not look at Sendoh the same way anymore.