"Your ball, Andruw!" Analy shouted.
"I got it!" Andruw called, swinging his arms wildly at the ball and missing completely. Volleyball was not one of his talents.
Analy sighed and rolled her eyes. "Here, Andruw, you stand over there," she directed, pointing to the far corner. This was her and Javy's anniversary party; she was supposed to be having fun. "Try getting underneath the ball. If you can't, I'll just cover you."
Javy ducked underneath the net and pulled off his sunglasses. "Let me give you a little pointer," he suggested amiably. "Stand with your legs shoulder width apart, like this." Andruw couldn't help but glance at Javy's legs, his tanned and muscular legs in his short trunks. "Yeah, like I'm doing!" Javy said encouragingly.
"Thanks," Andruw stuttered, staring dreamily at Javy's straight white teeth. Javy was undoubtedly preppy and clean cut, but Andruw had discovered that his type was pretty-boy.
"Don't worry, it's just a game," Javy reminded him, giving him a friendly catcher-style butt pat and jogging underneath the net again.
"Easy for you to say!" shouted Mike Piazza. "He's not on your team!"
"He is during baseball!" Jimmy Rollins chortled.
"Come on guys, he's got a better stick than you do!" Gary Sheffield snarled.
Mike and Jimmy, whose dipping batting averages were sore points with them, shut their mouths and glared at Andruw. Immediately on the next play, Jimmy tried to spike the ball right at Andruw, but Rick Ankiel rushed in front of him and made the play. "Thanks, Dick," Andruw said with much relief.
"Actually, I go by Rick," commented Rick, "but thanks."
Javy served the ball directly to Gary Sheffield on the next possession, who set the ball over to Andruw. "Spike it!" he shouted.
In slow motion, Andruw jumped, drew his arm back, made a fist, and mercifully made contact with the volleyball. Unfortunately, the ball went straight at Javy's face. "Muffin!" screamed Analy, racing over.
Gary covered his face to muffle his laughter. "Hey, man, don't worry about your little boner," he muttered. "Analy's just a little psychotic bitch. You catch more balls on a daily basis than she's ever caught."
Javy was already brushing off his overanxious wife. "It's okay, Analy," he assured her repeatedly. "Look, no blood. My head's harder than you think."
"Here's to the volleyball spiking champ!" shouted Mike. "We should erect a statue in his honor!"
"Get off his case!" Gary ordered.
"Geez, Sheffield, you're awful testy today," laughed Jimmy.
Javy closed his eyes briefly and suggested, "Why don't we go inside and eat?"
"What are we having to eat?" Vinny Castilla demanded.
"Tacos with appetizers," replied Analy, suddenly the perfect hostess.
"What kind of appetizers?" Vinny wondered, his stomach growling.
"Cheese sticks, salad, jalapeno poppers, nachos, cocktail weiners, chips, and fruit," Javy listed.
"Let's go!" Kevin Millwood urged. Gary, Vinny, and Andruw followed him enthusiastically into the kitchen with the others close behind.
"Got any buns for these?" Mike asked with his mouth full of hot dog.
"Javy's got some," Analy giggled, putting her hands on her husband's butt.
"Damn straight," Andruw added without thinking.
The entire room grew silent. Even Gary and Vinny, who were longtime lovers even before they were teammates, stared in shock. "I can't believe he said that at Javy's anniversary!" thought Gary in surprise.
"Damn straight you're gay, that is!" Rick joked. The only other noises in the room were that of Marcus Giles spewing his Diet Coke and that of Brian Giles spitting out his cocktail weiner.
"Rick, shut up," snapped Gary, who had little patience for obnoxious people like Rick who thought they were funny.
"Andruw didn't mean it that way," Vinny chimed in and tactfully changing the subject, asked, "So, Analy, where's Heather and Cassandra?"
"We left them with Javy's parents," replied an uncomfortable Analy. "They were in town."
"How old are they?"
"Nine and seven."
"Don't you have a daughter, Andruw?" Mike demanded. "I thought I read about that stripper suing you for child support."
Andruw thought angrily, "Why does the all the bad stuff happen to me?" Out loud, he stammered, "Well, yeah. That was a big mistake."
"Your daughter's a mistake?" Analy exclaimed, disgustedly. "What a horrible thing to say!"
"Just because it's your anniversary doesn't mean you can be a bitch," Andruw pouted mentally. Instead, he explained quickly, "No, I mean the stripper. Madison lights up my life."
Analy's frown relaxed. "Good."
"Speaking of Madison, I need to pick her up from the babysitter's soon," Andruw lied. "Thanks for inviting me. I had a good time. Happy anniversary."
As he was almost sprinting out of the door, Javy came jogging after him. "Andruw! Wait up!" he called.
Andruw twirled around at the sound of that musical voice. "What?" he giggled and blushed.
"You forgot your sunglasses," Javy replied, slightly out of breath, and handed him the sunglasses. "And don't let what happened tonight get you down. I know you were just joking."
"Th-thanks," Andruw stuttered, slightly disappointed, and walked out to his new silver Porsche with tears stinging his eyes.
"I got it!" Andruw called, swinging his arms wildly at the ball and missing completely. Volleyball was not one of his talents.
Analy sighed and rolled her eyes. "Here, Andruw, you stand over there," she directed, pointing to the far corner. This was her and Javy's anniversary party; she was supposed to be having fun. "Try getting underneath the ball. If you can't, I'll just cover you."
Javy ducked underneath the net and pulled off his sunglasses. "Let me give you a little pointer," he suggested amiably. "Stand with your legs shoulder width apart, like this." Andruw couldn't help but glance at Javy's legs, his tanned and muscular legs in his short trunks. "Yeah, like I'm doing!" Javy said encouragingly.
"Thanks," Andruw stuttered, staring dreamily at Javy's straight white teeth. Javy was undoubtedly preppy and clean cut, but Andruw had discovered that his type was pretty-boy.
"Don't worry, it's just a game," Javy reminded him, giving him a friendly catcher-style butt pat and jogging underneath the net again.
"Easy for you to say!" shouted Mike Piazza. "He's not on your team!"
"He is during baseball!" Jimmy Rollins chortled.
"Come on guys, he's got a better stick than you do!" Gary Sheffield snarled.
Mike and Jimmy, whose dipping batting averages were sore points with them, shut their mouths and glared at Andruw. Immediately on the next play, Jimmy tried to spike the ball right at Andruw, but Rick Ankiel rushed in front of him and made the play. "Thanks, Dick," Andruw said with much relief.
"Actually, I go by Rick," commented Rick, "but thanks."
Javy served the ball directly to Gary Sheffield on the next possession, who set the ball over to Andruw. "Spike it!" he shouted.
In slow motion, Andruw jumped, drew his arm back, made a fist, and mercifully made contact with the volleyball. Unfortunately, the ball went straight at Javy's face. "Muffin!" screamed Analy, racing over.
Gary covered his face to muffle his laughter. "Hey, man, don't worry about your little boner," he muttered. "Analy's just a little psychotic bitch. You catch more balls on a daily basis than she's ever caught."
Javy was already brushing off his overanxious wife. "It's okay, Analy," he assured her repeatedly. "Look, no blood. My head's harder than you think."
"Here's to the volleyball spiking champ!" shouted Mike. "We should erect a statue in his honor!"
"Get off his case!" Gary ordered.
"Geez, Sheffield, you're awful testy today," laughed Jimmy.
Javy closed his eyes briefly and suggested, "Why don't we go inside and eat?"
"What are we having to eat?" Vinny Castilla demanded.
"Tacos with appetizers," replied Analy, suddenly the perfect hostess.
"What kind of appetizers?" Vinny wondered, his stomach growling.
"Cheese sticks, salad, jalapeno poppers, nachos, cocktail weiners, chips, and fruit," Javy listed.
"Let's go!" Kevin Millwood urged. Gary, Vinny, and Andruw followed him enthusiastically into the kitchen with the others close behind.
"Got any buns for these?" Mike asked with his mouth full of hot dog.
"Javy's got some," Analy giggled, putting her hands on her husband's butt.
"Damn straight," Andruw added without thinking.
The entire room grew silent. Even Gary and Vinny, who were longtime lovers even before they were teammates, stared in shock. "I can't believe he said that at Javy's anniversary!" thought Gary in surprise.
"Damn straight you're gay, that is!" Rick joked. The only other noises in the room were that of Marcus Giles spewing his Diet Coke and that of Brian Giles spitting out his cocktail weiner.
"Rick, shut up," snapped Gary, who had little patience for obnoxious people like Rick who thought they were funny.
"Andruw didn't mean it that way," Vinny chimed in and tactfully changing the subject, asked, "So, Analy, where's Heather and Cassandra?"
"We left them with Javy's parents," replied an uncomfortable Analy. "They were in town."
"How old are they?"
"Nine and seven."
"Don't you have a daughter, Andruw?" Mike demanded. "I thought I read about that stripper suing you for child support."
Andruw thought angrily, "Why does the all the bad stuff happen to me?" Out loud, he stammered, "Well, yeah. That was a big mistake."
"Your daughter's a mistake?" Analy exclaimed, disgustedly. "What a horrible thing to say!"
"Just because it's your anniversary doesn't mean you can be a bitch," Andruw pouted mentally. Instead, he explained quickly, "No, I mean the stripper. Madison lights up my life."
Analy's frown relaxed. "Good."
"Speaking of Madison, I need to pick her up from the babysitter's soon," Andruw lied. "Thanks for inviting me. I had a good time. Happy anniversary."
As he was almost sprinting out of the door, Javy came jogging after him. "Andruw! Wait up!" he called.
Andruw twirled around at the sound of that musical voice. "What?" he giggled and blushed.
"You forgot your sunglasses," Javy replied, slightly out of breath, and handed him the sunglasses. "And don't let what happened tonight get you down. I know you were just joking."
"Th-thanks," Andruw stuttered, slightly disappointed, and walked out to his new silver Porsche with tears stinging his eyes.