Getting Off The Griefmobile
By Annakovsky
See part 1 for all relevant info and disclaimer.
***********
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
***********
The plain gold ring felt cold on Xander's finger, even after he had been wearing it a half hour.
He wondered what would have happened if he had gone through with marrying Anya. Stood in front of everyone they knew and promised to love her forever. Slipped a ring onto her finger.
They'd have celebrated their first anniversary by now, and he'd be waking up every morning to find her breathing lightly beside him.
Or more likely he'd still be a widower, but one everyone would have to acknowledge. He could meet new people and say that, say "I'm a widower," and they'd immediately look sorry and understand. So young to lose a wife. So sad. Instead of the complex mess of what he and Anya had been, he'd just have a word to say, to sum it up, all his feelings.
If he had known that she would die this year, would he have married her last year? The answer was probably, and he felt vaguely ashamed of that fact.
He tried to pretend for a moment that it was Anya sitting beside him in the car, but it was Willow, thoroughly Willow, smelling of Dove soap and Herbal Essences shampoo, everything about her familiar in a way that Anya had never quite been.
He suddenly found himself imagining a red-headed toddler in the rearview mirror, asleep in her car-seat and clutching the ragged blanket she carried everywhere. It was a little too easy to picture. And instead of feeling the nine kinds of wrong it should feel, the image seemed natural. Predictable. Like home.
The demon party was downtown at the Pendennis Club, some exclusive, members-only, country club kind of place.
"Mr. and Mrs. Harris," Xander said to the man with the guest list. His voice sounded a little constricted, and Willow shot him an understanding look. He gave a little nod and looked down.
"First names?" the man asked.
"Alexander and Willow," Xander added. The man checked their names off and gestured for them to move into the party. So Angel had come through after all.
They began to walk through the tuxedos and evening gowns. If you didn't look at the faces, you could pretend that this was a normal, upscale shindig of the sort that Xander and Willow never went to. If you did look at the faces, you were in danger of making little "eep" noises, even if you had spent your entire adolescence seeing demons every week. Of course, most of those demons had also been trying to kill you, so maybe it was no wonder your gut reflex was to punch them between the eyes.
They started looking for the demon they were meant to meet; Angel had emailed them a picture. Well, someone on his staff had, anyway. He looked something like Clem, only redder.
Xander thought about getting Willow some punch, until he saw that the things floating in it weren't so much pieces of fruit as little insect corpses. Okay, so no food.
Willow slipped her hand into his as they walked through the crowd. He looked over at her and she smiled tentatively. He was about to say something, tell her they should talk, when Willow's eyes got wide and she tugged on his hand.
"There he is, right? Over there by the... giant squid?" Xander looked.
"Yeah, I see him. Here goes nothing - though it'd probably be better if you avoided referring to calamari in front of his friend there." They started walking over to their contact, who spotted them and swallowed his appetizer.
"Ah, the Harrises," the contact said, wiping his hand on his vest. "Nice to meet you. I'm Adolph Hitler." He held out his hand to shake.
"Excuse me?" asked Willow, her eyes wide. The contact looked peeved.
"I know, I know. You have a name for 300 years, a perfectly fine name, and then all of a sudden some no-talent ass clown starts conquering Poland and..." he chuckled suddenly. "I'm just kidding with you. You kids seen 'Office Space'?" He was shaking Willow's hand. Willow looked vaguely shell-shocked.
"Great movie," said Xander.
"Classic," agreed 'Adolf', shaking Xander's hand next. "I'm Cal, actually."
"Cal," Willow repeated vaguely.
"Well, close enough," he replied.
"So, Cal, is there someplace we can talk about setting up this meeting?" asked Xander.
"Sure, I think I can find us a quiet corner. Follow me." Cal set off across the room, greeting half the demons in the room with a hearty back slap and booming laugh. Willow gave Xander a look. He half shrugged back at her.
Cal finally found a small room with expensive looking furniture that no other guests seemed to be using.
"So Angel tells me you want a meeting with the big fellas," Cal began, sitting in one chair and gesturing at them to sit on the couch across.
"That's right," said Willow. "About the First Evil."
"Right, right," said Cal. "That goofball just never knows when to quit." He laughed. Xander and Willow stared at him. "Let me give you kids a quick friendly tip about the meeting," Cal said, leaning over. "You want to have a good presentation. And the Powers really like Powerpoint. Things to keep in mind." He took another sip of his drink.
"So you can get us a meeting?" asked Xander, shaking his head a little as if to clear it.
"Sure, sure. Now let's talk business."
"Business?" asked Willow.
"You don't get something for nothing in this world, sweetie. Let's make a deal."
"Um... okay," Willow said. "So what do you want us to do for you?"
"First of all, I want a certain tablet. A incantation invoking the god Enki. I have its catalog number here with me."
"A tablet?" Xander asked.
"From Mesopotamia, yes. And also, Regis Philbin's autograph."
"You want... have you tried writing to him yourself?" Willow asked. Cal held up his rather stubby, three-fingered hand apologetically.
"Fine motor control isn't a hallmark of my species. So what do you kids say? Deal?" Xander and Willow looked at each other. Both were wondering what exactly the tablet said and what kind of magic this character wanted.
"Well... could we get back to you after we consult with our people?" Xander asked.
"Sure, sure, of course," said Cal. "Have Angel let me know." He stood up. "Nice meeting you kids. Best wishes." He shook their hands again and headed for the door. They heard him greet someone genially just outside and rested their heads against the back of the couch, feeling vaguely as though a tornado had come through.
******
TBC...
******
NOTES: The Pendennis Club is also a real place in Louisville, an exclusive, members-only club that only allowed women equal access to all its facilities in the last five years, and only desegregated in the last ten. So if demons were having a party anywhere in Louisville... yeah. The funny thing is that the street where this historically racist club is located had its name changed to "Muhammed Ali Boulevard", which I think is pretty damn funny.
And Office Space really is a great movie.
By Annakovsky
See part 1 for all relevant info and disclaimer.
***********
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
***********
The plain gold ring felt cold on Xander's finger, even after he had been wearing it a half hour.
He wondered what would have happened if he had gone through with marrying Anya. Stood in front of everyone they knew and promised to love her forever. Slipped a ring onto her finger.
They'd have celebrated their first anniversary by now, and he'd be waking up every morning to find her breathing lightly beside him.
Or more likely he'd still be a widower, but one everyone would have to acknowledge. He could meet new people and say that, say "I'm a widower," and they'd immediately look sorry and understand. So young to lose a wife. So sad. Instead of the complex mess of what he and Anya had been, he'd just have a word to say, to sum it up, all his feelings.
If he had known that she would die this year, would he have married her last year? The answer was probably, and he felt vaguely ashamed of that fact.
He tried to pretend for a moment that it was Anya sitting beside him in the car, but it was Willow, thoroughly Willow, smelling of Dove soap and Herbal Essences shampoo, everything about her familiar in a way that Anya had never quite been.
He suddenly found himself imagining a red-headed toddler in the rearview mirror, asleep in her car-seat and clutching the ragged blanket she carried everywhere. It was a little too easy to picture. And instead of feeling the nine kinds of wrong it should feel, the image seemed natural. Predictable. Like home.
The demon party was downtown at the Pendennis Club, some exclusive, members-only, country club kind of place.
"Mr. and Mrs. Harris," Xander said to the man with the guest list. His voice sounded a little constricted, and Willow shot him an understanding look. He gave a little nod and looked down.
"First names?" the man asked.
"Alexander and Willow," Xander added. The man checked their names off and gestured for them to move into the party. So Angel had come through after all.
They began to walk through the tuxedos and evening gowns. If you didn't look at the faces, you could pretend that this was a normal, upscale shindig of the sort that Xander and Willow never went to. If you did look at the faces, you were in danger of making little "eep" noises, even if you had spent your entire adolescence seeing demons every week. Of course, most of those demons had also been trying to kill you, so maybe it was no wonder your gut reflex was to punch them between the eyes.
They started looking for the demon they were meant to meet; Angel had emailed them a picture. Well, someone on his staff had, anyway. He looked something like Clem, only redder.
Xander thought about getting Willow some punch, until he saw that the things floating in it weren't so much pieces of fruit as little insect corpses. Okay, so no food.
Willow slipped her hand into his as they walked through the crowd. He looked over at her and she smiled tentatively. He was about to say something, tell her they should talk, when Willow's eyes got wide and she tugged on his hand.
"There he is, right? Over there by the... giant squid?" Xander looked.
"Yeah, I see him. Here goes nothing - though it'd probably be better if you avoided referring to calamari in front of his friend there." They started walking over to their contact, who spotted them and swallowed his appetizer.
"Ah, the Harrises," the contact said, wiping his hand on his vest. "Nice to meet you. I'm Adolph Hitler." He held out his hand to shake.
"Excuse me?" asked Willow, her eyes wide. The contact looked peeved.
"I know, I know. You have a name for 300 years, a perfectly fine name, and then all of a sudden some no-talent ass clown starts conquering Poland and..." he chuckled suddenly. "I'm just kidding with you. You kids seen 'Office Space'?" He was shaking Willow's hand. Willow looked vaguely shell-shocked.
"Great movie," said Xander.
"Classic," agreed 'Adolf', shaking Xander's hand next. "I'm Cal, actually."
"Cal," Willow repeated vaguely.
"Well, close enough," he replied.
"So, Cal, is there someplace we can talk about setting up this meeting?" asked Xander.
"Sure, I think I can find us a quiet corner. Follow me." Cal set off across the room, greeting half the demons in the room with a hearty back slap and booming laugh. Willow gave Xander a look. He half shrugged back at her.
Cal finally found a small room with expensive looking furniture that no other guests seemed to be using.
"So Angel tells me you want a meeting with the big fellas," Cal began, sitting in one chair and gesturing at them to sit on the couch across.
"That's right," said Willow. "About the First Evil."
"Right, right," said Cal. "That goofball just never knows when to quit." He laughed. Xander and Willow stared at him. "Let me give you kids a quick friendly tip about the meeting," Cal said, leaning over. "You want to have a good presentation. And the Powers really like Powerpoint. Things to keep in mind." He took another sip of his drink.
"So you can get us a meeting?" asked Xander, shaking his head a little as if to clear it.
"Sure, sure. Now let's talk business."
"Business?" asked Willow.
"You don't get something for nothing in this world, sweetie. Let's make a deal."
"Um... okay," Willow said. "So what do you want us to do for you?"
"First of all, I want a certain tablet. A incantation invoking the god Enki. I have its catalog number here with me."
"A tablet?" Xander asked.
"From Mesopotamia, yes. And also, Regis Philbin's autograph."
"You want... have you tried writing to him yourself?" Willow asked. Cal held up his rather stubby, three-fingered hand apologetically.
"Fine motor control isn't a hallmark of my species. So what do you kids say? Deal?" Xander and Willow looked at each other. Both were wondering what exactly the tablet said and what kind of magic this character wanted.
"Well... could we get back to you after we consult with our people?" Xander asked.
"Sure, sure, of course," said Cal. "Have Angel let me know." He stood up. "Nice meeting you kids. Best wishes." He shook their hands again and headed for the door. They heard him greet someone genially just outside and rested their heads against the back of the couch, feeling vaguely as though a tornado had come through.
******
TBC...
******
NOTES: The Pendennis Club is also a real place in Louisville, an exclusive, members-only club that only allowed women equal access to all its facilities in the last five years, and only desegregated in the last ten. So if demons were having a party anywhere in Louisville... yeah. The funny thing is that the street where this historically racist club is located had its name changed to "Muhammed Ali Boulevard", which I think is pretty damn funny.
And Office Space really is a great movie.