There was a long moment of silence as Angel for Spike to take this in. The younger vamp's reaction was pretty much what he had expected. Spike looked first stunned, then incredulous, finally broke into a sort of appalled laughter. "Perfect. No bloody wonder," he managed to squeeze out through laughter, "she was so ready for me then. You've been sleeping in the same bed as the slayer for a year now and you've haven't touched her? I hope you aren't here wondering what the hell she was doing with the likes of me, then."
"I touch her, I just don't... "Angel trailed off, unable to actually say the words in front of Spike. By the time Angel could meet Spike's eyes, the younger vamp's seizure of laughing had finally trailed off and he was staring at Angel with a look that clearly said he thought his grandsire was an idiot.
"You aren't making a bad joke, are you?" he asked, already seeming pretty clear on the answer. "Christ, if you aren't the biggest martyr under the bleeding sun. I don't care what sins you feel like you've got to purge, no need to drag Buffy into your little yen for redemption. She's not that little school chit you could dazzle all those years ago, mate. She's a woman, and if this morning was any example, you've left some needs of hers untended." Spike's voice was a combination of furious and gloating as he tried to figure out how to deal with the news that Angel had given him.
Angel himself said nothing, simply let Spike's words wash over him. There was nothing to say. Spike was right. Let him yell.
"You're a blazing fool, is what you are," Spike finished, "and you're making my slayer pay the price for it. What the hell is wrong with you, that you could have her whenever you want and won't?"
Angel felt a flash of anger over the phrase 'my slayer' but fought it down. If he hadn't killed Spike yet this morning, he wasn't going to start now. "I..." Angel paused, tried to put into words what he had barely explained to himself. "Buffy loves Angel. The old Angel. Ensouled Angel. But after I lost the soul the last time, and Willow had to put it back again, it... well, it didn't take... quite right."
"So you're all Angelus-y again and you still haven't slept with the girl? That doesn't track. The Angelus I knew would have taken anything he wanted."
Angel snarled again, his face dropping its human mask to show the vampire underneath. " I am not him,"
Angel spat out, each word accentuated with with a crash as he hit the wall with his fist. The last blow was hard enough to crack the concrete wall of the crypt. As a way to convince Spike that this wasn't Angelus, it didn't seem to be working.
"Sure you aren't," agreed Spike disbelievingly, careful to keep his distance. His eyes were scanning the room quickly, no doubt checking for weapons. Back in the day, Angel had trained him well.
With visible effort, Angel got himself under control again, spoke again. "I'm not entirely him. But he's in here with me, the demon and the man, all wrapped up together." Angel's voice was bitter, and why the hell not, Spike asked himself as he listened. "Willow's spell- it was better than the last, I won't lose my soul. But it also wasn't quite strong enough to erase the demon in me. And I don't want Buffy to know. Because then she won't love me anymore."
Spike grimaced, looked both sympathetic and pissed. "So you're making both of you into miserable sops? Christ, you're stupid. Stupid, stupid, bloody well stupid. She loves you, fool. More than she ever loved me and you're in here whining when you could be with her? She came to me, she came to me, because she couldn't have you. She wanted you, she wanted me to be you. Fuck, I'm lucky that she didn't scream your name."
"She..." Angel's voice stumbled over the words, "she screamed?"
"What, mate, she doesn't for you?" There was a sneer in his voice when he said the last. Angel reflected that it had always been this way between them, in the matter of women, Spike pushing his luck every time, just to prove that he was monster enough for the woman. Well, Angel ought to know that having a soul didn't change all that much about a vampire.
In response, Angel only glared. Trust Spike to throw that back in his face. "Why am I even here?" he asked aloud, disgusted by himself for coming to Spike of all people to try to figure out the hell he had made his life and Buffy's. "There's no reason for me to be here, nothing I have to say to you."
"Nothing?" Spike echoed, and the tone of his voice was strangely familiar.
He had sounded like that before, Angel remembered. When Spike was the newest of the family, so beautiful in his brash, foolhardy bravery. Drusilla had made the vamp for herself, but Angel had not been so blind that he could not see why she had turned the young poet. "Nothing," Angel repeated after a long moment of beating down memories of a younger and more willing Spike. He still wasn't blind and he had a good idea of what Buffy saw in Spike as well. "Except to tell you to stay the hell away from my woman."
Spike raised his eyebrows as he tilted his head to one side. "I did. Maybe you ought to be telling your woman to stay away from me. Cause, you see, I've always known the rules with Buffy and me. She calls the shots, not me. When she comes to call, I just come." His voice was wicked when he said the last, a deliberate taunt.
"Stay away from her, Spike," Angel said again, trying to find the energy to make his voice sound forceful and menacing. Spike's voice conjured images of the Buffy and Spike together, the two lean, hard blonds wrapped around each other in love and hate. How long, Angel wondered, had the currents for that been gathering. He remembered how the two of them had looked fighting each other, beautiful predators, killers in the night. Maybe it wasn't all that surprising that Buffy had turned to Spike when Angel left. Maybe the surprise was that she had waited for Angel to leave.
"Told you, man. If she comes to me, I'm not gonna be the one stupid enough to say no. You may be an idiot but I'm not."
"Fuck you," muttered Angel, and Spike just smirked, "Been there and done that today, mate, thanks."
So much for Angel's stated plan of not coming here to kill Spike. The rage bloomed in him then, it was one blow too many and Angel wanted Buffy, wanted Spike, could not believe that they had found in each other what he would not give either of them anymore, and with a snarl of anger, he was on Spike again and the younger vamp was pinned to the floor.