For the next two weeks, Andruw was absolutely miserable and his playing
showed it. He misjudged fly balls, struck out, and spent most of his time
staring off into space. One afternoon, after being picked off first base
by a smug Mike Piazza, he slumped on the bench and tried to pretend that he
didn't mind being ignored. Then he heard some news that perked him up:
Rafael, the club gossip, was talking to Greg Maddux about Javy. Greg, who
had always hated Javy, was laughing. "Serves him right," he chuckled.
"I'm having some problems with Susie, but I still don't feel sorry for
him."
Andruw's ears perked up and he pretended to be asleep. "His wife is a bitch," agreed Rafael, "but Javy seems to love her. Don't know why."
"So why are they fighting?" Greg asked curiously.
"Javy says Analy's too controlling and mean," Rafael explained. "Mean to other people, not Javy."
"Oh," Greg replied, disappointed; he was hoping to hear that Analy had attacked Javy several times like Tawny Kitaen and Chuck Finley.
Andruw caught his breath. "Now is my big chance," he thought excitedly. When Javy returned to the dugout later, he began chatting pleasantly with him. At first, Javy was reluctant; however, he was soon laughing and friendly to Andruw again.
One day, Javy asked Gary and Vinny, "Could you guys babysit my kids tonight? It's my father-in-law's birthday and I'm stuck going out to dinner too late for the kids to come along."
"What a coincidence," Vinny lied, "it's also my brother-in-law's birthday. We're going to that party. Sorry."
"Maybe Andruw could, though. You know, his daughter's the same age, isn't she?" suggested Gary slyly.
"Good idea!" exclaimed a relieved Javy. "Andruw, are you free tonight?"
Andruw, thinking Javy was about to ask him on a date, replied happily, "Oh, definitely? Why?"
"I need a babysitter last minute and Analy doesn't like hiring strangers," Javy explained, giving Andruw a sad puppy-dog look.
Andruw's heart melted. "Sure. Madison's with her mother, though, so it'll just be me and your girls," he replied, trying to hide his disappointment.
"Great!" chirped Javy. "Analy? I got a sitter!" he shouted that night, hugging his wife. "And it's not a stranger?"
"Who is it?" gasped Analy.
"Andruw."
"Andruw?" she repeated in a growl. "As in Jones?"
"Yep!" Javy answered, ignoring her evil glare.
Suddenly, Analy had an idea--"This must be hell on Andruw, being so close but so far from Javy. What better way to torture the man than to let him see what a wonderful life he had with a woman?" she thought cruelly. Out loud, she said sweetly, "Well, that's great, Muffin!"
"Really?" Javy asked, surprised. "Then I'll start getting ready!"
Andruw arrived at 7:00 that night (he was a half hour early) and met Analy at the door. "Hello, Andruw," she greeted him politely. "Come on in."
"Hi Analy," he replied warily.
"These are the girls," she said, pulling them in front of her. "Heather is nine and Cassandra is seven. Girls, meet Andruw."
"Are you the guy that Mommy hates?" asked Cassandra.
"No," Analy replied quickly. "That's a different Andruw. That's Andruw Johnson."
Heather simply stared at Andruw. "How late can we stay up?"
"As late as you--"
"8:30, girls, it's a school night," Analy interrupted. "The numbers are on the fridge." She lectured him for five minutes on the rules, then called, "Javy, Muffin, are you ready?"
"I can't tie my tie," he called back, coming downstairs without a shirt. "Hi, Andruw."
"Girls, you can go to your rooms," Analy said as Andruw stared at Javy's chest. "Here you go, Muffin."
"Thanks," he replied, leaving the room. "I'm almost ready."
Andruw only got one more glimpse of Javy before they left, as Javy bent over to pick up a Barbie. "Give this to Heather, would you?"
"Sure," Andruw replied, taking it gently from Javy's hand.
Analy saw and frowned, but kept her smile plastered on her face. "Thanks again, Andruw, for doing this on such short notice," she sighed patronizingly. "Let's go, Muffin."
"See you girls. Bye, Andruw," Javy said as Analy pulls him out of the house.
Analy's mask disappeared as she climbed into the car. "God, I hate him!"
Meanwhile, Andruw stood facing the Lopez sisters. "What do you want to do, girls?" he asked timidly.
"Let's play Barbies," suggested Heather.
"You can be the ugly witch Barbie," Cassandra added.
"Why don't we play video games?" Andruw said.
"Okay," shrugged the girls. "Our favorite is Baseball 2001."
"Cool!" he exclaimed.
"Mom said we can drink pop in the living room," Heather lied.
"I'll go get some while you set up the game," Andruw told them, digging through the fridge. "Where do your parents keep the beer?"
"Mom doesn't let Dad drink any beer," Cassandra replied.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Nope, cross my heart and hope to die," Cassandra insisted.
Andruw swore underneath his breath. "What was that?" Heather demanded. "That wasn't English, was it?"
"No," Andruw muttered, embarrassed at being heard.
"That wasn't Spanish, either."
"Do you girls speak Spanish?"
"No, but when Mom and Dad don't want us to know what they're saying, they speak Spanish," Heather explained.
"It's not fair," Cassandra added. "What language were you speaking?"
"Papiamentu."
"What?" Cassandra demanded.
"That's a made up language," Heather accused.
"No, it's not. We speak it back in Curaçao," Andruw told them.
"A made up place," Heather said skeptically.
"It's not made up!" he argued.
"Then teach us bad words in it," Heather ordered.
Andruw shrugged. "Okay." For the next hour, they played video games and swore in Papiamentu.
Finally, the girls got tired of playing the game seriously. "Let's see who can make the worst team!" shouted Cassandra.
"I get first pick!" Heather announced. "I want Andruw Jones!" She selected her players and proceeded to make him strike out. "This is what people say you do all the time," she said as the Andruw character swung and missed three straight times.
Andruw tried to select Javy, but Cassandra grabbed the control out of his hand. "Quit picking Daddy!" she shouted. "You picked him every time! Besides, he's good and we're making bad teams!"
"He's stupid," whispered Heather loudly.
"No, I'm not!" Andruw argued and called her a name in Papiamentu.
"Cool!" the girls laughed.
Andruw chose Mike Piazza and Jimmy Rollins for part of his loser team. After a while, the girls got bored and decided they wanted to bake cookies. "I don't know how to cook."
"What do you eat?" Cassandra demanded.
"I have a cook," Andruw explained proudly.
Heather and Cassandra made a huge mess in the kitchen and played games with the blender before Andruw suggested that they watch T.V. After cleaning up the mess, he found them watching "Dog Eat Dog." Taking the remote, he suggested, "Why don't you watch the Weather Channel?"
"No, we're gonna watch 'Titanic,' " Heather informed him.
"Okay," he shrugged, never having seen the movie.
After the first half hour, Cassandra grabbed the remote. "Let's fast forward to the car scene," she said.
"Oh, have you see this movie before?" Andruw asked, returning from snooping in the bathroom.
"Yeah," Heather said, "we watched it with Matt."
"Who's Matt?"
"He was our old babysitter."
"What happened to him?"
"Mom fired him."
"Why?" Andruw asked nervously.
"Because he let us watch this," Heather explained, pointing to the T.V.
Andruw's eyes bugged out and he frantically pressed the stop button. "Why don't you girls," he began, then the phone rang.
"Hi, Andruw," Analy sang. "How's everything going?"
"Good, the girls are in bed," he lied, suddenly noticing that it was midnight.
"I hate this show," Heather complained.
"Don't change it!" Cassandra whined.
"Is that the girls I hear?" Analy demanded.
"No, it's the T.V.," Andruw lied quickly. "I'm next to it."
"Oh good. I don't want them getting tired," Analy replied. "Well, I just wanted to make sure everything's okay. Sometimes they can be a handful. Javy and I are coming home soon, so hopefully you'll be home before one."
Andruw panicked. "Okay, great, see ya, bye," he rambled and hung up abruptly. "Girls, get to bed, now!" he ordered.
"But--"
"Your parents are coming home soon!" he said urgently.
"So?" Heather spat defiantly.
"I won't be able to babysit you again if your parents catch us," he pointed out.
For the first time all night, they listened to him. "Hurry, Heather!" Cassandra shouted, running into the bathroom.
"You don't have to brush your teeth if you don't want," Andruw added, trying to hurry them along.
Within ten minutes, the girls were asleep. Andruw took this time to snoop through Javy's house, especially his bedroom. He tried to tell by smelling which pillow was Javy's, but unfortunately the pillows had just been washed and smelled like laundry detergent. He even went so far as to take a picture of Javy from a photo album he found. "Hope they have a double somewhere," he thought nonchalantly.
He barely had time to sit innocently on the couch before Analy and Javy returned home. "Here you go, Andruw," Analy said, pressing money into his hand.
"See you tomorrow," Javy added, yawning, and headed directly to the bedroom.
Andruw's ears perked up and he pretended to be asleep. "His wife is a bitch," agreed Rafael, "but Javy seems to love her. Don't know why."
"So why are they fighting?" Greg asked curiously.
"Javy says Analy's too controlling and mean," Rafael explained. "Mean to other people, not Javy."
"Oh," Greg replied, disappointed; he was hoping to hear that Analy had attacked Javy several times like Tawny Kitaen and Chuck Finley.
Andruw caught his breath. "Now is my big chance," he thought excitedly. When Javy returned to the dugout later, he began chatting pleasantly with him. At first, Javy was reluctant; however, he was soon laughing and friendly to Andruw again.
One day, Javy asked Gary and Vinny, "Could you guys babysit my kids tonight? It's my father-in-law's birthday and I'm stuck going out to dinner too late for the kids to come along."
"What a coincidence," Vinny lied, "it's also my brother-in-law's birthday. We're going to that party. Sorry."
"Maybe Andruw could, though. You know, his daughter's the same age, isn't she?" suggested Gary slyly.
"Good idea!" exclaimed a relieved Javy. "Andruw, are you free tonight?"
Andruw, thinking Javy was about to ask him on a date, replied happily, "Oh, definitely? Why?"
"I need a babysitter last minute and Analy doesn't like hiring strangers," Javy explained, giving Andruw a sad puppy-dog look.
Andruw's heart melted. "Sure. Madison's with her mother, though, so it'll just be me and your girls," he replied, trying to hide his disappointment.
"Great!" chirped Javy. "Analy? I got a sitter!" he shouted that night, hugging his wife. "And it's not a stranger?"
"Who is it?" gasped Analy.
"Andruw."
"Andruw?" she repeated in a growl. "As in Jones?"
"Yep!" Javy answered, ignoring her evil glare.
Suddenly, Analy had an idea--"This must be hell on Andruw, being so close but so far from Javy. What better way to torture the man than to let him see what a wonderful life he had with a woman?" she thought cruelly. Out loud, she said sweetly, "Well, that's great, Muffin!"
"Really?" Javy asked, surprised. "Then I'll start getting ready!"
Andruw arrived at 7:00 that night (he was a half hour early) and met Analy at the door. "Hello, Andruw," she greeted him politely. "Come on in."
"Hi Analy," he replied warily.
"These are the girls," she said, pulling them in front of her. "Heather is nine and Cassandra is seven. Girls, meet Andruw."
"Are you the guy that Mommy hates?" asked Cassandra.
"No," Analy replied quickly. "That's a different Andruw. That's Andruw Johnson."
Heather simply stared at Andruw. "How late can we stay up?"
"As late as you--"
"8:30, girls, it's a school night," Analy interrupted. "The numbers are on the fridge." She lectured him for five minutes on the rules, then called, "Javy, Muffin, are you ready?"
"I can't tie my tie," he called back, coming downstairs without a shirt. "Hi, Andruw."
"Girls, you can go to your rooms," Analy said as Andruw stared at Javy's chest. "Here you go, Muffin."
"Thanks," he replied, leaving the room. "I'm almost ready."
Andruw only got one more glimpse of Javy before they left, as Javy bent over to pick up a Barbie. "Give this to Heather, would you?"
"Sure," Andruw replied, taking it gently from Javy's hand.
Analy saw and frowned, but kept her smile plastered on her face. "Thanks again, Andruw, for doing this on such short notice," she sighed patronizingly. "Let's go, Muffin."
"See you girls. Bye, Andruw," Javy said as Analy pulls him out of the house.
Analy's mask disappeared as she climbed into the car. "God, I hate him!"
Meanwhile, Andruw stood facing the Lopez sisters. "What do you want to do, girls?" he asked timidly.
"Let's play Barbies," suggested Heather.
"You can be the ugly witch Barbie," Cassandra added.
"Why don't we play video games?" Andruw said.
"Okay," shrugged the girls. "Our favorite is Baseball 2001."
"Cool!" he exclaimed.
"Mom said we can drink pop in the living room," Heather lied.
"I'll go get some while you set up the game," Andruw told them, digging through the fridge. "Where do your parents keep the beer?"
"Mom doesn't let Dad drink any beer," Cassandra replied.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Nope, cross my heart and hope to die," Cassandra insisted.
Andruw swore underneath his breath. "What was that?" Heather demanded. "That wasn't English, was it?"
"No," Andruw muttered, embarrassed at being heard.
"That wasn't Spanish, either."
"Do you girls speak Spanish?"
"No, but when Mom and Dad don't want us to know what they're saying, they speak Spanish," Heather explained.
"It's not fair," Cassandra added. "What language were you speaking?"
"Papiamentu."
"What?" Cassandra demanded.
"That's a made up language," Heather accused.
"No, it's not. We speak it back in Curaçao," Andruw told them.
"A made up place," Heather said skeptically.
"It's not made up!" he argued.
"Then teach us bad words in it," Heather ordered.
Andruw shrugged. "Okay." For the next hour, they played video games and swore in Papiamentu.
Finally, the girls got tired of playing the game seriously. "Let's see who can make the worst team!" shouted Cassandra.
"I get first pick!" Heather announced. "I want Andruw Jones!" She selected her players and proceeded to make him strike out. "This is what people say you do all the time," she said as the Andruw character swung and missed three straight times.
Andruw tried to select Javy, but Cassandra grabbed the control out of his hand. "Quit picking Daddy!" she shouted. "You picked him every time! Besides, he's good and we're making bad teams!"
"He's stupid," whispered Heather loudly.
"No, I'm not!" Andruw argued and called her a name in Papiamentu.
"Cool!" the girls laughed.
Andruw chose Mike Piazza and Jimmy Rollins for part of his loser team. After a while, the girls got bored and decided they wanted to bake cookies. "I don't know how to cook."
"What do you eat?" Cassandra demanded.
"I have a cook," Andruw explained proudly.
Heather and Cassandra made a huge mess in the kitchen and played games with the blender before Andruw suggested that they watch T.V. After cleaning up the mess, he found them watching "Dog Eat Dog." Taking the remote, he suggested, "Why don't you watch the Weather Channel?"
"No, we're gonna watch 'Titanic,' " Heather informed him.
"Okay," he shrugged, never having seen the movie.
After the first half hour, Cassandra grabbed the remote. "Let's fast forward to the car scene," she said.
"Oh, have you see this movie before?" Andruw asked, returning from snooping in the bathroom.
"Yeah," Heather said, "we watched it with Matt."
"Who's Matt?"
"He was our old babysitter."
"What happened to him?"
"Mom fired him."
"Why?" Andruw asked nervously.
"Because he let us watch this," Heather explained, pointing to the T.V.
Andruw's eyes bugged out and he frantically pressed the stop button. "Why don't you girls," he began, then the phone rang.
"Hi, Andruw," Analy sang. "How's everything going?"
"Good, the girls are in bed," he lied, suddenly noticing that it was midnight.
"I hate this show," Heather complained.
"Don't change it!" Cassandra whined.
"Is that the girls I hear?" Analy demanded.
"No, it's the T.V.," Andruw lied quickly. "I'm next to it."
"Oh good. I don't want them getting tired," Analy replied. "Well, I just wanted to make sure everything's okay. Sometimes they can be a handful. Javy and I are coming home soon, so hopefully you'll be home before one."
Andruw panicked. "Okay, great, see ya, bye," he rambled and hung up abruptly. "Girls, get to bed, now!" he ordered.
"But--"
"Your parents are coming home soon!" he said urgently.
"So?" Heather spat defiantly.
"I won't be able to babysit you again if your parents catch us," he pointed out.
For the first time all night, they listened to him. "Hurry, Heather!" Cassandra shouted, running into the bathroom.
"You don't have to brush your teeth if you don't want," Andruw added, trying to hurry them along.
Within ten minutes, the girls were asleep. Andruw took this time to snoop through Javy's house, especially his bedroom. He tried to tell by smelling which pillow was Javy's, but unfortunately the pillows had just been washed and smelled like laundry detergent. He even went so far as to take a picture of Javy from a photo album he found. "Hope they have a double somewhere," he thought nonchalantly.
He barely had time to sit innocently on the couch before Analy and Javy returned home. "Here you go, Andruw," Analy said, pressing money into his hand.
"See you tomorrow," Javy added, yawning, and headed directly to the bedroom.