After the game ended, Andruw raced into the Cubs' locker room, ignoring an
angry Analy who was guarding the entrance. The mysterious third baseman
was waiting for him, or so it seemed. "Hi," Andruw said, a little bit
breathless. "My name's Andruw."
"I'm Bill," the third baseman replied with a shy smile. "Bill Mueller."
"What the hell are you doing in here?" shouted a portly black man, staring at Andruw's Braves jersey.
"Don, relax," Bill muttered. "We were never a couple. Don't play the jealous lover."
"Well, I don't like this at all," Don grumbled, but left without saying anything else.
Javy was standing across the room, fully dressed in his street clothes, but Andruw didn't even notice him. "It's nice to meet you, Bill," Andruw smiled.
Bill grinned back. "Are you doing anything after the game?"
"Not now," he joked. "I'll meet you in the lobby. I have to shower."
Just then, Analy burst in. "Javy, you're safe now!" she cried.
"What?" Javy asked, confused. "Andruw's nowhere near me."
"Oh." Analy stood perfectly still in shock. "You mean--"
"Javy," Andruw began, "I'm sorry for all I put you through. I'm over everything now." Digging into his pocket, he produced a picture. "Here. I stole this from a photo album at your house when I was babysitting your daughters."
"Thanks," Javy said amiably. "Maybe if you're not busy tonight, we could go out for dinner--"
"I'm busy," Andruw interrupted, "but thanks anyways."
Analy demanded, "Why couldn't you have done all this before? Then we wouldn't have had to move! God, you make me sick!"
Bill glared at Analy. "You make me sick!" he growled, standing up for Andruw.
At that moment, Andruw knew it was love; at that moment, Javy knew it was time for a divorce. "Analy, that's it!" he exploded. "I'm so fucking tired of you getting on everyone's case and being so selfish! We're THROUGH!" Kicking her purse (which was sitting on the floor), he rampaged through the locker room.
Analy's mouth dropped open, then she swore loudly as she picked up her purse and its spilled contents.
"Let's go out for dinner now," Andruw suggested quietly, holding Bill's hand.
* * * * *
Andruw and Bill continued their relationship into the offseason. On Christmas Eve, Andruw came over to Bill's house to spend the night with plans to propose. Bill started a fire in the fireplace and they sat and chatted with Christmas music playing in the background.
"Excuse me," Andruw cooed romantically. "I have to use the bathroom." Andruw walked down the hall but instead of going to the bathroom he went into Bill's room where the ring lay in his suitcase. When he returned to the living room, he playfully ordered, "Close your eyes!" Bill shut his eyes while Andruw slipped the ring onto Bill's finger. "Open!" grinned Andruw, then asked seriously, "Will you marry me?"
A smile spread over Bill's face, then it disappeared. "Can we get married? Legally, I mean?"
Andruw grinned widely. "Remember how I made that trip to Phoenix? Well, I was introducing a bill to legalize gay marriage. I did it because of you, Bill."
"I love you, Andruw. And of course I'll marry you."
"Let's get started on the guest list!" Andruw suggested, jumping up off of the couch. "Let's invite our entire teams!"
"Except Don," Bill added with a laugh.
The wedding was planned for February 27 in Mesa, Arizona--the site of the Cubs' spring training. Fortunately, the Braves had moved from Florida to Arizona as their spring training site so the wedding wasn't an inconvenience. While Andruw hung around the batting cage a few days before the wedding, Terry Pendleton approached him. "Hey, Andruw. You've been hitting much better lately," he remarked. "Must be that fiance of yours, huh?"
"Yeah. I think that Javy's trade was the best thing for me," Andruw reflected. "So are you coming to the wedding?"
"You betcha! I was just a little late on the RSVP." Terry hesitated, then asked meekly, "Uh, I just married this girl. Could I bring her to the wedding?"
"Sure!" Andruw exclaimed, walking away so he could take outfield practice.
"Wait! My new wife is--"
"I don't care! You can bring her! I gotta go!" Andruw shouted, jogging away.
"But--" Terry called, then stopped and shrugged. "Whatever."
* * * * *
Ten minutes before the ceremony, Andruw was pacing nervously back and forth. "I've never been so nervous before!" he muttered to Madison, who was skipping back and forth with her basket of flowers.
"Me too," Madison replied happily. "What if I screw up?"
"You're a flower girl. How can you screw up?" Andruw demanded. "Where's Javy? If he doesn't come, then I don't have a best man!"
Javy arrived a few minutes later, out of breath. "Sorry," he gasped, "but we got lost on the way to Matt's house."
"Who's Matt?" Madison wondered.
"Our babysitter," explained Cassandra, followed by Heather. "After Andruw taught us those swear words, Mommy decided that Matt was a better babysitter."
Andruw cringed in embarrassment while Javy chuckled. "Analy worries too much," he whispered to Andruw. Louder, he suggested, "Why don't you girls go sit down with Greg and his daughters?"
"Which daughters?" Heather asked. "He has two sets."
"All his kids are here," Javy replied. "Now go!"
Andruw met Bill at the back of the church and together, they walked down the aisle. At the altar, Andruw's best men--Gary, Vinny, and Javy-- were waiting with Bill's best men--Todd Hundley and Jon Lieber were his best men. Also there was Andruw's former girlfriend Jasmine, the mother of Madison. A few weeks before the wedding, Bill had shocked Andruw by mentioning that he knew Jasmine and would like her to be one of his best men. Apparently, they had met in San Francisco while Bill was still a Giant (Jasmine had been their version of Morgana) and were still close friends.
The ceremony went beautifully and the pictures went by quickly. Andruw and Bill were smiling and laughing as they entered the banquet hall only to come face to face with Analy. "What is she doing here?" Bill muttered angrily, not having forgiven her for cussing out Andruw.
"I have no idea," Andruw remarked loudly, completely baffled.
Then Terry Pendleton stepped forward. "Andruw, I tried to tell you," he said apologetically. "Analy and I are married now. You didn't wait to hear who I married, though."
Surprisingly, Analy was quite polite. "Congratulations, Andruw and Bill!" she exclaimed brightly.
Javy appeared behind Andruw as soon as Analy left. "I can't believe that woman is at the wedding!" he groaned.
"Don't worry about it," Andruw insisted. "Relax. Meet women. Isn't that why people go to weddings?"
"Or to meet men," Bill added, winking at Javy.
"I think I'll stick to women," Javy replied tactfully, not realizing that Bill was trying to rile him up a little.
"Hi Bill!" Jasmine sang, approaching the couple. Then she stopped dead in her tracks. "I don't believe I've met you," she cooed, looking at Javy.
Javy grinned foolishly. "I'm Javy Lopez," he replied seductively in his most masculine voice, taking her hand and kissing it. "And you are....?"
"Jasmine Van Horn, Andruw's ex-girlfriend and Bill's best woman," Jasmine giggled coyly.
"Well, Miss Van Horn, I'm pretty van horny for you!" Javy flirted, licking his lips.
Jasmine giggled playfully and grabbed him by the waist, letting her hand slide down further. "Let's not disturb the happy couple," she suggested provocatively.
Andruw and Bill laughed boisterously, then kissed. "Enough of the P.D.A!" teased Gary, holding Vinny's hand.
"Hypocrite," laughed Andruw.
"Andruw, have you seen Barry lately?" asked Gary.
"Yeah. He's over by the cake and gifts." Andruw smiled.
"Thanks!" Gary walked over to Barry. "Hey, I was talking to a couple over there and they were kind of rude."
"Who, those people?" gestured Barry, pointing to a couple that were looking suspicious.
"Yeah."
"Oh. Maddux told me to stay away from them. They're the Sczerbiaks, according to Greg, but they call themselves the Phillips. I think they're racist." Barry said in a soft voice so no one could hear him.
"I've noticed more and more racism in baseball lately, and more gay rumors." muttered Gary.
"Yeah, I know, especially about Mike Piazza!"
"I don't care about him, but all the white guys get paid more. If I was white, I would make more money."
"No kidding, me too," added Barry.
"Well, I'll catch you later. I hear Vinny calling my name."
Andruw and Bill laughed as they overheard Barry and Gary's conversation, then stopped abruptly as the Sczerbiaks approached them. "Congratulations," Kirk Sczerbiak said stiffly.
"You don't mind if I, uh, videotape your reception, do you?" his wife Hope inquired furtively, her eyes scanning the scene.
"No, not at all," Bill squeaked, nervously wondering how these people ended up at his wedding.
"I hate being videotaped!" Greg chuckled, coming up to the couple. Then he saw the Sczerbiaks. "Ahh! The Sczerbiaks!" he screamed. Pushing them aside, he whispered frantically into Andruw's ear, "Stay away from these people! They're bad news, I tell you! Bad!"
"Uh, yeah," Andruw agreed politely. "Security!" Due to his celebrity status, he was advised to hire security to keep psychotic fans out. When the guards arrived, he asked, "Would you please escort this couple outside?"
Kirk and Hope glared at Greg as they were led outside. "I'll see you in Illinois, Maddux!" threatened Kirk.
Greg's eyes widened and he grew pale. "They're stalking me!"
"Whatever, Greg," muttered Andruw.
"That's what Susie and my kids say! But someday I'll show you that I'm right!"
"Relax, Greg, this should be a happy time," Chipper laughed, appearing out of nowhere.
"Oh! That reminds me!" Greg exclaimed. "Are you and Andruw related? I've always been meaning to ask you."
Bill looked from the tall, wiry, American, Southern Chipper to his tan, Curacaoan, muscular husband and couldn't help but guffaw in scorn. "I don't think they are," he said sarcastically, "but I could be wrong."
"I was just wondering," Greg shrugged, walking away.
Todd Hundley, one of Bill's best men, stepped up onto a podium and called, "Could I have everybody's attention, please?"
The entire room stopped talking except Rick Ankiel--like the Sczerbiaks, Rick had invited himself. Rick shouted, "Hey Todd, what are you batting now?"
Todd, his face turning red, insisted, "I'm not getting enough playing time!" All the guests looked confused, and he hurriedly said, "I'd like to have a toast for Bill and Andruw. Let's wish them a long and happy marriage with their daughter Madison and the children they're going to adopt in the future!" The guests cheered and raised their wine glasses, including Matt the teenage babysitter.
Andruw turned to Bill with a loving smile. "Suddenly, everything's so wonderful," he said softly. "I was never this happy until I met you!"
(Andruw:) Imagine me and you
(Bill:) I do
(Andruw:) I think about you day and night
(Bill:) It's only right
(Greg:) To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight
(Susan:) So happy together
(Gary:) If I should call you up
Invest a dime
(Vinny:) You say you belong to me
And lose my mind
(Javy:) Imagine how the world could be
(Jasmine:) So very fine
(Javy and Jasmine:) So happy together
(Gladys:) I can't see me loving nobody but you
(Gladys and Skip:) For all my life
(Skip:) When you're with me baby the skies will be blue
(Gladys and Skip:) For all my life
(Terry:) Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
(Analy:) The only one for me is you and you for me
So happy together
(Andruw:) I can't see me loving nobody but you
(Bill:) For all my life
(Gary:) When you're with me baby the skies will be blue
(Vinny:) For all my life
(Bobby:) Me and you and you and me
(Leo:) No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
(Matt:) The only one for me is you and you for me
(Cassandra and Heather:) So happy together
(Marcus Giles chirps the tune of the chorus)
(Tom:) Me and you and you and me
(John:) No matter how they toss the dice
(Greg:) It had to be
(Kirk Sczerbiak:) The only one for me is you and you for me
(Greg:) Ehhhhh!
(Madison:) So happy together
(Chipper:) So happy together [Marcus Giles comes in and bahs]
(Kevin:) How is the weather
(John Schuerholz:) So happy together
(Barry:) We're happy together
(Keith and Julio:) So happy together
(B.J.:) Happy together
(Brian:) So happy together
(Rick:) So happy together!
"I'm Bill," the third baseman replied with a shy smile. "Bill Mueller."
"What the hell are you doing in here?" shouted a portly black man, staring at Andruw's Braves jersey.
"Don, relax," Bill muttered. "We were never a couple. Don't play the jealous lover."
"Well, I don't like this at all," Don grumbled, but left without saying anything else.
Javy was standing across the room, fully dressed in his street clothes, but Andruw didn't even notice him. "It's nice to meet you, Bill," Andruw smiled.
Bill grinned back. "Are you doing anything after the game?"
"Not now," he joked. "I'll meet you in the lobby. I have to shower."
Just then, Analy burst in. "Javy, you're safe now!" she cried.
"What?" Javy asked, confused. "Andruw's nowhere near me."
"Oh." Analy stood perfectly still in shock. "You mean--"
"Javy," Andruw began, "I'm sorry for all I put you through. I'm over everything now." Digging into his pocket, he produced a picture. "Here. I stole this from a photo album at your house when I was babysitting your daughters."
"Thanks," Javy said amiably. "Maybe if you're not busy tonight, we could go out for dinner--"
"I'm busy," Andruw interrupted, "but thanks anyways."
Analy demanded, "Why couldn't you have done all this before? Then we wouldn't have had to move! God, you make me sick!"
Bill glared at Analy. "You make me sick!" he growled, standing up for Andruw.
At that moment, Andruw knew it was love; at that moment, Javy knew it was time for a divorce. "Analy, that's it!" he exploded. "I'm so fucking tired of you getting on everyone's case and being so selfish! We're THROUGH!" Kicking her purse (which was sitting on the floor), he rampaged through the locker room.
Analy's mouth dropped open, then she swore loudly as she picked up her purse and its spilled contents.
"Let's go out for dinner now," Andruw suggested quietly, holding Bill's hand.
* * * * *
Andruw and Bill continued their relationship into the offseason. On Christmas Eve, Andruw came over to Bill's house to spend the night with plans to propose. Bill started a fire in the fireplace and they sat and chatted with Christmas music playing in the background.
"Excuse me," Andruw cooed romantically. "I have to use the bathroom." Andruw walked down the hall but instead of going to the bathroom he went into Bill's room where the ring lay in his suitcase. When he returned to the living room, he playfully ordered, "Close your eyes!" Bill shut his eyes while Andruw slipped the ring onto Bill's finger. "Open!" grinned Andruw, then asked seriously, "Will you marry me?"
A smile spread over Bill's face, then it disappeared. "Can we get married? Legally, I mean?"
Andruw grinned widely. "Remember how I made that trip to Phoenix? Well, I was introducing a bill to legalize gay marriage. I did it because of you, Bill."
"I love you, Andruw. And of course I'll marry you."
"Let's get started on the guest list!" Andruw suggested, jumping up off of the couch. "Let's invite our entire teams!"
"Except Don," Bill added with a laugh.
The wedding was planned for February 27 in Mesa, Arizona--the site of the Cubs' spring training. Fortunately, the Braves had moved from Florida to Arizona as their spring training site so the wedding wasn't an inconvenience. While Andruw hung around the batting cage a few days before the wedding, Terry Pendleton approached him. "Hey, Andruw. You've been hitting much better lately," he remarked. "Must be that fiance of yours, huh?"
"Yeah. I think that Javy's trade was the best thing for me," Andruw reflected. "So are you coming to the wedding?"
"You betcha! I was just a little late on the RSVP." Terry hesitated, then asked meekly, "Uh, I just married this girl. Could I bring her to the wedding?"
"Sure!" Andruw exclaimed, walking away so he could take outfield practice.
"Wait! My new wife is--"
"I don't care! You can bring her! I gotta go!" Andruw shouted, jogging away.
"But--" Terry called, then stopped and shrugged. "Whatever."
* * * * *
Ten minutes before the ceremony, Andruw was pacing nervously back and forth. "I've never been so nervous before!" he muttered to Madison, who was skipping back and forth with her basket of flowers.
"Me too," Madison replied happily. "What if I screw up?"
"You're a flower girl. How can you screw up?" Andruw demanded. "Where's Javy? If he doesn't come, then I don't have a best man!"
Javy arrived a few minutes later, out of breath. "Sorry," he gasped, "but we got lost on the way to Matt's house."
"Who's Matt?" Madison wondered.
"Our babysitter," explained Cassandra, followed by Heather. "After Andruw taught us those swear words, Mommy decided that Matt was a better babysitter."
Andruw cringed in embarrassment while Javy chuckled. "Analy worries too much," he whispered to Andruw. Louder, he suggested, "Why don't you girls go sit down with Greg and his daughters?"
"Which daughters?" Heather asked. "He has two sets."
"All his kids are here," Javy replied. "Now go!"
Andruw met Bill at the back of the church and together, they walked down the aisle. At the altar, Andruw's best men--Gary, Vinny, and Javy-- were waiting with Bill's best men--Todd Hundley and Jon Lieber were his best men. Also there was Andruw's former girlfriend Jasmine, the mother of Madison. A few weeks before the wedding, Bill had shocked Andruw by mentioning that he knew Jasmine and would like her to be one of his best men. Apparently, they had met in San Francisco while Bill was still a Giant (Jasmine had been their version of Morgana) and were still close friends.
The ceremony went beautifully and the pictures went by quickly. Andruw and Bill were smiling and laughing as they entered the banquet hall only to come face to face with Analy. "What is she doing here?" Bill muttered angrily, not having forgiven her for cussing out Andruw.
"I have no idea," Andruw remarked loudly, completely baffled.
Then Terry Pendleton stepped forward. "Andruw, I tried to tell you," he said apologetically. "Analy and I are married now. You didn't wait to hear who I married, though."
Surprisingly, Analy was quite polite. "Congratulations, Andruw and Bill!" she exclaimed brightly.
Javy appeared behind Andruw as soon as Analy left. "I can't believe that woman is at the wedding!" he groaned.
"Don't worry about it," Andruw insisted. "Relax. Meet women. Isn't that why people go to weddings?"
"Or to meet men," Bill added, winking at Javy.
"I think I'll stick to women," Javy replied tactfully, not realizing that Bill was trying to rile him up a little.
"Hi Bill!" Jasmine sang, approaching the couple. Then she stopped dead in her tracks. "I don't believe I've met you," she cooed, looking at Javy.
Javy grinned foolishly. "I'm Javy Lopez," he replied seductively in his most masculine voice, taking her hand and kissing it. "And you are....?"
"Jasmine Van Horn, Andruw's ex-girlfriend and Bill's best woman," Jasmine giggled coyly.
"Well, Miss Van Horn, I'm pretty van horny for you!" Javy flirted, licking his lips.
Jasmine giggled playfully and grabbed him by the waist, letting her hand slide down further. "Let's not disturb the happy couple," she suggested provocatively.
Andruw and Bill laughed boisterously, then kissed. "Enough of the P.D.A!" teased Gary, holding Vinny's hand.
"Hypocrite," laughed Andruw.
"Andruw, have you seen Barry lately?" asked Gary.
"Yeah. He's over by the cake and gifts." Andruw smiled.
"Thanks!" Gary walked over to Barry. "Hey, I was talking to a couple over there and they were kind of rude."
"Who, those people?" gestured Barry, pointing to a couple that were looking suspicious.
"Yeah."
"Oh. Maddux told me to stay away from them. They're the Sczerbiaks, according to Greg, but they call themselves the Phillips. I think they're racist." Barry said in a soft voice so no one could hear him.
"I've noticed more and more racism in baseball lately, and more gay rumors." muttered Gary.
"Yeah, I know, especially about Mike Piazza!"
"I don't care about him, but all the white guys get paid more. If I was white, I would make more money."
"No kidding, me too," added Barry.
"Well, I'll catch you later. I hear Vinny calling my name."
Andruw and Bill laughed as they overheard Barry and Gary's conversation, then stopped abruptly as the Sczerbiaks approached them. "Congratulations," Kirk Sczerbiak said stiffly.
"You don't mind if I, uh, videotape your reception, do you?" his wife Hope inquired furtively, her eyes scanning the scene.
"No, not at all," Bill squeaked, nervously wondering how these people ended up at his wedding.
"I hate being videotaped!" Greg chuckled, coming up to the couple. Then he saw the Sczerbiaks. "Ahh! The Sczerbiaks!" he screamed. Pushing them aside, he whispered frantically into Andruw's ear, "Stay away from these people! They're bad news, I tell you! Bad!"
"Uh, yeah," Andruw agreed politely. "Security!" Due to his celebrity status, he was advised to hire security to keep psychotic fans out. When the guards arrived, he asked, "Would you please escort this couple outside?"
Kirk and Hope glared at Greg as they were led outside. "I'll see you in Illinois, Maddux!" threatened Kirk.
Greg's eyes widened and he grew pale. "They're stalking me!"
"Whatever, Greg," muttered Andruw.
"That's what Susie and my kids say! But someday I'll show you that I'm right!"
"Relax, Greg, this should be a happy time," Chipper laughed, appearing out of nowhere.
"Oh! That reminds me!" Greg exclaimed. "Are you and Andruw related? I've always been meaning to ask you."
Bill looked from the tall, wiry, American, Southern Chipper to his tan, Curacaoan, muscular husband and couldn't help but guffaw in scorn. "I don't think they are," he said sarcastically, "but I could be wrong."
"I was just wondering," Greg shrugged, walking away.
Todd Hundley, one of Bill's best men, stepped up onto a podium and called, "Could I have everybody's attention, please?"
The entire room stopped talking except Rick Ankiel--like the Sczerbiaks, Rick had invited himself. Rick shouted, "Hey Todd, what are you batting now?"
Todd, his face turning red, insisted, "I'm not getting enough playing time!" All the guests looked confused, and he hurriedly said, "I'd like to have a toast for Bill and Andruw. Let's wish them a long and happy marriage with their daughter Madison and the children they're going to adopt in the future!" The guests cheered and raised their wine glasses, including Matt the teenage babysitter.
Andruw turned to Bill with a loving smile. "Suddenly, everything's so wonderful," he said softly. "I was never this happy until I met you!"
(Andruw:) Imagine me and you
(Bill:) I do
(Andruw:) I think about you day and night
(Bill:) It's only right
(Greg:) To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight
(Susan:) So happy together
(Gary:) If I should call you up
Invest a dime
(Vinny:) You say you belong to me
And lose my mind
(Javy:) Imagine how the world could be
(Jasmine:) So very fine
(Javy and Jasmine:) So happy together
(Gladys:) I can't see me loving nobody but you
(Gladys and Skip:) For all my life
(Skip:) When you're with me baby the skies will be blue
(Gladys and Skip:) For all my life
(Terry:) Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
(Analy:) The only one for me is you and you for me
So happy together
(Andruw:) I can't see me loving nobody but you
(Bill:) For all my life
(Gary:) When you're with me baby the skies will be blue
(Vinny:) For all my life
(Bobby:) Me and you and you and me
(Leo:) No matter how they toss the dice
It had to be
(Matt:) The only one for me is you and you for me
(Cassandra and Heather:) So happy together
(Marcus Giles chirps the tune of the chorus)
(Tom:) Me and you and you and me
(John:) No matter how they toss the dice
(Greg:) It had to be
(Kirk Sczerbiak:) The only one for me is you and you for me
(Greg:) Ehhhhh!
(Madison:) So happy together
(Chipper:) So happy together [Marcus Giles comes in and bahs]
(Kevin:) How is the weather
(John Schuerholz:) So happy together
(Barry:) We're happy together
(Keith and Julio:) So happy together
(B.J.:) Happy together
(Brian:) So happy together
(Rick:) So happy together!