Epilogue
Rick Ankiel-While snowmobiling, Rick breaks his collarbone and loses any chance he ever had of regaining his control.
Don Baylor-After being fired by the Cubs, he attempts to manage the Marlins' AA minor league team. However, he is unsuccessful and begins an acting career. His most famous role was the constipated busdriver on Milk of Magnesia commercials.
Henry Blanco-Due to contract issues, Henry is forced to play in an independent league. There, he meets Christina Applegate and the two are married in Baja California.
Barry Bonds-Barry falls one homer short of tying Hank Aaron's home run record because he is run over by Rick Ankiel's snowmobile and refuses to see a doctor whom he claims is racist. He dies soon afterwards of causes unknown.
Gladys Weinre Caray-Gladys divorces Skip to marry a newly single Paul McCartney who left his wife Heather after learning that she sold the rights to other Beatles songs to Michael Jackson.
Skip Caray-After the divorce, Skip gets hair implants in an attempt to regain his lost youth. Skip becomes a spokesperson for Just for Men.
Vinny Castilla-Vinny retires after the 2002 season to spend more time with his family. He and Gary get married at the same church as Andruw and Bill, who are their best men and their child's godparents.
Bobby Cox-Bobby abandons managing after a 52-110 season in 2005. He and Leo Mazzone start their street band and play at the corner of Peach Street in Atlanta.
Julio Franco-Becomes the first Mexican baseball player to retire and become a famous Mexican rapper. His hit song, Ju$t h¡t the d@mn B@$eb@!! starts a new music fad in Mexico.
Rafael Furcal-Rafael takes over the Viagra spokesperson job from Rafael Palmeiro who quits after his wife divorces him and blackmails him.
Brian Giles-He and Marcus team up for a remake of Sugar Sugar, which knocks Julio Franco's single out of the number one spot, which prompts Gary Sheffield to call it racism.
Marcus Giles-He and his wife Tracy become infamous for naming their children after European capitals: London, Paris, Vienna, Vaduz, Berlin, Rome, and Oslo. Twenty years later, they are sued by those same children for emotional trauma. The courts throw the case out.
Tom Glavine-He is inducted into the Hall of Fame and buys Disney and the Wisconsin Dells. He renames the Anaheim Angels the Anaheim Glavines.
Chris Hammond-After giving up a run in a ballgame, he commits suicide by standing in front of the batting practice machine.
Andruw Jones-Andruw breaks Barry Bonds' single season home run record by hitting 80 in 2003 for the Cincinnati Reds.
Chipper Jones (no relation to Andruw)-He stages a coup and takes over the office of baseball commissioner. Then he helps his good friend Eric Snow of the Philadelphia 76ers do the same for the NBA. David Stern and Bud Selig disappear mysteriously while many people claim to have seen them along with Elvis.
Madison Jones-Madison becomes a shoe model for her own line of shoes.
Keith Lockhart-Keith becomes involved in a cult of people who model their lives after the ancient Egyptians.
Cassandra Lopez-In 2015, Cassandra becomes the first female NFL player and wins 10 consecutive MVP's and Super Bowl rings from her rookie season to her retirement. She plays for the Chicago Bears for all ten years.
Heather Lopez-Shortly after graduating from college, she marries Matt Nowitski (her former babysitter) and buys Enron.
Javy Lopez-He becomes one of the oldest catchers, retiring at age 43 years and 17 days. After that, he coaches the Dodgers to a World Series win against the Orioles.
Greg Maddux-In an ironic twist of fate, he is retraded to the Cubs, who are now coached by Kirk Sczerbiak. He is forced to be caught by Javy Lopez and never wins more than 6 games in 2 seasons. His story is told in a different novel.
Jason Marquis-Jason retires to Connecticut and converts to Amish. He becomes the CEO of the Amish furniture factory.
Leo Mazzone-When not performing in his street band, Leo pitches in a seniors league and runs Downtown Bingo. His favorite pastime is scaring children on Halloween with his angry baseball mask.
Kevin Millwood-Kevin learns Japanese cuisine and becomes a well-respected chef; his knife of choice is a Braves tomahawk. His recklessness with knives leads to many unfortunate accidents, leading to the discovery that he is a hemophiliac.
Damian Moss-Damian returns to his native Australia and becomes an environmentalist who campaigns to save the Great Barrier Reef.
Bill Mueller-He requests a trade to the Reds in 2003 so he and Andruw can be together. They settle in Cincinnati with Madison (whom he jointly adopts) and Springfield, their adopted son.
Matt Nowitski (the babysitter)-He marries Heather Lopez and becomes president in 2026. He is the first Whig president since the 1800's. Using his political power, he has the Titanic reconstructed for a private cruise with Heather.
Mike Piazza-After hitting .190, he retires and afterwards, is openly gay. One of his more famous boyfriends is Cris Judd, ex-husband of Jennifer Lopez. They break up after someone calls Cris "Mr. Piazza."
Analy Lopez-Pendleton-After Heather becomes First Lady, she takes charge of Enron. In one year, she becomes a billionaire; she uses her money to try and get revenge on Javy but President Nowitski threatens to press charges.
Terry Pendleton-He retires from being a hitting coach after the Braves' 52- 110 season to become an inspirational speaker. Most of his speeches are written by Analy, who refuses to let him retire from working.
Jimmy Rollins-Jimmy turns out to be the best shortstop in baseball history with 500 career home runs and 15 straight Gold Glove awards with 500 stolen bases.
Brooke Russell-Brooke becomes a famous architect without any help from her famous father and declines to design the new Titanic even thought President Nowitski asks her personally.
Morgan Russell-Morgan uses her father to get close to attractive athletes such as Derek Jeter and Bobby Hill, then becomes a reclusive author who lives in Northern Wisconsin. Her first work was a tell-all book about Greg Maddux that ruined his career (of course, his shoddy performance also helped her father, Greg Maddux, ruin his career by himself).
John Schuerholz-John resigns after the 2005 season (52-110) and becomes a reclusive hippie. He smuggles pot from Mexico and refuses to watch any sporting event.
Hope Sczerbiak-Her story is told in a later novel.
Kirk Sczerbiak-Same as above.
Gary Sheffield-He adopts a child with Vinny and devotes his time to knitting socks for homeless children.
Joe Simpson-Joe continues to announce for the Braves even after Skip leaves and the Braves stop winning and dies peacefully in his home.
John Smoltz-Smoltz buys a cabin on the Lake of the Woods in Minnesota and becomes a hunter and fisherman. His beard grows three feet before his death.
Sammy Sosa-Sammy is traded to the New York Mets and is responsible for sending Smoltz into retirement after being the first man to hit for the cycle in one inning.
B.J. Surhoff-After a midlife crisis, B.J. discovers his love of animals and becomes a veterinarian specializing in repairing ligaments such as anterior cruciate ligaments.
Steve Torrealba-Steve becomes the Jason Sehorn of baseball. In other words, he models underwear and is asked to pose in Playgirl.
Jasmine Van Horn-After marrying Javy Lopez, she discovers her long lost cousin Keith Van Horn and they read to kids in the NBA Read to Achieve program.
Susan Wood-Her story is told in a later novel.
Rick Ankiel-While snowmobiling, Rick breaks his collarbone and loses any chance he ever had of regaining his control.
Don Baylor-After being fired by the Cubs, he attempts to manage the Marlins' AA minor league team. However, he is unsuccessful and begins an acting career. His most famous role was the constipated busdriver on Milk of Magnesia commercials.
Henry Blanco-Due to contract issues, Henry is forced to play in an independent league. There, he meets Christina Applegate and the two are married in Baja California.
Barry Bonds-Barry falls one homer short of tying Hank Aaron's home run record because he is run over by Rick Ankiel's snowmobile and refuses to see a doctor whom he claims is racist. He dies soon afterwards of causes unknown.
Gladys Weinre Caray-Gladys divorces Skip to marry a newly single Paul McCartney who left his wife Heather after learning that she sold the rights to other Beatles songs to Michael Jackson.
Skip Caray-After the divorce, Skip gets hair implants in an attempt to regain his lost youth. Skip becomes a spokesperson for Just for Men.
Vinny Castilla-Vinny retires after the 2002 season to spend more time with his family. He and Gary get married at the same church as Andruw and Bill, who are their best men and their child's godparents.
Bobby Cox-Bobby abandons managing after a 52-110 season in 2005. He and Leo Mazzone start their street band and play at the corner of Peach Street in Atlanta.
Julio Franco-Becomes the first Mexican baseball player to retire and become a famous Mexican rapper. His hit song, Ju$t h¡t the d@mn B@$eb@!! starts a new music fad in Mexico.
Rafael Furcal-Rafael takes over the Viagra spokesperson job from Rafael Palmeiro who quits after his wife divorces him and blackmails him.
Brian Giles-He and Marcus team up for a remake of Sugar Sugar, which knocks Julio Franco's single out of the number one spot, which prompts Gary Sheffield to call it racism.
Marcus Giles-He and his wife Tracy become infamous for naming their children after European capitals: London, Paris, Vienna, Vaduz, Berlin, Rome, and Oslo. Twenty years later, they are sued by those same children for emotional trauma. The courts throw the case out.
Tom Glavine-He is inducted into the Hall of Fame and buys Disney and the Wisconsin Dells. He renames the Anaheim Angels the Anaheim Glavines.
Chris Hammond-After giving up a run in a ballgame, he commits suicide by standing in front of the batting practice machine.
Andruw Jones-Andruw breaks Barry Bonds' single season home run record by hitting 80 in 2003 for the Cincinnati Reds.
Chipper Jones (no relation to Andruw)-He stages a coup and takes over the office of baseball commissioner. Then he helps his good friend Eric Snow of the Philadelphia 76ers do the same for the NBA. David Stern and Bud Selig disappear mysteriously while many people claim to have seen them along with Elvis.
Madison Jones-Madison becomes a shoe model for her own line of shoes.
Keith Lockhart-Keith becomes involved in a cult of people who model their lives after the ancient Egyptians.
Cassandra Lopez-In 2015, Cassandra becomes the first female NFL player and wins 10 consecutive MVP's and Super Bowl rings from her rookie season to her retirement. She plays for the Chicago Bears for all ten years.
Heather Lopez-Shortly after graduating from college, she marries Matt Nowitski (her former babysitter) and buys Enron.
Javy Lopez-He becomes one of the oldest catchers, retiring at age 43 years and 17 days. After that, he coaches the Dodgers to a World Series win against the Orioles.
Greg Maddux-In an ironic twist of fate, he is retraded to the Cubs, who are now coached by Kirk Sczerbiak. He is forced to be caught by Javy Lopez and never wins more than 6 games in 2 seasons. His story is told in a different novel.
Jason Marquis-Jason retires to Connecticut and converts to Amish. He becomes the CEO of the Amish furniture factory.
Leo Mazzone-When not performing in his street band, Leo pitches in a seniors league and runs Downtown Bingo. His favorite pastime is scaring children on Halloween with his angry baseball mask.
Kevin Millwood-Kevin learns Japanese cuisine and becomes a well-respected chef; his knife of choice is a Braves tomahawk. His recklessness with knives leads to many unfortunate accidents, leading to the discovery that he is a hemophiliac.
Damian Moss-Damian returns to his native Australia and becomes an environmentalist who campaigns to save the Great Barrier Reef.
Bill Mueller-He requests a trade to the Reds in 2003 so he and Andruw can be together. They settle in Cincinnati with Madison (whom he jointly adopts) and Springfield, their adopted son.
Matt Nowitski (the babysitter)-He marries Heather Lopez and becomes president in 2026. He is the first Whig president since the 1800's. Using his political power, he has the Titanic reconstructed for a private cruise with Heather.
Mike Piazza-After hitting .190, he retires and afterwards, is openly gay. One of his more famous boyfriends is Cris Judd, ex-husband of Jennifer Lopez. They break up after someone calls Cris "Mr. Piazza."
Analy Lopez-Pendleton-After Heather becomes First Lady, she takes charge of Enron. In one year, she becomes a billionaire; she uses her money to try and get revenge on Javy but President Nowitski threatens to press charges.
Terry Pendleton-He retires from being a hitting coach after the Braves' 52- 110 season to become an inspirational speaker. Most of his speeches are written by Analy, who refuses to let him retire from working.
Jimmy Rollins-Jimmy turns out to be the best shortstop in baseball history with 500 career home runs and 15 straight Gold Glove awards with 500 stolen bases.
Brooke Russell-Brooke becomes a famous architect without any help from her famous father and declines to design the new Titanic even thought President Nowitski asks her personally.
Morgan Russell-Morgan uses her father to get close to attractive athletes such as Derek Jeter and Bobby Hill, then becomes a reclusive author who lives in Northern Wisconsin. Her first work was a tell-all book about Greg Maddux that ruined his career (of course, his shoddy performance also helped her father, Greg Maddux, ruin his career by himself).
John Schuerholz-John resigns after the 2005 season (52-110) and becomes a reclusive hippie. He smuggles pot from Mexico and refuses to watch any sporting event.
Hope Sczerbiak-Her story is told in a later novel.
Kirk Sczerbiak-Same as above.
Gary Sheffield-He adopts a child with Vinny and devotes his time to knitting socks for homeless children.
Joe Simpson-Joe continues to announce for the Braves even after Skip leaves and the Braves stop winning and dies peacefully in his home.
John Smoltz-Smoltz buys a cabin on the Lake of the Woods in Minnesota and becomes a hunter and fisherman. His beard grows three feet before his death.
Sammy Sosa-Sammy is traded to the New York Mets and is responsible for sending Smoltz into retirement after being the first man to hit for the cycle in one inning.
B.J. Surhoff-After a midlife crisis, B.J. discovers his love of animals and becomes a veterinarian specializing in repairing ligaments such as anterior cruciate ligaments.
Steve Torrealba-Steve becomes the Jason Sehorn of baseball. In other words, he models underwear and is asked to pose in Playgirl.
Jasmine Van Horn-After marrying Javy Lopez, she discovers her long lost cousin Keith Van Horn and they read to kids in the NBA Read to Achieve program.
Susan Wood-Her story is told in a later novel.