Letting them see.
The day went by quickly as she let the patterns take over and her brain stop registering the thoughts that spun screaming at her to come back but 452 pushed them away.
She showered quickly and walked to the barracks. She walked quietly over to her bunk and pulled back the blankets. There at the foot of her bed was a long silvery barbed wire circle. It was so tangled in the sheets she was sure if she tried to move it, it would rip the sheets and she'd be in trouble for tearing laundry.
A wave of defeat ran through her and she slumped to the bed swallowing a lump in her throat.
She hugged her arms around her legs. Psy-Ops, the Pit, the Tank, her unit. She didn't know how much more she could take. There was only one thing she wanted. She looked up at the moonlight that streamed down through the window casting shadows on the floor.
She pushed the covers back over the wire and crept out of the room. She wandered down corridor and aisles and out through the courtyard to another section. There it was.
She looked up at the barracks that used to be theirs. The cold rain beat down on her like it understood the pain that she was and wanted to mirror it. It sent ice down her skin and along her veins until it wrapped like a glove around her heart.
The drops slicked her hair and ran in droves into her eyes as she stared up at the place she had last seen her family.
Her unit had slept here, all of them. That was where they had listened to Ben's stories and Zack's commands, Jondy's sarcasm and Syl's sassiness, Krit's gentleness and Tinga's dramas.
She started to climb the slippery drainpipe that still ran up the building. She paused to look in the window through the raindrops and stared at the sleeping X6's that now occupied it.
She carried on until she reached the high place and stood on the stone block where Ben had once kept their teeth for the Blue Lady in the hopes that she would protect them; she had failed.
Jack, Eva, Merie and Deen were dead and Max was in hell.
She glared out at Manticore, loathing it with every fibre of her being in a way that she had never hated anything before. Not even Lydecker.
"WHY?" She screamed as loud as she could but her words snatched away by the wind "What did we do wrong?"
The only answer was the howling of the wind and the roar of water as it fell in a deluge soaking her to the bone.
"We believed!" she choked "I believed." It was a whisper her shoulders shook with the force of withheld sobs. She wouldn't cry. She had screamed in Psy-Ops even though she had vowed not to but they wouldn't make her cry. Never again would she scream and never would she cry for Manticore.
She slid to the floor as her body shuddered harder.
She bowed her head against the wind and shivered in her thin, soaked clothes. Why was she being punished, she hadn't done anything wrong she was a good soldier. She had been pushing herself to do better all the time to do better.
So what was she doing so wrong?
Something made her look down and tucked under her foot, against the grating was a playing card. She picked it up slowly and stared at the worn and faded picture of the Blue Lady.
A voice echoed in her head
"Don't ever let them break you Maxie; you're too strong for that. Play their game and let them think they're winning until you can break free but don't ever let them take you away. You're not expendable. You're special."
Her head jerked up but the only sounds were the wind.
"Never forget who you are Max."
MAX. She was Max, not 452. Max was sarcastic and bright and could put up with anything.
She may be a soldier but she was a human being. A member of a family who loved her and no matter what they did to her they could never take that away.
Never.
She clenched her fists and brought the picture up to her face smiling at the serene Lady.
"My name is Max." she said calmly and tucked it into her belt buckle before climbing down.
When Unit 6 woke up it was to see 452 tucking her bed in neatly and stifling a yawn.
"Good morning." she said brightly with a smile.
They stared at her uncomprehendingly.
"I'm starving, a good breakfast will sort me right out." She marched over to the door trying not to smirk at their faces. She paused in the doorway "Oh by the way, it was a sweet thought but I don't need the barbed wire."
She walked out to the mess hall grinning at their expressions and then wider as she imagined them opening their drawers to find that wire coiled tightly in their underwear.
Revenge is sweet.
Max is not.
She joined the breakfast queue and waited in line until she got to the hatch.
"Morning." she said brightly to the lady who did a double take.
"M-morning."
"Ooh pancakes, they're my favourite." She beamed and the soldiers at either side stepped back away from her. No one really talked at breakfast or at meal times and they never spoke to the staff.
"Do you make this or just dish it out?"
"I make it too." The lady said.
"Well thank you very much, it tastes great." Max nodded and walked away to her unit's table.
"Your welcome." She heard the woman say.
Max sat at her table, her eyes held high challenging everyone who stared at her.
Eventually her unit came in glaring at her with more than the usual hostility and sat as far away from her as possible.
"Oh great, thanks for the room I needed that." she stretched and sprawled out half laughing at them all scrunched up in one corner.
The boy who had almost stuck up for her lips twitched. She decided to call him Shane which sounded like shame which was how he had looked at her when he didn't muster up the courage to tell them to leave her alone.
She passed breakfast coming up with names for her unit, refusing point blank to stick to designations any more.
She enjoyed the stares of the unit as they wondered what was going on with her.
The trainers commended her for her quick thinking and her speed. Max just nodded with her impassive smile and carried on.
"Let them think that they have beaten you. Let them think that they have won."
Max had re-emerged and she was brighter and stronger and going to survive this bitch.
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~**~*~~*
Well there ya go honey- how's that for a tad more upbeat?
Elfie- Thanks, I'm glad the characters aren't flat. Not sure about the rest of your questions- she seems to be doing what she wants and there is no way I can control so we'll have to see!
Rouge-x5- Max's world of pain? I like it!
Acb- Don't cry BG Manticore is scary but Max will always be our little Maxie and she's doing a grand job of pulling through…watch this space!
Barcode-babe-210- Alec is in the pipeline but this story won't be all fluffy and light, Max still has to get through this!
Kitty- I love angst mwah ha ha!
Brynmissy- Thanks, that part took me forever and a day!
Fan- hey! Thanks! Updated now! keep feedbacking me girl!
Sigma1- LOL, cheers pet, glad it got that reaction!
Lyndsay- Yeah it needed to go dark for a while, dark before light. Just keep reading!
Blue Angel- Thanks for the praise honey. I will update faster promise!
Angel21- Glad you think I write excellently.
Raven- She won't betray them, Max loves her family too much for that although she might have some close calls in future evil grin
Dokushoka79- Bill is great for Max, I just hope that one day she'll find a way to repay him.
Hermes'Angel- That's great, thank you. I'm loving writing this its just flowing!!
Lyra Skywalker- I know poor Max!
Cloudburst- I wondered where you had gone, I missed your comments and wondered if you were sick of the story pout but I am glad that you are still loving it. The fic will get lighter- promise! As For Alec….
Salome- really likely, I know most stories fixate on how she tried to escape but just look at Brin- she didn't bother.
Ru- different yet good- right?