Title: Because You Smiled, Part Two: A Housewife by Design
Author: Ketsueki Ookami
Pairing: JP/SS, JP/LP, implied SB/RL Summary: Another side of the story. What did Lily think? Others in the works. AN: Well, since you guys liked it so much. I'll continue! I'll probably end up writing the back-story in pretty intensive detail if you guys keep it up like this! Soon to come (based on amount of reviews): POVs of Sirius, Remus, Lucius (? I'm debating it.), aaaaaaaaaand of course James. Yeah, he comes last. So if you wanna read it, you gotsta review it. Seems fair enough to me. Ten reviews total and I'll post the next chapter. That's just five a chapter, come on, you can do it!
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I knew. Of course I knew. It's hard not to notice that your husband has been gone so much lately, and when he comes home he smells of men's cologne and it's not his. I knew who he was with. Oh no, he never told me anything. He never gave a weak lie that aided in solving the puzzle either. What did he have to lie about? After all, I never said anything.
What else could I expect? We had dated because we wanted to, and married because we had to. It was expected of him, the perfect pure-blood son of a wealthy couple of the social elite. And what else was there for me? My mother and father were dead. Should I have stayed with my sister, my horrible muggle sister who pretended that I was some orphan they took in off the streets? Some days I wish I was. She probably would have loved me more.
He was a charming, handsome, young scamp who came and swept me off my feet. A sweet-heart of my youth, not the man I was meant to marry. It was a crush, an infatuation that he let go on because he needed a mask. He needed a way to hide his discontentment with everything around him. His friends, his family, and me. He wanted so much more than us. He wanted.you. He wanted you and everything that you stood for. He wanted danger, he wanted excitement and challenge. He wanted someone to talk to.
He was, first and foremost a scholar. A prankster, a ruffian, a scoundrel, a scamp and a ne'er-do-good, yes. But a scholar through and through. I, unfortunately, was a housewife by design. A stereotypical, boring, mundane housewife. It was what I was raised to be. It was all I knew. He wanted to go exotic places and see things, learn things, live life out of a suitcase. I wanted a big house and a big family. What I wanted was what I had once had. And that of course, is why I wanted it so badly. I wanted the family I lost all too soon. He wanted an escape from the family that he could never escape.
It was in his parents' will, the clause that started it all. It had said that he wouldn't get a single Knut until after he had married. He just shrugged and said that there were more important things than money. I asked him, "Don't you love me?" He said that of course he loved me, which was why he didn't want to marry me. It was generally decided that he had been unhinged by the loss of his last living relatives, and that he hadn't meant it. I shattered every little romantic fantasy I had ever had, and asked him to marry me. He didn't respond. He just sat and stared out of the window. But that was just the grief talking (or not talking), I told myself. We would go ahead with plans, and if he really didn't want to, we would call it off. It was the sensible thing to do. It was the Evans thing to do. It was not, however, the James Potter thing to do.
He never made any sort dissent to it, so we were married almost immediately. Sirius was the best man, and he had tried to convince Remus to be my maid of honor. I must say I was shocked. I had known the two were close, but not that they were lovers. I hadn't even thought that men really did take male lovers sometimes. Chalk it up to naïveté, I suppose. I had been so hopelessly sheltered from the outside world growing up. I was kind of glad when Remus wholeheartedly declined. I didn't really want.you know.
We went shopping a week before the wedding, as I had insisted that he have new dress robes. That was when he made that.spectacle.of himself. I couldn't believe it. I had never been so embarrassed. I never said anything though. I had been raised with the (somewhat, at that time) antiquated idea that women obeyed their husbands, and I didn't think that I should break years of tradition over one little incident and some minor embarrassment.
That was before you joined the Order. He started spending so much time away from home. He said it was because of Order business, and who was I to believe otherwise? But he changed. He became withdrawn and distant around me. He didn't eat much when he was home, but he hadn't lost any weight, so he was eating plenty elsewhere. He didn't want to make love any more. Sometimes he wouldn't even sleep in our bed. I would find him asleep on the couch, coddling a pillow to him like a person, sleep-mumbling that he was so lonely. Well if he was so lonely, why was he sleeping on the couch instead of in our marriage bed where he belonged? I would have suspected a woman, but what woman wore musky men's cologne?
Then I saw Sirius and Remus at Hogsmead one day. It all fell into place. They were cuddled up at a corner table and Remus was nuzzling into Sirius' neck. "Ohhhhh.You smell so good." "You will too if you keep rubbing all of my cologne off!" I ran over and forced a smile, asking if they would help in a most important matter. Such as identifying some cologne. We went back to Godric's Hollow and I quickly located the shirt James had been wearing he came home the previous night, changed, and took off again. I said that he hadn't wanted to come home smelling less than perfect for some time alone with me (Remus laughed in a strange, nervous way) and so he had borrowed some cologne from a member of the Order. I told them I had absolutely fallen in love with it, and I wanted to fetch some as a surprise. Sirius hadn't a clue. Remus, Remus however, had said it smelled sort of like the scented oil that you were so fond of wearing and that maybe (he started laughing) I should ask you. There was my answer. I forced myself to laugh along with them, but inside my stomach was filled with lead. How could it be? You weren't.you weren't even a member of the Order! You couldn't have been! You had to be a Death Eater! You had to! Briefly, the unpleasant thought that perhaps James was a Death Eater as well crossed my mind. He certainly had the blood for it. But I shook that thought away quickly, it simply wouldn't do. An owl tapped on the sitting room window soon after, and we all instantly recognized it as Lillith, the haughty epitome of feminine supremacy that James called a messenger. Sirius and Remus excused themselves, saying that we would surely prefer some time alone after so long separation. I wished they wouldn't go. James arrived shortly thereafter, and I had had just enough time to get dinner ready. I made his favorite food, and wore my prettiest robes, in hopes that he would notice what he was ignoring. In hopes that he would realize that he was leaving a wonderful, normal, life for some sick little sodomist fantasy that would never work. It shocked me that I felt that way, I had no problem with Sirius or Remus anymore, but I guess it was because James was mine. He was mine and I didn't want to share. Especially not with you. He seemed to notice, because that night was a brilliant romantic whirlwind of feeding each other, and slow dancing, and. and.well.there's no point in lying. I had the best sex of my life that night. But I can't help but wonder.was it you he was thinking about?
Soon after we found out that I was pregnant. He looked truly happy in my presence for the first time since before we married. He was so proud. He wanted a little girl. I wanted a little boy. Remus thought a girl would be fantastic, Sirius said little girls were no fun. I still wanted a boy. Of course a girl would be nice. But no little boy has to grow up to worry about all of the things that I was. No woman deserves what I went through. But it wasn't his fault. It was never James' fault. It was all your fault. All of it. I wished you would just crawl off and die.
One time, he said that he was meeting someone for Order business, and asked if I could stay out of the way. "Not that you're a nuisance or any such thing, love! It's just quite confidential, you know how it is." He said it with such love, such emotion in his eyes, that I had to comply. That was the day that I found you two, in the back greenhouse. He was pushing you against the wall, and you were clinging madly to his hair. I had never seen such a kiss. It was so rough. He was devouring you. All I could do was turn and flee as quickly as I could manage, with tears running down my cheeks, clutching my swollen belly. I was due in two weeks, and he was in the greenhouse ravaging the mouth of another man. Not only that, but he seemed to enjoy it much more than he enjoyed any of our kisses.
I got myself so worked up that I guess it was all the baby could do, and soon I was lying on the floor of our bedroom, sobbing and screaming his name. H ran up the stairs, I could hear it and burst into the room. His lips were still red and swollen from kissing you, but I didn't care. He was with me. He sent you away and owled the midwife. Then he helped me to the bed and kissed my face and cooed that he loved me. I believed him. I always believed him. Even after witnessing him snogging you senseless in the greenhouse. Maybe you were the silly little infatuation, and our young romance had been meant to be.
The birth was long and painful. Soon after the midwife arrived, he went to owl Sirius and Remus. You as well, I presume. Then he rushed back in, and he cooed and kissed my face and held my hand the whole way through. It was a boy, a beautiful baby boy that we named Harry after his great uncle Harold. Harold had been the only member of hi family that he was close to, and he had died when James was twelve.
Sirius was so proud when we told him that we wanted him to be Harry's godfather. That was when I noticed you in the corner. You were glaring at me like there was no tomorrow. I could have screamed at you. I could have killed you. Here I was, lying in my marriage bed, holding the child that I conceived with my husband, and you were glaring at me? You, the marriage ruining interloper, were glaring at me, the proud wife and mother? Ha. You would never glare at me again. I would see to it. So I reached up with my free arm for James, holding our still suckling baby in the other, and he leaned down to me. I kissed him slowly and leisurely, taking my time, enjoying myself, and I took great satisfaction when he kissed me back right in front of you. Take that, bastard. He's mine. He always was, and he always will be. Even now, you're just an interloper. You don't belong.
Author: Ketsueki Ookami
Pairing: JP/SS, JP/LP, implied SB/RL Summary: Another side of the story. What did Lily think? Others in the works. AN: Well, since you guys liked it so much. I'll continue! I'll probably end up writing the back-story in pretty intensive detail if you guys keep it up like this! Soon to come (based on amount of reviews): POVs of Sirius, Remus, Lucius (? I'm debating it.), aaaaaaaaaand of course James. Yeah, he comes last. So if you wanna read it, you gotsta review it. Seems fair enough to me. Ten reviews total and I'll post the next chapter. That's just five a chapter, come on, you can do it!
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I knew. Of course I knew. It's hard not to notice that your husband has been gone so much lately, and when he comes home he smells of men's cologne and it's not his. I knew who he was with. Oh no, he never told me anything. He never gave a weak lie that aided in solving the puzzle either. What did he have to lie about? After all, I never said anything.
What else could I expect? We had dated because we wanted to, and married because we had to. It was expected of him, the perfect pure-blood son of a wealthy couple of the social elite. And what else was there for me? My mother and father were dead. Should I have stayed with my sister, my horrible muggle sister who pretended that I was some orphan they took in off the streets? Some days I wish I was. She probably would have loved me more.
He was a charming, handsome, young scamp who came and swept me off my feet. A sweet-heart of my youth, not the man I was meant to marry. It was a crush, an infatuation that he let go on because he needed a mask. He needed a way to hide his discontentment with everything around him. His friends, his family, and me. He wanted so much more than us. He wanted.you. He wanted you and everything that you stood for. He wanted danger, he wanted excitement and challenge. He wanted someone to talk to.
He was, first and foremost a scholar. A prankster, a ruffian, a scoundrel, a scamp and a ne'er-do-good, yes. But a scholar through and through. I, unfortunately, was a housewife by design. A stereotypical, boring, mundane housewife. It was what I was raised to be. It was all I knew. He wanted to go exotic places and see things, learn things, live life out of a suitcase. I wanted a big house and a big family. What I wanted was what I had once had. And that of course, is why I wanted it so badly. I wanted the family I lost all too soon. He wanted an escape from the family that he could never escape.
It was in his parents' will, the clause that started it all. It had said that he wouldn't get a single Knut until after he had married. He just shrugged and said that there were more important things than money. I asked him, "Don't you love me?" He said that of course he loved me, which was why he didn't want to marry me. It was generally decided that he had been unhinged by the loss of his last living relatives, and that he hadn't meant it. I shattered every little romantic fantasy I had ever had, and asked him to marry me. He didn't respond. He just sat and stared out of the window. But that was just the grief talking (or not talking), I told myself. We would go ahead with plans, and if he really didn't want to, we would call it off. It was the sensible thing to do. It was the Evans thing to do. It was not, however, the James Potter thing to do.
He never made any sort dissent to it, so we were married almost immediately. Sirius was the best man, and he had tried to convince Remus to be my maid of honor. I must say I was shocked. I had known the two were close, but not that they were lovers. I hadn't even thought that men really did take male lovers sometimes. Chalk it up to naïveté, I suppose. I had been so hopelessly sheltered from the outside world growing up. I was kind of glad when Remus wholeheartedly declined. I didn't really want.you know.
We went shopping a week before the wedding, as I had insisted that he have new dress robes. That was when he made that.spectacle.of himself. I couldn't believe it. I had never been so embarrassed. I never said anything though. I had been raised with the (somewhat, at that time) antiquated idea that women obeyed their husbands, and I didn't think that I should break years of tradition over one little incident and some minor embarrassment.
That was before you joined the Order. He started spending so much time away from home. He said it was because of Order business, and who was I to believe otherwise? But he changed. He became withdrawn and distant around me. He didn't eat much when he was home, but he hadn't lost any weight, so he was eating plenty elsewhere. He didn't want to make love any more. Sometimes he wouldn't even sleep in our bed. I would find him asleep on the couch, coddling a pillow to him like a person, sleep-mumbling that he was so lonely. Well if he was so lonely, why was he sleeping on the couch instead of in our marriage bed where he belonged? I would have suspected a woman, but what woman wore musky men's cologne?
Then I saw Sirius and Remus at Hogsmead one day. It all fell into place. They were cuddled up at a corner table and Remus was nuzzling into Sirius' neck. "Ohhhhh.You smell so good." "You will too if you keep rubbing all of my cologne off!" I ran over and forced a smile, asking if they would help in a most important matter. Such as identifying some cologne. We went back to Godric's Hollow and I quickly located the shirt James had been wearing he came home the previous night, changed, and took off again. I said that he hadn't wanted to come home smelling less than perfect for some time alone with me (Remus laughed in a strange, nervous way) and so he had borrowed some cologne from a member of the Order. I told them I had absolutely fallen in love with it, and I wanted to fetch some as a surprise. Sirius hadn't a clue. Remus, Remus however, had said it smelled sort of like the scented oil that you were so fond of wearing and that maybe (he started laughing) I should ask you. There was my answer. I forced myself to laugh along with them, but inside my stomach was filled with lead. How could it be? You weren't.you weren't even a member of the Order! You couldn't have been! You had to be a Death Eater! You had to! Briefly, the unpleasant thought that perhaps James was a Death Eater as well crossed my mind. He certainly had the blood for it. But I shook that thought away quickly, it simply wouldn't do. An owl tapped on the sitting room window soon after, and we all instantly recognized it as Lillith, the haughty epitome of feminine supremacy that James called a messenger. Sirius and Remus excused themselves, saying that we would surely prefer some time alone after so long separation. I wished they wouldn't go. James arrived shortly thereafter, and I had had just enough time to get dinner ready. I made his favorite food, and wore my prettiest robes, in hopes that he would notice what he was ignoring. In hopes that he would realize that he was leaving a wonderful, normal, life for some sick little sodomist fantasy that would never work. It shocked me that I felt that way, I had no problem with Sirius or Remus anymore, but I guess it was because James was mine. He was mine and I didn't want to share. Especially not with you. He seemed to notice, because that night was a brilliant romantic whirlwind of feeding each other, and slow dancing, and. and.well.there's no point in lying. I had the best sex of my life that night. But I can't help but wonder.was it you he was thinking about?
Soon after we found out that I was pregnant. He looked truly happy in my presence for the first time since before we married. He was so proud. He wanted a little girl. I wanted a little boy. Remus thought a girl would be fantastic, Sirius said little girls were no fun. I still wanted a boy. Of course a girl would be nice. But no little boy has to grow up to worry about all of the things that I was. No woman deserves what I went through. But it wasn't his fault. It was never James' fault. It was all your fault. All of it. I wished you would just crawl off and die.
One time, he said that he was meeting someone for Order business, and asked if I could stay out of the way. "Not that you're a nuisance or any such thing, love! It's just quite confidential, you know how it is." He said it with such love, such emotion in his eyes, that I had to comply. That was the day that I found you two, in the back greenhouse. He was pushing you against the wall, and you were clinging madly to his hair. I had never seen such a kiss. It was so rough. He was devouring you. All I could do was turn and flee as quickly as I could manage, with tears running down my cheeks, clutching my swollen belly. I was due in two weeks, and he was in the greenhouse ravaging the mouth of another man. Not only that, but he seemed to enjoy it much more than he enjoyed any of our kisses.
I got myself so worked up that I guess it was all the baby could do, and soon I was lying on the floor of our bedroom, sobbing and screaming his name. H ran up the stairs, I could hear it and burst into the room. His lips were still red and swollen from kissing you, but I didn't care. He was with me. He sent you away and owled the midwife. Then he helped me to the bed and kissed my face and cooed that he loved me. I believed him. I always believed him. Even after witnessing him snogging you senseless in the greenhouse. Maybe you were the silly little infatuation, and our young romance had been meant to be.
The birth was long and painful. Soon after the midwife arrived, he went to owl Sirius and Remus. You as well, I presume. Then he rushed back in, and he cooed and kissed my face and held my hand the whole way through. It was a boy, a beautiful baby boy that we named Harry after his great uncle Harold. Harold had been the only member of hi family that he was close to, and he had died when James was twelve.
Sirius was so proud when we told him that we wanted him to be Harry's godfather. That was when I noticed you in the corner. You were glaring at me like there was no tomorrow. I could have screamed at you. I could have killed you. Here I was, lying in my marriage bed, holding the child that I conceived with my husband, and you were glaring at me? You, the marriage ruining interloper, were glaring at me, the proud wife and mother? Ha. You would never glare at me again. I would see to it. So I reached up with my free arm for James, holding our still suckling baby in the other, and he leaned down to me. I kissed him slowly and leisurely, taking my time, enjoying myself, and I took great satisfaction when he kissed me back right in front of you. Take that, bastard. He's mine. He always was, and he always will be. Even now, you're just an interloper. You don't belong.