Harry Potter walked down the hall, by himself as usual. His emerald eyes were locked on the colorless floor as his feet carried him to anywhere, he didn't really care. His black hair was messier that usual, and that was saying a lot. He hadn't brushed it in weeks. His heart was sinking into the ground as he thought of the things that had happened to him last year. Too much to handle for a sixteen year old boy, and yet he had the world on his shoulders...and it wasn't an exaggeration. He had the whole Wizarding World on his shoulder. It would all slide to ruin if he died by Voldermort's hand. It felt like the weight of this responsibility was going to crush him in a millisecond, but it never did. It was always there, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. But as all of this ran through his head for the bizillionth time, he didn't know that a pair of polished wood colored eyes were watching him.
Yeah, I know it hurts
Yeah I know you're scared
Walking down the road
That leads to who knows where
Ginny Weasley, the youngest and the only girl of the big Weasley family, watched Harry from a distance. Her heart was pulled towards him. The crush that had lingered from when she was ten until she was thirteen, had slowly dissolved into her childhood as she grew up into a woman. Fifteen years old, she was very much a woman. She had matured faster that she should have when Voldermort made a tool of her in her first year to open the Chamber of Secrets. She had seen things in this world that most of the world could only have in nightmares. Her long wavy red hair, glinted with gold in the dull light of the candles, hissing as the wax burned away. It was tied back, away from her slender face, dotted with freckles that she hated with a passion, sprinkled gently over her button nose, as if someone had tossed them there carelessly. Long-limbs marked her as a trained Quidditch player, a Chaser for the Gryffindor Team.
Ginny followed Harry through the halls, from the Great Hall, up to Gryffindor Tower. She watched him drag his feet along, as if they were lifeless from his body, his head looking at the ground. She wanted to take him in her arms and tell him it wasn't his fault that Sirius was dead...that it wasn't his fault that he was born at the end of July...it wasn't his fault that a madman took a prophecy too seriously...it wasn't his fault at all...
In the common room, Harry flopped down on a plushy red velvet couch, enjoying the feeling of the fabric against the back of his neck and every part of exposed skin on his back, as he stared at the ceiling, noticing for the first time how far up it really went. Harry didn't notice Ginny enter the common room almost silently. He remembered the looks on Ron and Hermione's faces as he left the Great Hall with a lame excuse, that he couldn't even remember even five minutes later. They don't understand. Harry thought sourly, feeling the tears prickle at the corners of his eyes. He closed his eyes, wishing for a Dreamless Sleep Potion. It was the only time that he felt at rest. Even as he thought this, he felt himself slip into slumber.
Ginny watched Harry from the third stair up to the girl's dormitories. She looked on, breathing softly, as not to alert Harry to her presence. She knew how it felt to be isolated. All her second year, people skirting her in the corridors, staring at her as if her tongue would lash out with a fork in it. She looked on, and she noticed vaguely that his breathing had become deep and regular, and his eyes were closed. He had fallen asleep.
Ginny crept slowly to him. Learning to be quiet in the Burrow is a real challenge, but yet, Ginny was the only one that had mastered it completely. In the solidly built Hogwarts, she was near invisible. Now standing above Harry, she really got a look at the toll of losing Sirius had done to Harry. Dark, clear circles underneath his eyes stood out in contrast to his pale face. Ginny sat down next to Harry, the couch giving way a bit with her added weight, and she push a lock of midnight black hair away from his face. Harry groaned slightly, and Ginny jumped, hoping he wouldn't wake up. "No..." Harry mumbled, his voice thick with sleep. "Not...dead."
Ginny felt her heart lurch at the terrified pitch of Harry's voice, and she took his hand in hers. It was ice cold. "Harry." She said softly. "Come back, wake up. You don't need to see this again. I'm right here."
Don't you hang your head
Don't you give up yet,
When courage starts to disappear
I will be right here.
Harry was back at the Ministry of Magic, in the large stone theatre. Battle raged all around him, though he could only focus on one thing. Sirius, laughing at his cousin, shooting spells. "No, Sirius!" He yelled, starting to run, but found he couldn't move. He was stuck to the ground, and having to watch his Godfather get his in the chest by the spell, yet again. Sirius' face caught in the same grin he had been wearing only moments before, and he staggered back into the veil, never to emerge.
"No!" Harry screamed, feeling his throat burn with the use of it. "Sirius!"
"Harry!" Remus Lupin's voice broke through his consciousness. "There's nothing you can do..."
Harry turned to face Remus, "Get him! Save him! He's only just gone through!"
"There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing...He's gone."
"He's not dead!" Harry screamed at Remus.
When Remus opened his mouth again, a small, quiet, but firm voice came out. Not like Remus' voice at all. "Harry..." It said softly. "Come back, wake up... You don't need to see this again. I'm right here."
Harry stared at Remus incredulously, as he morphed slowly into a girl, no older than him, with beautiful red hair and brown eyes, staring back at him with an infinite wisdom, that made him stand still, the world slowing around them, until it stopped still. She walked towards him. "Harry, it's alright." She whispered, taking his hand. He could feel the warmth that radiated off her. "Wake up...come on, Harry."
Harry's eyes opened slowly, unused to the light that glared into his eyes. All he could see was a pale face and red hair, trying to lean over him, while his eyes tried to adjust to the light. "Mum?" He asked, groggily.
The figure paused, unsure. "No, Harry." Ginny's voice penetrated his mind, clearing it almost immediately. Harry's eyes cleared and he locked onto her face, that looked so pitiful for him. "It's me."
Harry could feel the familiar sensation of the lump in the back of his throat dissolving, and he knew that tears would start soon. He had dreamed about it again! How could his own mind turn against him like this?! He hadn't slept much over the summer because of the constant nightmares that had plagued his sleep. The memories of long nights, sitting alone in the Dursley's kitchen, sipping coffee almost mechanically came rushing over Harry. "What are you doing here?" Harry asked gruffly, sitting up.
"It is the Gryffindor Common Room." Ginny said, her soft voice gone now, and transformed into the sarcastic tone that Harry heard her use with Ron many times. "And unless the Sorting Hat made a mistake, I'm a Gryffindor."
Harry looked down. Ginny was the only one that treated him like a person anymore, along with Ron and Hermione. Everyone else treated him with reverence that he did not deserve. Or at least he thought he didn't deserve it. His greatness didn't save Sirius. Despite his well attempts to prevent any tears to course down his face, a lone tear slipped through the protective barrier that he had tried to keep over his eyes while he was around people, and traced a line down his face in salty water.
"Harry..." Ginny breathed. Harry felt her arms wrap around him. His mind told him not to give in to this, not to show his weak side to his best friend's little sister, but his heart, for once overrode his mind and he sobbed into the crook of Ginny's arm. Ginny lay her head on Harry's as he shook in her arms, sobbing as if he had never cried before in his life.
"It's okay, Harry." She soothed him. "I'm here, don't worry...Everything will be alright."
When your world breaks down
And the voices tell you "Turn around"
When your dreams give out,
I will carry you. Carry you.
When the stars go blind
and the darkness starts to blur your eyes
when you've fallen behind
I will carry you.
Ten minutes, an hour, Harry didn't know how long he stayed in Ginny's arms, crying. When he finally looked up at her, he didn't see pity in her eyes, only...almost an understanding look on her features. Harry didn't pay much attention. "I'm sorry, Ginny." Harry muttered, not looking at her, knowing his must look like an idiot, breaking down and bawling like a baby.
"You have nothing to be sorry about." Harry looked up in surprised at the fierceness in which Ginny said the words. Her brown eyes bore into his pine-tree colored ones. "Never be sorry about something you can't change." She said in a hiss.
Harry's eyes filled up with tears again, but his pushed them away. "What would you know about that?" He pushed past his lips before he thought of the affect of his words.
Ginny's profile shifted slightly and Harry swore he saw pain there, but she covered it again. "You're not the only one that has nightmares, Harry." She stated softly, staring into his eyes.
As the impact of the words, Harry realized in a flash that he was closing himself off to the one person that could possibly understand him. Ginny had gone through the terror that Voldermort instilled in people's hearts, firsthand, just like him. She could understand the way that Ron and Hermione couldn't. They had never felt the presence of Voldermort, or his power first hand. Ginny had. It felt like he had gotten hit in the stomach when he realized that it was the second time that he'd underestimated her, and felt like an ignoramus for doing so. "Ginny..." He said, thickly. "I'm sorry...I didn't think..."
"You seem to be doing that a lot, Harry." Ginny said, eyes flashing. "Ron, Hermione, Hagrid...even Dumbledore are all trying to help you through this in the ways they know how, and you're acting like a pig-headed mule." Her look softened, and she took a deep breath, relaxing herself. "Harry...you need to know that you're not alone through this. You'd be much worse off if you were."
Everybody cries
Everybody bleeds
No one else said that life's
An easy thing
Harry's eyes adopted a far away look. "I know." He said, feeling sick to his stomach.
Ginny did a double-take. Harry wasn't being sarcastic, moody or furious? What alternate universe had she transferred to?
Harry hung his head. "It's like...I want to be normal, Ginny." He wrung his hands. "I don't want to be the 'famous Harry Potter' or 'The Boy-Who-Lived'. I want my parents back, I want my godfather to be alive." Two more tears leaked out of his eyes. "I can't help thinking that it's my fault." His fist clenched in his lap, so tightly that his knuckles turned white.
Ginny reached over and wiped the tears still falling down Harry's face, away with her thumb and pulled Harry's head upwards to look at her. "Being normal is vastly overrated." She said seriously, glad to see Harry's face break a crack of a smile. "It's not easy to be famous, I won't argue with you on that. But what gets done from complaining about it?" She looked seriously at Harry. "Does it change if you complain enough?"
"Not really." Harry admitted after five seconds.
"Nope." Ginny said. She paused, pushing a lock of hair that escaped the ponytail she had put it in, and tucking it behind her ear. "I can't imagine the pain and loss you have right now. No one deserves to go through that kind of shit."
Harry blanched at Ginny's candid words. She grinned lopsidedly, in a perfect imitation of Ron. "You can't go growing up with six brothers and not learn some colorful vocabulary." Ginny smiled. She reached out and touched Harry's cheek. Harry's instinctively closed his eyes and brought his hand up to touch hers. "Don't you ever, ever let me hear you saying that you think it's your fault, Harry. It's not, and you've got to believe that in your heart. Just because some brainless numbskull believes in prophecies, doesn't mean that you had anything to do with it." Her eyes searched his face slightly. "You need to get some sleep, Harry." She said. "You're not doing yourself any good trying to stay awake to avoid your dreams."
Harry opened his eyes. "Didn't you try to avoid your dreams?" He asked after a second, not sure if she would want to answer him.
"Of course." Ginny shrugged. "I lost 20 pounds and I nearly failed Transfiguration, my favorite subject. But when I started to sleep again, they came back, but as I continued to sleep, they began to go away. They only stay because you want to avoid them."
Harry was startled by the wisdom that rang through the mouth of a fifteen year old. Suddenly he was struck hard that this was Ron's little sister.
Ron.
He groaned inwardly, thinking of how Ron would want to talk to him at night, through the curtains that confined him the rectangle of a bed. All the other boys of the sixth year dormitory would clamber to talk as well, and he dreaded it tonight more than ever. What a sight he must make. Red eyes from crying, hair messed up and completion of a skeleton.
"What's wrong?" Ginny asked, seeing the change in expression on Harry's face.
"Ron...the other boys in my room..." Harry mumbled almost incoherently. "I don't think...I can't face them tonight..."
Ginny nodded. "Follow me, Harry."
She walked out of the common room, Harry in close pursuit. Harry didn't have a clue on where she was going, as he followed her through the halls. Twisting through the halls, Harry finally recognized where she was heading when he saw the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy being clubbed to death by a pair of trolls. A door was opposite of them, and Harry wondered what it was there for, since you had to pass by the Room of Requirement three times before it appeared.
Ginny went up to it and opened the oak door and opened it. "Good, no one's here." She said, walking in. Harry followed her.
Inside the room was a bed, almost identical to the one in his room in Gryffindor Tower, minus the hangings. The room was lit with a soft glow, the source it though, was a mystery to Harry. The room had a warm feeling that filled Harry like butterbear warming him to the very tips of his toes. "You can stay here tonight." Ginny said, interrupting his thoughts.
"What if Filch catches me?" Harry asked, still looking around the room in wonder.
"He won't." Ginny said. "When the occupant of the room doesn't want to be found, then the room keeps itself hidden, even to people that want entry. I've tried it. That's how Fred and George hid from Flich that time they blew off Dungbombs in the Charms corridor in the middle of class and he wasn't able to find them."
Harry looked at her over his shoulder. She was leaning up against the wall next to the door, her arms crossed over her chest, hair fluttering on her back, pressed against the wall. Harry cleared his throat slightly. "Ginny..." He asked hesitantly. "Er...Would you mind...I mean, would you stay..." Harry wanted to smack himself several times for sounding like a baboon. He took a deep breath and continued, while Ginny stared at him, mildly interested. "Can you stay with me...in case I have another dream?" Though he tried to make it sound causal, to downplay it, his eyes that were full of despair and pain gave him away.
Ginny practically felt herself float. Harry was able to trust her in a way that he didn't let everyone in. She nodded, her face keeping the appearance of calm. I need a different bed, though... She thought, and as soon as she thought this, a smaller bed appear next to the original one. Harry looked back to his bed and found a pair of pajamas on the top, folded as nicely as if a House-Elf had done it. Harry blushed and looked over at Ginny's bed to see hers had a nightgown of dark green. "Don't worry." Ginny said, noticing Harry's eyes on her, as she picked up the lovely nightgown. "I'll close my eyes when you change, and you'd better do the same, or else."
"One warning is all I need." Harry said, putting his hands up in surrender. Making sure her eyes were closed, he slipped out of his Hogwarts robes and into the night clothes. They were softer than his Gryffindor ones. He shut his eyes closed tight when Ginny told him to, and heard her rustling around, changing clothes.
"It's okay now." Ginny's voice broke the silence that had overtaken the room.
Harry blinked several times, trying to bring Ginny into focus. She had taken her thick red hair from the ponytail and it now hung down in waves down the curve of her back, as she turned to climb into the bed. She looked over at Harry. She smiled. "It's too long you know." She stated conversationally. "I've been wanting to cut it for a while now. It's getting bothersome."
Harry cleared his throat. "It's very...beautiful." The compliment sounded harsh in his mouth, since he hadn't given one like it in a long time.
Ginny smiled self-consciously. "Thank you, Harry." She climbed into her bed and closed her eyes.
Harry slipped in between the sheets, feeling his eyelids droop and as soon as his head fell into the depths of the pillow, he had already fallen asleep.
That's the beauty of it.
When you lose your way
Close your eyes, go to sleep
and wake up to another day.
He was back again. In that same room, watching Sirius die again. "You can't save him..." A voice whispered, Harry spun around, looking for the source, but it seemed to come from the veil. Voices came all around him, surrounding him and making his head hurt, they all spoke at once.
"It was your fault that he was here."
"You can't save him."
"He's gone forever, and it's all because of you."
"Never to return."
"Sirius would have never put you in such danger."
"I was trying to save him!" Harry screamed. "You don't understand! I saw him..."
"But it was only Voldermort making you see things..." The bodiless voice came again. "If you didn't have a 'saving people's' thing...he'd still be very much alive."
"Shut up!" Harry yelled as if his life depended on it. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Wetness came down his face, and he didn't even give a damn about it. All he wanted to do was make the voice go quiet.
"Harry..." A different voice came out of the darkness. Harry recognized it, it was Ginny again. "Wake up! You're dreaming again."
Harry pulled himself out of the dream. His eyes snapped open, to see a blurred outline of Ginny's form above him. He was crying again, he noticed in a fog, reaching for his glasses. When he put them back on, the room came into focus. The lights were dim and Ginny was leaning over him, looking worried. Her hair was messed up, and her dark eyes were wide. "Shh..." She said, quietly and wiped his tears away yet again and gave him a glass of water. "Calm down, Harry. You're okay now."
When your world breaks down
And the voices tell you "Turn around"
When your dreams give out
I will carry you. Carry you.
When the stars go blind
and the darkness starts to blur your eyes
When you've fallen behind
I will carry you.
Harry hiccupped, trying to calm his frayed nerves. He could feel Ginny's hands on his face, cool fingertips soothing the sharp angles of his face, and calming his raging emotions. He looked up at her face. Though the room didn't show it, Harry knew that her freckles were placed delicately around her button nose, her eyes staring deeply into his own. "Oh, god, Ginny." He sobbed, trying to control himself.
"Hush..." She said in a soothing voice, one that penetrated the madness that was Harry's mind. "You'll get through this, Harry, I know you can. Just believe." She wrapped her arms around his shaking frame for the second time that day, and just held him there.
Harry looked up at Ginny, seeing her face clearly, despite the dim light of the room. Merlin's Beard, why didn't I see this before? Harry wondered to himself. Her hair was a complete and utter mess that didn't resemble her normal hair of brilliant golden-red that classified her as a Weasley, and the nightgown was clinging to her in wrinkled mess, and Harry supposed she had been too much in a hurry to wake him up than to worry about her appearance.
And she looked absolutely beautiful.
"Harry?" Ginny asked, her voice cutting out for a minute. "Are you alright?" She asked clearing her throat.
"I am now." He said, and then cringed in the dark, thinking on how corny it felt to say that.
"Goodness, you scared me there for a second." Ginny said, with a tiny laugh.
"I'm sorry." Harry said softly, sitting up and moving away from her. "I didn't mean to..."
"What are you sorry for for?" Ginny asked angrily, moving closer to him. "You can't control your subconscious, therefore you can't control your dreams, Harry. There is no point thinking you can." She placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, and he looked at her. Ginny's breath got caught into her throat, as his intense emerald gaze caught hers. Loss, determination, admiration, sadness and pain all intermingled in two eyes, more emotion than Ginny had ever seen before in her life.
Before she could think of anything else, Ginny leaned her head in and pressed her lips to Harry's.
You should know now,
That you're not alone
Take my heart and we will find
You will find... your way home!!
The kiss they shared was electric, was the only way that Ginny could describe it, feeling her brain go numb from shock and the wonderful feeling of Harry kissing her. When their lips first pressed against each other, it was hesitant, asking permission, but when Harry placed his hand on Ginny's neck, she pressed harder, and Harry cradled her neck, his other hand holding her waist, while hers were on his neck. Soon, Ginny couldn't feel where his hands were, or where hers were. All she could focus on was Harry's lips against hers, rubbing sensuously against each other.
Ginny finally forced herself away from Harry, knowing if they continued, she wouldn't be able to stop kissing him. "Wow..." A gasp escaped Harry's mouth before he could stop himself. Ginny giggled slightly, pushing a lock of midnight black hair away from Harry's eyes.
"Thank you, Gin." Harry said seriously, looking down. He cleared his throat slightly and looked back up at Ginny. "Can...I do it again?"
"I don't know." Ginny said with a small grin. "Can you?"
Harry leaned in and kissed her again, shorter this time, but no less passionate. Ginny almost groaned when Harry pulled away from her, but stopped herself. "Ginny, what about Dean?" He asked, worry evident on his features.
"Dean broke up with me two weeks ago." Ginny said. "Don't you remember? Ron nearly threw a party in the Gryffindor common room."
Harry grinned at the memory. He moved his hand across her cheek, staring at her face. It was hard to believe that it was a little less than a year ago, in this very same room, that he was kissing Cho Chang. But this was different. Cho's face had been covered by tears and he had not felt anything...well he had felt affection and sympathy towards her, but not this wonderful flying feeling that threatened to overtake him when he kissed Ginny.
When your dreams give out
I will carry you. Carry you.
When the stars go blind
and the darkness starts to blur your eyes
when you've fallen behind
I will carry you. Carry you.
"Ginny..." Harry whispered. "It's not safe if we're...together. You know that, right?"
Ginny's stubborn brown eyes locked with his. Usually when someone tried to make eye contact with him, he would turn away, embarrassed, or afraid. With Ginny, he didn't dare turn away, only looked back at her. "I know the the dangers, Harry. More than you know." She stated without wavering.
I will carry you! Carry you!
Harry smiled, knowing that if anyone did know the dangers of being in love with someone that Voldermort wanted dead, Ginny was the single person that had gone through that Hell, and survived. He leaned in one more time and sealed their promise with a kiss.
I will carry you...