Chapter Four- Delérith
As winter passed I found myself speaking to Faramir more and more. He became a good friend to me, for I had withdrawn into myself and did not often talk to people. I told him of my pregnancy and he was happy for me, giving me a quick hug and saying that he would be glad to have a niece or nephew in a few months time. It was nice to have support from him, and as I began to feel more comfortable around him I started to open up and tell him of my worries about Boromir. One evening we were sitting in one of the halls of his father's house, talking and drinking together.
"Are you well, my lady?" he had asked when I entered. The weather was cold, so my face was pale and my cloak drawn closely around my body.
"Just cold, thank you," I answered. Faramir was always courteous, and went out of his way to treat me with kindness. I think he had taken it upon himself to look after me while Boromir was gone. He felt responsible; after all, we were brother and sister now in all but blood.
"He has been gone for almost four months now," I stated after he had sat me down with a hot drink.
Faramir knew whom I was referring to at once, for Boromir often came up in our conversations. "Aye, and no word since the message we received a fair while back," he replied. He could not keep the worried expression off his face, and I knew that he still wished that he had gone instead. We sat in silence for a time, me quietly sipping my drink and him staring at the floor, lost in thought.
"What ails you?" I asked him when he had not spoken for some time. His face was troubled and frowning.
"I am thinking that Boromir should be sitting here talking with you and I should be gone. I wish it were that way. The dreams came to me frequently, to him only once," Faramir said, looking up at me. "He is too headstrong, he would not let me, but I should have insisted."
"He has gone now, there is nothing you can do," I responded, instantly feeling stupid for my insensitive response.
"But he should be here with you," he said. "He should not have left you."
"He had to go. I think he knew it himself," I said. I was still making excuses for him, even though he had hurt me. I often went to his defence instinctively without meaning to do so.
"Oh Delérith," he sighed, looking sadly at me. "Do not feel the need to defend him. He is my brother but what he did was wrong."
I still felt a sinking feeling inside of me every time I thought back to what had happened the day Boromir left.
"He does not love me," I said quietly, clasping my hands in my lap. I felt a feeling of hopelessness weigh me down momentarily as I spoke those words. "I cannot condemn him for his feelings alone."
Faramir did not disagree with my statement but leant forward and clasped my hand. "He should not have left you. Do not make allowances for him, he was wrong. My brother does not have a romantic mind, it is focused on more practical matters, but he is still your husband. It is not your fault," he told me firmly.
I bowed my head, but still held on to his hand tightly. "What will happen when he returns? Will he try and force himself to love me, or will he take the child from me?" I instinctively put my hand to my stomach as I thought of the baby growing inside of me, and felt a vague feeling of panic even though I knew that particular doubt was rather far fetched.
Faramir shook his head quickly. "He would not do such a thing. He is not cruel, and he has a good heart. When he returns he will do his best to untie this knot he has created."
I looked up at Faramir. "I hope you are right. I know that he is a good man, that is why I allowed myself to love him. But tell me this. Did your father choose me for him? Did Boromir marry me against his will? If it was not what he wanted then why did it happen at all?" The questions I had been wondering about ever since Boromir left bubbled to the surface at last, and my mind felt somewhat clearer now I had released my doubts.
"I do not fully know the answers, but I shall do my best to tell you all I can," Faramir began. "I do not believe my brother married you against his will; it is not the sort of thing he would do. My father, however, may have influenced him. He always wanted Boromir to marry, although he did not care about me finding a wife. I suspect he spoke to Boromir about the matter and perhaps Boromir felt obliged, for he has always been my father's favourite. Boromir, I think, did like you, and felt he could perhaps grow to love you, so he married you and did nothing to stop the relationship."
I was silent for a time, letting Faramir's information sink in. I suspected he was right about a lot of his speculations. After all, he was Boromir's brother and knew him well, better than anyone else. But even though my questions had been answered as well as they could be at this time, I still felt empty inside. I needed Boromir to come back. I needed to speak with my husband.
I leant back in my chair, suddenly feeling very drained and weary. "When will he return?" I sighed, voicing my thoughts but not expecting anyone to answer.
"I hope he will not linger," Faramir replied, "and I hope that we will receive word from him soon. I worry about him, for he is my brother and I miss him deeply."
I did not reply. Did I miss him? Not so much miss him as desire for him to return. I had the feeling that he walked away with unanswered questions, just like the ones he had left me with.
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As winter passed I found myself speaking to Faramir more and more. He became a good friend to me, for I had withdrawn into myself and did not often talk to people. I told him of my pregnancy and he was happy for me, giving me a quick hug and saying that he would be glad to have a niece or nephew in a few months time. It was nice to have support from him, and as I began to feel more comfortable around him I started to open up and tell him of my worries about Boromir. One evening we were sitting in one of the halls of his father's house, talking and drinking together.
"Are you well, my lady?" he had asked when I entered. The weather was cold, so my face was pale and my cloak drawn closely around my body.
"Just cold, thank you," I answered. Faramir was always courteous, and went out of his way to treat me with kindness. I think he had taken it upon himself to look after me while Boromir was gone. He felt responsible; after all, we were brother and sister now in all but blood.
"He has been gone for almost four months now," I stated after he had sat me down with a hot drink.
Faramir knew whom I was referring to at once, for Boromir often came up in our conversations. "Aye, and no word since the message we received a fair while back," he replied. He could not keep the worried expression off his face, and I knew that he still wished that he had gone instead. We sat in silence for a time, me quietly sipping my drink and him staring at the floor, lost in thought.
"What ails you?" I asked him when he had not spoken for some time. His face was troubled and frowning.
"I am thinking that Boromir should be sitting here talking with you and I should be gone. I wish it were that way. The dreams came to me frequently, to him only once," Faramir said, looking up at me. "He is too headstrong, he would not let me, but I should have insisted."
"He has gone now, there is nothing you can do," I responded, instantly feeling stupid for my insensitive response.
"But he should be here with you," he said. "He should not have left you."
"He had to go. I think he knew it himself," I said. I was still making excuses for him, even though he had hurt me. I often went to his defence instinctively without meaning to do so.
"Oh Delérith," he sighed, looking sadly at me. "Do not feel the need to defend him. He is my brother but what he did was wrong."
I still felt a sinking feeling inside of me every time I thought back to what had happened the day Boromir left.
"He does not love me," I said quietly, clasping my hands in my lap. I felt a feeling of hopelessness weigh me down momentarily as I spoke those words. "I cannot condemn him for his feelings alone."
Faramir did not disagree with my statement but leant forward and clasped my hand. "He should not have left you. Do not make allowances for him, he was wrong. My brother does not have a romantic mind, it is focused on more practical matters, but he is still your husband. It is not your fault," he told me firmly.
I bowed my head, but still held on to his hand tightly. "What will happen when he returns? Will he try and force himself to love me, or will he take the child from me?" I instinctively put my hand to my stomach as I thought of the baby growing inside of me, and felt a vague feeling of panic even though I knew that particular doubt was rather far fetched.
Faramir shook his head quickly. "He would not do such a thing. He is not cruel, and he has a good heart. When he returns he will do his best to untie this knot he has created."
I looked up at Faramir. "I hope you are right. I know that he is a good man, that is why I allowed myself to love him. But tell me this. Did your father choose me for him? Did Boromir marry me against his will? If it was not what he wanted then why did it happen at all?" The questions I had been wondering about ever since Boromir left bubbled to the surface at last, and my mind felt somewhat clearer now I had released my doubts.
"I do not fully know the answers, but I shall do my best to tell you all I can," Faramir began. "I do not believe my brother married you against his will; it is not the sort of thing he would do. My father, however, may have influenced him. He always wanted Boromir to marry, although he did not care about me finding a wife. I suspect he spoke to Boromir about the matter and perhaps Boromir felt obliged, for he has always been my father's favourite. Boromir, I think, did like you, and felt he could perhaps grow to love you, so he married you and did nothing to stop the relationship."
I was silent for a time, letting Faramir's information sink in. I suspected he was right about a lot of his speculations. After all, he was Boromir's brother and knew him well, better than anyone else. But even though my questions had been answered as well as they could be at this time, I still felt empty inside. I needed Boromir to come back. I needed to speak with my husband.
I leant back in my chair, suddenly feeling very drained and weary. "When will he return?" I sighed, voicing my thoughts but not expecting anyone to answer.
"I hope he will not linger," Faramir replied, "and I hope that we will receive word from him soon. I worry about him, for he is my brother and I miss him deeply."
I did not reply. Did I miss him? Not so much miss him as desire for him to return. I had the feeling that he walked away with unanswered questions, just like the ones he had left me with.
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