Chapter 12
"What are you saying? That you can't help her, or that you just won't?" Xander pointed the finger of blame at Crystal as the Scoobies sat around the study table in the library.
"The kiss, and blessing, of a vampire is essential. Without it, the spell will only kill her faster. It won't even ease her pain."
"But she's the Slayer. You won't get that from a vampire. They'll just kill her!" Xander desperately searched for a way around the situation.
"Angel wouldn't."
"Yeah, Will, but. I don't mean to rub it in, Buff, but he kinda isn't here."
Tears welled in Buffy's eyes, but she blinked them back, allowing herself to sag more in her chair instead.
* * * * * * "Why does she need me? I have nothing to offer her; I can't even give her children!"
Madame Tallulah was silent for a moment, before saying cryptically,
"Talk to her about the children part. I think you'll be surprised." Then, abruptly, "You may go. I won't charge you for my services this time, but next time."
Angel nodded and rose to leave, thanking her as he pulled the door to until it clicked shut. He wondered how Buffy might need him, and what the elderly woman had meant when she had told him to talk to Buffy about children. Buffy, he was sure, knew what having babies entailed - so why was it so important for him to go back?
* * * * * *
"Well, we gotta do somethin'. We can't just let Buffy die!" Xander protested.
"I'm afraid there's not much we can do. If we could find this vampire that loves Buffy - Angel, did you say? - we might be able to give it a shot, though," Crystal responded.
"Then we'll just have to find him," Willow said, resolve face plastered over her features as she looked around the group. "Won't we?"
* * * * * * Angel had moved quickly. Barely three nights since he'd left Sunnydale for L.A., he was less then five minutes drive away from home and wishing Buffy was sitting beside him in his black 1986 Plymouth Belvedere GTX. With a little luck, he would just manage to find cover before the sun was high enough to incinerate him.
* * * * * * Buffy sat staring silently out of her window, one hand resting on the white duvet cover. She pondered where Angel might be, what he might be doing. Tears began to trickle down her cheeks; she was unaware of them. As her vision blurred and she came to realise she was crying, the knowledge of her tears made her cry all the more. Despairing of all happiness, she allowed herself to sink into the hopeless inferno that was Hell.
* * * * * * Angel huddled in what little shade the tiny-leaved tree in Buffy's front garden had to offer. He knew he would have to move before midday, or he would be unable to shield himself from the sun any longer. The sun was already up, however, and if he moved, he would face the same danger.
* * * * * * Buffy was pulled from her trance as she sensed a still vampire. She blinked and glanced out of her window. Why could she sense a vampire when the sun was beating down from the sky? She stood up and crept to the window, peering out. She was both shocked and surprised to see Angel huddled under a tree looking worried, and fled her room, bounding down the stairs. Swiftly, she crossed the grass to the tree.
"I. I thought you'd."
"Shh. It's okay. I'm here now." Angel hugged Buffy, pulling her closer to him. He kissed her hair and pulled her even nearer to his cold skin in his desperate want and need for her and to be with her. But that could never be.
He felt her stomach contract and her brow crease as she winced.
"Shh," he whispered, huddling under his duster as he guided her towards her house. "It's okay now. It's gonna be alright."
* * * * * * Giles hurled the hardback book to the ground. There was nothing in Angel's history to give any clue as to where they might find him, as he rarely returned to a place he had been previously.
Frantically, Giles pushed his spectacles back up his nose and reached for another of the Watcher's Diaries from Angel's time as Angelus, and groaned at the enormity of the task that lay before him.
* * * * * * Angel tenderly lowered Buffy's head to her pillow. She looked happy yet pained and distressed and it saddened him. He wished she could have an easy life, with everything laid before her on a bed of roses. Experience had taught him that it was not the best way to be brought up, but it had to be better than Buffy's existence as the Slayer.
"Buffy?" he half-whispered.
"Hmm?"
"Someone I met when. I would have used being unable to give you children as an excuse to leave. She said I should talk to you about it. that I'd be 'surprised'."
Buffy was silent for a time, thinking of how to answer her beloved's question. She wasn't sure if it was something she was ready to share with anyone yet. but he deserved to know.
"When I . When I was born, they had to remove my ovaries. There were tumours in both - they'd seen them growing on the ultrasounds. It would've been easier for them to remove my whole reproductive system, but Mum didn't want that. Said there was more hope if they didn't. But I've never had a period in my life."
"Why did you say that maybe you'd have children someday? When we were talking in the cemetery, just before you're seventeenth?"
"I'm not sure. I just. I didn't know how to tell you, or even if I was ready to tell you. I didn't want to have to think about it. I didn't want to think about how you'd feel about me once you knew."
Slowly, Angel nodded. He lovingly drew Buffy up to him, noticing the tears glistening in her eyes. It had apparently been hard for her to express what was reality. Angel wondered if Buffy even accepted it.
He felt his shoulder become damp under his black polo-neck top, and remembered slinging his duster over the handrail of Buffy's stairs as if he lived with her. God knows he wished he did. wished he could.
"I'm never leaving you, Buffy. Not now, not ever. It hurts too much to be for the best, and even if it is. I can't do it. I can't live without you anymore. It's too hard."
"But I'll die, one day. What'll you do then?" Buffy raised her head to look at Angel curiously. He fingered her tear stained cheeks gingerly and whispered,
"I'll die."
"What are you saying? That you can't help her, or that you just won't?" Xander pointed the finger of blame at Crystal as the Scoobies sat around the study table in the library.
"The kiss, and blessing, of a vampire is essential. Without it, the spell will only kill her faster. It won't even ease her pain."
"But she's the Slayer. You won't get that from a vampire. They'll just kill her!" Xander desperately searched for a way around the situation.
"Angel wouldn't."
"Yeah, Will, but. I don't mean to rub it in, Buff, but he kinda isn't here."
Tears welled in Buffy's eyes, but she blinked them back, allowing herself to sag more in her chair instead.
* * * * * * "Why does she need me? I have nothing to offer her; I can't even give her children!"
Madame Tallulah was silent for a moment, before saying cryptically,
"Talk to her about the children part. I think you'll be surprised." Then, abruptly, "You may go. I won't charge you for my services this time, but next time."
Angel nodded and rose to leave, thanking her as he pulled the door to until it clicked shut. He wondered how Buffy might need him, and what the elderly woman had meant when she had told him to talk to Buffy about children. Buffy, he was sure, knew what having babies entailed - so why was it so important for him to go back?
* * * * * *
"Well, we gotta do somethin'. We can't just let Buffy die!" Xander protested.
"I'm afraid there's not much we can do. If we could find this vampire that loves Buffy - Angel, did you say? - we might be able to give it a shot, though," Crystal responded.
"Then we'll just have to find him," Willow said, resolve face plastered over her features as she looked around the group. "Won't we?"
* * * * * * Angel had moved quickly. Barely three nights since he'd left Sunnydale for L.A., he was less then five minutes drive away from home and wishing Buffy was sitting beside him in his black 1986 Plymouth Belvedere GTX. With a little luck, he would just manage to find cover before the sun was high enough to incinerate him.
* * * * * * Buffy sat staring silently out of her window, one hand resting on the white duvet cover. She pondered where Angel might be, what he might be doing. Tears began to trickle down her cheeks; she was unaware of them. As her vision blurred and she came to realise she was crying, the knowledge of her tears made her cry all the more. Despairing of all happiness, she allowed herself to sink into the hopeless inferno that was Hell.
* * * * * * Angel huddled in what little shade the tiny-leaved tree in Buffy's front garden had to offer. He knew he would have to move before midday, or he would be unable to shield himself from the sun any longer. The sun was already up, however, and if he moved, he would face the same danger.
* * * * * * Buffy was pulled from her trance as she sensed a still vampire. She blinked and glanced out of her window. Why could she sense a vampire when the sun was beating down from the sky? She stood up and crept to the window, peering out. She was both shocked and surprised to see Angel huddled under a tree looking worried, and fled her room, bounding down the stairs. Swiftly, she crossed the grass to the tree.
"I. I thought you'd."
"Shh. It's okay. I'm here now." Angel hugged Buffy, pulling her closer to him. He kissed her hair and pulled her even nearer to his cold skin in his desperate want and need for her and to be with her. But that could never be.
He felt her stomach contract and her brow crease as she winced.
"Shh," he whispered, huddling under his duster as he guided her towards her house. "It's okay now. It's gonna be alright."
* * * * * * Giles hurled the hardback book to the ground. There was nothing in Angel's history to give any clue as to where they might find him, as he rarely returned to a place he had been previously.
Frantically, Giles pushed his spectacles back up his nose and reached for another of the Watcher's Diaries from Angel's time as Angelus, and groaned at the enormity of the task that lay before him.
* * * * * * Angel tenderly lowered Buffy's head to her pillow. She looked happy yet pained and distressed and it saddened him. He wished she could have an easy life, with everything laid before her on a bed of roses. Experience had taught him that it was not the best way to be brought up, but it had to be better than Buffy's existence as the Slayer.
"Buffy?" he half-whispered.
"Hmm?"
"Someone I met when. I would have used being unable to give you children as an excuse to leave. She said I should talk to you about it. that I'd be 'surprised'."
Buffy was silent for a time, thinking of how to answer her beloved's question. She wasn't sure if it was something she was ready to share with anyone yet. but he deserved to know.
"When I . When I was born, they had to remove my ovaries. There were tumours in both - they'd seen them growing on the ultrasounds. It would've been easier for them to remove my whole reproductive system, but Mum didn't want that. Said there was more hope if they didn't. But I've never had a period in my life."
"Why did you say that maybe you'd have children someday? When we were talking in the cemetery, just before you're seventeenth?"
"I'm not sure. I just. I didn't know how to tell you, or even if I was ready to tell you. I didn't want to have to think about it. I didn't want to think about how you'd feel about me once you knew."
Slowly, Angel nodded. He lovingly drew Buffy up to him, noticing the tears glistening in her eyes. It had apparently been hard for her to express what was reality. Angel wondered if Buffy even accepted it.
He felt his shoulder become damp under his black polo-neck top, and remembered slinging his duster over the handrail of Buffy's stairs as if he lived with her. God knows he wished he did. wished he could.
"I'm never leaving you, Buffy. Not now, not ever. It hurts too much to be for the best, and even if it is. I can't do it. I can't live without you anymore. It's too hard."
"But I'll die, one day. What'll you do then?" Buffy raised her head to look at Angel curiously. He fingered her tear stained cheeks gingerly and whispered,
"I'll die."