Shame on Me
by Zahri Seb Melitor
Authors note: This fic is dedicated to Loui, because she harassed me into writing her some slash one late evening, when I was bored. I believe, at the time, she was actually thinking I was going to write her something sickly sweet and fluffy. This was my product.
Remus looked at the goblet sitting on the table, barely a foot away from him. He had asked Severus to prepare it for him especially, yet he was now unsure if he actually wanted to make use of it. Remus had thought that he would be able to cope this time around, yet the memories continually assaulted him. Sirius casually swiping his overlong, shaggy hair out of his eyes; Sirius playing Quidditch with great gusto; Sirius as Padfoot bowling him over, the very first time Sirius had shown Remus the completed Animagus transformation. The surreal, fogged memories remaining from the full moons spent in the Forbidden Forest, with the high-speed chases, the wrestling, and the sensation of pack, which had felt so right. The timid first full moon after the Triwizard Tournament, where Remus had awoken to find Sirius sitting cross-legged next to him, just like when they were children, busily breaking up a block of his favourite Honeydukes chocolate into manageable, bite-sized pieces.
All lost to the passage of time, now. There was no return from the other side of the veil. Remus had now lost all of his childhood friends, twice. Yet he had continued to live, the first time. It had been a frugal existence, living on the edge of the wizarding world and the Muggle world, much like a Squib, as one who could never be quite comfortable, or feel a sense of belonging, in either society. It had been a hand to mouth existence, with jobs hard to come by in both worlds, where meals were sometimes meagre and new clothes were but a dream. It had been a difficult existence, yet he had somehow pulled through, for all those years.
A half-forgotten snippet of verse drifted through his memory, something that Sirius used to recite delightedly after pranks. "You fooled me once, shame on you, Sirius. You fooled me twice, shame on me." Remus murmured. It was shame on him, for being tricked into accepting his love for Sirius a second time. Hallowe'en 1981 had proved that fate was unforgiving: once it had chosen its victim, the doom could only be extended indefinitely into the future, not avoided. He should have realised that he wasn't getting Sirius back permanently!
At this point in time, he was once again faced with a choice: to drink from the goblet, or to abstain. One choice would probably result in death, or a state very close to it, while the other would sustain him, yet his burdens would continue to increase as time went by. Neither option was exceptionally inviting, yet he was aware of the positives and negatives of both choices, having contemplated them for quite some time, now.
Remus considered his options carefully, then reached out and picked up the goblet. It would be better this way. Some would say he was a fool, but the decision was his, and his alone, now that his original pack had gone, whittled away to a traitor and the child carrying the fate of the world.
Remus sighed deeply, and then drank the Wolfsbane Potion.
~@~ ~@~ ~@~
If you want to tell me that you loved it, despised it, or couldn't understand a word I was saying, I'd love to hear from you. Any constructive criticism will be received with rapture.