Reality Bytes
A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic
Chapter Two – A Meeting Of The Minds
Brad quietly brushed aside dangling vines and big, leafy ferns, making his way around the perimeter of the enemy base. He crouched as he walked, taking care not to step on any dry twigs that might snap and give away his position. Even in the fading twilight of the day, the heat of the jungle had sweat trickling down his face. It only added to the rank dampness hanging in the air from the steamy humidity. Brad chuckled, raised a finger to wipe off a drop of sweat from his cheek, and touched it to his tongue. It even tastes salty! Oh man, how awesome is that!
He flipped down a small eyepiece from his headband, which displayed tactical information and a small map of his immediate surroundings. He had fully charged energy packs loaded into both of his lasers, plus a couple of spares if he needed them. He'd already taken out two dozen enemy commandos, and he was going for more. A small stone building stood about fifty yards in front of him, with carvings that might have been ancient Aztec. The enemy was using it for shelter … at least for another ten seconds, Brad chuckled to himself.
"All right," he whispered to himself, "outnumbered twenty to one … just the way I likes it! Time to kick butt and chew bubble gum. And I'm all outta gum!" He reached behind his back, pulled out the plasma grenade launcher, and steadied it on his shoulder. The eyepiece made aiming easy.
Brad pulled the trigger four times. Three of the grenades sailed through a small window in the stone building and exploded. The fourth blew up on the outside, sending chunks of stone spraying over the entire area. He was a little disappointed that he hadn't managed to put all four in the window, but three grenades did the job quite nicely.
He jumped from his hiding place in the jungle and ran towards the building with lasers drawn and ready. Right on cue, half a dozen cartoonishly muscular commandos came out of the stone building, scorched and dazed from the explosions, running straight into Brad's gunsights. Bright crimson blasts of energy danced from both pistols as Brad took care of the first four commandos. One of the enemies managed to get to his weapon, and started shooting back. Brad dove and rolled on his shoulder – oh yeah, that's a seriously cool move – and zapped him right in the chest, along with his buddy. He jumped to his feet, heart pounding. "Six up and six down! Boo-yah!" He grabbed his grenade launcher, started playing it like an air guitar, and duck-walked into the remains of the stone building.
Tuck rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on. What a show-off!" He was still mad that he had to sit back and let Brad be the first to use Mrs. Wakeman's virtual reality helmet. Brad always used the "older brother" line to be the first at everything! He leaned over and shouted into his brother's ear. "Showboat! Hot dog!"
"You know, I don't think he can hear you," puzzled Drew. "Man, that is seriously weird!"
Brad was leaning back on the sofa, looking incredibly relaxed, especially considering that he was focusing on dodging razor rifles and concussion blasters. They couldn't see his eyes; they were behind the visor of the VR helmet. But he could've been asleep, for all the expression there was on his face. And he wasn't budging so much as a finger.
"Hey look," said Drew, pointing to the TV set. "He's waving at us!"
Brad was jumping up and down, shouting in the general direction of the sky. "Tuck! Drew! This – so – totally – rocks! It rocks in stereo! It feels like I'm actually in the game's jungle world! Woohoo! And check out that score, little brother!"
"Yeah, yeah," Tuck groaned to himself, folding his arms. "New high score. Big deal!" Although seeing Brad jump around in the game world only made Tuck want his turn on the helmet even more …
Suddenly Drew and Tuck were startled by loud, frantic pounding on the front door. It flew open, and Jenny ran into the living room, waving her arms to get their attention.
"Guys! Guys, you've got to give back my mom's helmet!"
"Sorry, Jenny," said Tuck, "I called dibbs after Brad. Well, well, well … our new GameStation isn't so stupid all of the sudden now, hmm?"
"Tuck, that's not what I … oh, no." I'm too late.
Brad was on the sofa, limp as a rag doll, wearing her mother's virtual reality helmet. The cable from the back of the helmet ran down and plugged into Drew's chest, as it had earlier in the afternoon at Mrs. Wakeman's lab. But now, two fingers from Drew's left hand were stretched out into silver cables, and plugged into the back of the brothers' new GameStation 3000X. Drew's nanobot body was acting like a connector.
"I don't believe you guys!" shouted Jenny. "That's a dangerous piece of experimental machinery, and you're using it to play video games! You're hopeless!"
"Well, I told you that's what we were going to do," huffed Drew. "See, your mom told me that the computers in my body are all super-adaptive. So I figured, if they'll adapt to the VR helmet, why wouldn't they adapt to the GameStation? I'm like, ultimate computer duct tape! Check it out!" He gestured to the television.
"Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait," said Tuck, waving his arms. "Jenny, what was the word you just used?"
"Experimental?" she asked.
"No, no, before that."
"Dangerous?"
"Yup, that's what I thought," Tuck said calmly. Then he clutched at his hair and screamed. "What do you mean, dangerous?!?!?"
"That's what I'm trying to tell you – the helmet is dangerous," explained Jenny. "Drew, after you left, I went upstairs and found my mom zonked out in her bedroom. The helmet did that to her! She said that if somebody wears the helmet for too long, it could put them in a coma … or turn them into a spaced-out vegetable!"
Drew's face sunk. "Are you serious?"
She nodded frantically. "Brad has to get out of there as soon as possible!"
"Well, no arguments here," said Tuck. "It's my turn anyway." He reached over to take the helmet off of Brad's head.
"NO!!!" screamed Jenny. Her arms stretched outward, shoving Tuck away from Brad, and onto the floor. Tuck rubbed his bottom and gave her a nasty look.
"I'm sorry Tuck," Jenny apologized, "but you can't just take the helmet off of him! That's not the way it works. Right now, Brad's brain is 'unplugged' from his own body, and 'plugged' into the helmet. He has to 'plug it' back into his own body by himself, or … or he's going to be like that forever!" A small trickle of drool was starting to form at the corner of Brad's mouth.
Tuck started to get a little concerned for his brother. "Well, how do we tell him to come out? I don't think he can hear any of us."
Jenny turned to Drew. "Brad's practically running around inside of you right now! Can't you get a message to him?!?"
Drew gulped, hard. "I don't know a lot about how my body's computers work – they just sort of do things on their own. It's hard to explain. I can give them orders, but they take care of the details by themselves. The virtual world we're seeing on the TV right now is … well, the closest word I can think of is, it's all happening down in my subconscious. Trying to talk to Brad for me right now would be a little like trying to talk to somebody in a dream. Or in my own imagination." He shrugged his shoulders. "I told you it was hard to explain."
"So we just have to wait until he gets out on his own," she said. Then she had another horrible thought. "Does he even know how to get out?!?"
Drew and Tuck exchanged an uncomfortable look. "Okaaaay," said Drew, "I may not have thought this through as completely as one might assume."
Jenny threw her hands in the air and rolled her eyes. "Unbelievable."
"So that's it?!?" Tucked flung his arms around Brad's neck. "My brother is just going to waste away into a drooling couch zombie, trapped in a fantasy video-game world, doomed to be lost to us forever?" Tuck gave Brad a brotherly hug, then his eyes lit up. "I get his room."
Jenny looked down at Brad's expressionless face. She was so mad, and so worried right now, that she might lose her best friend for such a stupid reason … then she got an idea.
"That's not going to happen, Tuck," said Jenny, with a commanding tone in her voice. "Somebody has to go in there and help get Brad out. And that somebody is me."
"Your mom has another helmet?" asked Tuck. "Why didn't you bring both of them over, Drew? We could've played head-to-head!"
"There's only one helmet, and Brad's wearing it. But we don't need another one." She sat down on the couch next to Brad, and turned to Drew. "Okay, Mister Duct Tape. You're connecting a human brain, a virtual reality helmet, and a video game machine. Think you have room in there for a robot?"
Drew grimaced, and was quiet for a few seconds. "Yeah … yeah, that would probably work. We both have computer brains … sort of … yeah, this should work."
Tuck didn't understand what they were talking about. "What should work?!?"
"Drew can make a connector like the one on the diagnostics machine in my bedroom," explained Jenny. "So I can go into your video game here and show Brad how to get back into his own body."
"I'm not sure if I like this," said Drew, shaking his head. "Jenny, the same thing that's happening to Brad might start happening to you. You might get stuck in there with your brain unplugged. If I can just figure out a way to get a message to him …"
"And how long is that going to take? And does Brad have that much time?"
Drew sighed, and realized that she was right. He lifted his right arm, and it started to warble with silver-green patterns over its surface. The arm grew flexible and stretched into a cable, and his hand expanded into a cone-shaped helmet.
Jenny's pigtails whirred on their pivots, and snapped together on top of her head. "Ready."
"Wait!" yelled Tuck. "Jenny, how much do you even know about this video game?"
"What's to know? You shoot things. It's not exactly rocket science," she answered. "Besides, I'm not going in to play. I'm just going in to find Brad and get him out of there. I don't care about winning the game."
"You're going to need a map to find him though," Tuck explained. "Look, trust me. I play video games all the time. Once you get in there, press the menu button and get a map. That way you can find your way around. Brad is Player One, so look for his symbol."
"Right. Player One," said Jenny. I'm sure Tuck thinks he's being helpful, but I'll be fine. "Let's go."
Drew lowered the cone-shaped helmet over Jenny's pigtails, until it clamped and made a connection with a loud clicking sound. They both shuddered for a split-second as information signals started flowing at high-speed from Jenny's electronic brain, through Drew's arm, into the mass of computers scattered throughout his body. Then Jenny's robotic body went limp and motionless, and sunk back into the couch next to Brad. Drew clenched his teeth nervously as Jenny's eyes flickered, then disappeared, replaced with flickering static. He glanced down at his body, more than a little freaked out. Well, she's inside there now. Good luck, Jenny.
Jenny was surrounded by brilliant light for a split second, and the living room suddenly winked out of existence, as if somebody flipped a light switch. She had the briefest sensation that she was dissolving into a cloud of nothingness, and then, just as suddenly, she felt herself drop a few inches to land on very solid ground – in a hot, steamy jungle.
She folded her arms and whistled – she had to admit that it was amazingly realistic. Exotic plants and trees stretched off in every direction, in thousands and thousands of shades of green. There was a background of chirps, caws, and hoots from jungle wildlife. Her sensors indicated high levels of humidity and temperature. She'd been in a real jungle before, once, saving a dozen villages from some mudslides. And the make-believe world she stood in now was very, very close to the real thing.
Jenny turned around, and saw that she was standing in front of an Aztec pyramid. Well, I sure won't have any trouble finding my way back to where I started from, she thought. Now, let's make sure that I can actually get us out of here.
She tried to remember the tests her mother ran with the helmet a few years ago. What was the command? "Operating System," she spoke out loud, "show me the exit port, please!"
A circle of green light glowed on the ground a few feet away from her, and a ghostly figure rose up. Jenny was a little frightened, until the translucent figure solidified into a person. And not just any person – it was Drew! Although he did look a little strange. He was wearing blue coveralls and a tool belt filled with large pipe wrenches. He wore a baseball cap with "Android OS 2000" stenciled on it. And he was holding a plunger!
"Drew, you made it in, too!" She chuckled. "Love the outfit."
"Drew" rolled his eyes. "Look, lady, somebody call for the Operating System or not? Because I got places to be and things to do, know what I mean?"
"Hey, I just said I liked your outfit. You don't have to be so snarky about it," she said.
"Snarky? You want snarky? I got yer snarky right here," he said with a thick Bronx accent, tapping the plunger in his hand. Then he stopped, and snapped his fingers. "Wait a minute – you called me 'Drew'! You think I'm from upstairs, from the consciousness. Heh, heh, heh. No such luck, lady. You called for the Operating System, and dat's who you got. That's "OS" for short. Call me Ozzie."
"You mean, you're not Drew? You're – part of his brain? That is so totally weird!" said Jenny, a bit amused. "Why do you look like a plumber?"
"What is dis, twenty questions here? Look, this mook's got hundreds of millions of computers in his body, all talkin' to each other, all gotta be connected together, all gotta have data flowing back and forth. All of dat, plus now a fancy schmancy video game and, what, two players?" Ozzie waved his arms, to emphasize his burden. "I'm workin' my tail off here!"
"Okay, okay, I'm sure you are," Jenny chuckled. "Well, I'm here to help you take a load off. I just want to go find Brad – er, Player One – and get us both out of here, and back into our bodies. I called to make sure that I could find an exit port."
"Not a problem," said Ozzie. "You are currently standing at yer entry point to da game. Observe." Just a few feet behind Jenny, another pale green light glowed in mid-air, and expanded into a rectangular green door. Ozzie made a sweeping, theatrical gesture towards it. "Just tap on the door, and yer on your way back to Kansas."
Jenny sighed in relief, instantly feeling a lot better. Her idea would work, and getting out of this strange virtual world shouldn't be too much of a problem. "That's great! Oh wait – um, Ozzie – I'm supposed to ask you for a map, so I can find my way around this place."
"What do I look like, a tour guide?" he growled. "I just handle the connections, lady. Youse want anything in the game, you gotta get it from the Menu. Now if you'll excuse me, I gots a nasty data clog that needs my attention." And clutching his plunger, the Operating System faded back into the ground.
"All right, that was extremely bizarre," Jenny said to herself. Might as well get started. He said to use the menu. She looked around, and walked in a small circle, but didn't see anything that might be a computer terminal or screen that she could use.
She planted her fists on her hips with a clank, a bit frustrated. "If there's no computer terminal, how am I supposed to look at the menu …"
As soon as the word "menu" came out of her mouth, another green circle of light flashed into existence a few feet away from her. Once again, a translucent figure rose up and solidified into solid form. It was another copy of Drew – but this time, he looked like a formal waiter! He wore a long black jacket with tails, a white shirt and black tie, had a towel draped over his sleeve, and even had a thin mustache under his nose. I guess this is another piece of the software in Drew's mind. This is so freaky!
"Drew" stood ramrod-straight. "Good evening Madame, I'll be your Menu," he said, in a cultured accent. "We have a lovely selection of power-ups and weaponry available. I'm told that the electron shock rifle is particularly lethal this evening ..."
Jenny was getting a chuckle out of this fellow too, but she had to focus. "Never mind that, I don't need any extra firepower. I need a map. I need to find Player One. And I need to make sure that I can find my way back here!"
"Very good," said Menu. He held out his hand, and with a flash of light, a small yellow sphere manifested in his palm. He handed it to Jenny. "If Madame would be so kind as to gently tap it?"
Jenny did just that, and the yellow sphere expanded into hovering 3-D image, showing a map of the surrounding terrain. There were solid and blinking dots in a variety of colors. "Madame is the white dot," explained Menu. "Your home base is the blue triangle, and your selected target – that would be Player One – is the red dot. It does look like he's some distance away at the moment, in enemy territory."
"That looks easy enough," she said confidently. "I'll just fly straight to the red dot – pick up 'the Bradster' – and be right back here before you know it. See you later, Menu."
The waiter arched an eyebrow, which seemed to be the limit of his emotional range. "Is Madame certain there will be nothing else? Perhaps a standard compliment of food, equipment, and ammunition? Or a quick tutorial on …"
But Jenny had already pivoted her pigtails to flight configuration. With a blast of exhaust, and clutching the map in her hand, she rocketed into the skies above the lush, steamy jungle.
Jenny was trying to make sense of direction and distance in this phony world. Her internal navigation system didn't seem to be working well; it was hard simply keeping track of which way was north. She was starting to match up some of the features she'd seen in the holographic image to the ground passing below her, though. That river below marked the border between the "good guys" and the "bad guys". Jenny sailed overhead, into "enemy territory".
She stopped and opened up the floating map again, looking for the red dot. Let's see where Brad's gotten himself to now, she groaned. I'm going to kick his butt! What's the big attraction in sneaking around this icky, humid jungle? I can practically feel myself rusting away, just hanging here in mid-air!
A series of whining laser blasts sounded off in the distance. She glanced at the map … the blasts were coming from the general direction of Brad's red dot. Uh-oh … Brad's in trouble … Okay, okay, I'll save his life first. Then I'll kick his butt.
Jenny added the rockets in her feet to her pigtail-jets, and blasted off in the direction of Brad's signal, diving down to skim the treetops.
She was surprised by a burst of shimmering purple energy bolts that sliced up towards her from somewhere in the jungle below. They didn't come close, but Jenny started seeing larger and larger numbers of enemy troops the deeper she got into enemy territory, and more and more of them started taking random shots at her. Great, I may not want to play the game, but these computer bozos don't know that.
Jenny popped up over a dense grove of palm trees, and suddenly she was over a clearing with military tents and vehicles. Dozens of computerized commandos ran in every direction, scrambling to action. She'd flown right into one of the main enemy bases. Within seconds, a dozen heavy weapons turned towards the sky and opened fire on her.
She dodged the blasts of glowing plasma balls for a few seconds, then stopped and laughed at herself. What am I doing? This is a video game. These silly things can't hurt …
A "imaginary" plasma ball caught her square in the chest, blasting her backwards into the trunk of a tall palm tree, snapping it in half. Dazed and surprised, Jenny tumbled down to the ground with a thud, grimacing. Cripes, that sure felt real enough!
She got up to her knees, as more laser fire from the enemy commandos started kicking up puffs of dirt around her. Apparently the concept of "taking prisoners" wasn't part of this game. She deployed a pair of laser rifles from each elbow and got ready to fight …
But suddenly, one of the enemy plasma cannons started firing again – at the other enemy plasma cannons. The commandos froze in their tracks, stunned, as a series of plasma balls sent their weapons and buildings soaring in the jungle sky on billowing pillars of flame. They opened fire on the rogue plasma cannon, and bolts of red laser energy shrieked back in reply. Jenny shielded her eyes from the glare, trying to make out the figure standing behind the hijacked plasma cannon.
"Hey, Jenny! Welcome to the party! Wooo-haaaa!"
Jenny rolled her eyes. "Oh, for crying out loud."
Brad leapt off of the cannon's barrel, somersaulted ten feet in the air, and landed in the middle of three commandos, leveling them each with one laser shot. "Wow, I didn't think you'd want to play with us, Jen! This is awesome!" He fired off another pair of shots. "That was a great distraction you caused – but the object of the game is not to get yourself blasted! You've got to keep moving! Come on, gimme a little help here!"
"Distraction!?! Brad, I'm not here to play!" she shouted. "I'm here to get you out!"
"The Space Marines don't pull back, soldier!" laughed Brad. "We're pressing forward! The enemy headquarters is just over there! That's where they keep the secret weapon!"
"Brad, will you listen to me for a second?"
But Brad ran had run off towards the enemy headquarters, ducking for cover behind a stack of wooden crates.
There were still plenty of enemy commandos running around, explosions mushrooming into the air, and gunfire zinging around in a whole bunch of directions. It wasn't the best time to strike up a conversation, and Jenny balled her fists in frustration. All right, if I have to take out a bunch of video goons to end this, then here we go.
Jenny's lasers roared to life, spraying blue streaks of energy in a wide arc, sending a dozen enemy commandos falling to the ground. She leapt back in the air, dodging scattered fire, looking for anything that didn't look like Brad. That's the way these silly games work, isn't it? You just shoot at everything that moves? One creative enemy commando pointed a grenade launcher at her, and fired. She caught the grenade in mid-air, and nonchalantly tossed it towards a fortified gun turret, blowing it into pixels and polygons with a thundering boom.
That had been easy enough. She retracted one of the lasers, and deployed a loudspeaker. "All right, Brad, that's the last of them. Now let's get out of this stupid place before …"
Brad rolled out from behind the boxes, and ran towards the enemy headquarters. "All right, Jen! See, you're a natural at this! But on this world, there's always two guards left who try to surprise you at the end, when you think you've won! Stick with me and watch!"
She was rapidly losing her patience. "Brad, will you just forget about the stupid game and listen to me!!!"
Two bolts of laser rifle fire rang out from the windows of the enemy headquarters, cutting off Jenny's words. Brad rolled on his shoulder – man, I love that move! – and lunged into the front door, ready for a little room-to-room close-in action. He started stalking down the two remaining enemy guards.
Outside the building, Jenny was furious. "I'm going to haul you out of there by your hair if you don't stop horsing around and listen to me!" She dropped back down to the ground, and heard two laser shots ring out from inside.
Jenny stomped into the headquarters building. Brad was clowning around in the command room, where five enemy "generals" were lying on the floor with their hands over their heads in surrender. He jumped up on a lighted map table and struck a pose with his rifles. "I came, I saw … I kicked some serious booty! Thank you very much folks! You've been a lovely audience!"
"BRAD!!!" she screamed. "Listen to me for just – one – second."
"Sure, Jen, what is it?"
She gasped in relief. "Finally! I'm trying to tell you that you've got to get out of here!"
Brad was trying to open a large set of locked doors on one wall of the command room. "My thoughts exactly," he grinned. "But not without this little souvenir! This is what I came here for."
"Arrrghhh … no, I mean you're in danger!"
"No kidding – the reinforcements will be here in seconds." Brad grabbed – some piece of equipment – out of the locked cabinet. They looked like a ridiculously oversized pair of football shoulder pads. Brad slid them on over his head.
Jenny's face started to turn red. "Brad! If you don't get out of this world right now, you are going to die!"
They heard sounds of laser fire hitting the outside of the building. Shouting voices grew nearer.
He smiled confidently, and reached into a pocket on his pants. Brad pulled out a bronze cylinder with a shining orange button, and tossed it casually in his hand. "That's why I picked up a teleporter on the way here." He held the cylinder in one hand, and grabbed Jenny's arm with the other. "Hop on board, Jen! We're heading to the next world! This is going to be a blast!"
"Brad!!! NO!!! I only have a map for this world!"
Brad mashed the orange button with his thumb, and they were surrounded by a pulsating sphere of white light. Their bodies started to dematerialize into shimmering particles, and before Jenny could say another word, they were gone.
Continued in Chapter Three