I don't own Utena. I'm not making any money off this. All this is, is

my first ever Utena fic (and a character study at that) and hopefully

I've done okay in writing it. If not, I'm sure you'll all let me know! ^_^;

Thoughts of a duelist

by

Lance the Flamesniper

I didn't want this. I never wanted this. All I wanted was to

make that jerk Saionji pay. How could he take Wakaba's feelings and

display them in such a demeaning way. All I wanted was to avenge

my friend's honor. Even if she keeps calling me her boyfriend. I don't

really mind that though. After all I am trying to become a prince.

I beat Saionji but if I'd known what winning meant I would have

just thrown the fight. Beating him meant others coming at me, after

HER. These people and thier "End of the World". Well it would be

easy enough. Saionji challeneged me again and I planned to throw this

fight. Simple as pie Right?

Wrong. Somewhere along the way I decided to win, or it was

decided for me. I'm not really sure on that one. I think in a way it's

some kind of weird stubborn streak mixed in with the power to

revolutionize the world. So far I'm the only one who can use this.

There's something to be said About Saionji though. Even though he's

seemingly gone nuts lately, he's been quite determined to get Anthy

back.

Anthy's a strange sort. No matter what happens she is always

cheerfully innocent, almost oblivious. At first I didn't want her around.

After all I'm a woman, I don't need a "bride". Rose or otherwise. I'm

trying to be a prince dammit! Not a groom. But then I realized something.

Anthy has very few friends. Next thing I knew I found myself getting

attached to her. I hate the idea of the Rose Bride. It seems too much like

slavery. Add to that that Anthy didn't seem to have much of a will and,

well, you get the idea. Though lately I have been noticing her getting a

little more of a personality thankfully.

Next came Miki. Miki's actually a nice sort. He's got a HUGE

crush on Anthy, but the poor boy will never admit to it. He's a genius

when it comes to school work, fencing and the piano. Though that

stopwatch of his does get on my nerves. Miki's got a twin sister Kozue

while Miki's always friendly, even when we duel, Kozue sometimes acts

like a real tramp. Add to that the fact that she's got fairly loose morals,

you come up with a person it's hard to get along with. I've faced Miki

twice for the "Rose Bride". I kinda hope we never have to face each

other again, at the rate he keeps improving I might evenutally lose to him.

Then there's Juri. There's not much I can say about her.

Something happened in her past that caused her to lose faith. Having lost

both my parents I suppose I could relate there. Still I think if we got to

talking we could be good friends. After all she did loan me a sword for my

rematch with Touga. Maybe we could help each other believe in miracles

again.

Speaking of miracles reminds me of whatever miracle grants me

the patients to not strangle Nanami. For whatever reasons she despises

both me and Anthy. She is forever plotting ways to humiliate Anthy or

make me look bad. When she came to battle me it wasn't over the Rose

bride, a point she made clear when after I beat her she decided to try to

slice me to ribbons with her dagger. Aside from besting her in a duel I

can't really think of anything that I did to her to make her hate me. Though

I suspect that all her dislike of us comes from her fixation on her big

brother. I know a little about hero worship, after all I'm the one who met a

prince and decided to become one, but sometimes the way she acts

toward her brother is a little TOO friendly.

Speaking of Touga. There are not any words I can think of that

would be suitable to use for him. Everyone says he's a prince. Those

people clearly don't know him very well. Sure he acts like that in public,

but behind those charming looks and Chivalrous acts is a dirty, ugly

soul. How do I know? I've dueled him. He knew I what I was seeking.

He'd seen me all those years ago hiding in the coffin in the church. He

remembered all I said. He took that and used it to claim to be my prince.

He beat me in battle and through that almost broke my spirit. It was

Wakaba who reminded me who I was. Once she did that I went into battle

again. I had to take back what he took from me. Not Anthy, though I did

miss her greatly, but my who I am.

Now here I sit. Writing in my journal while sitting in my bed.

Anthy's gone missing again. Most likely off visiting with her brother. We

just moved in here a while ago. Since we've moved in things have started

getting weird. It started with Touga getting depressed. Then Saionji, who'd

just got back from being expelled goes nuts. How could I tell he went

nuts? He was ranting about having seen the world as it. Then Miki

suddenly decided he wanted to duel me for Anthy again. I think he's been

made to see the End of the World too.

I'd love to know who End of the World is. Whoever he or she is

seems content to hide in the shadows and string the student council along

with his or her letters. Whoever it is, never anticipated me. I don't fit their

plan. That's why they keep sending Duelists against me.

But now they're in for a surprise. As of late Anthy's started showing

more personality a will of her own. She and I are a team of sorts. But I still

have in me the doubt. I still want to see. I want to know. I have to be one

hundred percent sure that there's something eternal. Maybe then I, Utena

Tenjo, can find my absolute destiny.