~Complicated Ch.18~

I disclaim

~~~   

It was so clear.

If she closed her eyes, she could see her daughter. She would have been two years old, and she could see her, a little cherub face, with a dark curls, and laughing blue eyes. She could hear her laughing, and cooing, if she really concentrated, but then she opens her eyes, and all she saw was her reflection, in the window.

She didn't have a daughter, she had lost her baby, and all she had left was a dream of what could have been.    

FLASHBACK

December 28, 2002

Port Charles Pier

He was late.

Again.

These days A.J. was always late, he was always working or trying to set-up a meeting. He was obsessed.

Unfortunately she had to take some of the blame, he was only working this hard to prove that he was worthy of her. The mere thought was ridiculous; she was an ex-stripper, he a recovering alcoholic that hired someone to stalk her. Of course he deserved her, they didn't have the right to inflict their dysfunctions on any one else, putting it on their baby was bad enough.

Thinking of her unborn child she, automatically brought her hand to her stomach, A.J. was ecstatic. A chance to begin again was what A.J. called it. And it was this time, a child would be brought into their family, was going to be loved unconditionally not overshadowed by a another sibling, or abandoned by their father.

She shook her the thoughts of fathers away, she hadn't told Mike yet, and she was dreading it, telling him was like Sonny, and she knew he would hate the idea. She could understand I, A.J. had cost him a child, and was having more, while he and Carly struggled to have a child. Throw that in with the Quartermaines, who were sure to descend as soon as a promise of an heir was spread, and she was definitely a little hesitant, but they could all wait.

Because right now all she needed was A.J. walking in that door, ready to take her to her first Lamaze class. " Any time honey." She looked down at her wrist and her head dropped in defeat, he was already twenty minutes late, and the class started in fifteen minutes. Picking up her cell phone she dialed his number, and waited for the beep to leave her message. " Honey, it's me, I'm see you're running late so I just meet you there."

Pocketing the cell phone, she grabbed the strings on her hood, and tightened it, bracing herself for the cold. When they agreed to meet on the pier they if hadn't starting snowing, and now she wished she waited in Kelly's. She started up the stairs and down the streets toward the community center.

Even though it was cold, it was a beautiful night, the stars looked ten times as bright when contrasted with the snow. They made her think of the story her Dad used to tell her before he 'died', about the…." OW." The sharp pain stopped her train of thought; she grasped her midsection as the pain racked her body again. " Oh god….no." Falling to her knees, she felt the tears on her cheek, she wanted to cry for help, but he pain was unbearable.

" HELP!"

" COURTNEY?"

She saw him thought her watery eyes, and said a silent pray of thanks. Jason Morgan was a sight to sore eyes." Jason…help…my baby."

Jason followed her voice, and quickened his pace at the mention of a child. He found her huddled by the old brick wall, in the fetal position, tears pouring down her face, he reached for one hand, while his other pulled out his cell phone. " Don't worry Courtney, I won't let anything happen to your baby."

It was the only time Jason had ever broken a promise to her, but it couldn't be help.

'Some pregnancies never reach full term.'  

The doctor had told her that with extreme caution, probably afraid of Jason, who didn't leave her side, not when they ambulance arrived, or even when the doctor told him to leave. He had been by her side right up until A.J. arrived, the next morning. It was the first night she had truly understood, why people had seemed to favor Jason over him. It wasn't because he was the 'golden boy', it's because he was dependable, and trustworthy.

Although it sounded bad, she had to admit it was one of the reasons she loved him, he was her heart her soul. She didn't need to speak when she was with him; he just seemed to know what ever she needed to say. His was her other half.

" Court."

Unfortunately her legal half was still present. " A.J." She didn't even try to hide the distance from her voice; she no longer cared if he felt hurt, she had spent too much time focusing solely on him.

" What's wrong?"

She turned away from the window, and glared at him. 'What's wrong?', he didn't know. How could he not know, his daughter would have been two years old today, and he didn't know what was wrong, but what else was new. " Nothing, A.J. I'm just peachy."

Her husband gave an expected nod, and meet her eyes." What did I do, now?"

" Nothing, A.J." 'Nothing since the day I married you.'

A.J. closed his eyes, and took a deep breath sometimes he didn't even know why he came home, she was never happy, or glad he was there, she just ignore him, unless she wanted to fight. The only time she showed him any affection was when they were in public, and that was only so no one else would know of the mistake she made. " It always nothing Courtney, except that it's really something, isn't it?" " Why don't you just tell me what's wrong?"

" You're really dense, you know that." She turned away picking up a glass of water, hoping to sooth her frazzled nerves. " Check a calendar."

A.J.'s lifted his arm, and pressed the date key on his watch. June 7. 'Dammit. " Courtney it's two years, don't you think you be over this by now."

The glass of water Courtney was lifting to her mouth fell from her hand, shattering on the wooden floors. She felt the flash of hatred deep inside her, and for once felt like she was truly Sonny Corinthos little sister, she could cheerfully kill him. "GET OVER IT." " My daughter died, your daughter died, a part of you, and you can just GET OVER IT." " No wonder Carly wants you no one near Michael, you're not capable of a parental emotion."

It took al his strength to remain in his spot, and not to grab her. 'She's angry A.J., her father and Sonny have been working over time to turn her against you, just let it go.' " I know you don't mean that Courtney, and you know I miss her too, I just think … that we should try to get past this."

" I can't." Courtney said it with a certain finality, she was truly done, she couldn't get past losing he baby, and nothing A.J. said would change it, everything about him, about their life, reminded her of what she lost, and she was no longer willing to live in a cemetery." I'm through."

The sound of her voice as she said the words, brought his head up, it was there, in her eyes, she was leaving him. " Courtney…."

" Too late, A.J., its just too late." She quickly brushed past him, grabbing her purse as she walked through the door, and toward her future.