AUTHOR'S NOTE
It seems that the main criticisms I get concerning this story are in regards to the POV changes. For a while I continued with them, but attempted to make them lengthier in order to compensate: I continued with them for two reasons. The first was because I felt it was more of a challenge to write in different POV's, because each delves into that character in particular's mind, and I generally enjoy that. Narrator's POV is a bit of a cheat because it allows me to go into all the character's minds. The second was because I felt it developed the characters further, and added to the story. So I did have my reasons, but I for this chapter I have opted for something different. I am going to try one POV only, That of Raveyn. and end with a different POV, Leia's.
There were also some critic's regarding the heavy amount of angst in this relationship, Anna, in particular mentioned it. This chapter will see an abatement, or a catharsis rather. Things reached to a breaking point in the last chapter, but I felt that was necessary, it was after all the first time the two had met in two years. So Angst was needed in the last two/three chapters because I didn't feel it would be right without it, not as realistic. Particularly for Legolas and Raveyn's reunion. There is a lot of anger there, and hurt feelings. I couldn't have her rush in and explain everything to him. Pride is unfortunately a failing on both parties. So this will see the frantic rollercoaster ride that those two confused characters have been on start to slow down and ease into a more steady rhythm. Most of it hinges on Raveyn's past, and in this chapter it comes out in droves. A necessary release for her.
There were also some concerns regarding Raveyn's character and her general bitchiness or reprehensible behavior. I believe Anna mentioned that her behavior isn't much better than Legolas'. That is exactly right. Her behavior isn't much better and she shouldn't be let off the hook at all. She is a fundamentally flawed character with several chips on her shoulder and a painful past. You should get mad at her. But if everybody in the world acted reasonably and rationally and did the right thing, then the world would be a very calm rational and utterly boring place.
I hope everyone enjoys this the twelfth installment. It was a pleasure to right. And a heartfelt thanks to everyone who brought up points where they felt the story needed to be touched up and worked. Every little bit helps; Thank you.
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Raveyn's POV
I left immediately to my lodgings, storming past the muddied little well. I tried not to think at all. About anything.
"Gods" I muttered as I stretched out on the hay, the pain in my back easing slowly into a dull throb as I lay there, weariness settling into my bones.
I thought about nothing at all.
Gradually sleep stole over, and my eyelids closed, as I slipped peacefully into black oblivion….
I awoke several times during the night, drowsy surfacings that showed blurry images hovering over me, I could make out two faces before I went under again, stealing into restless sleep.
I dreamed.
I was in a vast field of meadow grass that stretched for as far as the eye could see. I was in the middle, dressed in a loose white shift, and I was walking through it, looking from side to side, for something. I remember I was pressed looking for something, something important but I couldn't find it and I kept walking. Side to side, and walking through fields and fields of dimpled grass waving silently in the breeze, looking. Looking…
I awoke, my eyes blearily opening in the dimmed darkness. The sun was setting I thought idly, as I stared at the dying light passing through the slits between the boards. I couldn't recall the last time I had slept so soundly, or for so long.
"Awake are we?" She said, her voice coming from the far table.
"Leia?" I asked drowsily as I rubbed my eyes, turning my head to the corner, and attempting to make her out in the dimness.
"Of course. Who else would wait for you to wake up love?" She said, a hint of a smile on that paledrawn face. She wasn't looking well.
I grimaced slightly as I stretched, and turning, sat with my back against the wall, my breath coming out in soft puffs.
"How long have I been asleep?" I mumbled.
"A good day and a half I'd say. I didn't wake you. You needed it," she said firmly.
A day and a half. I didn't feel well. No, no that wasn't it. I didn't feel anything. I sat lazily in limbo, my mind blank. It was rather curious this feeling. This nothing. Rather curious…
We sat in silence for a good while; with Leia just watching me, and I her. So much of our relationship relied on the unspoken that I took the quiet for granted now. Always a great deal of silence between Leia and I; a wide sea of quiet waters. It usually soothed me. But this time, Leia was waiting.
She sat across from me now, at the other end of a room and looked at me hard, her eyes dark beads as she sat so stilly a passerby couldn't tell her from the wooden structure she sat on.
"We need to talk," she said suddenly, her mouth opening and closing, her words falling like oil on a hot griddle.
"So talk," I said, my tone carefully modulated ambivalence.
"About you," She continued, still staring fixedly, not giving an inch.
It must have taken a lot of courage for her to broach this subject with me I thought absent mindedly. At the moment, I didn't much admire her for it.
"No love, I am afraid not today. I only do self-dissections later on in the week, and the only consultant allowed is the Wine I'm afraid," I said my smile not reaching my eyes.
"Raveyn you are-," she began, her voice a soft coax as she said my name on a painful sigh.
I stared calmly at her, my eyes going dead, as I spoke, soft warning in my voice, "There are very few things I value on this earth Leia. You are one. But do not try our friendship. Not now."
The last words were said with such menace, it surprised even me. I turned away, ashamed for once. It came so easily now, so readily, that desire to push away. An old blade, knicked and worn but time tested and loyal. And so easy to use.
"What friendship? We have one Raveyn? You never talk to me, you never confide in me. And every day that passes I see you lose more ground to whatever nameless foe your battling. Tell me friend, what should I do?" She said, speaking so softly, her words a plea for understanding.
The retort was already rising to my lips, and I felt it slip from its sheath, gliding twistingly on my tongue, only needing a little push.
It never came though; the look in Leia's eyes stopped me cold.
If ever concern could be expressed so eloquently, if ever pain and love could be sent on a gaze…
Words died on my tongue, and I could do nothing but listen, to the only person who had never let me down, and never asked anything from me.
"I don't know anymore Raveyn. I told myself when we left Rivendell I would look after you. I had never done that before you see," she said, shy suddenly as tears pushed over her eyes, "I mean looked after someone properly. Maybe if I had then he wouldn't have died." Her features twisted with pain as she remembered, feelings and thoughts flitting like wind over her face.
"With you, I thought to myself, that here was someone I cared for. Here was someone who cared for me," she said, hitting her hand against her chest, "And the day you came to me, crying, I made a promise to myself. I swore," she said her last word fierce and pushed through clenched teeth as tears trailed glistening lines down her cheeks.
She came and knelt before me, taking my face in her callused hands.
"And then it started and I've watched you waste away before me, for two years, without knowing what to do or what to say. I've seen you eat nary a bite for days, and drink naught but wine. Your wasting from the inside out and I've had to watch you silently without knowing what to do, your tongue growing crueler with each passing month. I didn't know what to do," she continued as my own tears slid down over her hands, my answering pain spilling hot and pouring through ever pore, "Do you know what that feels like? That helplessness that rides you day to day and sleeps in your bed at night…" She said, her voice quieting to a hushed plea - "Do you know the worthlessness that comes with it?"
Her eyes bore into mine as she shook me, her voice trembling on her question, "Do you?"
She spoke simply; her words all heart and feeling. So simply, I thought, my world now blurred and dim, as my mouth opened to say anything, anything at all. But nothing came, and I cried red.
I knew the truth for myself; I could feel it resonate, like hell's drum, in my bones. And I accepted it as cool as you please, with a tankard of wine, and a "Just one more."
But never once had I thought how it would affect Leia. That it would hurt her. It had never occurred to me once, in my brooding selfish pain, that I wasn't alone. So simple the answer would seem but it had never occurred to me I thought with anguish as she hugged me tightly, as if she never meant to let me go. I cried, wracking sobs that came choking from my heart, as I sought to rid myself of every ugly emotion, every failed dream or hope, every blighted memory, in a wash of saltine crystals.
"Please love, for me, pull yourself out. LIVE. You did the same for me once, and I'll be damned before I let you go down that road. It's so lonely love, so cold." She said holding me tightly as I sobbed softly into her shoulder, emotion pouring thickly like black bile.
She held me for a long while, as I cried and cried, everything emerging hissing into the light. I let everything fall away and shatter, breaking into a hundred million pieces, with a hundred million tears covering them. A shattered past under a salty sea, and all was still.
"It wasn't only because of him." I said at last, my shoulders still shaking with dry sobs. I could feel her smile against my hair as she said quietly, "I know. I know."
Comfortable quiet again. And then-
"But you need to tell him dear. He needs to hear it," she added after a while, rubbing gentle circles across my back.
"No," I said stubbornly, "He doesn't deserve to."
"Of course he doesn't," Leia said understanding arching her voice, "But he's a man. You have to allow for a certain amount of emotional stupidity where men are concerned," she said matter-of-factly.
"Legolas is emotionally retarded?" I asked, a persistent smile threatening to break free.
"Of course he is. You treated him as one would a woman, with the belief that he would act rationally and logically. That was where you went wrong dear. And then they accuse us of irrationality," she said, 'harumphing' in a most unladylike manner.
"Elves are supposed to be the superior race. One would assume-" I said, ambivalence tingeing my tone.
"Superior race my arse. If he has the necessary equipment you should immediately take for granted the fact that sometimes blood flow reverses direction. Their brains starve dearie," she said in a conspiratorial whisper.
I felt a bursting in my heart, a swelling happiness that came upon me as suddenly as spring, while sitting next to Leia. I laughed, a sharp sound that rang through the barn, disturbing the birds in the rafters. They took off in a flurry, and soon we found ourselves in the midst of feathers, slowly drifting, tumbling like little puffs of white colored red and orange by the dying sun.
"Tell him. When you do you will feel as if you could cloud dance over a hundred seas, trust me. He is only a man dear. Only a man who loves you more than he can say. It tears at him but he loves you, and don't you dare tell me he doesn't. Cassandra, may her soul rot uncomfortably in Sauron's darkest hell," Leia said on a breath, " is nothing. She never was. You think he didn't feel, somewhere, the shallowness, and evil that drove her? He's suffered enough lass; those kind of men, the good, honorable ones, have their consciences to torture them, and his will be burning him for some time. You needn't stoke the flames, he'll do it himself."
The prospect was unusually appealing. Self torture. I'd never thought of it before.
"Should I go now?" I said unsure.
"Best do it now, so then when you finish you can come help me pick the plumpest chickens for dinner tonight. Your first real meal in a long time I daresay," she said in disapproval, the thought of me turning down chicken dumplings anathema to her.
"Can't Donor help you? The damn things move so fast-"
"Last time Donor fell into the well, and we had to fish him out. It was not pleasant. Now," she said hauling herself up and me with her, " Get it over with, and then you can eat a good meal. And maybe have one cup of wine. If your good." She shoved me out the barn door and with an encouraging smile shut it in my face.
One cup of wine? One?!! She had to work on her persuasion skills I thought as I trudged across the square.
Opening the doors I glanced in, peering through the darkness. He was still chained, spread eagled on the wall, and his eyes gleamed in the dark, two polished blue jewels.
As I lit the lamps I turned and looked at him, that familiar heat rushing through me as always.
His tunic was still hanging tattered about his lean physique, and around his wrists, where the manacles had chafed his skin, was dried blood. Hawk eyes still followed me as alertly as ever, but there was a weariness about him. A slow weakening. I had hurt him.
Walking swiftly toward him I averted my eyes as I released his locks, and stepped away.
He looked at me pointedly, as if trying to fathom my purpose. He rubbed absently at his wrists as he stepped away, his whole being focused on me. I rummaged through the trunk and came up with some healing ointment and bandages. Placing them on the table I went to get some water from the clay pot in the corner of the room. The water was pleasantly cool.
When I turned toward him he was still by the wall, looking at me, his eyes and face a mask, that familiar imperial hauteur cloaked about him again.
I walked toward him and carefully took his wrists into my hands. They were scratched, but he wasn't badly wounded. If the idiot hadn't kept struggling he wouldn't have been hurt at all, I thought irritably.
I moved toward the table, gripping his wrist and pulling him insistently in tow behind me, when his hand twisted smoothly out of mine, and encircling my wrist in a quick viselike grip he snapped me back to him.
As he held my hand aloft he bent his head down, those eagle eyes glowing like black pools under a clear blue sky. His voice was rough edged with lack of sleep, and harsh as he said, "Since when did you play healer Raveyn?"
He held me close, that curtained fall of white blonde lying like gleaming silk across his shoulders, and his stance was locked as he waited for my answer, his eyes darkening steadily.
"Let it rest Legolas. I am trying to be nice. Let me." I said forcing the words out.
Amazingly, and blindingly sudden, he looked amused; dropping my wrist and with a decorous bow, he said, "After you my lady."
Only us I thought miserably as I marched to the table. No wonder we matched. Here we were in a potentially explosive situation, and he was sketching bows. And I was playing healer. We were both insane.
He held out his wrists as he sat down elegantly; it no longer bothered me how a man in rags could still exude more grace and presence than an entire army of courtiers. I accepted it with grace, I thought mildly as I smeared ointment roughly on his wrists. I wasn't jealous I said to myself as I tied the bandages tight around his wrists. With luck it would cut off his circulation.
He didn't grimace once. Merely looked at me the whole time with that fixed preying gaze, waiting.
I turned and paced the room trying to get my thoughts in order. How to start how to start. And what to say?
"You wanted the truth love? I can't promise you that. Its much too weighty a burden for my shoulders," I said facing him squarely, about ten paces across the room, "but I can promise you my truth. That I can do. All you have to do is listen. Can you?" I asked seriously.
He sat shoulders straight and limbs carefully folded, his pose seemingly relaxed. But I could feel more than see the tension that wired him, in those deceptively placid pools of melting blue.
"After I am done, you and Cassandra can go. We'll give you a horse and rations and blow kisses as you leave. I won't be able to keep you any longer without bringing down an entire army of elves on my head; that kind of thing wreaks havoc on business," I said airily, "particularly if you are in the pillaging industry. How long will it take them to discover that neither you nor Cassandra were seen at any of the inns along the way to the shire? Not very long, so I have very little time…there was something else let me see, let me see…. Oh yes," I said snapping my fingers my studied calm brilliantly carried through "any notions of revenge your beloved may harbor in that white heart of hers, or any desires on your part to find me, will only amount, alas, to failure. You will not find me, that I guarantee" I said a smile touching my lips and turning, hands on hips, I asked bluntly, "do you understand?"
It was impossible to tell what he thought of my statement. His eyes, if anything became even more calm, sluggish almost as he withdrew. Something, some stray thought of his elicited a small tug of his lips, as wry amusement flitted over his features. Stillness soon settled again as an uneasy assent fell between us. Whether or not he agreed with my intentions I frankly didn't care. It was what I intended to do. That was all that mattered.
"All right lets begin shall we? My truth I promised, and where to begin? So muddy it is and so long ago" I said, gathering my thoughts.
"I suppose at the beginning is the usual course of things. I was born in a small village. One of those nondescript villages that dot the countryside like fungal growths," I said dispassionately. "I came howling into this world, one frigid winter evening; a day so bitterly cold it wreaked havoc on the seeded crops. The temperature on the day of my birth, may perhaps have some bearing on my personality. I was never sunny, even at the best of the times, and those I could count on one hand and still have fingers left over. My mother died in childbirth. My father never spoke of her, but whenever her name, Elianne, chanced to be happened upon, there was this…this light in his eyes. Always this happiness, always," I paused savoring those memories again, like on old old wine aged to perfection. I had forgotten what pleasure memories could bring.
Shaking my head I began to pace again, my eyes traveling over the room, looking everywhere but at him.
"Remember the painter? The old man who could paint with a skill to be envied by those on high above…" I said proudly, "That was my father," I said, tears coming unbidden to my eyes as I stared intently at a loose plank in the wall.
"There are some men, who can change lives through important decisions they make high in state. But there are others who need not go so far, who just by living, can change those around them. Those are the good men, the ones whom always shine above the rest because spite and jealousy never touch their hearts, nor bitterness and envy their tongues. They are good," I emphasized heatedly, "in every sense of the word, and it casts a glow about them that draws others and soothes them. I am not like my father," I continued laconically, "If I was I would be dead by now," I said. Their was curiosity in his gaze, and concern, but I didn't see Legolas anymore. My eyes passed through him, through the barn and the square and the town and the hills to settle in the remote peaks of Blighted Hope as I sat frozen, awash in regret.
Memories…
I loved that old man; I loved him so much that it hurt, and I never told him. Not once did I ever tell father how much his only child ever truly loved him. And a day never passed that I didn't I wish I had been like him. To have earned the respect and name of Tyrolbain Crawford. Painter. Husband. Father.
I continued briskly, my words flowing faster and faster tumbling over themselves
"We lived happily and simply. Father, not knowing how to raise a girl, found a very simple solution. He raised me as a boy. I studied hard, and devoured whatever texts I could find. Often merchants would pass through, and I would nitpick at them for hours, taxing their patience as I peppered them with question after question. They brought books with them. All kinds of books - one of them was an old forgotten tome written in elvish script. It took me two years to decipher it, and all manners of research but I did it eventually." I said proudly, it had been no easy task, and my father had been so proud that day. So very proud that his daughter could read elvish. The road that took me down…
Brushing the thought away, I continued, not looking at Legolas, "In the course of my studies I had also discovered that I had a gift for logic. I could reason quite adeptly through some of the neatest little puzzles, and I enjoyed picking them apart slowly, savoring the different complex threads that held them together. I had talents; I was a talented child - naïve, and foolish but never let it be said that Raveyn was not without her gifts," I said smiling archly, my chin up in false pride.
He had said nothing throughout all this, keeping quiet and still, a lithe cat crouched in the corner, muscles tensed for the pounce. I didn't look at his face; and averted my eyes again to the sparse furniture that dotted the room.
"But all good things must come to an end, and what an end it was… We'd heard rumors of course of the war, and the men of the village had built walls around it. Huge towering walls that they believed would be able to hold back anything. We were simple village folk. We didn't know anything of the world; all we did know was that trouble was coming. And fast. But you see, our mistake was that we prepared for trouble," I said tilting my head as my voice sweetened like rancid honey, "Because Prince, it wasn't trouble that hit us that day; it was black evil that poured over our walls and ran floodlike through our streets; sinuous coils sliding between stones and into homes. The walls exploded and went flying like hay in the wind, and things came toward us. Ugly mean looking things who fought with men against us," I said pain creeping slowly into my voice as the scene unfolded before me again. I had stood, blood streaking my dress plain white dress as I watched everything I had ever loved crumble and sink back into the earth.
"We never stood a chance, and no one had time to pray. It was our time to give death his due, and we paid. Oh did we pay…" I said rubbing at my face, " I was a young woman at the time, a girl for all practical matters. To say I was horrified would be putting things mildly. The only thing that kept my mind from freezing in shock was the thought of father. I had to get him, I had to get him, was what kept running through my mind over and over, the same bell tolling every heartbeat. I did find him, eventually."
I didn't want to continue. Sitting there, my throat swelling, my heart bleeding I didn't want to. It was so hard… I hadn't expected it to be so hard.
"Do you love your father Legolas?"
The question confused him. His brow furrowed as he regarded me, the question turning over in his mind, like the tumblers of a lock. The obviousness of the answer I suppose halted him; it seemed too easy.
"Could you imagine life without him?" I asked.
He knew then. There was sympathy in those poets' eyes; but there could never be understanding.
In my idyllic life, death had never really intruded. It had never even occurred to me that my father would die; I had thought death couldn't touch a man so alive. Naïve. Foolish. Stupid stupid stupid.
"He was by our house, or what was left of it. It had been torn apart, and oozing from between the rocks and broken rafters I could see trails of yellows, oranges, blues and greens, a vibrant sea of brilliance. I still remember vividly the picture it made; I could appreciate the mocking irony," I said, my eyes bright.
"He was a little ways to the side, a small crumpled lump of grey. His hair, his face, his eyes, his clothing the sky the ground everything grey. " I said shaking my head from side to side as tears slipped out and burned trails down my face. Everything save for the blood. It pooled around him, a malignant tumor, growing blackly as I watched. I tried to stop it I remembered, I tried to put it back; cup it and put it back. My hands had been stained with that sticky warmth, all the way up to my elbows. What a pitiful sight I made. What a pathetic little girl.
"You see Legolas, you may have seen the horrors of the world a hundred fold, but I was untried in nightmares. That day broke me," I said my voice raw with emotion.
I was getting carried away I thought furiously wiping away those accusing tears. Giving a little laugh, " Broke who I was and created me," I said the last word in vicious glee.
"Me now. Me with secrets and hurts and faults and betrayals and strength. Above all strength," my eyes were wild as I spoke.
"Is that all you see?" he said incredulity in his voice.
"Don't you dare tell me that wasn't what you saw. Don't you dare," I said angrily, rising.
"The little shadow girl in her corner always hiding, skittish and wild, with those big eyes holding secrets. What a puzzle. Were you bored highness?" I said with disdain.
He remained seated and shook his head wearily those pretty blues wounded.
"That was never the case. Never. Deny it if you will but you know."
"Really," I said my eyes wide, "Know what? What do you see when you see me? Goodness, beauty, light? Faugh! You're lying," I said spitting my words out like darts.
He rose then, his shoulders sweeping back as he tensed ready to speak.
I had to finish first.
Then we could fight. I looked forward to it, I thought harnessing my anger, using it to push away lesser emotions.
"Stop. Sit down. You wanted to listen didn't you? Hear my story? Well then let me finish, because it just gets better from here."
I crouched, smiling widely.
"They took a small rag tag band of prisoners, and dragged us along with them. Slowly each day sapped away at their strength. The only way to survive in those wastes, was to feed off hate and anger. They couldn't, whether they were too innocent, or too weak I don't know. But I do know that I took my fill," I said watching him, " I wallowed in it tell it glazed my eyes and filled my mind with crazy dreams that blurred any line between reality and insanity. But hope came one day. Hope always comes," I said acridly, " They had caught an elf, a messenger, and in their stupid excitement, they had killed him. The only problem you see, was this was a very important elf carrying a very important letter. The letter," I said looking at him wide eyed, "was in code. While they battled it out amongst themselves, idiocy waging war against idiocy, I perused it carefully, the tumblers all coming into place as I put it together. It had ceased to become a message as soon as I'd deciphered it. Now, it was our salvation. Our salvation," I said reiterating the word softly, wonderingly. I had the best intentions…
" I didn't give a damn about elves off in a faraway place," I said suddenly, "All I thought was that I could save my friends now. So I decided to bargain, the information in the letter for our freedom. It was a simple code, but they wouldn't be able to break it. After arguments shouted back and forth, where I found myself on the point of a sword more than was healthy, they agreed, and when I had told them the contents, they grunted and promptly slew everyone but me. Everyone. For my insolence they said. And they laughed. I watched as they killed everyone of them. The look in their eyes…." I had to laugh then. Laugh or cry and I didn't want to cry. So I couldn't stop laughing as the irony of that situation hit me. I had been trying to save them. The sound rose angry as I kept laughing.
Somebody once said happiness is good health and a bad memory. I wasn't so blessed. To the end of my days I would be able to recall every anguish, every glance that passed across their features as they died, bleeding to death horribly at my doing. So many sins, so many mistakes. Stupid silly girl. Raveyn wasn't without her gifts…
"That was the first I suppose, in a long line of mistakes," I added, inflecting my tone with cool lightheartedness again.
"As you can imagine I was delivered trussed and bound to Saruman. They had told him all about the clever little human. I think it galled him to admit that he failed at something I excelled at. And I was a woman. A scraggly mousy haired starved waif to be sure, but a woman nonetheless," I remembered visibly our first meeting. He had stared at me icily over beetled brows, his hair flowing white against his robe. White. I had been amused when I first saw him. Everything amused me then. Such mocking purity…
"He put me in the library, set me to translating. I had refused to speak to him. Whether it was impertinence or a death wish I am still not quite sure. But it infuriated him, and he turned almost purple with rage as he threatened me with everything under the sun, and gave me quite a few lashings. But when you have nothing to lose you see, well... It's a different game then. You play, more…risky," I said, savoring that word with all its implications. We danced, Death and I, for many a day; tell I came to know his promised comforts like the back of my hand.
I chanced a glance at Legolas and he was watching me intently; for a brief second, I felt that he knew what it was like. That he knew and could feel my pain. There was a kinship in those eyes that cracked like lightning across any distance I tried to build. That kept pulling and drawing no matter my bitterest efforts to pull free. Ironies abounded in my world.
Time to continue.
"I had however, gotten far too cocky in my new role, and my attempt at blasé indifference failed miserably when he brought in a telegram for me to decipher. Because this time he also brought a little child. A boy whose cheeks were filthy where mud had caked around dried tears and mucus, and who didn't cry at all. It was unnatural how still and quiet he was, a mere doll that breathed," I wondered aloud, "They had sucked all the life out of him… For each day it took for me to decipher that message, one would die. I worked feverishly all night, and had it ready before dawn. I was given a glare and the boy was spared. Or at least I think he was. I had no way of knowing for sure, for all I knew Saruman could have gone out and pitched him as a meal to the dogs. But I had to do it, for myself. Each life I felt I saved, compensated for the ones I had been responsible in destroying." Tears slipped from the corners of my eyes and I brushed them away again, furiously. He had to see that that was why. It wasn't only saving lives. It was my redemption. I needed to atone.
"The telegrams didn't mean anything. They were nameless people in far away places that I knew nothing about. But the ones that I could save, those I could do something about. Finally came that last message. Concerning the sixteenth battalion. This one, this one was very important to Saruman," I said bitterly. He had stood before me, his eyes gleaming, bug like and putrescent in their greed as he shook my arm, his fingers like white worms gnawing at me.
I stood up and walked over to Legolas, straddling the bench as I faced him, my eyes downcast,
"I'm sorry for the friends you lost that day. It must have been cruel for you, to have known them for so long. I would hate me too. But," I said shaking my head as I tried to explain, "I had to do it you see? Even if I could change my actions I wouldn't because I had to do it. There was no choice. There was none, not for me and that's the truth. After the sixteenth, I made my escape. The guard had grown lax about me and they also rightly figured, that anyone escaping from Isengaard could easily be brought back. But I did escape. And I hid in the one place I knew that Saruman would never think to look. The Dungeons of Isengaard," I said to him. Another mistake, although I didn't think it then. That place sowed nightmares and fed on them, it sucked you of everything you ever dreamed or hoped, feeding off you till you went mad.
"I kept a journal, a trifle but it kept me sane; it was bounded with loose bits of paper and cloth and it recounted everything. Every anguish and doubt that afflicted me. That's where you must have gotten your information. No one else could have known. I don't know how your elf found it, I lost it in the dungeons. I don't know and I don't care. I have told you my truth. My whole truth and nothing but my truth. Make of it what you will. But there you have it."
Silence.
I looked at him, and breath grew still in my throat as my hand surreptitiously stole to the dirk at me side.
He was furious. More angry than I had ever seen him, his rage building before me as I stood statue still, cold flowing off him and wrapping around me. His eyes had bled of all their color, as white shot their blue depths. Cold that seemed to grow as he sat, not moving at all, as if blood had frozen in his veins. So this was what it mean to face elven wrath. I quickly stepped away from the bench drawing my weapon fluidly. He glanced at me then, his eyes empty, windy ice caverns. He watched me lazily, not moving at all, not threatened at all.
He stood up, and I shifted backwards.
"I will call the guards, if you don't step back immediately," I said my threat lingering impotent in the air.
"They wouldn't be able to hold me," he said simply, a matter of fact, no arrogance or pride in his tone.
I twisted, turning to run, when he moved, crossing distance between us faster than a thought, and like an eel he shifted his body so my thrust slid easily past him and then wrapping one arm about my waist to still me, his other hand tightened its grip around my wrist as he shrewdly twisted the knife out of my nerveless fingers. He pulled me flush against his hard, unyielding body, and I could feel anger pulsing steadily around him.
I struggled in that implacable grip confused and upset.
He looked down at me pain in his eyes.
"Ellivir…" he said, his voice a muted whisper.
I turned to him inquiringly.
He was clenching his teeth and an angry muscle ticked in his jaw.
He looked at me, humiliation in his eyes, "I am sorry. My lady," he said, his voice thick with sincerity and regret, "I am sorry. I was a fool, such a fool," he said.
He looked at me tenderly, his fingers dancing across my face, tracing my jaw.
"To be taught my place, by a woman so many years my junior," he said as his fingertips touched my lips.
My mouth went dry and sticky. The tenseness faded, replaced by a hotter more identifiable emotion. My heart began to pound now, and not with fear.
He perused my face, as if seeing me for the first time, trying to memorize every feature, every lash, every curve of my face.
"To have found my place, beside a woman far better than me" he said in on an indrawn breath.
And then his body molded to mine as kissed me gently.
Persuasively I thought through a dull red haze as my mouth opened under the angled pressure of his.
Sinfully I thought, as his tongue licked at my top lip, and slid hotly into my mouth.
His hands slid into my hair, grabbing fistfuls as he pulled me roughly into him, his mouth working feverishly over mine as fire lit in my veins. His body lay completely unmoving beside mine, but his mouth…his tongue his teeth and those husky guttural words whispered between breaths by a drowning man to a drowning woman.
I writhed against him, hips twisting seeking release as I focused only on him, the moment dwindling to a single point of light, brilliant in its preciseness.
Chords hummed across my skin and I felt cool air hit my heated skin. I observed disoriented, my shirt fall, ever so slowly to the floor, and lifting my eyes I met his.
Thickly lashed, and of a blue only found in unfathomed seas, they lit up now, burning spars in the gathering darkness; a light to follow in the gloom. There was a promise there, a devil-may-care smoldering, that I swallowed, and it slid searing, down my throat. I barely felt those deft fingers loosening the stays of my britches; barely felt him pick me up and lay me on the rough cot.
Like a master musician, his fingers danced across my skin, touching each nerve, releasing every passion in an upward spiral of madness. He teased and tempted and seduced every inch of my body, his hands drifting, tracing feather like over the delicate skin of my nipples, now puckered to hard tips. I reached for him, my hands gliding over his flesh feeling muscle rippling sleekly under the skin of my hands. They drifted downward and he stopped me with a soft laugh, trapping my wrists above my head, his eyes nay-saying me.
He kissed me again then, as his hands skillfully found that tender bud, and lazily and oh so sweetly he enticed, and with his mouth he devoured with a ravenousness that left me arching achingly into him, my eyes blind, my every move instinctual; animal. I wanted him.
I gave a low growl in my throat and he lifted his head and looked amused, as his hand kept rubbing slow insistent circles, bringing me oh so slowly to that edge I could feel just out of reach. He simply watched me the whole time as those deft fingers worked, touching every chord, stripping every nerve, releasing every lust. My head went back as moans fell chokingly from my lips as I tried to breathe and feel and fulfill and touch and..and….
"Legolas" I said and felt more than saw his hips lower to mine. My legs wrapped instantly around and urged him faster, but he kept that slow pace, sliding in inch by inch, my loins stretching dizzyingly to fit him and as he plunged in hard I hit that aloof lonely peak, throbbing red and shattering into brilliant blindingly lit shards streaking through me, through my blood as I exploded, my nerves fraying like branches in a harsh wind. He kept that rhythm, slow and fast, slow and fast, tell I lay pliable like wax beneath him, shimmering as he swept us into a furor of passion, raw enough to strip hide from bone. Raw enough to burn the past.
Consumed in an inferno we both melted, melding together in that thunderous chord that echoed hoarsely through that dimlit barn in nowhere land.
Leia's POV
I felt a very deep satisfaction this night, a coursing energy that hummed through me. Everything was falling into place more or less.
I walked outside, enjoying the stillness of the night air; the stars lay strung out across the sky and I just sat there for a while, savoring the majesty of the moment, and the rush that was beginning to build in my veins.
I didn't have much time now. He would be leaving soon and taking her with him. Which reminded me….
I glanced behind, smiling musingly at the outhouse they were in.
"Serve her well highness," I said softly, my words flitting across the square. Ahh it was a glorious night.
I turned and made my way in the opposite direction, to the little dark shack where she was. Entering I lit the lamps and stood next to her.
She was furious, her violet eyes gnashing at me as they bulged, red veined. Humiliation tinged those pretty cheeks an ugly mottled purple.
I reached down and undid her gag.
She said nothing at all, using her body language and her face to convey meaning. She flayed me down to bone with that scalding gaze, and tossed the rest in the rubbish heap.
It didn't bother me. I was stronger now. I hadn't known it when I saw her again, and panic had brought back my old feelings. But I had noticed that they ill fit me now, like clothes I had outgrown, cinching in to tight around the seams blocking me. I was bigger now; stronger.
I smiled at her.
"I feel sorry for you you know. Despite everything I feel sorry for you," and I continued as incredulity widened her eyes, "Yes me, a human. For you an elf. You are the unhappiest creature I have ever seen," I told her sadly, "and I have seen too many in my life. You take pleasure in nothing, and give pleasure to none. You see no beauty in life, only ugliness-"
She interrupted me, "Have you forgotten your place little Leia? Little hunched Leia, scared of her own shadow, skittering like a mouse. Little little LEIA. How dare you lecture me," she said hissing at me, her words delivered on an acid edge.
I shook my head, "I am not the little one Cassandra. You are so small in your own eyes you have to make others smaller than you to feel better. But not anymore, not with me. I've come into my own, and you don't frighten me anymore. Does that frighten you?" I asked, one eyebrow raised in question.
Her lips pinched together, as if she had a bad taste in her mouth.
"I don't know what happened to you, or what lies in your past that has twisted you. But if you don't find your way out, it will be too late. And you will have fallen into a trap of your own weaving, with layer after layer of deception being your undoing," I said sincerely.
I couldn't tell you why I told her that, why I felt it so important to tell her that.
I had been doing much thinking over the past few days. And it had led me to Raveyn. And to Cassandra.
If circumstances had been different I had thought to myself, and if Cassandra had lived Raveyn's life, and Raveyn Cassandra's…would they have gone down the same path? Would I have been looking down at Raveyn now, gold eyes snapping furiously at me?
It had shaken me that thought; Raveyn and Cassandra so very very similar. Both uncannily intelligent. Both driven. Very driven. And both with an inner strength that formed the backbone of their personalities.
Now wonder they had hated each other so much. Familiarity breeds contempt…
Raveyn had a past that had shaped her life. And Cassandra had a past that had shaped hers.
She looked into those unfathomable eyes filled with scorn. I heard the door open slowly. He had come. My time was up.
"I wish you happiness Cassandra." I said dusting myself off, regret in my tone.
"Save your wishes and prayers for yourself," she said, still ever the fury, her snarling locks thrown across that vividly pale skin, "I assure you, you will need them," she said, the promise deadly as poison in her eyes.
I ignored her and turned to face him.
"Leaving so soon?" I asked sweetly.
He had the honesty to blush and I saw, underneath the Prince's regalia, the man.
"I will be back," he said in that smooth silk and cream voice of his.
I walked up to him, and looked at him closely. Firm sculpted lips, with even firmer more sculpted cheekbones, sweeping dark lashes with even darker winged eyebrows. And eyes of the most luminous pure blue poured from celestial sky oil. What I saw in those eyes satisfied me.
"Maybe you will. And Maybe you won't," I said with a shrug of my shoulders, "There are two horses in the barn, saddled with provisions, and they should take you as far as Bree. Good bye," I said with a nod and graciously turned to leave.
I didn't hear him move, but as I opened the door a strong hand on my shoulder stopped me, and I turned to look at him questioningly.
He tilted my chin up with his hand, "Thank you my lady," he said gently.
"For what?"
"Understanding," he responded simply and I understood.
I smiled happily.
He brushed his lips briefly against mine, a soft kiss, and then stepped back respectfully.
I closed the door and stepped out into the square, a small skip in my step. He really was very good looking, and it really was such a beautiful night.
"Your looking rather pleased," a rough voice said to my left.
I turned lifting my head.
"That's because I am pleased," I said to him archly.
He looked at me, those wicked green eyes dancing with suggestions for what exactly would be pleasing to him. He held out his hand.
I took it.
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I can just imagine the reactions. I am a bit nervous actually. I hope I have made this chapter realistic enough, emotionally wise, to be able to be swallowed without wincing, and I really hope that you guys liked it. You finally got Raveyn's past, and all in one chunk too. It was her catharsis so to speak, her purging all the bad blood. She needed it.
I have only one more chapter to write, and it is going to be huge. This one itself was a good 30 pages. And with the next chapter I am going to revert back to the different pov's because…well you will see.
By the by the quote, Happiness is good health and a bad memory was said by the incomparable Ingrid Bergman.
To the Readers:
Again thank you. I am beginning to sound like a parrot its ridiculous, but you guys are seriously amazing. I could never have finished without you.
Katsy: What can I say? You rock girlfriend. I loved your review it made me so damn happy. That is the most important thing for me, that the characters act the way they are supposed to, in a realistic well fleshed out manner and I am glad beyond words that you felt my characters did that. They were developed enough for you. Thank you thank you! I hope you like this chapter as much as the others.
Ameliebabie: Thank you! I am glad you felt I brought out the emotions well, this story is powered by Raveyn's roller coaster emotions and it was difficult to bring them out without causing problems or eyebrows to raise. Thank you for the praise, and I hope you like this chapter.
Leena: That was sort of a joyous reunion right? Hehe. At least he made her a very happy woman for one night…
Padme Sky: Your review had me grinning so badly thank you! And each chapter I write I am like, ok how is everybody going to like this one. And I swear each chapter I think you guys will hate it. But you don't. Thanks for your review, it was wonderful.
Visions of Time: Legolas would save Cassandra because that's the type of person he is. He is honorable to the core and he would never let her just die. Well mon ami, I am glad you have been enjoying the story and I hope you like this chapter. It came before your school started, so there is the topping on your cake. : )
Tigress33: Exactly! That's one of the points I was trying to bring across, that they were miserable without each other. But then again, I wouldn't call them being together cream and pie but hey, it's a different kind of misery. Hehe.
Xnedra: Your review was abso-bloody-lutely wonderful. Thanks!
Rinlossien: Rinlossien you are my most polite reader. You keep thanking me for sharing my creativity and passion with you. It should be I that thanks you for bothering to read it and give an opinion.
Stefynae: As usual Stephanie, your review was wonderful. You have been there from the beginning and what a dark road it was. Its close to the end though. Thank you for taking the time to read this and review it.
Darma druid: You are merciless arent you? I like it. But she did forgive the poor chap. If you really think about it, they were both to blame, if they had communicated, the whole thing wouldn't have happened. But as one reviewer mentioned before, pride fucks you over. And your right, if Raveyn was bent on revenge, she would have sent him away; but that action would have eaten her up inside, and killed her. She needed this catharsis this release, because it had been building for too long. And he was the perfect vessel.
Alexis Rayette: Where to start Alexis? You said the story had no stable plot line. I am sorry you felt that way; the only plot line I put in was raveyn. The story revolves around Raveyn and her story and the people in her line. And you said it didn't have a smooth progression and you are absolutely right. It doesn't, its very rough, but I meant it that way purposefully to mirror the eges of Raveyn and Legolas relationship. And as for character development, well you and I differ on the meaning of character development. If you mean I don't delve into the pasts of my characters save for Raveyn, well then you are right. But for me character development, is spinning a character well enough that readers are able to understand and follow their thoughts and ideas, as well as care for them. And as for your last concern, why are Raveyn and Legolas in love? Well for that I asked the readers to believe in a love, that like the elves, was immortal. They connected in a way that wasn't just love, but more recognition. A balancing an acceptance a connection. That's what I tried to bring across anyway. Thank you for your criticism, it was well appreciated. I saw my story through the eyes of someone else.
Anna: Thank you for taking the time to tell me how you felt. You were absolutely right, the tension had reached crazy crazy heights. It couldn't go up anymore. But I had to bring the story to that level to allow for this chapter. She had to have her breakdown/release. She had been stretched to thin. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.