EIGHT MAIDS A-MILKING
January 2
After breakfast the next morning, Archer informed his crew of their activities for the day. "I found out from Rutger that in order to see their Sovereign we have to bring a special gift. We need to collect the juice from eight wekas. The Suan Sisters are going to lead us to the best place to find them."
"Wonder what the fruit tastes like? Must be pretty good if it's considered a gift for a king," said Tucker as he stretched. Breakfast had been quite filling, but again the Suan Sisters weren't being flirty like they had been yesterday.
They heard the giggling and were soon greeted by Vin, Rin, Tin, Gin, and Sin who all carried a backpack. "Lin sent us to help you with the wekas. We'll show you how to collect its juice."
Running to catch up to them was Fin who was waving a stack of cylinders in her hand. "You'll need these containers to fill for the weka juice."
The Suans frolicked, skipped and giggled as they made their way to a nearby meadow, plucking strands of grass to chew as they went. Tucker and Archer still found their antics enchanting while Sato groaned. The Suan Sisters were the type of women that Blonde jokes were based on.
Sato stole a glance to her little Armory Officer who was keeping a vigilant eye on their surroundings. The night had passed innocently enough between them, but she had been amused in discovering for herself that Reed spoke in his sleep. She had pretended to still be asleep when he woke up to find his arms wrapped around her. Reed had gotten out of bed quietly and left. Sato could have wrung his neck at that point, but then she considered her strategy. One more night on the planet and a lot could happen.
"The wekas are down there," said Sin when they came over their last hilltop. They had walked for a good hour by now.
Archer looked down into the meadow. He saw a herd of large, shaggy mammals grazing in the morning light, but no sign of fruit trees or any plants other than grass. "Are the wekas underground? We needed to know to bring shovels if they're underground."
Sin smiled and shook her head. "Those are the weka."
A weka turned to stare at the intruders and emitted a loud moo. The Enterprise officers turned to look at their Captain. The Captain turned to look at Sin. "How are we supposed to get juice from these animals--oh, no, not that!"
Sin brought her hands up to her own torso and gestured. Tucker stared at her dumbfounded, not realizing he was repeating the same gesture. Archer nudged for him to stop.
"The weka are very difficult to juice, that is why the fluid is so prized," explained Sin as her sisters giggled. "We will help you. It will take all of us to capture the weka and juice them."
"We humans use the term milk. We milk animals," said Archer. He then turned to his own crew and asked, "Do any of you know anything about milking cows?"
Everyone turned to look at Tucker. Reed was enjoying himself when he asked, "Commander, I don't suppose you raised a cow as well as a chicken in your youth?"
Tucker brought his hands to his face as he admitted, "We had a milk cow, but, Cap'n, you're not gonna make me..."
-----
The six Suan Sisters had shown the Starfleet officers how to quietly approach the weka, rope it and put a hobble around its legs so that the creature wouldn't move. Then had come the demonstration of how to produce the milk ejection. Rather than the long stream the humans expected, a tiny drop was all they gained for their efforts, but apparently this was the norm.
The Chief Engineer and the Captain appeared to be the only ones on the away team capable of milking the wekas. Reed and Sato had tried to approach the creatures, but their dark hair spooked them, so they were left with the task of collecting the bioscans for T'Pol and calling out encouragement to their colleagues.
"We said no mercy, remember," reminded Sato as she saw Reed give a sympathetic glance toward Tucker.
"You're right, Ensign," confirmed Reed. He called, "Good rhythm, Commander, you're way ahead of the Captain."
"You can catch up, Sir. I think Trip is getting repetitive motion syndrome," offered Sato.
Tucker turned to Archer and said, "I'm an engineer, not a milk maid, Cap'n."
The Suan Sisters laughed when they heard Tucker's comment. Sin gave the engineer a smile and said, "But you are a Mayd. It is the title of one who gathers weka juice. I am Mayd of Sin, you will be Mayd of Tucker."
Archer joined in the Suans laughter, but then warned, "If anyone mentions a word of this to T'Pol I'm busting them down to crewman second class."
Sato only had to turn a quirked eyebrow to Reed before she heard him sigh. Still, she said, "Coincidence?"
"I know. Eight Mayds a-milking," finished Reed. "I'm trying to ignore it, Ensign. I suggest you do the same. At least they're mammals this time."
Sato plucked a piece of the sweet grass and nibbled on it as she had seen the Suan Sisters do. No wonder the wekas liked it so much. She also began feeling very, uh, frisky. She shifted her legs restlessly and looked at Reed who was busy looking at the scanner while she licked her lips. Some part of her brain vaguely registered that she now understood why the Suan Sisters acted the way they did.
"It's such a pastoral setting, don't you think?" asked Reed as he leaned on his elbows in the grass.
Reed was also enjoying the fact they were sitting upwind from the wekas. Apparently their pungent odor also affected the flavor of the milk. How any culture could prize the beverage was beyond Reed's understanding.
Reed then asked, "You don't think they'll make us drink the stuff, do you? Ensign? Hoshi? Are you all right?"
Sato suddenly giggled and gave Reed a coy glance that reminded him of someone, but he couldn't place whom. She shifted closer to him as she unbound her hair. She giggled again, and shook her head to bring her hair in a dark cascade around her.
Next Reed found her reaching around him for the scanner asking, "Ooo, what's that? You must be so smart to figure out how it works."
Reed looked at the eyes batting at him, the hands that seemed to be flitting all over his body and registered yet another giggle. Good heavens, she'd turned into a twit! He then stopped Sato before she reached for another strand of grass.
"Oh, so you DO want to play." Sato giggled as she tried to reach for the strand in his hand which Reed was holding aloft in order to scan it. Since both of his hands were occupied, he had limited ability to fend off Sato's lunges except with his elbows. Just as he finished the scan, Sato snuck under his arms and onto his lap, giggling the entire time.
"You know, I expected them to be a bit more discreet," said Archer as he turned to the sound of Sato's giggling.
Tucker looked over considering Reed and nodded. "It's always the quiet ones."
Reed managed to pull his communicator out of his pocket since Sato was busy unzipping everything she could get her hands on. Giggle, zip, giggle, zip.
"Reed to Enterprise. Please connect me with Dr. Phlox. Stop that right now, Ensign!"
"Ooo, commanding, aren't we?" responded Sato as she wiggled comfortably against his lap.
"Doctor Phlox? I'm transmitting a scan I just took of some grass. Ensign Saa-tohh! Stop that I said! No, Doctor, not you. Ensign Sato ingested some and--Oh, really? I'm not surpri-aye-sed."
At this point Reed literally rolled on top of Sato and pinned her arms underneath her while he tried to listen to the instructions Dr. Phlox was providing.
"Yessss. I'll see what I can do."
"That sounds promising," said Sato with a giggle as she squirmed under Reed.
"Come with me," said Reed as he pulled Sato up and held onto her hands with an iron grasp. He called to Archer saying, "Captain, Hoshi's been affected by something in the grass. Phlox said to take her back to the shuttlepod to give her a sedative until it wears off."
Tucker turned to Archer and said, "Now that's a good story."
Archer looked at his officers and just waved them on. Maybe they'd wear themselves out and leave he and Tucker in peace. He turned to his Chief Engineer and asked, "Do you think this is even half full?"
Tucker peeked over to Archer's container. "Naw, it's half empty."
"Well, I say it's half full..."
-----
Reed hoped he could make it to the shuttle. At first Sato was content to skip by his side or frolic all around him. She was actually quite cute when she was brainless, but he was unaccustomed to having her face filled with a rather vacuous expression.
Then Sato decided it was a perfect time for a piggy-back ride and jumped on his back. He couldn't shake her off! Worse, she kept saying, "Yee-haw, ride 'em, Cowboy."
Reed decided he would erase anything relating to Western movies in the ship's database when they got back to Enterprise. They arrived at the shuttlepod and Reed sighed in relief.
But ss Sato jumped off his back, she stumbled and turned her ankle.
"Hoshi! Here, let me take a look."
Reed knelt on the ground to take her boot off. He kept being distracted by a hand that kept snaking up his pant leg. The woman needed to be sedated quickly. He left the pouting woman sitting on the grass and quickly tossed items out of the medical kit as he searched for the sedative.
Reed carried the hypospray back to Sato just in time to prevent her from chewing on another blade of grass. He felt complete relief when she collapsed in his arms.
-----
Hoshi woke in the middle of the night with a pounding headache. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and knew it was Malcolm. Her thoughts were quite simple. "Stun me, please."
Malcolm smiled and rose to get her a drink. "Here. Dr. Phlox said this should help the headache."
Hoshi drank it down, then looked around the room. It was their assigned quarters from last night. Then she remembered.
"Oh my gosh, I--I became a, a--"
"Dumb bimbo?" offered Malcolm with a nod of his head. "Dr. Phlox said that the grass contained a psychotropic drug. I had to give you a sedative, but that left you with the residual headache. You also turned your ankle. It should be fine if you rest it tomorrow."
Hoshi drank down her medicine then threw herself back onto the bed. She thought about how to say embarrassed in twelve different languages. Then she noticed she was wearing her comfortable t-shirt. "Thanks for taking care of me, Malcolm. You're the best."
As she was drifted off again, she managed to mumble, "I'm so glad I'm a brunette."
She thought she heard Malcolm say, "So am I, Hoshi."
-----
That night Malcolm slept on top of the covers while Hoshi curled up against him. He dreamed about being surrounded by blondes. Some had Hoshi's face, but not her mind. Others turned out to be Madeline speaking in puns. Malcolm finally spotted the dark hair and waded through the women around him to be at her side. In his sleep, Malcolm smiled. He was having an intelligent conversation with his Hoshi in the dream. Hoshi woke up when she heard Malcolm talking in his sleep again. They had quite a conversation that night.
*****
January 2
After breakfast the next morning, Archer informed his crew of their activities for the day. "I found out from Rutger that in order to see their Sovereign we have to bring a special gift. We need to collect the juice from eight wekas. The Suan Sisters are going to lead us to the best place to find them."
"Wonder what the fruit tastes like? Must be pretty good if it's considered a gift for a king," said Tucker as he stretched. Breakfast had been quite filling, but again the Suan Sisters weren't being flirty like they had been yesterday.
They heard the giggling and were soon greeted by Vin, Rin, Tin, Gin, and Sin who all carried a backpack. "Lin sent us to help you with the wekas. We'll show you how to collect its juice."
Running to catch up to them was Fin who was waving a stack of cylinders in her hand. "You'll need these containers to fill for the weka juice."
The Suans frolicked, skipped and giggled as they made their way to a nearby meadow, plucking strands of grass to chew as they went. Tucker and Archer still found their antics enchanting while Sato groaned. The Suan Sisters were the type of women that Blonde jokes were based on.
Sato stole a glance to her little Armory Officer who was keeping a vigilant eye on their surroundings. The night had passed innocently enough between them, but she had been amused in discovering for herself that Reed spoke in his sleep. She had pretended to still be asleep when he woke up to find his arms wrapped around her. Reed had gotten out of bed quietly and left. Sato could have wrung his neck at that point, but then she considered her strategy. One more night on the planet and a lot could happen.
"The wekas are down there," said Sin when they came over their last hilltop. They had walked for a good hour by now.
Archer looked down into the meadow. He saw a herd of large, shaggy mammals grazing in the morning light, but no sign of fruit trees or any plants other than grass. "Are the wekas underground? We needed to know to bring shovels if they're underground."
Sin smiled and shook her head. "Those are the weka."
A weka turned to stare at the intruders and emitted a loud moo. The Enterprise officers turned to look at their Captain. The Captain turned to look at Sin. "How are we supposed to get juice from these animals--oh, no, not that!"
Sin brought her hands up to her own torso and gestured. Tucker stared at her dumbfounded, not realizing he was repeating the same gesture. Archer nudged for him to stop.
"The weka are very difficult to juice, that is why the fluid is so prized," explained Sin as her sisters giggled. "We will help you. It will take all of us to capture the weka and juice them."
"We humans use the term milk. We milk animals," said Archer. He then turned to his own crew and asked, "Do any of you know anything about milking cows?"
Everyone turned to look at Tucker. Reed was enjoying himself when he asked, "Commander, I don't suppose you raised a cow as well as a chicken in your youth?"
Tucker brought his hands to his face as he admitted, "We had a milk cow, but, Cap'n, you're not gonna make me..."
-----
The six Suan Sisters had shown the Starfleet officers how to quietly approach the weka, rope it and put a hobble around its legs so that the creature wouldn't move. Then had come the demonstration of how to produce the milk ejection. Rather than the long stream the humans expected, a tiny drop was all they gained for their efforts, but apparently this was the norm.
The Chief Engineer and the Captain appeared to be the only ones on the away team capable of milking the wekas. Reed and Sato had tried to approach the creatures, but their dark hair spooked them, so they were left with the task of collecting the bioscans for T'Pol and calling out encouragement to their colleagues.
"We said no mercy, remember," reminded Sato as she saw Reed give a sympathetic glance toward Tucker.
"You're right, Ensign," confirmed Reed. He called, "Good rhythm, Commander, you're way ahead of the Captain."
"You can catch up, Sir. I think Trip is getting repetitive motion syndrome," offered Sato.
Tucker turned to Archer and said, "I'm an engineer, not a milk maid, Cap'n."
The Suan Sisters laughed when they heard Tucker's comment. Sin gave the engineer a smile and said, "But you are a Mayd. It is the title of one who gathers weka juice. I am Mayd of Sin, you will be Mayd of Tucker."
Archer joined in the Suans laughter, but then warned, "If anyone mentions a word of this to T'Pol I'm busting them down to crewman second class."
Sato only had to turn a quirked eyebrow to Reed before she heard him sigh. Still, she said, "Coincidence?"
"I know. Eight Mayds a-milking," finished Reed. "I'm trying to ignore it, Ensign. I suggest you do the same. At least they're mammals this time."
Sato plucked a piece of the sweet grass and nibbled on it as she had seen the Suan Sisters do. No wonder the wekas liked it so much. She also began feeling very, uh, frisky. She shifted her legs restlessly and looked at Reed who was busy looking at the scanner while she licked her lips. Some part of her brain vaguely registered that she now understood why the Suan Sisters acted the way they did.
"It's such a pastoral setting, don't you think?" asked Reed as he leaned on his elbows in the grass.
Reed was also enjoying the fact they were sitting upwind from the wekas. Apparently their pungent odor also affected the flavor of the milk. How any culture could prize the beverage was beyond Reed's understanding.
Reed then asked, "You don't think they'll make us drink the stuff, do you? Ensign? Hoshi? Are you all right?"
Sato suddenly giggled and gave Reed a coy glance that reminded him of someone, but he couldn't place whom. She shifted closer to him as she unbound her hair. She giggled again, and shook her head to bring her hair in a dark cascade around her.
Next Reed found her reaching around him for the scanner asking, "Ooo, what's that? You must be so smart to figure out how it works."
Reed looked at the eyes batting at him, the hands that seemed to be flitting all over his body and registered yet another giggle. Good heavens, she'd turned into a twit! He then stopped Sato before she reached for another strand of grass.
"Oh, so you DO want to play." Sato giggled as she tried to reach for the strand in his hand which Reed was holding aloft in order to scan it. Since both of his hands were occupied, he had limited ability to fend off Sato's lunges except with his elbows. Just as he finished the scan, Sato snuck under his arms and onto his lap, giggling the entire time.
"You know, I expected them to be a bit more discreet," said Archer as he turned to the sound of Sato's giggling.
Tucker looked over considering Reed and nodded. "It's always the quiet ones."
Reed managed to pull his communicator out of his pocket since Sato was busy unzipping everything she could get her hands on. Giggle, zip, giggle, zip.
"Reed to Enterprise. Please connect me with Dr. Phlox. Stop that right now, Ensign!"
"Ooo, commanding, aren't we?" responded Sato as she wiggled comfortably against his lap.
"Doctor Phlox? I'm transmitting a scan I just took of some grass. Ensign Saa-tohh! Stop that I said! No, Doctor, not you. Ensign Sato ingested some and--Oh, really? I'm not surpri-aye-sed."
At this point Reed literally rolled on top of Sato and pinned her arms underneath her while he tried to listen to the instructions Dr. Phlox was providing.
"Yessss. I'll see what I can do."
"That sounds promising," said Sato with a giggle as she squirmed under Reed.
"Come with me," said Reed as he pulled Sato up and held onto her hands with an iron grasp. He called to Archer saying, "Captain, Hoshi's been affected by something in the grass. Phlox said to take her back to the shuttlepod to give her a sedative until it wears off."
Tucker turned to Archer and said, "Now that's a good story."
Archer looked at his officers and just waved them on. Maybe they'd wear themselves out and leave he and Tucker in peace. He turned to his Chief Engineer and asked, "Do you think this is even half full?"
Tucker peeked over to Archer's container. "Naw, it's half empty."
"Well, I say it's half full..."
-----
Reed hoped he could make it to the shuttle. At first Sato was content to skip by his side or frolic all around him. She was actually quite cute when she was brainless, but he was unaccustomed to having her face filled with a rather vacuous expression.
Then Sato decided it was a perfect time for a piggy-back ride and jumped on his back. He couldn't shake her off! Worse, she kept saying, "Yee-haw, ride 'em, Cowboy."
Reed decided he would erase anything relating to Western movies in the ship's database when they got back to Enterprise. They arrived at the shuttlepod and Reed sighed in relief.
But ss Sato jumped off his back, she stumbled and turned her ankle.
"Hoshi! Here, let me take a look."
Reed knelt on the ground to take her boot off. He kept being distracted by a hand that kept snaking up his pant leg. The woman needed to be sedated quickly. He left the pouting woman sitting on the grass and quickly tossed items out of the medical kit as he searched for the sedative.
Reed carried the hypospray back to Sato just in time to prevent her from chewing on another blade of grass. He felt complete relief when she collapsed in his arms.
-----
Hoshi woke in the middle of the night with a pounding headache. She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and knew it was Malcolm. Her thoughts were quite simple. "Stun me, please."
Malcolm smiled and rose to get her a drink. "Here. Dr. Phlox said this should help the headache."
Hoshi drank it down, then looked around the room. It was their assigned quarters from last night. Then she remembered.
"Oh my gosh, I--I became a, a--"
"Dumb bimbo?" offered Malcolm with a nod of his head. "Dr. Phlox said that the grass contained a psychotropic drug. I had to give you a sedative, but that left you with the residual headache. You also turned your ankle. It should be fine if you rest it tomorrow."
Hoshi drank down her medicine then threw herself back onto the bed. She thought about how to say embarrassed in twelve different languages. Then she noticed she was wearing her comfortable t-shirt. "Thanks for taking care of me, Malcolm. You're the best."
As she was drifted off again, she managed to mumble, "I'm so glad I'm a brunette."
She thought she heard Malcolm say, "So am I, Hoshi."
-----
That night Malcolm slept on top of the covers while Hoshi curled up against him. He dreamed about being surrounded by blondes. Some had Hoshi's face, but not her mind. Others turned out to be Madeline speaking in puns. Malcolm finally spotted the dark hair and waded through the women around him to be at her side. In his sleep, Malcolm smiled. He was having an intelligent conversation with his Hoshi in the dream. Hoshi woke up when she heard Malcolm talking in his sleep again. They had quite a conversation that night.
*****