NINE LADIES DANCING
January 3
"What happened? Please tell me yesterday was just a bad dream," said Sato when she woke up in the morning. She rubbed her face against Reed's shoulder as he sat her up.
"Here, I brought you some breakfast. Lin is going to brief us on the protocol for meeting the Sovereign today. Would you like me to get you a crutch or--"
"I'll just lean on you," said Sato. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you yesterday. I'm not the jump-a-guy's-bones sort usually."
Reed smiled and cast back the small regret that surfaced. "I understand. It was just the loco weed."
Sato smiled as Reed again adopted Tucker's accent. She finished her breakfast quickly and said, "I can make it to the bathroom to shower and change, so give me ten minutes and we can join the Captain."
-----
Sato leaned on Reed as they walked into the dining hall. Lin Suan was flanked by her sisters as she stood in front of Captain Archer and Commander Tucker. "I was glad to hear that my sisters helped you collect the weka juice. Most alien visitors find the whole process quite distasteful."
"Yeah, I bet I know why the Vulcans never got too far with the Masquerans," said Tucker to Archer. It had taken them thirty minutes in the shower to begin to get rid of the smell. Surely they would not have to drink the weka juice! They were relieved when Lin merely took two small metal objects out of a box.
Lin took a pin that had a design resembling a pacifier on it and pinned on to Captain Archer and Commander Tucker while she said, "You are now Mayd of Archer and you are Mayd of Tucker."
Archer held back a smile as he graciously said, "Thank you for this honor. We were told that after we collected the weka juice, we'd be informed about the last thing we need to do before we meet your Sovereign."
"Oh, it's so simple. I assume you'll have the rest of your party arriving soon?" asked Lin.
Archer blinked. "No, this is it. Why? What's wrong? You look really distressed."
"Captain, you need nine women of your tribe to do the ritual dances. There are three dances and each needs three women and must be performed in sequence. I was going to teach the movements to you this morning while we waited. The dances are quite simple, but they must be presented before the Honored Guest is allowed to even step foot in the presence of our Sovereign."
The Suan Sisters all nodded and looked expectantly at the Captain. Archer slowly explained, "This was not mentioned to us before we came down. This is our entire party for this mission."
"Oh, no! If you don't make your scheduled meeting, it is a great offense against the Sovereign and especially to my family since we are your hosts." As if on cue, the Suan Sisters then began to boohoo.
Sato was impressed that their masquera, which they had a tendency to overuse, didn't run. Reed merely rolled his eyes thinking again about how much they sounded like his sister.
Archer and Tucker reacted the way most men normally do when confronted with a woman crying: competing behaviors. Their response to find the nearest exit was offset by a compulsion to calm the women down by promising them anything.
"It's alright. We'll just get Travis to shuttle down eight women from our crew--"
"Better make that nine, Sir. Ensign Sato is has a sprained ankle," said Reed.
Tucker then interrupted with, "Cap'n, Travis won't be able to shuttle 'em down. You told me to have my engineering crew make those modifications we talked about to Shuttlepod Two while we were down here. I just checked with them this morning and the engines are completely disassembled right now."
Archer's groan was almost audible. "I don't want to risk the transporter." The Captain looked at the wailing women and wished he wasn't so enthusiastic about making first contact.
Sato looked at the three men on the away team and stifled a smile. Her plan depended on the complete cooperation of the men, so she tried to talk fast. "Captain, the Sovereign hasn't seen you yet. We do have three humans capable of learning the dances."
The three men exchanged glances while the Suan Sisters clapped in delight. "Oh, yes, we could weave extensions into your hair."
"The dark one will need a complete wig."
"Just a little bit of make-up."
"Pluck the eyebrows."
"Perhaps the Sovereign will understand that human women are ugly?"
"You're right, Sin. We won't touch the eyebrows, but the legs!"
"Yes, legs must be shaved."
"And arms."
"And backs."
"WAIT!" Archer turned to the stunned men of his away team. "Well, you got any better ideas?"
Reed and Tucker exchanged a look, then Tucker mumbled, "It'll be just like old times at an Ugly Walk."
Reed gritted his teeth. "It's no worse than the plays at school, I suppose."
Archer turned to Lin and said, "Alright, but no shaving body parts. I'm sure your Sovereign will understand that our customs of dress are different than yours."
As the Suan Sisters led the men away, Sato heard Reed muttering, "This better not involve the chicken dance."
-----
They were now at the palace of the Sovereign where Sato was serving as the stage mistress for the Enterprise. In order to pull off the appearance of there being nine women, the three men were trading among three wigs: blonde, brunette and redhead. The men surprisingly were in good spirits. Of course, Sato had suggested early on that the men's drinks this morning be spiked with just a bit of alcohol to relax them. They were all quite loose by now.
"Does this make me look fat?" asked Tucker of Reed.
"Of course not; you just have big bones," responded Reed. He sighed once again wishing he were a little taller. Captain Archer carried off his costume so gracefully whereas he felt he looked like a penguin.
Currently the men were in yellow costumes with Archer wearing the redhead, Tucker as a blonde and Reed as a brunette. They heard Sato announce their first dance and Archer said, "Showtime, gentlemen."
Sato got a good view of the men behind the stage. Luckily the first dance was more of a variation of the Mexican folk dances of Earth. The men lifted the wide skirts and twirled, luckily not stumbling into each other. They even managed to stay in sync for three minutes of their five minute dance.
Then Archer, of all people, lost the count and began turning in the opposite direction of his fellows. This confused Tucker and Reed who were used to following their Captain. Tucker finally grabbed Archer's shoulder and put him back on track.
The men heaved a big sigh of relief as soon as the music ended and they rushed off the stage, plucked off their wigs and began throwing them high in the air to each other.
The Suan Sisters were clapping madly for them, then hurried to help them into their next costumes. The Suans were quite flirty and handy today because Sato had explained that Archer and Tucker were not a couple in the way they had been led to believe. She had not dissuaded them about Reed, however, so she moved to help him get on the green shirt and skirt. This time the men also had to wear green tights.
"Damn, how do women get these things on?" muttered Tucker.
"I've always preferred bare legs myself," said Archer. He had been especially difficult to fit.
Reed, because of his compact size, had been the easiest to costume. As he pulled on his tights he said, "Don't blame me if I start reciting Shakespeare. I always HATED school plays."
"Made you play the women at a boys school, did they?" asked Tucker.
"No, I was at a public school my first two years. Our drama coach just liked to be true to the 'vision of the master,' he'd say. I think he was the one who enjoyed dressing up as a woman, come to think of it. He insisted on playing the Nurse in Romeo and Juliet."
"Yeah, and who were you?" asked Tucker.
Reed simply rolled his eyes as an answer.
As Tucker chuckled, he boasted, "Yeah, well, Juliet, you're looking at the winner of the Sesquicentennial Ugly Walk of Osceola High School."
"I look atrocious as a blonde," muttered Reed. Archer now wore the brunette wig while Tucker was a redhead--or would be once he got the wig on straight.
"Here, let me touch up your make-up," said Sato. She put her hand behind his head to steady him as she applied more lipstick. Both of them were thinking of the New Year's kiss, which put quite an attractive blush on Reed.
"Time to go!"
This time the dance was more of an Irish step dance. The men actually appeared to be enjoying it, although at one point Tucker stumbled into both Archer and Reed. Their weight made their stomps even louder than the Sovereign expected.
For his part, the Sovereign decided to be generous to a species that had such ugly women to mate with. Of course, the stage mistress was quite attractive for a human. He assumed she must be a mutant.
The men rushed off the stage again, all calling for something to drink. They were breathing heavily by this point.
"Man, no wonder ya need nine different women. This is a killer show to put on!" Tucker had somehow managed to get his arms caught in the tights as he tried to quickly remove them. Sin immediately helped him out.
Archer simply tore the hose at the seam to tug them off. Reed wished he could do the same, but the voice of his old drama coach kept ringing in his ear about not ruining costumes. Luckily Sato was there to help. Reed was trying to avoid the ticklish sensations her fingers left on his feet and almost missed catching his wig. Perfect, this time Reed was a redhead, Archer was the blonde and Tucker was a brunette. Their costumes were blue skirts with shirts that billowed away from their bodies like wings.
"Alright, men, we've come this far. Let's show them what we're made of," said Archer as encouragement.
Sato shoved the men on stage and kept a hand over her mouth throughout the last performance. This was a more intricate dance where the choreography resembled movements of wings. Worse, Archer and Tucker's blouses kept billowing out and covering Reed who kept getting an irritated look in his eyes as he had to battle through their garments just to get through the dance.
At least it's not the chicken dance, Reed kept muttering to himself. He was late falling into a crouch on the last step because Tucker's last movement had poked his eye. Once the music ended, Reed stumbled off the stage blinking rapidly, and literally fell into Sato's arms.
"Are you all right?" asked Sato with concern.
"Just let me rest a minute," said Reed. Sato was very cushy. He was going to miss sleeping with her.
"Let's get to our uniforms. We have fifteen minutes before Lin presents us to the Sovereign," said Archer.
The men took no care for the costumes this time and headed for the showers that were backstage. Fourteen minutes later saw Tucker hopping out on one foot as he got on his boot, Archer adjusting the pips on his collar and Reed patting down his already perfect uniform.
The Captain exchanged greetings with the Sovereign who began with a comment on the dance. "Captain Archer, the performance of your women was--indescribable."
~~~~~
"Cap'n, the next time I'm begging you to take me on a mission, just ignore me," said Tucker as he collapsed onto the bench at the back of the shuttle. Reed helped Sato into the shuttle and they took their seats behind the Captain.
Reed said quietly into Sato's ear, "Nine ladies dancing?"
Sato started giggling, which made Reed apprehensive. "No, I'm fine, honestly. Let's hope this is the last bit of the Twelve Days of Christmas that we encounter."
Archer just sighed heavily and said, "Let's go home."
-----
That night Malcolm dreamed of having to find Hoshi, but not being able to get to her because he kept tripping on his skirt. He finally tore the thing off with his old drama coach crying in the corner over what he'd done. His dream finally became pleasant when he found his dream Hoshi and held her in his arms. She kept trying to dance away from him, but he would always catch her. Malcolm woke up the next morning vowing never to wear a skirt again.
*****
Author Notes:
The DumbBimboHoshi scene was inspired by Judy & Chrysa's Kiss Me Once Kiss, Kiss Me Twice fic, but not as well done. 18 pages. Written December 19, 2002, and posted at LD.
No reviews are necessary. Thanks for keeping up with the story arc. Last episode will be posted in a few days.
In the last story, the blessing Indicus the Christmas Goose gives Reed and Sato is essentially one given to a mating pair of Ansers, something about flying on with a good wind and finding comfort in their nest.
January 3
"What happened? Please tell me yesterday was just a bad dream," said Sato when she woke up in the morning. She rubbed her face against Reed's shoulder as he sat her up.
"Here, I brought you some breakfast. Lin is going to brief us on the protocol for meeting the Sovereign today. Would you like me to get you a crutch or--"
"I'll just lean on you," said Sato. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you yesterday. I'm not the jump-a-guy's-bones sort usually."
Reed smiled and cast back the small regret that surfaced. "I understand. It was just the loco weed."
Sato smiled as Reed again adopted Tucker's accent. She finished her breakfast quickly and said, "I can make it to the bathroom to shower and change, so give me ten minutes and we can join the Captain."
-----
Sato leaned on Reed as they walked into the dining hall. Lin Suan was flanked by her sisters as she stood in front of Captain Archer and Commander Tucker. "I was glad to hear that my sisters helped you collect the weka juice. Most alien visitors find the whole process quite distasteful."
"Yeah, I bet I know why the Vulcans never got too far with the Masquerans," said Tucker to Archer. It had taken them thirty minutes in the shower to begin to get rid of the smell. Surely they would not have to drink the weka juice! They were relieved when Lin merely took two small metal objects out of a box.
Lin took a pin that had a design resembling a pacifier on it and pinned on to Captain Archer and Commander Tucker while she said, "You are now Mayd of Archer and you are Mayd of Tucker."
Archer held back a smile as he graciously said, "Thank you for this honor. We were told that after we collected the weka juice, we'd be informed about the last thing we need to do before we meet your Sovereign."
"Oh, it's so simple. I assume you'll have the rest of your party arriving soon?" asked Lin.
Archer blinked. "No, this is it. Why? What's wrong? You look really distressed."
"Captain, you need nine women of your tribe to do the ritual dances. There are three dances and each needs three women and must be performed in sequence. I was going to teach the movements to you this morning while we waited. The dances are quite simple, but they must be presented before the Honored Guest is allowed to even step foot in the presence of our Sovereign."
The Suan Sisters all nodded and looked expectantly at the Captain. Archer slowly explained, "This was not mentioned to us before we came down. This is our entire party for this mission."
"Oh, no! If you don't make your scheduled meeting, it is a great offense against the Sovereign and especially to my family since we are your hosts." As if on cue, the Suan Sisters then began to boohoo.
Sato was impressed that their masquera, which they had a tendency to overuse, didn't run. Reed merely rolled his eyes thinking again about how much they sounded like his sister.
Archer and Tucker reacted the way most men normally do when confronted with a woman crying: competing behaviors. Their response to find the nearest exit was offset by a compulsion to calm the women down by promising them anything.
"It's alright. We'll just get Travis to shuttle down eight women from our crew--"
"Better make that nine, Sir. Ensign Sato is has a sprained ankle," said Reed.
Tucker then interrupted with, "Cap'n, Travis won't be able to shuttle 'em down. You told me to have my engineering crew make those modifications we talked about to Shuttlepod Two while we were down here. I just checked with them this morning and the engines are completely disassembled right now."
Archer's groan was almost audible. "I don't want to risk the transporter." The Captain looked at the wailing women and wished he wasn't so enthusiastic about making first contact.
Sato looked at the three men on the away team and stifled a smile. Her plan depended on the complete cooperation of the men, so she tried to talk fast. "Captain, the Sovereign hasn't seen you yet. We do have three humans capable of learning the dances."
The three men exchanged glances while the Suan Sisters clapped in delight. "Oh, yes, we could weave extensions into your hair."
"The dark one will need a complete wig."
"Just a little bit of make-up."
"Pluck the eyebrows."
"Perhaps the Sovereign will understand that human women are ugly?"
"You're right, Sin. We won't touch the eyebrows, but the legs!"
"Yes, legs must be shaved."
"And arms."
"And backs."
"WAIT!" Archer turned to the stunned men of his away team. "Well, you got any better ideas?"
Reed and Tucker exchanged a look, then Tucker mumbled, "It'll be just like old times at an Ugly Walk."
Reed gritted his teeth. "It's no worse than the plays at school, I suppose."
Archer turned to Lin and said, "Alright, but no shaving body parts. I'm sure your Sovereign will understand that our customs of dress are different than yours."
As the Suan Sisters led the men away, Sato heard Reed muttering, "This better not involve the chicken dance."
-----
They were now at the palace of the Sovereign where Sato was serving as the stage mistress for the Enterprise. In order to pull off the appearance of there being nine women, the three men were trading among three wigs: blonde, brunette and redhead. The men surprisingly were in good spirits. Of course, Sato had suggested early on that the men's drinks this morning be spiked with just a bit of alcohol to relax them. They were all quite loose by now.
"Does this make me look fat?" asked Tucker of Reed.
"Of course not; you just have big bones," responded Reed. He sighed once again wishing he were a little taller. Captain Archer carried off his costume so gracefully whereas he felt he looked like a penguin.
Currently the men were in yellow costumes with Archer wearing the redhead, Tucker as a blonde and Reed as a brunette. They heard Sato announce their first dance and Archer said, "Showtime, gentlemen."
Sato got a good view of the men behind the stage. Luckily the first dance was more of a variation of the Mexican folk dances of Earth. The men lifted the wide skirts and twirled, luckily not stumbling into each other. They even managed to stay in sync for three minutes of their five minute dance.
Then Archer, of all people, lost the count and began turning in the opposite direction of his fellows. This confused Tucker and Reed who were used to following their Captain. Tucker finally grabbed Archer's shoulder and put him back on track.
The men heaved a big sigh of relief as soon as the music ended and they rushed off the stage, plucked off their wigs and began throwing them high in the air to each other.
The Suan Sisters were clapping madly for them, then hurried to help them into their next costumes. The Suans were quite flirty and handy today because Sato had explained that Archer and Tucker were not a couple in the way they had been led to believe. She had not dissuaded them about Reed, however, so she moved to help him get on the green shirt and skirt. This time the men also had to wear green tights.
"Damn, how do women get these things on?" muttered Tucker.
"I've always preferred bare legs myself," said Archer. He had been especially difficult to fit.
Reed, because of his compact size, had been the easiest to costume. As he pulled on his tights he said, "Don't blame me if I start reciting Shakespeare. I always HATED school plays."
"Made you play the women at a boys school, did they?" asked Tucker.
"No, I was at a public school my first two years. Our drama coach just liked to be true to the 'vision of the master,' he'd say. I think he was the one who enjoyed dressing up as a woman, come to think of it. He insisted on playing the Nurse in Romeo and Juliet."
"Yeah, and who were you?" asked Tucker.
Reed simply rolled his eyes as an answer.
As Tucker chuckled, he boasted, "Yeah, well, Juliet, you're looking at the winner of the Sesquicentennial Ugly Walk of Osceola High School."
"I look atrocious as a blonde," muttered Reed. Archer now wore the brunette wig while Tucker was a redhead--or would be once he got the wig on straight.
"Here, let me touch up your make-up," said Sato. She put her hand behind his head to steady him as she applied more lipstick. Both of them were thinking of the New Year's kiss, which put quite an attractive blush on Reed.
"Time to go!"
This time the dance was more of an Irish step dance. The men actually appeared to be enjoying it, although at one point Tucker stumbled into both Archer and Reed. Their weight made their stomps even louder than the Sovereign expected.
For his part, the Sovereign decided to be generous to a species that had such ugly women to mate with. Of course, the stage mistress was quite attractive for a human. He assumed she must be a mutant.
The men rushed off the stage again, all calling for something to drink. They were breathing heavily by this point.
"Man, no wonder ya need nine different women. This is a killer show to put on!" Tucker had somehow managed to get his arms caught in the tights as he tried to quickly remove them. Sin immediately helped him out.
Archer simply tore the hose at the seam to tug them off. Reed wished he could do the same, but the voice of his old drama coach kept ringing in his ear about not ruining costumes. Luckily Sato was there to help. Reed was trying to avoid the ticklish sensations her fingers left on his feet and almost missed catching his wig. Perfect, this time Reed was a redhead, Archer was the blonde and Tucker was a brunette. Their costumes were blue skirts with shirts that billowed away from their bodies like wings.
"Alright, men, we've come this far. Let's show them what we're made of," said Archer as encouragement.
Sato shoved the men on stage and kept a hand over her mouth throughout the last performance. This was a more intricate dance where the choreography resembled movements of wings. Worse, Archer and Tucker's blouses kept billowing out and covering Reed who kept getting an irritated look in his eyes as he had to battle through their garments just to get through the dance.
At least it's not the chicken dance, Reed kept muttering to himself. He was late falling into a crouch on the last step because Tucker's last movement had poked his eye. Once the music ended, Reed stumbled off the stage blinking rapidly, and literally fell into Sato's arms.
"Are you all right?" asked Sato with concern.
"Just let me rest a minute," said Reed. Sato was very cushy. He was going to miss sleeping with her.
"Let's get to our uniforms. We have fifteen minutes before Lin presents us to the Sovereign," said Archer.
The men took no care for the costumes this time and headed for the showers that were backstage. Fourteen minutes later saw Tucker hopping out on one foot as he got on his boot, Archer adjusting the pips on his collar and Reed patting down his already perfect uniform.
The Captain exchanged greetings with the Sovereign who began with a comment on the dance. "Captain Archer, the performance of your women was--indescribable."
~~~~~
"Cap'n, the next time I'm begging you to take me on a mission, just ignore me," said Tucker as he collapsed onto the bench at the back of the shuttle. Reed helped Sato into the shuttle and they took their seats behind the Captain.
Reed said quietly into Sato's ear, "Nine ladies dancing?"
Sato started giggling, which made Reed apprehensive. "No, I'm fine, honestly. Let's hope this is the last bit of the Twelve Days of Christmas that we encounter."
Archer just sighed heavily and said, "Let's go home."
-----
That night Malcolm dreamed of having to find Hoshi, but not being able to get to her because he kept tripping on his skirt. He finally tore the thing off with his old drama coach crying in the corner over what he'd done. His dream finally became pleasant when he found his dream Hoshi and held her in his arms. She kept trying to dance away from him, but he would always catch her. Malcolm woke up the next morning vowing never to wear a skirt again.
*****
Author Notes:
The DumbBimboHoshi scene was inspired by Judy & Chrysa's Kiss Me Once Kiss, Kiss Me Twice fic, but not as well done. 18 pages. Written December 19, 2002, and posted at LD.
No reviews are necessary. Thanks for keeping up with the story arc. Last episode will be posted in a few days.
In the last story, the blessing Indicus the Christmas Goose gives Reed and Sato is essentially one given to a mating pair of Ansers, something about flying on with a good wind and finding comfort in their nest.