Author's Notes: Sorry that it took me so long to update this time! But my final exams are driving me crazy … I'll try to update sooner next time!

I hope you still want to read and that you still like it! ; ) Please let me know what you think if you have a minute. Thanks. : ) Also thank you for all the reviews so far! It really helps me to continue that people want to read more.

And thank you Courtney and Tracey for beta reading! ::hugs::

"Did you have intercourse within the last 72 hours?" Susan then asks.

I try to remember. Please, let it be Carter's.

"Yes, this morning," he says quickly, before I can even begin to think about it.

"I'm sure it's fine, then," Susan says, trying to reassure me. "We need to do some tests. And I need to get a blood sample from you, Carter."

I try not to cling onto that bit of hope too much. It would only be worse if it's not his in the end. But it is a possibility, especially since Susan didn't find any condemning injuries, which is usually the case when some women are raped.

Susan comes around the bed to draw John's blood before she leaves to send everything to the lab. She knows I need to know the results as soon as possible. She also takes my bag of clothes with her.

Carter and I look cautiously at each other. I can see a mix of concern, sadness, and hope in his big brown eyes. It's probably the same combination he sees in mine.

I don't know what to say.

"I'm sorry John," I whisper. "I know you hate needles ... and all the fuss I'm causing ... "

"Shhh," He puts his finger on my lips to make me stop. "Nothing is your fault. I don't want to hear that. You did nothing wrong."

I am so glad he understands. I don't know what I'd do if he turned his back on me now.

I am overwhelmed with emotions and can't hold back my tears anymore.

"I'm so scared," I choke out.

He bends over and takes me into his arms, rubbing my back soothingly, just letting me cry. "Everything will be okay. We'll get through this."

I nod and bury my head in his chest. It feels so good to be in his arms.

***

It feels like barely five minutes have passed before Susan returns with the results. Even though she knocks at the door carefully before she comes in, she startles me a little bit when she enters the room.

I was in John's arms the whole time. After my tears subsided he was just holding me, giving me the comfort I needed.

We both slightly pull away from each other to look at Susan, and to hear the results.

I'm holding my breath and I know Carter does too when she starts to speak.

"I have some slightly good news, the tests confirm that the semen I found is Carter's, but that doesn't prove it either way … "

I am relieved. And I can feel that Carter and Susan are, too. We are looking at each other and he's squeezing my hand lightly. Though John and Susan still have that worried and concerned look on their faces. And I know so do I. It's not making anything better, it's just not making it worse. This is no reason to be happy, but at least a reason to be relieved.

" … I need you to come back for some more tests over the next couple of weeks. You know that even though we didn't find any other semen, it could still be possible that he infected you with something, or that you ... "

She doesn't have to go on. I know what she means. They couldn't identify any, other than Carter's sperm. But that is no proof that there actually isn't. Maybe it was just mixed with his. Only God knows what that man did.

So she is right, I should let them make tests to rule out diseases and a ... pregnancy.

That thought makes me sick. At the moment it's the emotional pain that hurts me the most. It's what he did to my feelings. What he did against my will. But when I am beyond that aching, I'll have to worry about what he did to me physically. Or to my whole life in case there was his semen in the end.

But I don't want to think about that now. It's hard enough already and it probably won't be the case anyway. But the possibility is driving me crazy.

And it's the same for him I guess. He looks back and forth between Susan and me, letting the information sink in.

"I'll leave you two alone now. I'll see you later," she suddenly says, sensing that we need some time with each other. She's a real friend, I am glad she's here.

"Susan?" I say quickly before she's gone.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you ... thank you for everything."

"Any time, Abby," she says and gives me a warm, reassuring smile before she leaves, though I know she doesn't feel like smiling. None of us do.

I look back at Carter. He's still holding my hand.

Now alone with him and with him looking at me I feel the tears I tried to hold back the whole time in my eyes. I don't want to cry – again. But the mix of feeling better and still feeling bad at the same time is too much for me.

"I'm so sorry, Abby," is all he can say. Then he kisses my temple before he wraps his arms around me to comfort me.

I try to gather some strength for what comes next. It will be just as hard as this was. To talk to the police will be painful. I have to remember everything again, to tell everything again. But I know it's necessary. I want them to find him. To put him in prison for as long as possible. And I know John will be with me.

***

We're back at home now.

On the one hand I am glad that two of the hardest things are over – the hospital and talking to the police. But on the other hand I don't really feel better now. It's the opposite. I feel worse than I did before.

But I feel so stupid now. Like I am upset over nothing.

Susan was a great friend. She did everything so we had the results as quickly as possible. And she didn't pity me. Of course I could see that she feels for me, that she's sorry and that she wants to help me. But she didn't treat me like a victim.

She gave me a big hug before we finally left and told me that she'd be there for me. That I could call her no matter what time of the day it was.

I might take her up on that offer. John is wonderful and to talk to him feels good and makes me feel a lot better. But there are things only another woman can understand – I think. Though I know he tries to understand and has an idea how hard all this is for me. And I know this is hard for him, too.

To talk to the police was as horrible as I thought it would be.

It was hard enough to tell Carter, but to tell it to a stranger was even worse.

Especially to this police officer. I wish they had sent a woman to talk to me. But instead it was a man. I felt so uncomfortable with him. He acted like what that man did was okay. Like he had the right to do the things he did to me.

I am glad that Carter was there. He had his arm around me the whole time and it kind of protected me from the police officer's words. He made me feel so much better and gave me the strength not to break down. I even managed not to cry. I didn't want the officer to see me like that. And I had to be strong to give them as much information as possible so they'd find him soon. Carter was right, I remembered a bit more, but not much.

In the end they found out that my case matches with two others within the last three weeks.

Both women looked a bit like me and were attacked after they left the El.

He always used a condom, that's why they never found semen on the other victims, on me neither. But I will still do the test. I want to be sure.

And he never had intercourse with the women. He just touched them everywhere and kissed them while he touched himself ...

They found fingerprints on my clothes. So there is hope that they will find him soon. They can at least be sure that they have the right one when they compare them.

I am praying that they'll find him soon. I don't know how much longer I can take this. To know that he could be just a few meters behind me at any time.

I hear Carter close the door behind him and lock it.

I am standing at the doorframe and stare into the dark living room.

He comes up from behind and lays his hand on my shoulder. Seems like he knows that I am not feeling very well and that I need him.

"You okay?" he asks me gently and begins to rub my back.

I know he doesn't really want an answer. We both know that I am not okay. But that's his way to talk to me, to make me talk about my feelings. And he knows it works well.

I shake my head. I am too weak to pretend that everything is all right anyway. And I know that he knows that I'm not okay.

He takes my hand and leads me over to the couch.

We both sit down and he wraps his arms around me tightly.

"Don't listen to what the police officer said."

He knows what got to me. Apart from the incident itself of course. He was with me the whole time and heard everything he said.

I sigh. "I feel so stupid, nothing really happened."

"Abby, don't say this, you are not stupid. Just because that man didn't ... ," he trails off. It's still so hard to talk about it for both of us. "He had no right to do anything. He didn't even have the right to talk to you without your permission. And he did a lot more. He ... he touched you without your permission. He kissed you ... This is not nothing. Don't let anyone say that. You have all the right to feel hurt, because that man did hurt you."

My eyes fill with tears and so do his. I am overwhelmed that he feels so much for me. That all this seems to hurt him as much as it hurts me.

I kiss his cheek and rest my head on his shoulder.

"I'm scared," I admit. He can as well know everything I feel now.

He looks down into my eyes. "I know. But I am sure they'll find him soon. And I won't let anything happen to you."

"Thank you," is all I can say to this. And the first time this evening a slight smiles is on my lips. But it disappears quickly because I know that won't solve the problem. "It's not just that," I add and sigh deeply. "I am scared of the future. What will life be like now?"

"I don't know. But I know that you are not alone and that we'll make it through this."

I am glad that he says that, but I am not sure the he really knows what it means.

"Are you sure?"

He nods.

"But ... I don't know how much I can give you now ... I'm scared of so many things. Do you want that?"

He shakes his head. "Abby, I love you. No matter how long it takes you to feel better, I'll be here, with you."

I'm speechless again. I'm so glad to have him, and I'm sure he means what he says. "But what ... what if I'm sick now, or ... "

"The chances are very small. Let's try not to worry about that. I know it's easier said than done, but I'm sure everything is all right."

I know he's right. But it's so hard. It just doesn't want to get out of my head.