Author's Notes: I'm sorry again! I really thought I could get the next part up earlier! My only excuse are the exams … sorry! I'll try to have the next bit up on the weekend.

But here's this bit first. ; ) I hope it's okay. But I thought in real life you would have that kind of conversation sooner or later if you're in a relationship where you trust each other.

Please let me know what you think. : ) Don't worry, you're almost at the end …

And thank you for all the great reviews! I'm really glad that it sounds realistic and that nobody is offended by this. I was really worried that some people might be. I wanted to focus on the feelings and it seems like that's what reaches you. : )

Lying in his arms I look at the clock on the wall. It's 3 am already.

He notices and follows my eye line.

"Let's go to bed now, okay? You must be exhausted, you need to get some sleep. I'll call Weaver and tell her that we won't be in work tomorrow."

I nod. I am glad he'll do that. It gives us a few days to recover, especially since we have the weekend off anyway. And I need to sleep, though I am afraid to close my eyes in the dark. I am afraid of what I might see in my dreams.

"What will you tell her?" I ask calmly to distract my thoughts. I know he wouldn't tell her the real reason, he knows how embarrassing this is for me.

"I'll tell her it's a family thing," he says before he unwraps his arms from me and grabs my hand to help me get up.

We go over to the bedroom, hand in hand, to get ready for bed and he makes the phone call before we go to bed.

We are both lying on our sides and I snuggle up close to him, my back against his chest. One of his arms is under my head while the other is wrapped around my waist tightly.

"I love you, Abby," he says softly and kisses the back of my head.

I feel like crying again. But tears of relief this time.

"I love you, too," I whisper.

We stay like that for a while and I can feel that he's not sleeping, that he's watching me.

I feel my eyelids get heavy and fall asleep from exhaustion, secure in his arms.

***

I open my eyes and glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand, slowly adjusting to the sunlight coming through the windows.

It's two in the afternoon.

John's arms are still wrapped around me protectively and I can hear him snore slightly.

I'm surprised. I think I slept through, without waking up because of nightmares or other things.

I guess I haven't really come to terms with what happened yet. I never dream about things that really affect me immediately. It always takes a few days of realization before my mind tries to work through it all. But the bad dreams will come eventually, and that scares me.

I try to free myself from his embrace carefully without waking him up.

I know he didn't sleep much. I know he watched me sleeping for quite some time. I want to let him sleep. He was there for me the whole time yesterday.

After I finish in the bathroom, I walk over to the living room to sit down on the couch.

I had a peaceful night, considering what happened yesterday, but now all the memories are coming back.

I feel the same pain I felt yesterday. I have the same fears I had yesterday.

Most of all I'm still afraid of the future.

My life will never be like, what it was before. I'll always remember that day. Remember what happened, remember the hospital, the police, the time after that.

But my biggest fear is to lose my relationship, to lose John. He says he loves me and that he wants to be with me, even if it takes me some time to be myself again.

I'm sure he means it, but I don't think he sees the whole picture.

I'm worried about intimacy, I was worried about that the whole time. But yesterday was not the right time to talk about it, I just couldn't. Everything was fresh and I couldn't bring it out. But now I really have to know how he feels about it.

I know our relationship is not at all only about sex. But sooner or later he will want it again. It's a natural thing. But I don't know if I can give him what he needs in that aspect.

I want to believe that as time goes by I will feel different about it. That I'll want it, too again. But at the moment I'm not sure.

"Hey, good morning," I hear him suddenly say from behind, bringing me out of my thoughts.

I turn my head around to look at him. He's standing in the doorframe, looking at me.

"Were you sitting here for long? Why didn't you wake me up?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I wanted you to sleep."

He gives me a small smile. "You should have woken me up. I don't want you to be alone."

I return his, smiling a weakly.

"Unless you want to be alone," he then says, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"No," I say quickly. "I just wanted you to have some rest. I consumed enough of your time yesterday."

"Abby, you know you're not consuming my time. I want to be with you."

I'm glad he sees it that way.

He comes over and puts his hands on my shoulders before he leans down to kiss the top of my head and sits down next to me.

He reaches out to take my hand in his, rubbing it gently.

"Did you sleep okay?" he asks me.

I nod and kiss his cheek.

"No nightmares?"

I shake my head. "No bad dreams ... yet."

"I'll be there when they come," he says and begins to rub my back slowly with his hand, my hand still in his other.

I lean forward to rest my head on his shoulder. "Thank you. For everything you did for me. And I'm sorry that all this affects you so much."

"You don't have to thank me. And you don't have to be sorry. Nothing that happened is your fault. There was nothing you did wrong."

"But it still happened," I say, sadness in my voice.

He sighs. "Please promise me not to blame yourself anymore. No matter what some people might say, it's not your fault."

I don't know what to say, but I nod and he tightens his embrace around me.

He's probably right. But I still feel guilty. Guilty that I put him through this, that I am causing so much trouble.

"What were you thinking earlier, on the couch?" he suddenly asks, after a moment of silence.

I'm debating with myself for a moment. Should I tell him?

But we'll have to talk about it sooner or later anyway.

I pull away from him to look at him.

"I was thinking about ... about us. Our relationship."

He gives me a confused look.

"You know what I told you about my fears? That I'm scared of what the future will be like?"

He nods. "I told you I'll be there for you," he says softly. "I still feel the same for you and what happened is no reason for me to think any different about us."

"I know, but I'm scared that I can't give you what you need." I swallow hard and look down at our hands. "I'm not sure how ... how I'll feel about ... about sex."

I'm glad it's out. I'm looking at him now, waiting for his reaction, trying to read the expression on his face.

He squeezes my hand lightly. "Abby, please don't worry about that. I can't say I know what you feel like at the moment. But I can surely imagine that it's hard for you. Especially to be intimate, to make love. It's the last thing I worry about right now."

At first his answer is making me feel better, but suddenly I fear that there is another reason why he's so okay with it. He probably doesn't even want sex with me anymore. He's surely disgusted when he looks at me, knowing that this man had his hands all over me. I knew this would happen.

I pull away from him, leaving some space between us.

"Abby? What's wrong? Did I say anything ... "

"You can tell me, you know," I interrupt him. I feel the tears in my eyes, but I'm trying hard not to cry. "I mean, I don't blame you. If I were you I'd probably feel the same ... "

"Tell you what?"

I look at him while the first tears start to roll down my cheeks, I'm unable to hold them back. He seems so sincere.

"Tell me that you don't want me anymore. That it disgusts you to look at me. That I am not attractive for you anymore .. "

"Abby!" he suddenly says, rising his voice a bit to bring me out of my rant.

I jump a little. I'm not scared, but I didn't expect that reaction from him, he startled me.

He notices that and comes closer to me slowly.

"I'm sorry," he says carefully. "I didn't mean for it to sound like that. But what you say there is just wrong. Of course you are as attractive to me as before. You'll always be. I love you and you will always be the prettiest woman on earth for me. I don't know what to say to make you believe me, but it's the truth." He takes my hand in both of his. "The reason why I'm not worried about sex right now is not because I don't want it with you anymore. It's because I'm worried about other things. I want you to feel better. I want you to feel safe again. I want them to catch that man. The man that hurt you so much, that makes you feel sad, insecure. That took your normal life from you. He took ... he took you from me." He takes a deep breath before he continues. "You're still the same person I fell in love with the first second you entered the ER. But at the moment you're scared. That doesn't make me love you less. But it changes you, it's not good for you. And I want you to feel okay again ... for you. We can talk about sex when you are ready, when you feel better."

"What if I'm never ready? What if I'll never feel better?" I choke out. His words touch me, but the problem is just that. I don't know if I'll ever be ready.

He moves over to wrap his arms around me and I let him.

"At the moment it might feel like you'll never forget. But trust me, you will feel better. It will take some time. But it will get better. And no matter how long it takes, I'll be with you. And even if it was that you never wanted sex again ... I don't care. I'm not with you for just that. It's part of our relationship and it's important for me, I enjoy it. I love to be close to you. But only if you enjoy it, too. I'm with you for who you are, for nothing else."

I can feel that he means it, but it's just hard to believe.

"I'm sorry," I say, still in his arms, my head on his chest. "I didn't mean to doubt your feelings. But ... I had to know what you think about it."

"That's okay, don't worry. I know this must be very difficult for you. But believe me, I don't feel any different about you. And all that counts for me at the moment, is how you feel."

I nod and wrap my arms around him. I feel better now that I know what he thinks. I was really scared of losing him, but to know that he'll be with me makes it seem like it's something I can make it through – we can make it through.

He just holds me for a while before he pulls back to look at me.

"How about you, me, and some very late breakfast?" he asks me with a little smile on his face. He tries to lighten the mood a bit and it seems to work. I feel a little smile on my face, too.

I'm not hungry, but I know he'll make me eat. So I won't even try to argue.

"Sounds good to me."

He smiles, I guess he thought I'd protest.

"Okay, I'll go and make us something."

I nod. "I think I'll take shower."

He hesitates for a moment. I can tell that he doesn't want to leave me alone.

"Call me, if you need me."

"I will, thank you," I say and kiss his cheek.