Title: Fellow Travelers (3/??)
Author: Allaine
Email: eac2nd@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: DC Comics, Cartoon Network, Bruce Timm, the JLA animated series, etc, etc. No profit intended from my infringement.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Up to the JL episode "Hereafter". Also occurs after the first eleven chapters of the _Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride_ fanfic.
Feedback: Please, please, please!!
Summary: Hawkgirl encounters three women, each like her perhaps forever cut off from their homes, and she begins to wonder if she might be happier with them. Takes place in the animated-JL "Always a Bridesmaid" ficverse.
_____________________
Chapter 3
"You want me to what?"
Hawkgirl sighed. "I want you to contact the leaders of the Lantern Corps and ask them to investigate the situation on a planet called Tamaran. I don't know the name of the star system, but I know it's being dominated by a group called the Citadel. Maybe the Lanterns could intervene?"
John frowned. "If the Corps made it their business to help every king or prince who was sent into exile, we'd be starting a thousand civil wars across the universe, Shayera."
"She wasn't exiled, she's an escaped slave," Hawkgirl replied. "I suspect you can sympathize with that."
"My people don't take well to slavery, it's true," Green Lantern admitted, "but I've seen it exist on other planets, and I had to accept that I wasn't there to be an abolitionist. You're asking me to involve the Corps in some kind of galactic war because of this one woman."
"I can't believe you're being this callous," Shayera complained.
"Look, obviously you have some kind of personal connection to this Tamaranean woman," John said. "And don't forget, I'm a Lantern, a black man, _and_ a member of the Justice League, so I _really_ don't enjoy seeing people being oppressed." He sighed. "I can't promise anything, but I'll send a message asking for any reports the Corps has on the situation. It's strictly information-gathering at this point, though," he warned her.
Hawkgirl finally smiled. "Thanks, GL," she said.
"It's going to take a couple weeks before I get a response," he pointed out. "Will they still be here?"
"I don't know," she replied. "I don't think so. Maybe they can stay a little longer. But thank you for making the effort." Hawkgirl hesitated. "John?" she added.
"Yes?"
I want to see you in person. I want to be alone with you. I want to tell you exactly how I feel about you. I want you to say you feel the same way.
"I want to say all these things to you very badly," she thought to herself.
"Nothing," Hawkgirl instead said. "I'll see you later."
"Fine," Green Lantern answered, sounding unusually irritated. "GL out."
Hawkgirl sat in the cockpit and stared at the blank monitor. Then she snarled and slammed her fist down, cracking the plastic.
"Did I hear something?" Diana asked when she stepped back outside.
"Nothing. I needed to ask GL something," Hawkgirl told her. Evidently Flash and Maxima hadn't returned yet.
Raven glanced at her for an instant before retreating back into the shadows of her hood. Hawkgirl saw the look and wondered if the empath Koriand'r had described knew what had happened inside.
"Late again," Diana sighed, resigned.
"Maybe they're having a good time together?" Koriand'r suggested hopefully.
Her guess proved incorrect when Flash appeared a few minutes later and unceremoniously dumped Maxima on the ground. "You owe me nine hundred dollars!" he shouted at her, pointing a finger at her.
Maxima grabbed his finger and bent it backwards in her fist. "I care neither for your Earth currency or your noisy contraption. And I will _not_ be treated like a sack of grain at the mill!"
"Let him go," Diana said warningly. "Flash, what happened?"
He rubbed his hand. "The Queen of Mean here decided she didn't like my choice in music. So she put her fist through my van's sound system! It's going to cost me nine hundred dollars to have the van fixed and a new system installed. _And_, speaking of money, she also owes me a new CD!"
"Trouble me not with your backward technology and your bills," Maxima sniffed. "I will not be staying for much longer."
"Good," Flash muttered, folding his arms.
"You will be staying long enough to compensate Flash for the damages you caused," Diana told her sternly. "I don't know what you have in your ship, but certainly there are things inside you can sell for nine hundred dollars."
Maxima shrugged. "I thought you were a princess. Obviously you have no concept of how royalty is to be treated."
"And you have no concept of just _how_ well I can treat royalty," Diana replied, her eyes glittering.
Hawkgirl started laughing. Maxima couldn't know just how true the Amazon's statement was. "Maybe we'd better get back."
"You should have seen Maxima on Azala V," Koriand'r volunteered. "She wouldn't pay the hotelier, and she ended up destroying the entire lobby."
"We were expelled from that planet, I think," Raven added quietly.
"What do you expect from someone who used to be involved with Lobo?" Hawkgirl asked.
"Wait a minute, you went out with LOBO?" Flash said, flabbergasted.
She looked at him contemptuously. "At least he had more muscles in his left arm than you have in your entire body."
"This should be a fun trip," Diana sighed as she boarded the ship.
"Hey, I have muscles, see?!" Flash argued as he brought up the rear, flexing as he bent his arm at the elbow.
___________________________
"Maxima has decided this planet has lost what little charm it ever had," Koriand'r told Hawkgirl as she entered the monitoring station. "We'll be leaving tomorrow morning."
"I spoke to Green Lantern earlier," Hawkgirl replied, having anticipated that the trio might feel their welcome wearing out. "He's trying to find out if the Lantern Corps might be willing to free Tamaran from the Citadel's shadow, and allow you to return to your family. But he says he'll need another week or two before he gets some kind of response."
Koriand'r nodded. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, Hawkgirl. I really do. But I don't think Maxima will last another week on Earth. She says she'd forgotten how resistant Superman was to flirting. Besides, I wanted to let you know that we've come up with a new plan."
"Oh?" Hawkgirl asked.
"Yes, we're changing course. We've been flying too far in the wrong direction. We're going to head back towards Almerac."
"You're not thinking of returning to Tamaran on your own, are you?" Hawkgirl asked, concerned.
"Oh no, I have no illusions of what would happen if I returned to Citadel space," Koriand'r replied, smiling sadly. "I'd become a slave again, and Raven would be sentenced to death for helping me escape. Actually, we're going to Almerac - albeit by a different route - so Maxima can gain access to royal records. Sazu promised her she could return to Almerac when she wished . . . provided she didn't expect to be queen again," she added, winking.
"Makes sense," Hawkgirl said. "What kind of records?"
"Well, Maxima did say that Almerac has received guests from Thanagar in the past," Koriand'r began cautiously.
Hawkgirl grew still.
"You mentioned that your people are a race of warriors," Koriand'r went on. "Being a professional warrior in her own right, Maxima wants to experience their culture."
"She'll be in for a rude awakening," Shayera said softly.
"And I think they might be more willing to help me," Koriand'r said. "You described Thanagarians as warlike, but if people like you are peacekeepers over there, then that tells me your world is also a just one. We just need the coordinates from Almerac."
Hawkgirl nodded as she looked away. "We hate to turn down a fight, especially if we think it's for a good reason."
"I was hoping you could give us some references," Koriand'r said.
"Oh, of course!" Hawkgirl realized. "I know several people who could help you if they knew you were a friend of mine. Especially if you brought them news that I was all right."
"Are we friends?"
"Certainly," Hawkgirl said.
"I think so too," Koriand'r replied after a moment. "Which is one reason why I thought you could supply references in person."
Hawkgirl cocked her head. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean."
"We'd like you to come with us," Koriand'r told her.
She stared at the Tamaranean. "What?" she finally asked, not sure if she'd heard correctly.
"I realize you wouldn't call Maxima a friend," Koriand'r said, "but we don't think it would take that long. It probably wouldn't take more than six months to get back to Almerac, and then - "
"Koriand'r, I appreciate the offer," Hawkgirl interrupted once her brain started working again. "But I can't leave here. I've invested too much time in keeping this planet safe to abandon it now."
"We may also be your only chance to even find out where your home is, much less return there," Koriand'r pointed out. "I'm not suggesting that the people of Earth are somehow less worthy of protection. But they're not your people. Your work on Thanagar remains unfinished, and there are others here on Earth who will go on defending it with or without you. My home is more important to me than my life, Shayera. This is an opportunity for you to ask yourself the same question - how much goes getting home mean to you?"
"That's not a question you can . . ."
"I don't," Koriand'r said quickly. "We're not leaving until tomorrow. If you can't answer until the last minute, that's fine. We think you could be an asset to us on Thanagar. We also think you would liven up our time in space," the golden-skinned woman added.
Hawkgirl nodded. "I'll think about it, all right?"
Koriand'r stood up. "We'll leave you alone then, Shayera." Without another word she turned and left.
She didn't need to think about it, of course. She would stay on Earth.
Wouldn't she?
_________________________
"You thought that was funny, huh?" Diana asked as she came in.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening," Hawkgirl replied, shaking her head. She had not left her seat, and in truth she probably wasn't doing a good job monitoring. "What?"
"Before, when I argued with Maxima over my treatment of royalty," Diana reminded her, smiling. "You seemed to like that one."
"Oh," Hawkgirl said, forcing a laugh. "I doubt Maxima would have accepted the kind of treatment you were talking about."
Diana chuckled. "Who knows? We have no idea what happens on other planets."
"No, I don't suppose I do," Hawkgirl said quietly.
"Shayera?" Diana asked. "Is there something wrong?"
Hawkgirl shook her head. "No, I'm just thinking."
"About what? When you feel the need to be introspective, it's usually . . . did something happen with John?" Diana asked, glancing behind her to see if they were alone.
"Yes and no," Hawkgirl replied. "I mean, yes, something sort of happened, and no, that's not what I'm thinking about. Except I am thinking of him, sort of."
"O-kay," Diana said slowly, trying to unravel this remark. "What exactly _are_ you thinking about?"
Hawkgirl sighed. "I should tell someone. I can't just spring it. Koriand'r told me earlier that they're leaving for Thanagar in the morning, and they want me to come along."
Diana's eyes widened. "You're kidding!"
"No. And I haven't given them an answer yet."
"You mean you're actually considering it?"
"I told her I would."
"But what about the home you've made here? What about the rest of us? What about GL, Shayera? You told me you'd decided to tell him how you felt," Diana pointed out.
Hawkgirl's smile curdled. "That's true. I had decided that. I spoke to him earlier today, and I was about to ask him if we could speak privately tonight. There was a moment there where I knew exactly what I wanted to say to him, and there was no fear," she said calmly. "Needing to tell him the truth became more important than my fear of rejection."
"And? He didn't - he didn't turn you down, did he?" Diana asked, worried.
"Didn't give him the chance to," Hawkgirl told her. "I said nothing."
"But you said . . ."
"Believe me, Diana, in our line of work, you and I both know just how fast a hundred different things can flicker through our brains before reaching a decision. It took me less than a second to decide to tell him, and the rest of that second to decide not to."
Diana just looked at her uncomprehendingly. "I don't understand."
Hawkgirl leaned back and ran her fingers through her hair. "I think at that moment, when it was no longer about me, it became about him. And I asked myself what it would mean for us if we became involved. Diana, there were times leading up to that Secret Society debacle where John's condition mattered more to me than the rest of the League. Sometimes my decision-making ability is slowed for a few split seconds by Green Lantern. I look to see where he is, I ask myself if he needs my help, even if there's something obviously more pressing elsewhere." She looked Diana in the eyes. "We're friends as well as teammates, Diana, but if you and John were both in danger, I would come to his aid without question."
"Caring for someone as more than a friend means shifting priorities, Shayera," Diana said. "Yes, there are times when I ask myself if Audrey's safety means more to me than my teammates'. But I don't think it has an impact on my work, and I don't think it's affected yours either."
"What if it affects John's?"
"I think you're selling him a bit short, Hawkgirl."
"I don't mean it like that. Don't you think it's a little dangerous for two of us to become romantically involved while we're still in the League together?" Hawkgirl asked. "How long before building feelings for each other affects our ability to work together with you and the others?"
Diana hesitated before saying what she was thinking. "Evidently it wasn't a problem in the other world," she said.
"Don't even compare us!" Hawkgirl said, shocked.
"I'm not. But it strikes me as a cruel irony if your doubles, who are guilty of some pretty outrageous actions in their world, should be together while you and John, who have the integrity they gave up, are not," Diana observed.
"Maybe a lack of integrity is why they got together," Hawkgirl snapped. "We know they were willing to kill as a part of their definition of 'justice'. Maybe they were also selfish enough to disregard the others in favor of their own feelings."
"Why don't you ask them?" Diana suggested quietly.
Hawkgirl shook her head. "I am _not_ going to go to _her_ for romantic advice."
"Fine. But if not now, you have to tell John sooner or later."
"No, I don't."
Diana blinked. "What?"
"I'm not going to tell him," Hawkgirl said.
"You can't be serious! You told me you decided in less than a second! You can't make that kind of life decision without thinking about it!"
"I'm not going to cripple the League further by complicating John's life too," Hawkgirl replied stubbornly. "If I'm going to be a mess, he's not going to end up the same way."
"My relationship with Audrey has _not_ been easy," Diana told her, "but my life isn't a mess, and what she gives me could never be a mess."
"Yes, but she's not one of us," Hawkgirl said.
"But what happens to you? You can't just squelch your feelings for him, not if it's reached the point you've been describing."
"I know," Shayera admitted, subdued.
Diana stopped just before she was going to say something else. "Great Hera," she whispered. "You're actually thinking of leaving, aren't you? You're running away?! I'll tell GL myself before you do something like that, Hawkgirl."
"If you do that, I'll leave for certain," Hawkgirl said icily.
"Not if he doesn't want you to."
"I shouldn't have told you," Shayera growled as she stood up.
Diana put her hand forward. "No, wait, I'm sorry. I wouldn't do that. Not after my own problems with telling everyone about Audrey. But you can't honestly be considering this."
"It's not just Green Lantern," Hawkgirl said vehemently. "They're giving me a chance to go home, Diana. Again, I'd think you could understand."
"I can empathize," Diana agreed, trying to think calmly. "And I realize that you have it worse than I do. At least I've seen my mother and other Amazons since being banished. At least I can receive news from home. And at least they know whether I'm all right or not. You have none of that. If you're thinking of leaving because you think it's your last best chance to go home . . . then I don't think anyone can say no."
Hawkgirl didn't reply to that.
"_But_ if you're going because you've made a unilateral decision about your future with Green Lantern and because you don't think you can be on the same team with him," Diana told her, "then home is just an excuse, and it should be so much more than an excuse. Now I don't know what kind of timetable they gave you - "
"They're leaving tomorrow, but I have until their ship disembarks."
"Well, I don't care when they're leaving. If you decide to leave, they can certainly wait until you've told the entire Justice League and said your good-byes in person," Diana warned her.
"I'm not going to skulk out the back door in the middle of the night, Diana," Hawkgirl said curtly.
"Good. I was going to visit Audrey tonight, but now I think I'm going to stay here." Diana stood up. "If you want to talk further, you can find me."
"Don't say anything to Koriand'r and the others," Hawkgirl requested. "They haven't done anything wrong."
"No, I guess not, and I won't trouble them," Diana said. "But I think you're about to."
Diana turned, leaving Hawkgirl alone once again.
To be continued . . .
Author: Allaine
Email: eac2nd@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: DC Comics, Cartoon Network, Bruce Timm, the JLA animated series, etc, etc. No profit intended from my infringement.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Up to the JL episode "Hereafter". Also occurs after the first eleven chapters of the _Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride_ fanfic.
Feedback: Please, please, please!!
Summary: Hawkgirl encounters three women, each like her perhaps forever cut off from their homes, and she begins to wonder if she might be happier with them. Takes place in the animated-JL "Always a Bridesmaid" ficverse.
_____________________
Chapter 3
"You want me to what?"
Hawkgirl sighed. "I want you to contact the leaders of the Lantern Corps and ask them to investigate the situation on a planet called Tamaran. I don't know the name of the star system, but I know it's being dominated by a group called the Citadel. Maybe the Lanterns could intervene?"
John frowned. "If the Corps made it their business to help every king or prince who was sent into exile, we'd be starting a thousand civil wars across the universe, Shayera."
"She wasn't exiled, she's an escaped slave," Hawkgirl replied. "I suspect you can sympathize with that."
"My people don't take well to slavery, it's true," Green Lantern admitted, "but I've seen it exist on other planets, and I had to accept that I wasn't there to be an abolitionist. You're asking me to involve the Corps in some kind of galactic war because of this one woman."
"I can't believe you're being this callous," Shayera complained.
"Look, obviously you have some kind of personal connection to this Tamaranean woman," John said. "And don't forget, I'm a Lantern, a black man, _and_ a member of the Justice League, so I _really_ don't enjoy seeing people being oppressed." He sighed. "I can't promise anything, but I'll send a message asking for any reports the Corps has on the situation. It's strictly information-gathering at this point, though," he warned her.
Hawkgirl finally smiled. "Thanks, GL," she said.
"It's going to take a couple weeks before I get a response," he pointed out. "Will they still be here?"
"I don't know," she replied. "I don't think so. Maybe they can stay a little longer. But thank you for making the effort." Hawkgirl hesitated. "John?" she added.
"Yes?"
I want to see you in person. I want to be alone with you. I want to tell you exactly how I feel about you. I want you to say you feel the same way.
"I want to say all these things to you very badly," she thought to herself.
"Nothing," Hawkgirl instead said. "I'll see you later."
"Fine," Green Lantern answered, sounding unusually irritated. "GL out."
Hawkgirl sat in the cockpit and stared at the blank monitor. Then she snarled and slammed her fist down, cracking the plastic.
"Did I hear something?" Diana asked when she stepped back outside.
"Nothing. I needed to ask GL something," Hawkgirl told her. Evidently Flash and Maxima hadn't returned yet.
Raven glanced at her for an instant before retreating back into the shadows of her hood. Hawkgirl saw the look and wondered if the empath Koriand'r had described knew what had happened inside.
"Late again," Diana sighed, resigned.
"Maybe they're having a good time together?" Koriand'r suggested hopefully.
Her guess proved incorrect when Flash appeared a few minutes later and unceremoniously dumped Maxima on the ground. "You owe me nine hundred dollars!" he shouted at her, pointing a finger at her.
Maxima grabbed his finger and bent it backwards in her fist. "I care neither for your Earth currency or your noisy contraption. And I will _not_ be treated like a sack of grain at the mill!"
"Let him go," Diana said warningly. "Flash, what happened?"
He rubbed his hand. "The Queen of Mean here decided she didn't like my choice in music. So she put her fist through my van's sound system! It's going to cost me nine hundred dollars to have the van fixed and a new system installed. _And_, speaking of money, she also owes me a new CD!"
"Trouble me not with your backward technology and your bills," Maxima sniffed. "I will not be staying for much longer."
"Good," Flash muttered, folding his arms.
"You will be staying long enough to compensate Flash for the damages you caused," Diana told her sternly. "I don't know what you have in your ship, but certainly there are things inside you can sell for nine hundred dollars."
Maxima shrugged. "I thought you were a princess. Obviously you have no concept of how royalty is to be treated."
"And you have no concept of just _how_ well I can treat royalty," Diana replied, her eyes glittering.
Hawkgirl started laughing. Maxima couldn't know just how true the Amazon's statement was. "Maybe we'd better get back."
"You should have seen Maxima on Azala V," Koriand'r volunteered. "She wouldn't pay the hotelier, and she ended up destroying the entire lobby."
"We were expelled from that planet, I think," Raven added quietly.
"What do you expect from someone who used to be involved with Lobo?" Hawkgirl asked.
"Wait a minute, you went out with LOBO?" Flash said, flabbergasted.
She looked at him contemptuously. "At least he had more muscles in his left arm than you have in your entire body."
"This should be a fun trip," Diana sighed as she boarded the ship.
"Hey, I have muscles, see?!" Flash argued as he brought up the rear, flexing as he bent his arm at the elbow.
___________________________
"Maxima has decided this planet has lost what little charm it ever had," Koriand'r told Hawkgirl as she entered the monitoring station. "We'll be leaving tomorrow morning."
"I spoke to Green Lantern earlier," Hawkgirl replied, having anticipated that the trio might feel their welcome wearing out. "He's trying to find out if the Lantern Corps might be willing to free Tamaran from the Citadel's shadow, and allow you to return to your family. But he says he'll need another week or two before he gets some kind of response."
Koriand'r nodded. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, Hawkgirl. I really do. But I don't think Maxima will last another week on Earth. She says she'd forgotten how resistant Superman was to flirting. Besides, I wanted to let you know that we've come up with a new plan."
"Oh?" Hawkgirl asked.
"Yes, we're changing course. We've been flying too far in the wrong direction. We're going to head back towards Almerac."
"You're not thinking of returning to Tamaran on your own, are you?" Hawkgirl asked, concerned.
"Oh no, I have no illusions of what would happen if I returned to Citadel space," Koriand'r replied, smiling sadly. "I'd become a slave again, and Raven would be sentenced to death for helping me escape. Actually, we're going to Almerac - albeit by a different route - so Maxima can gain access to royal records. Sazu promised her she could return to Almerac when she wished . . . provided she didn't expect to be queen again," she added, winking.
"Makes sense," Hawkgirl said. "What kind of records?"
"Well, Maxima did say that Almerac has received guests from Thanagar in the past," Koriand'r began cautiously.
Hawkgirl grew still.
"You mentioned that your people are a race of warriors," Koriand'r went on. "Being a professional warrior in her own right, Maxima wants to experience their culture."
"She'll be in for a rude awakening," Shayera said softly.
"And I think they might be more willing to help me," Koriand'r said. "You described Thanagarians as warlike, but if people like you are peacekeepers over there, then that tells me your world is also a just one. We just need the coordinates from Almerac."
Hawkgirl nodded as she looked away. "We hate to turn down a fight, especially if we think it's for a good reason."
"I was hoping you could give us some references," Koriand'r said.
"Oh, of course!" Hawkgirl realized. "I know several people who could help you if they knew you were a friend of mine. Especially if you brought them news that I was all right."
"Are we friends?"
"Certainly," Hawkgirl said.
"I think so too," Koriand'r replied after a moment. "Which is one reason why I thought you could supply references in person."
Hawkgirl cocked her head. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean."
"We'd like you to come with us," Koriand'r told her.
She stared at the Tamaranean. "What?" she finally asked, not sure if she'd heard correctly.
"I realize you wouldn't call Maxima a friend," Koriand'r said, "but we don't think it would take that long. It probably wouldn't take more than six months to get back to Almerac, and then - "
"Koriand'r, I appreciate the offer," Hawkgirl interrupted once her brain started working again. "But I can't leave here. I've invested too much time in keeping this planet safe to abandon it now."
"We may also be your only chance to even find out where your home is, much less return there," Koriand'r pointed out. "I'm not suggesting that the people of Earth are somehow less worthy of protection. But they're not your people. Your work on Thanagar remains unfinished, and there are others here on Earth who will go on defending it with or without you. My home is more important to me than my life, Shayera. This is an opportunity for you to ask yourself the same question - how much goes getting home mean to you?"
"That's not a question you can . . ."
"I don't," Koriand'r said quickly. "We're not leaving until tomorrow. If you can't answer until the last minute, that's fine. We think you could be an asset to us on Thanagar. We also think you would liven up our time in space," the golden-skinned woman added.
Hawkgirl nodded. "I'll think about it, all right?"
Koriand'r stood up. "We'll leave you alone then, Shayera." Without another word she turned and left.
She didn't need to think about it, of course. She would stay on Earth.
Wouldn't she?
_________________________
"You thought that was funny, huh?" Diana asked as she came in.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening," Hawkgirl replied, shaking her head. She had not left her seat, and in truth she probably wasn't doing a good job monitoring. "What?"
"Before, when I argued with Maxima over my treatment of royalty," Diana reminded her, smiling. "You seemed to like that one."
"Oh," Hawkgirl said, forcing a laugh. "I doubt Maxima would have accepted the kind of treatment you were talking about."
Diana chuckled. "Who knows? We have no idea what happens on other planets."
"No, I don't suppose I do," Hawkgirl said quietly.
"Shayera?" Diana asked. "Is there something wrong?"
Hawkgirl shook her head. "No, I'm just thinking."
"About what? When you feel the need to be introspective, it's usually . . . did something happen with John?" Diana asked, glancing behind her to see if they were alone.
"Yes and no," Hawkgirl replied. "I mean, yes, something sort of happened, and no, that's not what I'm thinking about. Except I am thinking of him, sort of."
"O-kay," Diana said slowly, trying to unravel this remark. "What exactly _are_ you thinking about?"
Hawkgirl sighed. "I should tell someone. I can't just spring it. Koriand'r told me earlier that they're leaving for Thanagar in the morning, and they want me to come along."
Diana's eyes widened. "You're kidding!"
"No. And I haven't given them an answer yet."
"You mean you're actually considering it?"
"I told her I would."
"But what about the home you've made here? What about the rest of us? What about GL, Shayera? You told me you'd decided to tell him how you felt," Diana pointed out.
Hawkgirl's smile curdled. "That's true. I had decided that. I spoke to him earlier today, and I was about to ask him if we could speak privately tonight. There was a moment there where I knew exactly what I wanted to say to him, and there was no fear," she said calmly. "Needing to tell him the truth became more important than my fear of rejection."
"And? He didn't - he didn't turn you down, did he?" Diana asked, worried.
"Didn't give him the chance to," Hawkgirl told her. "I said nothing."
"But you said . . ."
"Believe me, Diana, in our line of work, you and I both know just how fast a hundred different things can flicker through our brains before reaching a decision. It took me less than a second to decide to tell him, and the rest of that second to decide not to."
Diana just looked at her uncomprehendingly. "I don't understand."
Hawkgirl leaned back and ran her fingers through her hair. "I think at that moment, when it was no longer about me, it became about him. And I asked myself what it would mean for us if we became involved. Diana, there were times leading up to that Secret Society debacle where John's condition mattered more to me than the rest of the League. Sometimes my decision-making ability is slowed for a few split seconds by Green Lantern. I look to see where he is, I ask myself if he needs my help, even if there's something obviously more pressing elsewhere." She looked Diana in the eyes. "We're friends as well as teammates, Diana, but if you and John were both in danger, I would come to his aid without question."
"Caring for someone as more than a friend means shifting priorities, Shayera," Diana said. "Yes, there are times when I ask myself if Audrey's safety means more to me than my teammates'. But I don't think it has an impact on my work, and I don't think it's affected yours either."
"What if it affects John's?"
"I think you're selling him a bit short, Hawkgirl."
"I don't mean it like that. Don't you think it's a little dangerous for two of us to become romantically involved while we're still in the League together?" Hawkgirl asked. "How long before building feelings for each other affects our ability to work together with you and the others?"
Diana hesitated before saying what she was thinking. "Evidently it wasn't a problem in the other world," she said.
"Don't even compare us!" Hawkgirl said, shocked.
"I'm not. But it strikes me as a cruel irony if your doubles, who are guilty of some pretty outrageous actions in their world, should be together while you and John, who have the integrity they gave up, are not," Diana observed.
"Maybe a lack of integrity is why they got together," Hawkgirl snapped. "We know they were willing to kill as a part of their definition of 'justice'. Maybe they were also selfish enough to disregard the others in favor of their own feelings."
"Why don't you ask them?" Diana suggested quietly.
Hawkgirl shook her head. "I am _not_ going to go to _her_ for romantic advice."
"Fine. But if not now, you have to tell John sooner or later."
"No, I don't."
Diana blinked. "What?"
"I'm not going to tell him," Hawkgirl said.
"You can't be serious! You told me you decided in less than a second! You can't make that kind of life decision without thinking about it!"
"I'm not going to cripple the League further by complicating John's life too," Hawkgirl replied stubbornly. "If I'm going to be a mess, he's not going to end up the same way."
"My relationship with Audrey has _not_ been easy," Diana told her, "but my life isn't a mess, and what she gives me could never be a mess."
"Yes, but she's not one of us," Hawkgirl said.
"But what happens to you? You can't just squelch your feelings for him, not if it's reached the point you've been describing."
"I know," Shayera admitted, subdued.
Diana stopped just before she was going to say something else. "Great Hera," she whispered. "You're actually thinking of leaving, aren't you? You're running away?! I'll tell GL myself before you do something like that, Hawkgirl."
"If you do that, I'll leave for certain," Hawkgirl said icily.
"Not if he doesn't want you to."
"I shouldn't have told you," Shayera growled as she stood up.
Diana put her hand forward. "No, wait, I'm sorry. I wouldn't do that. Not after my own problems with telling everyone about Audrey. But you can't honestly be considering this."
"It's not just Green Lantern," Hawkgirl said vehemently. "They're giving me a chance to go home, Diana. Again, I'd think you could understand."
"I can empathize," Diana agreed, trying to think calmly. "And I realize that you have it worse than I do. At least I've seen my mother and other Amazons since being banished. At least I can receive news from home. And at least they know whether I'm all right or not. You have none of that. If you're thinking of leaving because you think it's your last best chance to go home . . . then I don't think anyone can say no."
Hawkgirl didn't reply to that.
"_But_ if you're going because you've made a unilateral decision about your future with Green Lantern and because you don't think you can be on the same team with him," Diana told her, "then home is just an excuse, and it should be so much more than an excuse. Now I don't know what kind of timetable they gave you - "
"They're leaving tomorrow, but I have until their ship disembarks."
"Well, I don't care when they're leaving. If you decide to leave, they can certainly wait until you've told the entire Justice League and said your good-byes in person," Diana warned her.
"I'm not going to skulk out the back door in the middle of the night, Diana," Hawkgirl said curtly.
"Good. I was going to visit Audrey tonight, but now I think I'm going to stay here." Diana stood up. "If you want to talk further, you can find me."
"Don't say anything to Koriand'r and the others," Hawkgirl requested. "They haven't done anything wrong."
"No, I guess not, and I won't trouble them," Diana said. "But I think you're about to."
Diana turned, leaving Hawkgirl alone once again.
To be continued . . .