AN: *blink blink* Wow... I've never gotten so many reviews before... not to mention in less than 24 hours... Hehe wow... *sheds tears of joy and thanks* Heh, it got so bad that when I was writing the second part, I kept getting annoyed becuase I have an alert that shows when I have a review, so I was having to click 'OK' like every 5 min... but oh well!
I've answered reviews at the bottom ^-^ And this part will be a surprise to some of you, I got the feeling you thought I was writing more from Harry's side of the story, but it's all from Sirius', if that makes sense.... Read and you'll see. Please R&R! I really appreciate them!
And I was almost crying again when I wrote this so... you've been warned again heh heh ^-^;
Warnings: More angst
Disclaimer: Same as last chapter
Posted: June 26, 2003
Remus Lupin tossed and turned in his bed, lost in the nightmare that had played over and over in his sleep for the past week. He called out in objection as he watched Sirius fall and disappear through the veil. He held Harry back, trying to restrain him even as he wanted to rush forward himself. But he knew he couldn't, because he couldn't let Sirius' death be in vain.
He kept a grip on Harry, but consumed as he was in the sudden feeling of loss washing over him, he hadn't been ready when the boy had jerked away, heading towards Bellatrix Lestrange. "Harry – no!" he cried, but it was too late; Harry was already halfway up the steps, hot on her heels.
Remus finally broke out of the dream and sat up, panting lightly. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and hung his head in his hands, staring into the darkness as memories of the past, of happier times, pushed their way through his mind.
It had barely been a full week, yet he was still having trouble sleeping. He had thought that after Voldemort had come back and the Order of the Phoenix had regrouped, he had accepted that there would be casualties among them. He just had never thought it would strike so close to home.
Sirius had always been the one he had thought would outlive them all. Even after he was sent to Azkaban, he had held faith that he would escape. And somehow he had. But then he was put in a prison almost as bad, if not worse. Sirius had always been outgoing and seemed to never be able to get enough of life. Being locked up in that house must have been Hell for him.
He still didn't know why he hadn't objected more to Sirius going with them to the Department of Mysteries. If only he had seen that something like that would happen... He told himself he really should have known...
A soft rustling, almost like feathers, brought him back to the present, and he glanced up to find himself staring into deep amethyst eyes. There was a flutter of silver and he looked down to the owl now perched beside him.
"Ari?" he asked quietly, calling the bird by her name. She trilled softly, looking at him with a solemn stare as she raised a leg with a letter attached to it. He removed it gently, stroking her soft feathers as he looked at her curiously. In answer, she cooed quietly at him again before taking off through the window.
Remus looked down at the letter clutched in his hand, smoothing the wind-blown edges before flipping it over to open it. He pulled the letter out, opening it slowly, and felt his breath catch at the handwriting of Sirius that stood out at him.
Dear Moony,
...I don't really know what to say... Sad, isn't it? Being friends for so long, you'd think I'd know how to put what I want to say into words... but the truth is I don't really know what I want to say...
Well, I'll just start... I'm sure you're wondering how this got to you. Seeming as how it has, I've been gone for a while... I wrote letters to those I felt I owed a last goodbye to, and put them in safekeeping with someone; they were instructed to send them out within a week after I disappeared. I can only hope they reach everyone...
You know, after joining the Order, I had mentally prepared myself for death, as well as the possibility of any of the others dying. Because that is, after all, what happens in war, isn't it? But I can only imagine if I truly felt ready when it happened... I know that if someone else had died, whether it be Tonks or Mad-Eye, I wouldn't have been as prepared as I like to think I am...
And Remy, I know that you're blaming yourself to some degree. So stop it, okay!? I'm sure we both understood the dangers of what we were heading into, and you most likely couldn't have stopped me even if you had wanted to. Even as close of friends as we were, only James would have been the one who could have gotten me to listen to reason... But what reason is there in war? What reason is there when your godson is the one who's in danger, night and day, from the most evil of wizards...?
So if I have contributed, even in the smallest amount, in helping Harry, than I have gone content in the knowledge that I have bettered my life, no matter how small it seems now. So don't mourn me too much, Moony, but if you feel you have to, don't hold it back. Don't use the excuse of 'it's a part of war and to be expected.' That's just a lie others use to get them through, and I think, in the end, it makes them weaker than if they had grieved in the beginning.
I know how much it hurts... the pain in your chest; a gaping hole that you think will never be filled... A sense of loss so strong you feel you can barely breathe... It's how I felt after James and Lily died... And truth be told, time doesn't heal all wounds. Perhaps if I had not been sent to Azkaban so soon after, I would have felt differently, but I guess I'll never know...
I'm sorry, Moony, for leaving you as the last living Marauder... Even though Wormtail is still alive, in my opinion he died to us the day he sold his soul to Voldemort... I still can't believe he could have done that... After all we had been through together, how close we had become... it just didn't seem right.
Sometimes... I wonder if all of this could have been prevented if I had just been the damn secret keeper; if I could have maybe kept James and Lily from being killed, even if it was at the cost of my own life... But I guess it wasn't meant to be... and I'll have to just accept it, since there's nothing I can do about it.
And there's nothing you can do about me, Moony, so just accept it. I know you're depressed that you won't have me around to help attract women anymore, but I think you're big enough to handle that on your own now, don't you think?
Sorry... but you know how I can't stay serious about things for long...
Look after him, won't you? I know that James would have wanted you to take my place should anything happen to me... I'm sure you'll keep him safer than I did; you always were the more cautious one of the group...
Take care, Remus...
And keep hope, Moony, you never know when we'll meet again.
Your true friend,
Padfoot
Remus took a deep breath, swallowing back his tears. He found he wasn't quite successful though, as a tear landed on his hand. And that was all it took before he was silently crying, letting go of the feelings that had surrounded him since he watched Sirius disappear; the sense of loss that constricted his chest, the grief he felt at losing yet another friend, and the anger he held at the injustice of the world.
Ok, here are my responses to reviews. Since I got so many in such a short period of time, I'm only answering specific questions if you had one. Otherwise I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING!!! And to all who thanked me for writing this YOU ARE VERY WELCOME!
I didn't answer all the reviews because I think the responses would have been longer than the story... 0_o which is sad, but oh well.
I will be doing AT LEAST one more. If you have someone you would like to see one done on, please feel free to request and I will do it, as long as it is within reason. For instance, I doubt I would do one on the Weasley kids or Hermione... but maybe Molly and Arthur, I dunno. Just depends, no harm in asking ^-^
Ok here we go:
ShelaghC: Just wondering what criticism you had. Please feel free to email it to me, ne? Or even tell me on AIM??
Mya Dawning: You can get in touch with me on AIM to chat about the book if you like ^-^ My AIM sn is on my profile
*Starlight*: Yes there will be more ^-^ And yes, I have more fics, I have a poem dedicated to Sirius called To Sirius Black Kind of a memorial... On my profile I have a list of Incompleted and Completed works with a short description as well
Tana: Heh, sorry pal, but you kno~w all these are goin' to be like this
KirjavaLyra: I'm assuming that Sirius knew Dumbledore would tell Harry about the prophecy soon, especially after all that had happened.
dreamkin: Well, I hope I answered your question in this part, but if not, here - It's not that Sirius foresaw that he was going to die, it's that he knew there was a possibility of it, and therefore (in my opinion) he wanted to make sure that he tied all loose ends
Ayne: You didn't have a question, but I just wanted to say - Making Harry more dramatic/emotional was the whole point of it. I hated how Harry never once shed a tear. It wasn't realistic; if you lost someone you care about, after the shock wears off, you will cry sooner or later.
blaise zabini: Even though they were rescuing Harry, it wasn't Harry's fault that Sirius got killed.
And to Rogue Reviewer: I just want to say, please don't criticize others on things you don't do yourself. I did spell check, and I used correct grammar, which is more than I can say for you.
Ok, that's all, sorry if I missed you if you had a question ^-^; Please feel free to email it to me, or rather I'd prefer if you just asked me on AIM, since it takes less time ^-^
Anyway, thanks again to all of you for reviewing! 140 reviews in 12 hrs... *faints* *gets water thrown on her by muses and sits up* Next up is Dumblydore ^-^ (Yes, I meant to spell it like that - inside joke ^_~) *faints again*