Well, after almost a year of not updating (yes, a YEAR), my Muse came back
to me and my Writer's Block left me for another woman. I was just sitting
here drinking my ice cappuccino from Tim Horton's (yes, I know it's
December) when I thought to myself, "Dang it girl, are you just gonna sit
here on your ass drinking an ice cappuccino and ignore the scary dreams
you've been having lately about ff.net throwing Harry Potter books at your
head? No, you are not! Not when there are pointless fics to be updated!".
So now I'm back. Aren't you all just so glad? HAHA! And I want to give a
big, huge, happy THANK YOU to all the nice people who reviewed!!!! I love
you guys!! ::wipes tear:: Ok, I'm here to give you the 5th chappy of Who
Wants To Be a 500 Galleonaire, not to bore you with my rambling,
so......here it is!
P.S Return of the King came out! WOO! All you LOTR fans can share my excitement. And I'm getting Pirates of the Caribbean for Christmas! The wait is torture, but I'm gonna make it!
Disclaimer: Let me pound this into your heads, all you people who are gonna sue me if I don't: I don't own ANYTHING! Actually, I lied. I DO own Bob, Dead Guy, Bob Jr., the pylon (God rest him), and the audience! ::mutters to self:: One step closer to ruling the world....And the bunch of quotes I stole are from these movies in the order that they appear (I should write the credits for a movie one day): The Sixth Sense, The Others, LOTR: The Two Towers, Underworld, Romeo & Juliet, The Ring, LOTR: FOTR, Pirates of the Caribbean, Moulin Rouge, Titanic, and The Italian Job. That is one HECK of a long disclaimer.
OY!! OVER HERE!! READ ME!! Ok, I just realized that this chappy talks about the 5th book and who died and all, so if for some reason you haven't read the Order of the Phoenix yet, be warned, there are spoilers. Alright, read on.
********Who Wants To Be A 500 Galleonaire: Chapter 5*********
REGIS: Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Who Wants To Be a 500 Galleonaire!
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
REGIS: Tonight's lucky contestant was chosen based on the grief of the author and a certain reviewer. And others who encouraged him being chosen. Tonight's contestant was chosen as a tribute to his horrible, horrible death.
CHILAMALA: ::wails somewhere in background::
TROLL: Ooo!! It could be me!
HARRY: You didn't die, you were knocked out you idiot. I plainly stated that to Hermione in the first movie.
TROLL: Right Hare, I think I'd know if I died or not, thank you very much.
HARRY: Did you just call me Hare?
TROLL: Harry takes too long to say.
HARRY: It's two syllables!
TROLL: It's ugly.
HARRY: Oh, like Troll is much better! That's like me naming my kid Human.
TROLL: ::hurt gasp, crosses his arms:: I want to go home now.
REGIS: You can't go home, the show just started. And I haven't even announced the person yet!
VOLDIE: Well hurry up! Or I'll set my goonie on you.
SNAPE: ::makes threatening poking motions with his wand in Regis's direction::
GINNY: I thought you said you aren't a Death Eater!
SNAPE: I'm not a Death Eater, I'm a goonie.
GINNY: Ah.
SIRIUS: Has anyone else noticed that Hermione and the Malfoy kid are missing?
::Everyone looks around at Draco's seat and Hermy's remains of her seat to find them empty::
RON: ::gasp:: They've eloped!
VOLDIE: Dun dun dunnnnnn!
RON: I knew it! I knew it! ARGH!! ::rips his shirt off and roars with anger, just as a bunch of green paint pours onto him::
DEAD GUY: ::painting the ceiling:: Woops. Sorry.
RON: ::on top of his table thing, jumps off and runs around the room:: RON MAD! RON SMASH!
REMUS: ::wearing a long wig, a fake beard, and a tye-dye T-shirt with a peace symbol on it:: Destroying things only destroys your soul, dude. MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR!
RON: SHUT UP LUPIN! RON SMASH! ::runs by Ginny's table, grabs her "How To Kill The Mudblood" papers and throws them on the floor::
GINNY: Again.
REGIS: Ron! Sit down! They did not elope, they're vacationing somewhere in the Caribbean!
RON: Oh. ::sits down:: Wait, why are they in the Caribbean?
REGIS: Hermione won tickets form some Most Likely To Become a Psychotic Axe- Murderer contest, and they went.
RON: Why the hell did she take Draco?
REGIS: I don't know. What is this, 20 Questions? As I was saying, the contestant-
REMUS: ::dressed as a vampire:: I vant to suck your blood!
REGIS: The contestant is.........Sirius Black!
::The Titanic song ("My Heart Will Go On", for all you village idiots out there) starts playing, then abruptly stops because the authoress isn't capable of listening to that song without bursting into tears. Instead, the Ghostbusters theme song starts playing as Sirius makes his way to the Hot Seat::
SIRIUS: My untimely death is very good for my publicity.
TROLL: You're dead? OH MY GOD! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE! ::creepy whispering:: Where's my daughter?
SIRIUS: Are you mad? I am your daughter!
REGIS: Shut up! That's not even possible! Troll, you don't have a daughter. And Sirius, you're a man!
SIRIUS: Oh right. Haha. Silly me.
REMUS: Great. So now, out of my three friends, two are dead and one's the Dark Lord's bootlicker. Weehoo.
VOLDIE: Haha!
REGIS: Alright Sirius, let's begin.
HARRY: ::deep dramatic voice:: And so it begins.
REGIS: Will you PLEASE stop quoting other movies?
TROLL: NEVER! ::runs out of the room::
REGIS: ...right then, For 100 galleons, what is the name of the 2002 war movie starring Josh Hartnett, Orlando Bloom, and Ewan McGregor? Is it a) Pearl Harbour b) Black Hawk Down c) Underworld or d) Charlie's Angels?
REMUS: ::still dressed as a vampire:: I am a Death Dealer, sworn to destroy those known as the Lycans. Our war has waged for centuries, unseen by human eyes. But all that is about to change.
REGIS: I said STOP QUOTING-
SIRIUS: I know the answer!
REGIS: You do??
SIRIUS: Yup. It just so happens that I watched this movie last night. And all thanks to Snape.
SNAPE: I TOLD you it would help you sometime in the near future!
SIRIUS: Well sorry, but when someone comes up to you and says, "watch this movie. It will help you sometime in the near future" it IS kinda creepy.
REGIS: Just answer the goddamn question!
SIRIUS: Righto......the answer is b) Black Hawk Down.
REGIS: And that is correct!
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
RON: Hey you guys, look! I decided to try Lupin's idea about love and not war, so I wrote a poem.
REMUS: I'm so inspiring.
RON: Wanna hear it?
EVERYONE: No.
RON: Here it is. ::clears throat:: He jests at scars that never felt a wound. But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Hermione is the sun. That's all I got so far.
HARRY: ::sarcastic:: Wow Ron. You sure are creative.
RON: Actually, I'm not. I stole that from a movie.
HARRY: Did it happen to be called Romeo and Juliet?
RON: Yeah! Have you heard of it?
HARRY: You're an idiot.
REGIS: Ok, shut up. The 200 galleon question is: in the movie The Matrix, what is Keanu Reeve's character's name? Is it: a)Hubert b)Lenny c)Neo or d)Clive Owen?
SIRIUS: Oooo...that's a toughie.
HARRY: ::sarcastic:: Yeah. If only The Matrix was a famous, groundbreaking movie that set a new standard for fantasy movies everywhere.
SIRIUS: I don't need your sarcasm, sir.
HARRY: Oh, I think you do. ::suddenly gets hit in the head with a paint brush:: OW!
D.G: Sorry. My fault.
GINNY: Dead Guy, why ARE you painting the ceiling?
D.G: Oh, I'm just practicing for my role on Trading Spaces.
GINNY: Oh, you like interior designing?
D.G: ......interior what?
GINNY: Designing.
D.G: ......what designing?
GINNY: Interior.
D.G: ::blank look::
GINNY: INTERIOR DESIGNING!
D.G: Oh, THAT. No, I don't like it. What gave you that idea?
GINNY: Well, I figured you did when you said you're on Trading Spaces.
D.G: I never said that.
GINNY: Yes you-you know what, forget it.
REGIS: EXCUSE ME! Could we just let Sirius answer the question?
SIRIUS: But I don't know the answer!
REGIS: Well figure it out!
SIRIUS: Right......so......his name, his name.....well, Spongebob's pet snail's name is Gary, so that's not it......Harry, do you know the answer?
REGIS: Meh, you can't do that!
SIRIUS: And why not?
REGIS: ::through clenched teeth:: Just because.
REMUS: ::dressed in the Jane's Addiction's lead singer's outfit from the Just Because video:: You got the most! But nobody loooooooves YOU! Nobody haaaasssss TO! JUST BECAUSE !!
REGIS: Will you SHUT UP!
REMUS: ::offended:: Well sor-ree.
SIRIUS: Anyways, Harry, do you know?
REGIS: ::exasperated:: Are you serious?
SIRIUS: I'm dead serious.
RON: That's funny, cause you ARE Sirius and you ARE dead.
REGIS: Quiet Ron.
HARRY: Pssst! Sirius! The answer is the 3rd letter of the alphabet.
SIRIUS: ......R isn't an option, stupid.
HARRY: C! C is the 3rd letter of the alphabet!!
SIRIUS: Alright, calm down. Regis, the answer is c) Neo.
REGIS: Alright, now normally we wouldn't' count that, seeing how Harry screamed the answer out and everything, but I'm desperate to get this game moving, so that's correct.
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
TROLL: ::walks back in wearing an "I Survived Gigli" T-shirt, a giant mitten thing that says "Wash The Whales!" and a pair of chartreuse cowboy boots:: Hey guys, look at this!
::Troll puts a mop on his head, making the stringy part cover his face::
TROLL: 7 days...
HARRY: ::sarcastically:: Oh yeah, you're scary Troll.
TROLL: Everyone will suffer...::trips over Snape's table thing and flattens it::
SNAPE: Damnation!
REGIS: TROLL! I'm gonna make you start paying for all your vandalism!
TROLL: ::thick English accent:: Alright young sir, I meant no offence. It's my job to ask questions after nightfall. There's talk of strange folk abroad. Can't be too careful......
REGIS: What did I say about quoting movies? Anyways, the 300 galleon question is: What is the Hulk's human name/alter ego? Is it a) Bruce Banner b) Eric Bana c)Kurt Cobain or d) Aragorn/Son of Arathorn/Isildur's Heir/Strider/Elessar/Estel/Thorongil-
VOLDIE: STOP THE MADNESS!
GINNY: I like the sound of that last one.
REMUS: ::dressed as Kurt Cobain (i.e. grunge-y) and singing:: Load up on guns, bring your friends-
SIRIUS: ::joining in:: It's fun to lose and to pretend-
REGIS: ::slaps Sirius:: Focus!
SIRIUS: ::a la Jack Sparrow:: Not sure I deserved that.
REGIS: ::smacks fist on table:: That's it. The next person to quote a movie has to give Bob a sponge bath. He's getting mighty smelly over there.
BOB: ::sitting in the corner clutching pictures of Bob Jr. the megaphone and his pylon, rocking back and forth:: By land...by sea...by air...THE PIRATES ARE COMING!
RON: ...He just quoted a trailer. Does that count?
REGIS: No, that doesn't count! I said MOVIE, not movie TRAILER! Now Sirius, answer the bloody question.
SIRIUS: Well someone's a grumpy guss.
REGIS: ANSWER IT!
SIRIUS: Alright, alright! The answer is a) Bruce Banner.
REGIS: Thank you!
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
::Suddenly, "Drain the Blood" by The Distillers starts blaring as Hermione and Draco burst into the room, Hermione slightly sunburnt and scowling scarily (hurray for alliteration!), and Draco wearing a sombrero with a blank expression::
RON: ::ecstatically:: Hey, you're back!
HERMY: Ya, no thanks to him. ::points to Draco::
DRACO: Oh yeah, blame it all on me!
HARRY: Why? What happened?
HERMY: Everything! But the worst part had to be Draco getting us lost in a pyramid for eight hours.
DRACO: Oh, come one! It wasn't that bad. ::excitedly:: I saw a monkey.
HERMY: For the last time, YOU WERE HALLUCINATING!
GINNY: Wait, why were you in a pyramid?
HERMY: Because Draco's an idiot.
GINNY: Oh yes. Thank you for explaining.
HERMY: ::sigh:: Draco got us kicked out of the Caribbean in an incident involving a hockey stick and a bag of pretzels, which I don't feel like explaining. So we went to Egypt.
HARRY: Why?
HERMY: Where else were we supposed to go??!!
HARRY: Umm...I dunno...
RON: Where'd Draco get the sombrero?
HERMY: He stole it off a hobo down the street.
DRACO: ::grins stupidly::
VOLDIE: That's my boy!
REGIS: Alright, now I'd like to thank Hermione and Draco for barging in here and INTERRUPTING THE SHOW!
HERMY: Whoa...what's up with you?
SIRIUS: He's very pissy today.
TROLL: ::singing high-pitched-ly:: PMSSSSSS!!
REGIS: TROLL! I don't appreciate that!
TROLL: Sorry I thought you did. ::to Hermy:: Whatever you do, don't quote movies.
HERMY: Righto, Trollio.
TROLL: Trollio?
REMUS: ::wearing a Shakespearean outfit and talking with a Shakespearean accent:: That, milady, sounds like Benvolio.
RON: ::ears perk up upon hearing "Benvolio":: I heard a Romeo and Juliet reference! ::gasp:: I haven't finished my poem yet! Quick, someone inspire me!
SIRIUS: Inspiration, eh? Hmm...think of me in the shower.::winks::
CHILAMALA: ::catcalls in background::
RON: ::Spanish accent:: I'm flattered but I do not thwing that way.
SIRIUS: Oh, come on! ::suggestively:: Does that inspire you? ::claps hands over his mouth as he realizes he quoted Moulin Rouge::
EVERYONE MINUS SIRIUS AND REGIS: ::gasp as they realize he quoted Moulin Rouge::
REGIS: ::looks like he's gonna explode::
SIRIUS: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Honest! It slipped out!
REGIS: SPONGE BATH FOR BOB!
TROLL: Spongebob me boy?
REGIS: No.
TROLL: Sponge-boy me bob?
REGIS: No! Sirius, you know what you have to do.
SIRIUS: No, please! Don't make me do it! Look at him! He's insane! Insane, I tells ya!
BOB: ::holding his pictures far out in front of him:: I'll never let go, Bob Jr.! ::drops the picture of Bob Jr.:: Noooooo!!
DRACO: ::cackles insanely:: Now, with Bob Jr. gone, me and my army of toads shall RULE THE WORLD! But we can't let these mortals know that, now can we? ::shifty eyes around the room:: Excuse me while I go for une promenade. ::leaves the room::
HARRY: He speaks French now? And he has an army?
HERMY: Yeah, something about those pyramids unhinged him.
VOLDIE: ::muttering:: Useless minion kid.
REGIS: Ok people, if you try really hard, you can keep your mouths shut and we can finish this show.
EVERYONE: .........
TROLL: ::coughs::
EVERYONE: ...........
TROLL: ::coughs::
EVERYONE: .........
TROLL: ::coughs again and again until he finally coughs up a hairball:: Sorry about that.
REGIS: It's ok. That was really good, you guys. Excluding Troll's hacking and spluttering. Now, let's do this game the way we're supposed to.
SIRIUS: Let's do it like the Italian job.
REGIS: SIRIUS!!
SIRIUS: ::sobbing:: I'm sorry! I ::sniff:: can't ::sniff:: help it! I was MEANT to quote movies! BORN to quote them! Are you going to take that away from me? Huh?! ARE YOU?!
REGIS: You know what, you're already being punished for your ridiculous unnecessary quoting. Let's just move on with the game, shall we?
RON: Yes, thank you!
REGIS: Good. Now Sirius, the 500 galleon question is-
HERMY: Why do we go from 300 to 500? What about the 400 galleon one? Did you forget how to count?
REGIS: NO! I did not! The authoress has her reasons, now SHUT UP!
::surprisingly, Hermione listens to him and begins humming Marilyn Manson's "Mobscene" loudly. Regis chooses to ignore this::
REGIS: The 500 galleon question is: which of these movies is NOT a film by Tim Burton? Is it a) Big Fish b) The Nightmare Before Christmas c) Reign of Fire or d) Edward Scissorhands?
HARRY: How come MY last question was so hard, and everyone else's are so easy?
REGIS: Because that was the first episode, and at that time we weren't aware of the scarily low intelligence that everyone in this room, save me, possesses.
EVERYONE: ......huh?
REGIS: ::sigh:: You're all stupid!
EVERYONE: Oh.
REGIS: Sirius, please answer the question.
SIRIUS: Alright Reg, I'd like to use a lifeline. I'd like to Phone A Friend.
REGIS: Righto.
::a phone is heard ringing from the speakers, then someone picks up::
NEVILLE: Hello?
SIRIUS: Hi! Who's this?
NEVILLE: ::confused:: Neville Longbottom...who's this?
SIRIUS: ::to Regis:: Neville? NEVILLE? Why is HE my lifeline? First of all, I don't know him, second of all, he's an idiot, and third of all, he has a toad!
REGIS: So?
SIRIUS: SO?! That damn toad probably already joined forces with Draco's army thing! He's gonna sabotage my chances of winning! That's SO!
REGIS: ::shrugs::
NEVILLE: WHO IS THIS?
SIRIUS: Sirius Black.
NEVILLE: Oh. ::pause:: Wait, aren't you that escaped convict who died in the Department of Mysteries place?
SIRIUS: Yes, but none of this is relevant right now.
NEVILLE: What do you want?
SIRIUS: Well, you're my phone a friend lifeline, so I need you to answer a question for me.
NEVILLE: Ok then.
::Sirius reads him the question. Neville ponders over it.::
HARRY: Don't you only get 20 seconds to answer the question?
REGIS: Well, with Bob gone insane and Dead Guy painting the ceiling, we don't have anyone running the show, now do we?
HARRY: But that makes no sense. I mean, the Titanic song was playing before, and somehow the questions keep changing on your little screen thing, and-
NEVILLE: Will you shut up? I'm trying to ponder here!
SIRIUS: Hurry up, dammit!
NEVILLE: Ok, I got it! The answer is c) Reign of Fire.
SIRIUS: Are you sure? I don't exactly trust your intelligence.
NEVILLE: ::offended:: Fine! Don't listen to me! I don't know why you asked me in the first place! Have a nice life, Sirius!
SIRIUS: Death.
NEVILLE: Whatever! ::hangs up::
SIRIUS: Well, that went well. So the answer to the question, Regis, is c) Reign of Fire.
REGIS: Is that your final answer?
SIRIUS: Yes, it is.
REGIS: And that is...CORRECT!
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
SIRIUS: I won? I WON! IN YOUR FACE, HARRY!
HARRY: And what exactly are you planning on doing with this money? You're dead. And even if you weren't, you couldn't buy anything without getting arrested.
SIRIUS: Not true. I bought you that Firebolt, remember?
HARRY: Oh yeah. ::smiles:: I love you, Sirius.
SIRIUS: ::grunts:: Shut up, you stupid kid.
::the lights start flashing strobe-style, while "I Love Myself Today" by Bif Naked plays in the background::
EVERYONE: ::becomes blinded and confused by the lights. They start tripping over things/themselves and walking into walls, etc.::
REGIS: Well, it's official. Those who haven't completely lost it are on the brink of insanity. Including myself. So please, pray for me as I would pray for you, were you in my shoes.
TROLL: ::walks by and knocks over the camera::
SNAPE: ::in the background:: Look at the camera! It's sideways! SIDEWAYS! ::bursts into maniacal laughter::
REGIS: From all of us here in this room and Draco, we wish you a good night/day and a very Happy Christmas and Merry New Year. Stay tuned for Episode 6, which will come to you whenever the author sees it fit and/or gets off her ass and decides to do something productive for a change, like writing. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night/day!
Well, it's done! ::collective gasp:: Took me bloody forever, but IT'S DONE! ::skips around the room merrily until she is wacked upside the head with a paddle:: REVIEW, or I'll set Samara/Richard Simmons/The Ghost of Christmas Past on your ass. ::gasp:: That sort of rhymed! Well, I just made my day. Anyway, I thank ye kindly for reading this, and am now stuck talking in Olde English because I watched A Knight's Tale today in French class for reasons unknown. REVIEW, PLEASE!
P.S: Samara (also known as Samara Morgan) is that creepy freak girl form The Ring. If you haven't seen it, then what the hell are you waiting for? I suggest you high tail it to the video store this very moment (after reviewing, of course).
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
P.S Return of the King came out! WOO! All you LOTR fans can share my excitement. And I'm getting Pirates of the Caribbean for Christmas! The wait is torture, but I'm gonna make it!
Disclaimer: Let me pound this into your heads, all you people who are gonna sue me if I don't: I don't own ANYTHING! Actually, I lied. I DO own Bob, Dead Guy, Bob Jr., the pylon (God rest him), and the audience! ::mutters to self:: One step closer to ruling the world....And the bunch of quotes I stole are from these movies in the order that they appear (I should write the credits for a movie one day): The Sixth Sense, The Others, LOTR: The Two Towers, Underworld, Romeo & Juliet, The Ring, LOTR: FOTR, Pirates of the Caribbean, Moulin Rouge, Titanic, and The Italian Job. That is one HECK of a long disclaimer.
OY!! OVER HERE!! READ ME!! Ok, I just realized that this chappy talks about the 5th book and who died and all, so if for some reason you haven't read the Order of the Phoenix yet, be warned, there are spoilers. Alright, read on.
********Who Wants To Be A 500 Galleonaire: Chapter 5*********
REGIS: Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Who Wants To Be a 500 Galleonaire!
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
REGIS: Tonight's lucky contestant was chosen based on the grief of the author and a certain reviewer. And others who encouraged him being chosen. Tonight's contestant was chosen as a tribute to his horrible, horrible death.
CHILAMALA: ::wails somewhere in background::
TROLL: Ooo!! It could be me!
HARRY: You didn't die, you were knocked out you idiot. I plainly stated that to Hermione in the first movie.
TROLL: Right Hare, I think I'd know if I died or not, thank you very much.
HARRY: Did you just call me Hare?
TROLL: Harry takes too long to say.
HARRY: It's two syllables!
TROLL: It's ugly.
HARRY: Oh, like Troll is much better! That's like me naming my kid Human.
TROLL: ::hurt gasp, crosses his arms:: I want to go home now.
REGIS: You can't go home, the show just started. And I haven't even announced the person yet!
VOLDIE: Well hurry up! Or I'll set my goonie on you.
SNAPE: ::makes threatening poking motions with his wand in Regis's direction::
GINNY: I thought you said you aren't a Death Eater!
SNAPE: I'm not a Death Eater, I'm a goonie.
GINNY: Ah.
SIRIUS: Has anyone else noticed that Hermione and the Malfoy kid are missing?
::Everyone looks around at Draco's seat and Hermy's remains of her seat to find them empty::
RON: ::gasp:: They've eloped!
VOLDIE: Dun dun dunnnnnn!
RON: I knew it! I knew it! ARGH!! ::rips his shirt off and roars with anger, just as a bunch of green paint pours onto him::
DEAD GUY: ::painting the ceiling:: Woops. Sorry.
RON: ::on top of his table thing, jumps off and runs around the room:: RON MAD! RON SMASH!
REMUS: ::wearing a long wig, a fake beard, and a tye-dye T-shirt with a peace symbol on it:: Destroying things only destroys your soul, dude. MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR!
RON: SHUT UP LUPIN! RON SMASH! ::runs by Ginny's table, grabs her "How To Kill The Mudblood" papers and throws them on the floor::
GINNY: Again.
REGIS: Ron! Sit down! They did not elope, they're vacationing somewhere in the Caribbean!
RON: Oh. ::sits down:: Wait, why are they in the Caribbean?
REGIS: Hermione won tickets form some Most Likely To Become a Psychotic Axe- Murderer contest, and they went.
RON: Why the hell did she take Draco?
REGIS: I don't know. What is this, 20 Questions? As I was saying, the contestant-
REMUS: ::dressed as a vampire:: I vant to suck your blood!
REGIS: The contestant is.........Sirius Black!
::The Titanic song ("My Heart Will Go On", for all you village idiots out there) starts playing, then abruptly stops because the authoress isn't capable of listening to that song without bursting into tears. Instead, the Ghostbusters theme song starts playing as Sirius makes his way to the Hot Seat::
SIRIUS: My untimely death is very good for my publicity.
TROLL: You're dead? OH MY GOD! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE! ::creepy whispering:: Where's my daughter?
SIRIUS: Are you mad? I am your daughter!
REGIS: Shut up! That's not even possible! Troll, you don't have a daughter. And Sirius, you're a man!
SIRIUS: Oh right. Haha. Silly me.
REMUS: Great. So now, out of my three friends, two are dead and one's the Dark Lord's bootlicker. Weehoo.
VOLDIE: Haha!
REGIS: Alright Sirius, let's begin.
HARRY: ::deep dramatic voice:: And so it begins.
REGIS: Will you PLEASE stop quoting other movies?
TROLL: NEVER! ::runs out of the room::
REGIS: ...right then, For 100 galleons, what is the name of the 2002 war movie starring Josh Hartnett, Orlando Bloom, and Ewan McGregor? Is it a) Pearl Harbour b) Black Hawk Down c) Underworld or d) Charlie's Angels?
REMUS: ::still dressed as a vampire:: I am a Death Dealer, sworn to destroy those known as the Lycans. Our war has waged for centuries, unseen by human eyes. But all that is about to change.
REGIS: I said STOP QUOTING-
SIRIUS: I know the answer!
REGIS: You do??
SIRIUS: Yup. It just so happens that I watched this movie last night. And all thanks to Snape.
SNAPE: I TOLD you it would help you sometime in the near future!
SIRIUS: Well sorry, but when someone comes up to you and says, "watch this movie. It will help you sometime in the near future" it IS kinda creepy.
REGIS: Just answer the goddamn question!
SIRIUS: Righto......the answer is b) Black Hawk Down.
REGIS: And that is correct!
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
RON: Hey you guys, look! I decided to try Lupin's idea about love and not war, so I wrote a poem.
REMUS: I'm so inspiring.
RON: Wanna hear it?
EVERYONE: No.
RON: Here it is. ::clears throat:: He jests at scars that never felt a wound. But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Hermione is the sun. That's all I got so far.
HARRY: ::sarcastic:: Wow Ron. You sure are creative.
RON: Actually, I'm not. I stole that from a movie.
HARRY: Did it happen to be called Romeo and Juliet?
RON: Yeah! Have you heard of it?
HARRY: You're an idiot.
REGIS: Ok, shut up. The 200 galleon question is: in the movie The Matrix, what is Keanu Reeve's character's name? Is it: a)Hubert b)Lenny c)Neo or d)Clive Owen?
SIRIUS: Oooo...that's a toughie.
HARRY: ::sarcastic:: Yeah. If only The Matrix was a famous, groundbreaking movie that set a new standard for fantasy movies everywhere.
SIRIUS: I don't need your sarcasm, sir.
HARRY: Oh, I think you do. ::suddenly gets hit in the head with a paint brush:: OW!
D.G: Sorry. My fault.
GINNY: Dead Guy, why ARE you painting the ceiling?
D.G: Oh, I'm just practicing for my role on Trading Spaces.
GINNY: Oh, you like interior designing?
D.G: ......interior what?
GINNY: Designing.
D.G: ......what designing?
GINNY: Interior.
D.G: ::blank look::
GINNY: INTERIOR DESIGNING!
D.G: Oh, THAT. No, I don't like it. What gave you that idea?
GINNY: Well, I figured you did when you said you're on Trading Spaces.
D.G: I never said that.
GINNY: Yes you-you know what, forget it.
REGIS: EXCUSE ME! Could we just let Sirius answer the question?
SIRIUS: But I don't know the answer!
REGIS: Well figure it out!
SIRIUS: Right......so......his name, his name.....well, Spongebob's pet snail's name is Gary, so that's not it......Harry, do you know the answer?
REGIS: Meh, you can't do that!
SIRIUS: And why not?
REGIS: ::through clenched teeth:: Just because.
REMUS: ::dressed in the Jane's Addiction's lead singer's outfit from the Just Because video:: You got the most! But nobody loooooooves YOU! Nobody haaaasssss TO! JUST BECAUSE !!
REGIS: Will you SHUT UP!
REMUS: ::offended:: Well sor-ree.
SIRIUS: Anyways, Harry, do you know?
REGIS: ::exasperated:: Are you serious?
SIRIUS: I'm dead serious.
RON: That's funny, cause you ARE Sirius and you ARE dead.
REGIS: Quiet Ron.
HARRY: Pssst! Sirius! The answer is the 3rd letter of the alphabet.
SIRIUS: ......R isn't an option, stupid.
HARRY: C! C is the 3rd letter of the alphabet!!
SIRIUS: Alright, calm down. Regis, the answer is c) Neo.
REGIS: Alright, now normally we wouldn't' count that, seeing how Harry screamed the answer out and everything, but I'm desperate to get this game moving, so that's correct.
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
TROLL: ::walks back in wearing an "I Survived Gigli" T-shirt, a giant mitten thing that says "Wash The Whales!" and a pair of chartreuse cowboy boots:: Hey guys, look at this!
::Troll puts a mop on his head, making the stringy part cover his face::
TROLL: 7 days...
HARRY: ::sarcastically:: Oh yeah, you're scary Troll.
TROLL: Everyone will suffer...::trips over Snape's table thing and flattens it::
SNAPE: Damnation!
REGIS: TROLL! I'm gonna make you start paying for all your vandalism!
TROLL: ::thick English accent:: Alright young sir, I meant no offence. It's my job to ask questions after nightfall. There's talk of strange folk abroad. Can't be too careful......
REGIS: What did I say about quoting movies? Anyways, the 300 galleon question is: What is the Hulk's human name/alter ego? Is it a) Bruce Banner b) Eric Bana c)Kurt Cobain or d) Aragorn/Son of Arathorn/Isildur's Heir/Strider/Elessar/Estel/Thorongil-
VOLDIE: STOP THE MADNESS!
GINNY: I like the sound of that last one.
REMUS: ::dressed as Kurt Cobain (i.e. grunge-y) and singing:: Load up on guns, bring your friends-
SIRIUS: ::joining in:: It's fun to lose and to pretend-
REGIS: ::slaps Sirius:: Focus!
SIRIUS: ::a la Jack Sparrow:: Not sure I deserved that.
REGIS: ::smacks fist on table:: That's it. The next person to quote a movie has to give Bob a sponge bath. He's getting mighty smelly over there.
BOB: ::sitting in the corner clutching pictures of Bob Jr. the megaphone and his pylon, rocking back and forth:: By land...by sea...by air...THE PIRATES ARE COMING!
RON: ...He just quoted a trailer. Does that count?
REGIS: No, that doesn't count! I said MOVIE, not movie TRAILER! Now Sirius, answer the bloody question.
SIRIUS: Well someone's a grumpy guss.
REGIS: ANSWER IT!
SIRIUS: Alright, alright! The answer is a) Bruce Banner.
REGIS: Thank you!
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
::Suddenly, "Drain the Blood" by The Distillers starts blaring as Hermione and Draco burst into the room, Hermione slightly sunburnt and scowling scarily (hurray for alliteration!), and Draco wearing a sombrero with a blank expression::
RON: ::ecstatically:: Hey, you're back!
HERMY: Ya, no thanks to him. ::points to Draco::
DRACO: Oh yeah, blame it all on me!
HARRY: Why? What happened?
HERMY: Everything! But the worst part had to be Draco getting us lost in a pyramid for eight hours.
DRACO: Oh, come one! It wasn't that bad. ::excitedly:: I saw a monkey.
HERMY: For the last time, YOU WERE HALLUCINATING!
GINNY: Wait, why were you in a pyramid?
HERMY: Because Draco's an idiot.
GINNY: Oh yes. Thank you for explaining.
HERMY: ::sigh:: Draco got us kicked out of the Caribbean in an incident involving a hockey stick and a bag of pretzels, which I don't feel like explaining. So we went to Egypt.
HARRY: Why?
HERMY: Where else were we supposed to go??!!
HARRY: Umm...I dunno...
RON: Where'd Draco get the sombrero?
HERMY: He stole it off a hobo down the street.
DRACO: ::grins stupidly::
VOLDIE: That's my boy!
REGIS: Alright, now I'd like to thank Hermione and Draco for barging in here and INTERRUPTING THE SHOW!
HERMY: Whoa...what's up with you?
SIRIUS: He's very pissy today.
TROLL: ::singing high-pitched-ly:: PMSSSSSS!!
REGIS: TROLL! I don't appreciate that!
TROLL: Sorry I thought you did. ::to Hermy:: Whatever you do, don't quote movies.
HERMY: Righto, Trollio.
TROLL: Trollio?
REMUS: ::wearing a Shakespearean outfit and talking with a Shakespearean accent:: That, milady, sounds like Benvolio.
RON: ::ears perk up upon hearing "Benvolio":: I heard a Romeo and Juliet reference! ::gasp:: I haven't finished my poem yet! Quick, someone inspire me!
SIRIUS: Inspiration, eh? Hmm...think of me in the shower.::winks::
CHILAMALA: ::catcalls in background::
RON: ::Spanish accent:: I'm flattered but I do not thwing that way.
SIRIUS: Oh, come on! ::suggestively:: Does that inspire you? ::claps hands over his mouth as he realizes he quoted Moulin Rouge::
EVERYONE MINUS SIRIUS AND REGIS: ::gasp as they realize he quoted Moulin Rouge::
REGIS: ::looks like he's gonna explode::
SIRIUS: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Honest! It slipped out!
REGIS: SPONGE BATH FOR BOB!
TROLL: Spongebob me boy?
REGIS: No.
TROLL: Sponge-boy me bob?
REGIS: No! Sirius, you know what you have to do.
SIRIUS: No, please! Don't make me do it! Look at him! He's insane! Insane, I tells ya!
BOB: ::holding his pictures far out in front of him:: I'll never let go, Bob Jr.! ::drops the picture of Bob Jr.:: Noooooo!!
DRACO: ::cackles insanely:: Now, with Bob Jr. gone, me and my army of toads shall RULE THE WORLD! But we can't let these mortals know that, now can we? ::shifty eyes around the room:: Excuse me while I go for une promenade. ::leaves the room::
HARRY: He speaks French now? And he has an army?
HERMY: Yeah, something about those pyramids unhinged him.
VOLDIE: ::muttering:: Useless minion kid.
REGIS: Ok people, if you try really hard, you can keep your mouths shut and we can finish this show.
EVERYONE: .........
TROLL: ::coughs::
EVERYONE: ...........
TROLL: ::coughs::
EVERYONE: .........
TROLL: ::coughs again and again until he finally coughs up a hairball:: Sorry about that.
REGIS: It's ok. That was really good, you guys. Excluding Troll's hacking and spluttering. Now, let's do this game the way we're supposed to.
SIRIUS: Let's do it like the Italian job.
REGIS: SIRIUS!!
SIRIUS: ::sobbing:: I'm sorry! I ::sniff:: can't ::sniff:: help it! I was MEANT to quote movies! BORN to quote them! Are you going to take that away from me? Huh?! ARE YOU?!
REGIS: You know what, you're already being punished for your ridiculous unnecessary quoting. Let's just move on with the game, shall we?
RON: Yes, thank you!
REGIS: Good. Now Sirius, the 500 galleon question is-
HERMY: Why do we go from 300 to 500? What about the 400 galleon one? Did you forget how to count?
REGIS: NO! I did not! The authoress has her reasons, now SHUT UP!
::surprisingly, Hermione listens to him and begins humming Marilyn Manson's "Mobscene" loudly. Regis chooses to ignore this::
REGIS: The 500 galleon question is: which of these movies is NOT a film by Tim Burton? Is it a) Big Fish b) The Nightmare Before Christmas c) Reign of Fire or d) Edward Scissorhands?
HARRY: How come MY last question was so hard, and everyone else's are so easy?
REGIS: Because that was the first episode, and at that time we weren't aware of the scarily low intelligence that everyone in this room, save me, possesses.
EVERYONE: ......huh?
REGIS: ::sigh:: You're all stupid!
EVERYONE: Oh.
REGIS: Sirius, please answer the question.
SIRIUS: Alright Reg, I'd like to use a lifeline. I'd like to Phone A Friend.
REGIS: Righto.
::a phone is heard ringing from the speakers, then someone picks up::
NEVILLE: Hello?
SIRIUS: Hi! Who's this?
NEVILLE: ::confused:: Neville Longbottom...who's this?
SIRIUS: ::to Regis:: Neville? NEVILLE? Why is HE my lifeline? First of all, I don't know him, second of all, he's an idiot, and third of all, he has a toad!
REGIS: So?
SIRIUS: SO?! That damn toad probably already joined forces with Draco's army thing! He's gonna sabotage my chances of winning! That's SO!
REGIS: ::shrugs::
NEVILLE: WHO IS THIS?
SIRIUS: Sirius Black.
NEVILLE: Oh. ::pause:: Wait, aren't you that escaped convict who died in the Department of Mysteries place?
SIRIUS: Yes, but none of this is relevant right now.
NEVILLE: What do you want?
SIRIUS: Well, you're my phone a friend lifeline, so I need you to answer a question for me.
NEVILLE: Ok then.
::Sirius reads him the question. Neville ponders over it.::
HARRY: Don't you only get 20 seconds to answer the question?
REGIS: Well, with Bob gone insane and Dead Guy painting the ceiling, we don't have anyone running the show, now do we?
HARRY: But that makes no sense. I mean, the Titanic song was playing before, and somehow the questions keep changing on your little screen thing, and-
NEVILLE: Will you shut up? I'm trying to ponder here!
SIRIUS: Hurry up, dammit!
NEVILLE: Ok, I got it! The answer is c) Reign of Fire.
SIRIUS: Are you sure? I don't exactly trust your intelligence.
NEVILLE: ::offended:: Fine! Don't listen to me! I don't know why you asked me in the first place! Have a nice life, Sirius!
SIRIUS: Death.
NEVILLE: Whatever! ::hangs up::
SIRIUS: Well, that went well. So the answer to the question, Regis, is c) Reign of Fire.
REGIS: Is that your final answer?
SIRIUS: Yes, it is.
REGIS: And that is...CORRECT!
AUDIENCE: *cheers*
SIRIUS: I won? I WON! IN YOUR FACE, HARRY!
HARRY: And what exactly are you planning on doing with this money? You're dead. And even if you weren't, you couldn't buy anything without getting arrested.
SIRIUS: Not true. I bought you that Firebolt, remember?
HARRY: Oh yeah. ::smiles:: I love you, Sirius.
SIRIUS: ::grunts:: Shut up, you stupid kid.
::the lights start flashing strobe-style, while "I Love Myself Today" by Bif Naked plays in the background::
EVERYONE: ::becomes blinded and confused by the lights. They start tripping over things/themselves and walking into walls, etc.::
REGIS: Well, it's official. Those who haven't completely lost it are on the brink of insanity. Including myself. So please, pray for me as I would pray for you, were you in my shoes.
TROLL: ::walks by and knocks over the camera::
SNAPE: ::in the background:: Look at the camera! It's sideways! SIDEWAYS! ::bursts into maniacal laughter::
REGIS: From all of us here in this room and Draco, we wish you a good night/day and a very Happy Christmas and Merry New Year. Stay tuned for Episode 6, which will come to you whenever the author sees it fit and/or gets off her ass and decides to do something productive for a change, like writing. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night/day!
Well, it's done! ::collective gasp:: Took me bloody forever, but IT'S DONE! ::skips around the room merrily until she is wacked upside the head with a paddle:: REVIEW, or I'll set Samara/Richard Simmons/The Ghost of Christmas Past on your ass. ::gasp:: That sort of rhymed! Well, I just made my day. Anyway, I thank ye kindly for reading this, and am now stuck talking in Olde English because I watched A Knight's Tale today in French class for reasons unknown. REVIEW, PLEASE!
P.S: Samara (also known as Samara Morgan) is that creepy freak girl form The Ring. If you haven't seen it, then what the hell are you waiting for? I suggest you high tail it to the video store this very moment (after reviewing, of course).
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!