Residual Scarring 3/?
See part 1 for disclaimers
The West Wing- Office of the Deputy Chief of Staff
It was after 8:00 am Monday morning when Josh Lyman shuffled into his office, the familiar trademark Lyman swagger absent. As he settled himself at his desk Donna brought in his daily schedule.
"You have Senior Staff at 8:30; Senator Collins at 10:00. You're scheduled for lunch with Leo at noon. The conference calls we had to postpone last week are scheduled for 1:30 and 2:30. You have an appointment with the respiratory therapist at 4:00."
Josh's head snapped up. "Respiratory therapist?"
"Yeah. You have to learn to manage your asthma, Josh. You can't let it control your life."
"You've been talking with Sam, haven't you?"
A vaguely guilty look crossed Donna's features. "Why do you say that?"
"Never mind." Josh waved off his comment. "Do you have the daily briefing memo?"
"Here." Donna handed him the paper in question. "Anything else?"
Josh shook his head in response, attention already focused on the memo.
Donna placed the folders she was holding on Josh's desk then returned to her own desk.
Josh finished reading the memo and looked at his watch. He had a few minutes to collect his thoughts before heading to senior staff.
"Mi Amour."
Josh looked up to see C.J. Cregg in the doorway leaning against the frame. "C.J."
"Welcome back. How are you?"
"I'm fine." Josh began pulling papers together to take with him to the meeting.
C.J. regarded him skeptically. "If this is what fine looks like, I'd hate to see you when you're sick."
Josh shot C.J. a look that said 'Go away and never speak to me again.'
"Come on, Wheezy. Walk with me. We're gonna be late."
"We've got, like 10 minutes." Josh protested.
"As usual Joshua, your watch sucks."
Josh grabbed his papers and followed the tall blond Press Secretary out the door. He quickly lagged behind, unable to maintain her quick pace.
C.J. was alarmed to find Josh several steps behind her, unable to keep up. She slowed and fell in step beside him. She was further alarmed to hear his breath whistling. "Josh?"
"I'm fine." He wheezed.
"Do you have your inhaler?"
"Let me tell you the whole mother hen image really doesn't suit you."
"Josh."
They came to a stop outside the Oval Office. C.J. looked at Josh expectantly while he tucked the papers he was carrying under his arm and patted down his pockets. He shook his head and shrugged. "I must have left it in my backpack. I don't need it. I'll be fine."
"Hey Josh! C.J., good morning!" Sam and Toby joined the others.
The door to the Oval Office opened. "He's ready for you." Charlie Young, Aid to the President, stood to the side allowing the four Senior Staffers to enter.
C.J. stopped, the others entering ahead of her. "Charlie, would you call Donna and ask her to bring over Josh's inhaler? He said it's in his backpack."
Charlie nodded and went to his desk to make the call.
"Good morning children. What offerings have you brought me on this fine spring morning?" President Jed Bartlett greeted them.
The group responded with "Good morning, Mr. President." and "Good morning, Sir."
"Josh, welcome back. Feeling better?
"Much. Thank you Sir." Josh replied.
As the meeting proceeded Josh made an honest effort to stay focused, but found it increasingly difficult as the tightness in his chest increased. He was vaguely aware that Sam's attention was on him and the others kept glancing at him. He quickly regretted not having his inhaler with him, and wondered if he could graciously excuse himself to get it. Along with the panic that he was having another asthma attack, Josh felt anger and frustration at his helplessness rising in him. Here he stood in the Oval Office, in front of the Leader of the Free World, about to make a fool of himself, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Josh coughed and the President stopped talking. All eyes focused on him. "I'm sorry, Sir." Josh wheezed and coughed again. Coughing racked his body. He grabbed the back of a chair with one hand, dropping his papers, and covered his mouth with the other. He wildly wished for tissues or a paper towel. He felt a steadying hand on his arm and knew without looking it was Sam. Josh continued to cough and gag. His stomach twisting as he knew what would be coming next and was powerless to do anything about it.
Someone pressed some tissues into his hand and Josh gratefully raised them to his mouth in time to catch the residue he was coughing up. Sam maneuvered him into a chair just as his legs gave out.
The door opened and Charlie stepped into the room, quickly surveying the scene. The President stood in front of his desk beside Leo McGarry. Toby Zeigler sat rigid on a couch next to C.J. Cregg. Sam Seaborn knelt on the floor by a chair. All eyes were on the occupant of the chair, who was doubled over coughing.
"Excuse me, Sir. Donna brought this over for Josh." Charlie held out Josh's rescue inhaler. When Josh didn't make a move, Sam reached out and took it from Charlie.
Josh had become lost in a world of pain. The pounding roar in his ears drowned out the voices of those in the room with him. A new feeling of dread seized him as he recognized the beginning of a flashback. "NO!" His mind screamed. It had been months since he'd had a flashback, the dreams he could pretty much handle, but not the flashbacks. His body jerked as he relived the shooting. It was Sam's gentle, reassuring voice that brought Josh back to the present.
Sam held the inhaler for Josh while he inhaled the medicine. Josh buried his face in his hands while he waited for his breathing to ease.
"Charlie," President Bartlet moved across the room. "Is Donna still here?"
Charlie stepped to the outer office and motioned to Donna Moss, who hurried gracefully into the room. "Mr. President."
"Donna, help Sam get Josh back to his office." Bartlet placed a gentle hand on Donna's arm. "Make sure he rests. I need him to make it through this day. He needs to beat this."
"Thank you, Mr. President." Donna moved to Josh and Sam. Together they got Josh to his feet. Josh never looked up. He exited the room and walked slowly down the hall, Donna and Sam on either side of him.
Josh remained silent as the three arrived at his office. While Sam settled Josh on the couch, Donna retrieved a blanket to cover him. "Do you need anything else?" Sam asked.
Donna shook her head as she sat on the couch next to Josh. He brought his legs up, curling himself around her. Her eyes, full of concern, never left his face. His eyes were closed, but that didn't stop tears from slipping down his face.
"I'm gonna get back to the meeting." Sam began backing out of the room.
"Thank you, Sam."
"Yeah. I'll check with you later." Sam exited, quietly closing the door behind him.
"Josh." Donna's voice was pleading. She placed a hand on his back and began to gently trace circles with the flat of her hand.
A cough and then a choking sob shook Josh as he fought to maintain his composure. He brought his hands to his face for a moment, and then dropped them. One hand stayed by his head, the other reached for Donna's hand. Donna sat in silent agony for her boss, rubbing his back and holding his hand.
"Josh, talk to me." Donna finally spoke. "What happened?"
Josh swallowed and opened his mouth, but no words came out. He closed his mouth and swallowed again. When he spoke his voice was soft and shaky. I couldn't breathe. I didn't have my inhaler, or any tissues. And then." Josh's voice trailed off and he opened his eyes. He searched Donna's face for a moment then looked away, but not before she saw the look of pain, humiliation, and terror reflected in the brown orbs.
"It's been months." Josh's voice was barely a whisper. "The flashbacks; I thought I was past that. The dreams are one thing, but the flashbacks." Josh stopped talking and closed his eyes. "How am I going to make it through this?"
Donna moved her hand from Josh's back. She smoothed back his hair and then rested her hand on the side of his face. "You will make it through this, and you won't have to do it alone. Me, Sam, everyone; we're here to help you. Anything you need." Donna paused and looked at her watch. "You've got about 45 minutes before you meet with Senator Collins. Take a nap."
Josh nodded and then squeezed her hand. "Stay for a few minutes, please."
Donna sighed. "Yeah." She ran her hand over Josh's hair a couple more times and then resumed rubbing his back. Donna felt some of the tension go out of Josh under her touch. He sighed and settled a little deeper into the couch. Soon the cadence of his breathing changed and she could tell that he was dozing. She placed Josh's hand under the blanket and carefully stood. She stayed by the couch watching him for a minute more before leaving the room.
Josh slowly became aware of his surroundings. He could hear the soft rustle of someone moving quietly around the room. He was lying on his back on the couch, in his office, in the White House, just a few feet from the Oval Office, where he'd coughed up a lung in front of the Leader of the Free World.
Josh groaned as the humiliating memory of the morning's events came flooding back to him. He felt the pressure of someone sitting down on the couch next to him and felt the gentle weight of a hand on his chest. He opened his eyes and met the concerned gaze of his assistant, Donnatella Moss.
"Hey there." She said quietly with a smile. "Did you sleep?"
"A little, I guess." Josh answered, scrubbing his hands over his face. "Did you bring me coffee?"
"No." Donna looked at her boss with a puzzled expression.
"Good. Then I guess my little performance this morning didn't get me fired."
Donna sighed and shook her head, then smiled again. "No. So you still have to take the meeting with Collins. You have 15 minutes before you have to be in her office."
Josh threw off the blanket and sat up. Donna stood and pulled him to his feet. "I'm just gonna go and." Josh pointed down the hall.
Donna nodded and resumed collecting the things Josh would need for his meeting on The Hill. By the time Josh returned from the bathroom, looking slightly more put together, Donna had his back pack ready. She helped him shrug into his suit coat and handed him the packed bag. He shouldered it as she gave him instructions. "All the files you need are in your pack. Your note cards are in the front pouch. You have a decent supply of tissues in there with your inhaler. Here, you need to eat something so you can take your medicine."
Josh took the granola bar and water bottle from his assistant. "Donna. Thank you."
"Get going. You don't want to be late for this meeting. Don't forget you have lunch with Leo at 12." Donna pushed Josh out the door. She stood in the doorway to his office, watching her boss walk down the hall. She shook her head. The man she was watching barely resembled the Josh Lyman she knew. Donna sighed as she returned to her desk and the piles of reports that were waiting for her. She was going to see him through this. He was going to beat this. He had to.
The West Wing- Office of the Deputy Chief of Staff
It was after 8:00 am Monday morning when Josh Lyman shuffled into his office, the familiar trademark Lyman swagger absent. As he settled himself at his desk Donna brought in his daily schedule.
"You have Senior Staff at 8:30; Senator Collins at 10:00. You're scheduled for lunch with Leo at noon. The conference calls we had to postpone last week are scheduled for 1:30 and 2:30. You have an appointment with the respiratory therapist at 4:00."
Josh's head snapped up. "Respiratory therapist?"
"Yeah. You have to learn to manage your asthma, Josh. You can't let it control your life."
"You've been talking with Sam, haven't you?"
A vaguely guilty look crossed Donna's features. "Why do you say that?"
"Never mind." Josh waved off his comment. "Do you have the daily briefing memo?"
"Here." Donna handed him the paper in question. "Anything else?"
Josh shook his head in response, attention already focused on the memo.
Donna placed the folders she was holding on Josh's desk then returned to her own desk.
Josh finished reading the memo and looked at his watch. He had a few minutes to collect his thoughts before heading to senior staff.
"Mi Amour."
Josh looked up to see C.J. Cregg in the doorway leaning against the frame. "C.J."
"Welcome back. How are you?"
"I'm fine." Josh began pulling papers together to take with him to the meeting.
C.J. regarded him skeptically. "If this is what fine looks like, I'd hate to see you when you're sick."
Josh shot C.J. a look that said 'Go away and never speak to me again.'
"Come on, Wheezy. Walk with me. We're gonna be late."
"We've got, like 10 minutes." Josh protested.
"As usual Joshua, your watch sucks."
Josh grabbed his papers and followed the tall blond Press Secretary out the door. He quickly lagged behind, unable to maintain her quick pace.
C.J. was alarmed to find Josh several steps behind her, unable to keep up. She slowed and fell in step beside him. She was further alarmed to hear his breath whistling. "Josh?"
"I'm fine." He wheezed.
"Do you have your inhaler?"
"Let me tell you the whole mother hen image really doesn't suit you."
"Josh."
They came to a stop outside the Oval Office. C.J. looked at Josh expectantly while he tucked the papers he was carrying under his arm and patted down his pockets. He shook his head and shrugged. "I must have left it in my backpack. I don't need it. I'll be fine."
"Hey Josh! C.J., good morning!" Sam and Toby joined the others.
The door to the Oval Office opened. "He's ready for you." Charlie Young, Aid to the President, stood to the side allowing the four Senior Staffers to enter.
C.J. stopped, the others entering ahead of her. "Charlie, would you call Donna and ask her to bring over Josh's inhaler? He said it's in his backpack."
Charlie nodded and went to his desk to make the call.
"Good morning children. What offerings have you brought me on this fine spring morning?" President Jed Bartlett greeted them.
The group responded with "Good morning, Mr. President." and "Good morning, Sir."
"Josh, welcome back. Feeling better?
"Much. Thank you Sir." Josh replied.
As the meeting proceeded Josh made an honest effort to stay focused, but found it increasingly difficult as the tightness in his chest increased. He was vaguely aware that Sam's attention was on him and the others kept glancing at him. He quickly regretted not having his inhaler with him, and wondered if he could graciously excuse himself to get it. Along with the panic that he was having another asthma attack, Josh felt anger and frustration at his helplessness rising in him. Here he stood in the Oval Office, in front of the Leader of the Free World, about to make a fool of himself, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Josh coughed and the President stopped talking. All eyes focused on him. "I'm sorry, Sir." Josh wheezed and coughed again. Coughing racked his body. He grabbed the back of a chair with one hand, dropping his papers, and covered his mouth with the other. He wildly wished for tissues or a paper towel. He felt a steadying hand on his arm and knew without looking it was Sam. Josh continued to cough and gag. His stomach twisting as he knew what would be coming next and was powerless to do anything about it.
Someone pressed some tissues into his hand and Josh gratefully raised them to his mouth in time to catch the residue he was coughing up. Sam maneuvered him into a chair just as his legs gave out.
The door opened and Charlie stepped into the room, quickly surveying the scene. The President stood in front of his desk beside Leo McGarry. Toby Zeigler sat rigid on a couch next to C.J. Cregg. Sam Seaborn knelt on the floor by a chair. All eyes were on the occupant of the chair, who was doubled over coughing.
"Excuse me, Sir. Donna brought this over for Josh." Charlie held out Josh's rescue inhaler. When Josh didn't make a move, Sam reached out and took it from Charlie.
Josh had become lost in a world of pain. The pounding roar in his ears drowned out the voices of those in the room with him. A new feeling of dread seized him as he recognized the beginning of a flashback. "NO!" His mind screamed. It had been months since he'd had a flashback, the dreams he could pretty much handle, but not the flashbacks. His body jerked as he relived the shooting. It was Sam's gentle, reassuring voice that brought Josh back to the present.
Sam held the inhaler for Josh while he inhaled the medicine. Josh buried his face in his hands while he waited for his breathing to ease.
"Charlie," President Bartlet moved across the room. "Is Donna still here?"
Charlie stepped to the outer office and motioned to Donna Moss, who hurried gracefully into the room. "Mr. President."
"Donna, help Sam get Josh back to his office." Bartlet placed a gentle hand on Donna's arm. "Make sure he rests. I need him to make it through this day. He needs to beat this."
"Thank you, Mr. President." Donna moved to Josh and Sam. Together they got Josh to his feet. Josh never looked up. He exited the room and walked slowly down the hall, Donna and Sam on either side of him.
Josh remained silent as the three arrived at his office. While Sam settled Josh on the couch, Donna retrieved a blanket to cover him. "Do you need anything else?" Sam asked.
Donna shook her head as she sat on the couch next to Josh. He brought his legs up, curling himself around her. Her eyes, full of concern, never left his face. His eyes were closed, but that didn't stop tears from slipping down his face.
"I'm gonna get back to the meeting." Sam began backing out of the room.
"Thank you, Sam."
"Yeah. I'll check with you later." Sam exited, quietly closing the door behind him.
"Josh." Donna's voice was pleading. She placed a hand on his back and began to gently trace circles with the flat of her hand.
A cough and then a choking sob shook Josh as he fought to maintain his composure. He brought his hands to his face for a moment, and then dropped them. One hand stayed by his head, the other reached for Donna's hand. Donna sat in silent agony for her boss, rubbing his back and holding his hand.
"Josh, talk to me." Donna finally spoke. "What happened?"
Josh swallowed and opened his mouth, but no words came out. He closed his mouth and swallowed again. When he spoke his voice was soft and shaky. I couldn't breathe. I didn't have my inhaler, or any tissues. And then." Josh's voice trailed off and he opened his eyes. He searched Donna's face for a moment then looked away, but not before she saw the look of pain, humiliation, and terror reflected in the brown orbs.
"It's been months." Josh's voice was barely a whisper. "The flashbacks; I thought I was past that. The dreams are one thing, but the flashbacks." Josh stopped talking and closed his eyes. "How am I going to make it through this?"
Donna moved her hand from Josh's back. She smoothed back his hair and then rested her hand on the side of his face. "You will make it through this, and you won't have to do it alone. Me, Sam, everyone; we're here to help you. Anything you need." Donna paused and looked at her watch. "You've got about 45 minutes before you meet with Senator Collins. Take a nap."
Josh nodded and then squeezed her hand. "Stay for a few minutes, please."
Donna sighed. "Yeah." She ran her hand over Josh's hair a couple more times and then resumed rubbing his back. Donna felt some of the tension go out of Josh under her touch. He sighed and settled a little deeper into the couch. Soon the cadence of his breathing changed and she could tell that he was dozing. She placed Josh's hand under the blanket and carefully stood. She stayed by the couch watching him for a minute more before leaving the room.
Josh slowly became aware of his surroundings. He could hear the soft rustle of someone moving quietly around the room. He was lying on his back on the couch, in his office, in the White House, just a few feet from the Oval Office, where he'd coughed up a lung in front of the Leader of the Free World.
Josh groaned as the humiliating memory of the morning's events came flooding back to him. He felt the pressure of someone sitting down on the couch next to him and felt the gentle weight of a hand on his chest. He opened his eyes and met the concerned gaze of his assistant, Donnatella Moss.
"Hey there." She said quietly with a smile. "Did you sleep?"
"A little, I guess." Josh answered, scrubbing his hands over his face. "Did you bring me coffee?"
"No." Donna looked at her boss with a puzzled expression.
"Good. Then I guess my little performance this morning didn't get me fired."
Donna sighed and shook her head, then smiled again. "No. So you still have to take the meeting with Collins. You have 15 minutes before you have to be in her office."
Josh threw off the blanket and sat up. Donna stood and pulled him to his feet. "I'm just gonna go and." Josh pointed down the hall.
Donna nodded and resumed collecting the things Josh would need for his meeting on The Hill. By the time Josh returned from the bathroom, looking slightly more put together, Donna had his back pack ready. She helped him shrug into his suit coat and handed him the packed bag. He shouldered it as she gave him instructions. "All the files you need are in your pack. Your note cards are in the front pouch. You have a decent supply of tissues in there with your inhaler. Here, you need to eat something so you can take your medicine."
Josh took the granola bar and water bottle from his assistant. "Donna. Thank you."
"Get going. You don't want to be late for this meeting. Don't forget you have lunch with Leo at 12." Donna pushed Josh out the door. She stood in the doorway to his office, watching her boss walk down the hall. She shook her head. The man she was watching barely resembled the Josh Lyman she knew. Donna sighed as she returned to her desk and the piles of reports that were waiting for her. She was going to see him through this. He was going to beat this. He had to.