Part 10a

~ Sunnydale, CA – August, 1998 (Five months later) ~

Senior year. The end of one road and the beginning of another. One door closes, another one opens and all that kind of stuff. This was true in more ways than one. Number one for Buffy: the baby. Number one for most: college. Willow was completely freaking herself out about the entire process, when she was the only one who could go to any college in the country, plus some in Europe.

Xander had been entirely passive about anything involving a charted future. He was the only one out of the gang who wasn't planning on being college bound next year. Much to everyone's shock, he and Queen C were still dating. Many had lost money over how long that would last. Cordy was surprisingly open-minded about their relationship. She wasn't controlling or tense like she'd been while dating other, and less Xander-like, guys. She was actually kind of…fun to be around. This did not mean, however, she still wasn't Cordelia Chase.

"What do you mean you don't like this one? It's the cutest thing ever!"

Sighing, Buffy gave her a tired look, not in the mood to deal with arguing. "No, Cordelia, for the last time, I don't want all pink. Why is this so hard to understand?"

"Because that's what you buy for baby girls: pink everything." Cordy gave her an all-knowing look and added, "It's what you're supposed to do. It's expected."

"But I don't want to buy all pink. I want all different colors. I don't want my daughter waking up in the middle of the night, after a nightmare, surrounded by Pepto Bismul walls and furniture."

"Fine," Cordelia huffed, giving in to stubborn, hormonal Buffy. Even she had her limits and arguing for nearly an hour about various baby items was definitely one of them. They were sitting in the brunette's room, magazines and computer prints creating a sea of paper around them. They were shopping. Cordy wanted pink, Buffy wanted no pink. It was a heated debate over clothes and dressers, one that would go on for a long time unless there was a break taken.

"Well, I think that's enough for now, don't you? I'm also kind of hungry…"

Cordelia rolled her eyes at Buffy. "You're always hungry."

Buffy looked hurt. "I am not."

"Oh you so are. You called me in at one-thirty last week, asking for some cookie-dough ice cream with peanut butter and cherry sauce. Do you have any idea how stupid I looked going into Safeway at two o'clock in the freaking morning, in my sweats no less, buying some random crap food? Do you have any idea?"

"Yes, Cordy, you've reminded me many times. Next time I get pregnant, I'll be sure to stock-up before hand."

Cordelia froze. Buffy's tone was light, almost flippant, but a warning bell dinged in her head. "What do you mean 'next time?' "

Buffy looked up and quickly shook her head. "No, I didn't mean…no. I just meant that… I was proving a point."

"Right," Cordelia said with a nod, though she kept her eyes on Buffy, unassured.

They were both quiet, pretending to be enthralled in the magazines in hand. Little things like this now shook them all up. Everyone had been thrilled that Buffy had come back from Los Angeles and was planning on coming back to school after she had the baby, but there was just something missing. It had, in some ways, been better when Buffy wouldn't talk or come out of her room. At least then they knew she was hiding something. It was easy to tell that she was hurting and sad and lonely, but now they didn't know what she was feeling. She acted happy and had rekindled her relationship with her mother, making her a lot less stressed, but there was still something.

And what was Buffy going to name this baby? She hadn't hinted at all what she had considered even though the gang had been suggesting assorted ones since the summer. Cordelia wondered about what the baby would look like; right now, all she could picture was someone who looked like mini-Buffy. They still had to what had happened to Buffy that would make her so adamant about protecting the identity of the father. The word rape had wound it's way into the conversations excluding Buffy numerous times, but the doctor had told Joyce that there was no external or internal tearing he could identify. So, instead of interrogating her about what had happened, they just thought up names.

"So, Buffy, have you thought of any names yet? I mean, before long the baby's going to be here."

Buffy glanced up from her page and gave a half-smile. "I haven't really thought much more about it. I mean, I tried but every time I thought of one, it seemed wrong for her. Like it didn't fit. I don't know, maybe I'm trying too hard. But I want her name to be perfect for her. And I guess I won't know until I see her."

"Are you scared?" Cordy asked.

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Scared of seeing her? Uh, I didn't plan on it…"

"No, scared of having her. Like not just the birth part but like when she grows up. Are you scared?"

There was no answer for a few minutes. Buffy stared down, playing vacantly with the carpet. Was she scared? No one had asked her that. Was it normal to be scared when you had a baby? Were women who had sturdy husbands and lifestyles perfectly confident about bringing a child into the world? Because she sure wasn't.

"I'm terrified," she said, her voice hushed in a whisper. She looked up and met Cordelia's eyes. "I have no idea what I'm doing. I have Mom and I have you guys, but it feels like I'm walking blindfolded. I'm so scared."

Cordy's lips parted in surprise at the blonde's sudden willingness to open up and reveal her feelings. She leaned forward, shaking her head. "Buffy, you're not blindfolded. When you say you have us, you really do have us. We're here for you and we're here for the baby. Whatever you need, you can just ask. You can call me in the middle of the night with the weirdest food requests and I'll go out of get it for you. Now, I'm not saying I won't give you grief, but that's just because, well, I'm me. We are here for you."

"I know," Buffy said, smiling unstably. "And thank you for that. I don't know what I'd do without you guys."

"And you won't have to," Cordy finished with a decisive nod.

Buffy produced a genuine smile and went back to the flipping through pages.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Cordelia said suddenly. "I bought this magazine that had the most adorable crib. It's over there." She pointed to the desk behind Buffy, obviously unwilling to get up herself.

"Cordelia…" Buffy said warningly.

"No, it's not pink," she replied, slightly annoyed by the fact. "It's white and blue. Just go get it."

Sighing, Buffy stood up and headed over. She raised an eyebrow when she saw had expensive everything was, knowing there was no way she was ever going to buy it. But she at least had to humor Cordy. Grabbing the magazine, she turned around and took barely two steps before she doubled slightly as her mid-section seized. Cordelia, unaware of it, continued book marking pages. Buffy righted herself after it had passed and continued across the room. She reached her seat and was about to sit down when another wave of pain gripped her stomach, this time so hard that Buffy dropped the magazine and clamped her eyes together, her hands going to the source of the convulsion.

"Hey!" Cordy said as the magazine crumpled next to her. Turning around, she said, irritation lacing her voice, "You know, Buffy, just because you don't like…" She trailed off abruptly when she took in the sight behind her. Buffy was bent over, her body shaking in distress. Cordy was instantly on her feet, at Buffy's side. "What's wrong? Buffy…?"

The pain had grown to enormous levels, making her entire body feel like it was burning up. The sensations were so excruciating now that she almost couldn't hear Cordelia speaking to her.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" Cordy's voice rose rapidly when she got no response. "Say something!"

"The baby," Buffy choked out. "Something's wrong. She's coming."

Cordelia's eyes widened to an alarming size, her mouth falling open in shock. "What…? But…but she's not due for like, two more months!"

"I know. But it's…something's happening." A tear triggered by the pain slid down Buffy's face. "Cordy, please…oh God…"

"W-what do I do? What do I…?" Cordelia glanced wildly around the room, as if she would somehow find the answer among the shelves and CDs.

"Your car… I need to go to the hospital…now."

Cordy gave a nervous, semi-hysterical laugh. "Well, the funny thing is…well, my license kind of got taken away. And well, Daddy got kinda mad so he took my keys. So…I don't exactly have car."

Buffy opened her mouth to reply, but instead she collapsed on the floor in a heap of anguish.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God." Cordelia wrung her hands as she ran to her phone. Her fingers skidded across the buttons, shaky uncontrollably. She raised the receiver to her ear, trying to keep breathing.

Buffy clutched her stomach, her fingers curling around the fabric of her shirt. And it was at that moment when she became religious. She had never believed in the Bible or Jesus or even God, for that matter. But as she realized that blood was now coursing down her legs, she prayed to Him. She prayed for the life of the tiny being inside her that she could feel slipping dangerously.

"Buffy, can you hear me? Buffy, please…?"

She opened her eyes to see Cordelia kneeling over her, her face knotted with undampered worry. "Cordelia…?"

She nodded quickly, relief flooding her features. "Buffy, it's going to be OK. Help is coming. It's going to be OK. Just stay with me… Just stay awake."

Another tear escaped Buffy's eye. "My baby…"

"Is going to be fine. She's going to be fine."

"I can't loose her, Cordelia. She's everything…"

Cordelia's eyes went to where dark red liquid had soaked through Buffy's clothes and had coated part of the carpet. She covered her mouth to keep from crying out at how much blood there was. She had to be strong. This was what shaped a person, what determined their character. She knew she had to be strong. Strong for herself and strong for her friend. She took Buffy's hand and held it tightly. "It's going to be OK. It's going to be OK. Just hold on for a few more minutes."

Buffy's eyes fluttered shut, and the only thought in her mind was that she needed Cordelia to be right. Please be right. She felt herself swimming, then floating, then falling and the last thing she heard were the distant sirens coming to save her.

~~~

Angel took the stairs two at a time, completely ignoring the elevator, which seemed to offer to make his trip to the seventh floor even longer than it already seemed. Practically swinging the door clear of its hinges, he stalked into the main area and straight towards room 217. As he turned to corner, he was greeted with the sight of his cousin sitting on a bench, head in hands.

"Cordy…?" he asked hesitantly.

When she looked up, her face was tear streaked, something that was on her top ten list of thing not to do. Her make-up sat heavily under her puffy eyes, and Angel realized that he'd never seen her truly upset. She stood when she heard her name, immediately going over to him, needing some semblance of comfort. Nothing was said as a hug was exchanged. Angel had no idea why he was even here or what was going on, but the fact that she was letting someone hug her meant it was something big.

"Cordelia, what's wrong?" he asked, searching her eyes for something unknown to him, holding her shoulders firmly in place.

"Everything," she answered quietly. "They…the doctors don't know if the baby's going to make it."

"What baby?" he said, though he could feel his chest begin to tighten, warningly. "What baby?"

"Buffy's baby." Feeling her eyes start to well again, she quickly swiped a hand over them, trying to stop the tired feeling of crying. She had called Angel to come to the hospital and was now glad she had. Her parents were incapable of giving her the consolance she needed, and he was the only one who was able to support her in whatever she was going through. May it be major or minor, Angel was always there for her.

Her shoulders slumped as she shook her head. "It's hooked up to all these machines. It's so small…" She felt Angel's hands leave her arms, sliding slowly away. She looked up and could see the impact the news was having on him. His worried expression melted into one of terror. His jaw had gone slightly slack, a look that was utterly not him.

When Cordelia had called him, he'd sped at least thirty miles over the speed limit because the mere thought of her being hurt, make his gut clench in fear. She was practically his baby sister, he couldn't lose her. She had been monotonely vague on the phone, making him even more frightened. But she wasn't in the hospital for herself. She was there with Buffy. With Buffy. And Buffy's baby was…

"What…?" he whispered. "What are you talking about?"

"Buffy was at my house. She got…pains. And she couldn't get up. She…" Cordelia stopped as her voice broke off. She tried breathing normally but it came out quivering and uneven. "God, Angel, there was so much blood. So much…" She pressed her hands to her face as a round of exhausted sobs wracked through her body.

Angel stared at her like she'd grown a horn, unable (or unwilling) to comprehend the information. "Buffy…?"

Cordy wiped her cheeks and shook her head. "She's asleep. She…she's still asleep."

Willow walked over, her hands clutching each other. She was in a similar state to that of Cordelia's, looking emotionally wiped-out. The girl who normally greeted her teachers with a bright grin and cheerful salutation could barely manage a half-smile.

"Hey, Willow," Cordy said, mimicking the type the redhead's expression. "Anything?"

Willow shook her head; her teeth clamped down on her lip. "The doctor just talked to Joyce. He, um…he knows what happened. The umbilical cord…well, it detached from the uterus. It's called a…a detached placenta. That's what caused the bleeding." She took a lengthy pause, fighting the knot that swelled in her throat. Cordelia reached over and gently squeezed her hand, giving her the best valiant smile she could possibly muster. Willow nodded a little, acknowledging the attempt of comfort.

"They had to do a c-section to get the baby out. It's heart…it wasn't beating but they, um, revived it. It's on a bunch of machines to try and stabilize the vitals. I don't know what's going to happen…"

"Where's Joyce?" Cordelia asked quietly.

"She's still talking with the doctor," Willow said. "Buffy probably won't wake up for another hour, and they're to get everything figured out before she does. They want to give her straight answers when she gets up. She had another transfusion, and her blood pressure is a little better."

Angel wished he could just melt away into the walls of the sterile building. Wished he could be far, far away from these glaring halls and beeping machines. Away from pain… Yet, at the same time, he wouldn't leave for the world. He felt his mind go numb and his body go into shock. He could here their voices but he wasn't apart of what they were saying. He wasn't there.

Xander handed both girls a cup of hot tea when he came up to their small group. He acknowledged Angel's presence with a nod, for the first time not feeling intimidated. They were equal now. He gave Cordelia and then Willow a warm hug, trying to help all of their spirits.

And the four of them stood there, nothing left to say.