Residual Scarring 6/?
Author: natlski
All disclaimers apply
The West Wing- Office of the Deputy Chief of Staff
"You ready?" Sam Seaborn appeared in the doorway of Josh Lyman's office.
Josh looked up from the papers on his desk. "Huh?"
"Our meeting with Lillienfield."
Josh groaned and dropped his head onto his desk, banging it a couple of times. "Do we have to?"
Sam leaned against the door jam, hands in his pockets. "Yeah, can't get out of this one. We've already postponed this meeting twice. Lillienfield is going to think we don't like him."
Josh sat up. "We don't like him."
"I'm just saying."
"Let's go." Josh grabbed his backpack and followed Sam down the hall.
Capitol Hill- Office of Senator Peter Lillienfield
"Well, well; if it isn't Bartlet's Boy Wonders. Are you here to hold his leash?" Senator Lillienfield addressed Sam.
Sam saw Josh stiffen and steeled himself for the fight he knew would be coming. He was surprised when Josh replied calmly.
"Senator, I apologize for all the delays. I want to assure you that this bill is important. It is important to us and I know it is important to you. It's a good program; it will help a lot of people."
"Do you really think it wise, sending him out to represent the administration?" The Senator turned his attention back to Sam.
Before Sam could get any words out in response Josh spoke again. "Senator, I am in the room; I can hear you."
"Lyman, do you honestly believe you have any influence here? I must say, you have done very little to impress me of anything save incompetence. The drug fiasco last year."
"Senator Lillienfield, if you'd be willing to just look at the merits of the bill."Josh kept a remarkable amount of control over his emotions.
Sam felt his own anger continue to rise as Lillienfield snorted a cynical laugh.
"You expect me to listen to you and take what you have to say seriously?"
"Sir, just forget about me for a minute and look at the bill." Josh stressed the last four words. He fought hard to control his anger. Lillienfield was a small, petty man, and Josh was determined to keep his focus on the importance of the legislation. He was determined not to let Lillienfield get to him.
Lillienfield leaned back in his chair. He had complete control of the situation. The two White House Senior Staffers stood before him, the fact he'd not offered them a seat obvious to everyone. He felt like a monarch being beseeched by the envoys of a rival king. He reveled in the feeling, and the power to toy with these two young men he so despised. "I'm honestly not surprised, though. This seems to be the hallmark of this administration; to employ and champion drunks, addicts, and the mentally incompetent."
Josh paled, his breath caught in his chest. He was suddenly aware of a buzzing in his ears. He could see Lillienfield's lips moving, but no sound registered in his mind. He was vaguely aware of Sam standing close to his left shoulder. "Senator." Josh felt his voice failing him. "The funding for the community enrichment program." Josh made one last attempt to refocus the meeting.
"Lyman," Lillienfield interrupted again. "I don't think I can make my opinion any clearer."
"Senator," Sam stepped in front of Josh, as if to physically protect him from the verbal blows that were continuing to come.
"Seaborn, you can take back to your bleeding-heart President that it would be in his best interest to appoint a Deputy Chief of Staff who is not in need of therapy. In the meantime he should send political operatives who can actually operate politically."
A small noise escaped from Josh's throat. Sam wasn't sure if it was horror, humiliation, or anger. He glanced briefly to his right. Josh's face was completely white, his eyes wide, his body visibly shaking. Sam's anger exploded. His voice rose with each word. "Senator Lillienfield, how dare you? I've never witnessed such unprofessional, immature."
"Sam." Josh's voice was barely audible. He put a shaking hand on Sam's arm as the younger man started to move toward Lillienfield.
"This isn't over." Sam grabbed his briefcase and Josh's backpack and ushered his stricken friend out of the office.
"No boys, I'm sure it isn't." Lillienfield sat back with a smug smile as he watched them leave.
West Wing- Office of the Deputy Chief of Staff
When C.J. found Josh he was slouched in his office chair, gazing out the window. One elbow was propped on the arm of the chair, his head resting in his hand. The other hand lay on his chest, fingers subtly moving along the ridge of the hidden scar. C.J. sat against the edge of his desk, just behind him and to his left. They sat in silence, the only sound the slight wheezing of Josh's breathing.
"How'd the meeting go?" C.J. finally broke the silence.
Josh's right hand stilled at the sound of her voice. He leaned his head against the back of the chair and folded his hands across his stomach. "Fine."
"Sam told me what happened."
Josh stiffened, "So why'd you ask?"
"Because I'm worried about you."
"Worried about how you're going to spin this, you mean." Josh snorted.
C.J. grabbed Josh's chair and swung him around to face her; her eyes blazing. "How dare you assume I care so little for my friends!"
Josh dropped his eyes, unable to meet her fierce gaze. "Just when I thought I was getting a grip on this. thing. just when I felt like I was getting it together, this happens."
"When did you start listening to Republicans?"
Josh swiveled his chair back toward the window. "It's hard to ignore them when they're echoing the voices in your head."
C.J. sat in stunned silence. She placed a hand on his shoulder. Her heart sank when he flinched at her touch. "Josh."
"Don't." There was a touch of bitterness to his tone.
"Don't what? Don't care about you? Don't wish I could take away your pain? Don't support you? Don't plot ways to rid the world of evil Republicans?" C.J.'s lips curled to a small smile when she felt Josh give a silent chuckle at her comment about Republicans. "Why do you insist on shutting your friends out and trying to face this on your own?"
The tension began to drain from Josh. He sagged in his chair and tipped his head to the side, resting it against C.J.'s arm. She squeezed his shoulder. They sat in silence for several minutes; C.J. waiting for him to open up, Josh wrestling with the demons he'd been fighting for so long.
"I." Josh paused, his inner struggle becoming evident. "I'm not use to." Josh stopped again. He dropped his chin to his chest and closed his eyes. "I can't C.J. I appreciate all you're trying to do. I'm sorry. I just."
C.J. squeezed his shoulder again. "I know. Remember I'm here for you, Mi Amour; always." She stood, not breaking the contact with him. "I've got to go, I've got a briefing. Hang in there, Josh. We'll get you through this. You really aren't alone."
Josh gave a barely perceivable nod of his head. C.J. held back a sigh as she squeezed his shoulder one more time before leaving the room. She gave a quick shake of her head when she passed by Donna, who frowned in response. C.J. headed to her office to grab her notes for the press briefing and Donna headed into Josh's office.
Donna found her boss in the same position that C.J. had left him; facing the windows, head down, and eyes closed. Donna quietly closed the door behind her and moved across the room. She stood next to Josh, one hand resting gently on top of his unruly brown curls. "I've placed a call. You meet with Dr. Stanley tomorrow afternoon."
Josh's head came up. "Donna." His voice was low and threatening. "I don't need."
"I don't think you know what you need, Josh." Donna's eyes flashed the anger and frustration she was trying to hide. "You've been dragging yourself around here, barely holding yourself together. You're jumpy, and you're pissy at everyone. Your nightmares have been getting worse." Josh opened his mouth to speak, but Donna kept going. "Sam has noticed, too. He told me. Look Josh, you're not talking to any of us, and even if you were, I'm not so sure we'd know how to help you."
Josh held Donna's gaze for a moment before looking away. "I'm sorry, Donna, sorry for everything." He picked up an envelope from his desk and walked past her, "Would you clear my schedule for the rest of the day? I'm going to see Leo." Josh opened the door and paused at the pleading, puzzled tone in Donna's voice
"Josh?"
"I really am sorry." Josh's voice was soft and strained. Without another word he left the bullpen.
The West Wing- Office of the Deputy Chief of Staff
"You ready?" Sam Seaborn appeared in the doorway of Josh Lyman's office.
Josh looked up from the papers on his desk. "Huh?"
"Our meeting with Lillienfield."
Josh groaned and dropped his head onto his desk, banging it a couple of times. "Do we have to?"
Sam leaned against the door jam, hands in his pockets. "Yeah, can't get out of this one. We've already postponed this meeting twice. Lillienfield is going to think we don't like him."
Josh sat up. "We don't like him."
"I'm just saying."
"Let's go." Josh grabbed his backpack and followed Sam down the hall.
Capitol Hill- Office of Senator Peter Lillienfield
"Well, well; if it isn't Bartlet's Boy Wonders. Are you here to hold his leash?" Senator Lillienfield addressed Sam.
Sam saw Josh stiffen and steeled himself for the fight he knew would be coming. He was surprised when Josh replied calmly.
"Senator, I apologize for all the delays. I want to assure you that this bill is important. It is important to us and I know it is important to you. It's a good program; it will help a lot of people."
"Do you really think it wise, sending him out to represent the administration?" The Senator turned his attention back to Sam.
Before Sam could get any words out in response Josh spoke again. "Senator, I am in the room; I can hear you."
"Lyman, do you honestly believe you have any influence here? I must say, you have done very little to impress me of anything save incompetence. The drug fiasco last year."
"Senator Lillienfield, if you'd be willing to just look at the merits of the bill."Josh kept a remarkable amount of control over his emotions.
Sam felt his own anger continue to rise as Lillienfield snorted a cynical laugh.
"You expect me to listen to you and take what you have to say seriously?"
"Sir, just forget about me for a minute and look at the bill." Josh stressed the last four words. He fought hard to control his anger. Lillienfield was a small, petty man, and Josh was determined to keep his focus on the importance of the legislation. He was determined not to let Lillienfield get to him.
Lillienfield leaned back in his chair. He had complete control of the situation. The two White House Senior Staffers stood before him, the fact he'd not offered them a seat obvious to everyone. He felt like a monarch being beseeched by the envoys of a rival king. He reveled in the feeling, and the power to toy with these two young men he so despised. "I'm honestly not surprised, though. This seems to be the hallmark of this administration; to employ and champion drunks, addicts, and the mentally incompetent."
Josh paled, his breath caught in his chest. He was suddenly aware of a buzzing in his ears. He could see Lillienfield's lips moving, but no sound registered in his mind. He was vaguely aware of Sam standing close to his left shoulder. "Senator." Josh felt his voice failing him. "The funding for the community enrichment program." Josh made one last attempt to refocus the meeting.
"Lyman," Lillienfield interrupted again. "I don't think I can make my opinion any clearer."
"Senator," Sam stepped in front of Josh, as if to physically protect him from the verbal blows that were continuing to come.
"Seaborn, you can take back to your bleeding-heart President that it would be in his best interest to appoint a Deputy Chief of Staff who is not in need of therapy. In the meantime he should send political operatives who can actually operate politically."
A small noise escaped from Josh's throat. Sam wasn't sure if it was horror, humiliation, or anger. He glanced briefly to his right. Josh's face was completely white, his eyes wide, his body visibly shaking. Sam's anger exploded. His voice rose with each word. "Senator Lillienfield, how dare you? I've never witnessed such unprofessional, immature."
"Sam." Josh's voice was barely audible. He put a shaking hand on Sam's arm as the younger man started to move toward Lillienfield.
"This isn't over." Sam grabbed his briefcase and Josh's backpack and ushered his stricken friend out of the office.
"No boys, I'm sure it isn't." Lillienfield sat back with a smug smile as he watched them leave.
West Wing- Office of the Deputy Chief of Staff
When C.J. found Josh he was slouched in his office chair, gazing out the window. One elbow was propped on the arm of the chair, his head resting in his hand. The other hand lay on his chest, fingers subtly moving along the ridge of the hidden scar. C.J. sat against the edge of his desk, just behind him and to his left. They sat in silence, the only sound the slight wheezing of Josh's breathing.
"How'd the meeting go?" C.J. finally broke the silence.
Josh's right hand stilled at the sound of her voice. He leaned his head against the back of the chair and folded his hands across his stomach. "Fine."
"Sam told me what happened."
Josh stiffened, "So why'd you ask?"
"Because I'm worried about you."
"Worried about how you're going to spin this, you mean." Josh snorted.
C.J. grabbed Josh's chair and swung him around to face her; her eyes blazing. "How dare you assume I care so little for my friends!"
Josh dropped his eyes, unable to meet her fierce gaze. "Just when I thought I was getting a grip on this. thing. just when I felt like I was getting it together, this happens."
"When did you start listening to Republicans?"
Josh swiveled his chair back toward the window. "It's hard to ignore them when they're echoing the voices in your head."
C.J. sat in stunned silence. She placed a hand on his shoulder. Her heart sank when he flinched at her touch. "Josh."
"Don't." There was a touch of bitterness to his tone.
"Don't what? Don't care about you? Don't wish I could take away your pain? Don't support you? Don't plot ways to rid the world of evil Republicans?" C.J.'s lips curled to a small smile when she felt Josh give a silent chuckle at her comment about Republicans. "Why do you insist on shutting your friends out and trying to face this on your own?"
The tension began to drain from Josh. He sagged in his chair and tipped his head to the side, resting it against C.J.'s arm. She squeezed his shoulder. They sat in silence for several minutes; C.J. waiting for him to open up, Josh wrestling with the demons he'd been fighting for so long.
"I." Josh paused, his inner struggle becoming evident. "I'm not use to." Josh stopped again. He dropped his chin to his chest and closed his eyes. "I can't C.J. I appreciate all you're trying to do. I'm sorry. I just."
C.J. squeezed his shoulder again. "I know. Remember I'm here for you, Mi Amour; always." She stood, not breaking the contact with him. "I've got to go, I've got a briefing. Hang in there, Josh. We'll get you through this. You really aren't alone."
Josh gave a barely perceivable nod of his head. C.J. held back a sigh as she squeezed his shoulder one more time before leaving the room. She gave a quick shake of her head when she passed by Donna, who frowned in response. C.J. headed to her office to grab her notes for the press briefing and Donna headed into Josh's office.
Donna found her boss in the same position that C.J. had left him; facing the windows, head down, and eyes closed. Donna quietly closed the door behind her and moved across the room. She stood next to Josh, one hand resting gently on top of his unruly brown curls. "I've placed a call. You meet with Dr. Stanley tomorrow afternoon."
Josh's head came up. "Donna." His voice was low and threatening. "I don't need."
"I don't think you know what you need, Josh." Donna's eyes flashed the anger and frustration she was trying to hide. "You've been dragging yourself around here, barely holding yourself together. You're jumpy, and you're pissy at everyone. Your nightmares have been getting worse." Josh opened his mouth to speak, but Donna kept going. "Sam has noticed, too. He told me. Look Josh, you're not talking to any of us, and even if you were, I'm not so sure we'd know how to help you."
Josh held Donna's gaze for a moment before looking away. "I'm sorry, Donna, sorry for everything." He picked up an envelope from his desk and walked past her, "Would you clear my schedule for the rest of the day? I'm going to see Leo." Josh opened the door and paused at the pleading, puzzled tone in Donna's voice
"Josh?"
"I really am sorry." Josh's voice was soft and strained. Without another word he left the bullpen.