Residual Scarring 15/?
Author: natlski
Disclaimer: they don't belong to me, but with Sorkin gone do you think a
judge might grant me custody?
GEORGETOWN- JOSH LYMAN'S APARTMENT MONDAY EVENING 7 P.M.
Josh stretched out to his full length, relishing the freedom of movement afforded by the absence of the tangle of I.V. lines, oxygen tubes and monitor wires. The familiar comfort of his own mattress supported his tired body. He cautiously pulled a deep breath, filling his aching lungs before slowly releasing the air and ending with coughing. The familiar scents of his home comforted him and he allowed his mind to wander. Sleep slowly descended upon him, his peaceful slumber jarred awake by the simultaneous pounding on his door and ringing of his doorbell.
His first thought was that Donna would answer the door and chastise the violator for interrupting his much needed rest. As he gained more coherency, he remembered he had sent a protesting Donna home less than an hour ago. He groaned, pushed himself up and padded on bare feet across the floor. He opened the door to reveal a worried Leo. Josh sagged against the door yawning. He was frustrated at how the short trek across his apartment had left him exhausted and out of breath.
"Hey." His voice rasped. "What are you doing here?"
"Didn't Donna tell you I was coming over?" Leo asked, still standing in the doorway.
"Yeah," Josh closed his eyes trying to remember the conversation.
~~ "Donna!" Josh whined. "You need to rest, too."
"Fine. I'll go. Just remember that Leo is coming to see you at 7."
"Why?"
Donna sighed and looked at Josh. "He wants to talk about your return to work."
Josh's eyes widened, a hint of alarm in his voice. "He does?"
"Yeah. What, did you think you were on permanent vacation here?"
"Nno.." He stuttered, still stunned. "I hadn't really thought about it." ~~
"So are you going to let me in?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry." Josh broke out of his reverie, moved away from the door and motioned Leo into the apartment.
Leo sauntered to the couch and dropped down heavily, rubbing a hand over his face. "How are you feeling, Josh?"
Josh moved to settle into the chair across from Leo. "Relieved to be out of that prison."
Leo chuckled and shook his head. "You never were one for inactivity." His comment elicited a smile from his deputy's drawn features. "Any way, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Josh's smile disappeared, not without Leo taking notice. "You're going to work with Sam on the Peterson thing and on 482. Toby can bring you up to speed on his meeting with Gillette and the highway bill. I think Sam has the community enrichment bill wrapped up, but you need to check with him."
Josh fidgeted in his chair, distractedly fingering the hem of his t-shirt. As Leo spoke, the knot in his stomach grew along with the rising panic in his chest. He fought to quell the unexplained fear that the thought of returning to work created in him. Josh realized his boss had stopped speaking and looked up to find piercing blue eyes scrutinizing him. "I thought I had resigned." His voice sounded weak to his own ears.
"In your own words, you 'serve at the pleasure of the President' and neither he, nor I accepted your resignation."
Josh dropped his gaze, swallowing the lump that had mysteriously formed in his throat.
"Sam will come by tomorrow to begin bringing you up to speed. You'll need to check with Donna about when Toby will be by. Your doctor has cleared you for half days, starting Thursday. We'll play it by ear, but I'd like you to start taking meetings again by the end of next week." Leo kept a steady gaze on his young deputy, taking note of his quickening breath and escalating restlessness.
Josh became increasingly uncomfortable under Leo's scrutiny. He pushed himself up, as quickly as his exhausted body would allow, and began pacing the living room. "Yeah, okay." He tried to think how to distract his boss, get him off the topic of returning to work, but what he considered to be a sharp political mind was failing him. He had lost his ability to misdirect, and he clenched his teeth in frustration. Josh was aware of Leo's eyes following him, evaluating him, and it made him want to jump out of his skin.
His pacing led him to the window and he sagged against the wall, looking outside with unseeing eyes. "Look Leo, I'm really beat and Donna will have my head if I don't get some sleep." He paused, trying to suppress the urge, but coughed a few times anyway. When he'd regained his breath, he spoke again. "If you don't mind seeing yourself out." Josh waved vaguely toward the door. He risked a brief, furtive glance at the older man before stumbling down the hall to the safety of his bedroom.
Only after Josh closed the bedroom door behind him did Leo move. For a brief moment he considered following the younger man, pressing him to reveal what he was thinking and why he was so gun shy about work. He quickly brushed the foolish thought aside and strode across the room to the front door. He knew his deputy. Recent events had rocked Josh to his very core and if they had any hope of keeping the White House, Josh needed to be rebuilt, and quickly.
Leo withdrew a cell phone from his pocket as he descended the stairs from Josh's building. "Margaret, I want Senior Staff in my office in half an hour. No, don't call Josh, but I want Donna there. Thanks."
After closing the bedroom door behind him, Josh flopped across his bed. He listened intently for the muffled sound of the front door closing and latching. When he heard the telltale click, he let out the breath he'd been holding; and immediately wished he hadn't held it. Coughing wracked his thin body. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly to his chest, curling into a ball. The coughing intensified as did the pain in his chest.
It took several minutes for the coughing to subside and several more for him to regain his breath. Josh remained curled in the fetal position, eyes closed, listening to his own ragged breathing.
"Damn it." He rasped. "I am NOT going to cry."
His entire body ached with tension.
"DAMN IT!" He yelled at the empty room, straightening out and rolling onto his back. "I'm not a frightened little kid. Why the hell am I scared to go back to work?"
Josh rolled off the bed and onto his feet. He began slowly pacing the room, frustrated, but not wanting to drive himself into another attack. He plucked his baseball from his dresser top and absently tested the weight of it in his hand. Tossing the ball back and forth between his hands, he resumed his pacing and began talking out loud.
"They should have let me resign. That wasn't fair. They're committing political suicide by keeping me around. And why? Pity? That must be it."
Josh passed by the end of the bed, stumbling slightly as his foot caught in the bed spread which had fallen to the floor. He dropped the ball in his effort to maintain his balance and it rolled away from him. He cursed under his breath as he scooped up the wayward ball and resumed his pacing and tossing.
"I'll only drop the ball again. I'm a liability. The resident nutcase. It's only their pity that causes them to keep me around. 'Poor Josh, got shot. It caused him to unspool. Keeping him around is the least we can do.' I wonder how C.J.'ll spin it. Sam and Toby are clever, they'll think of something."
Josh knew he was being irrational, but he didn't care. He paused at the foot of his bed, and then suddenly hurled the baseball at the wall. "I WANT MY LIFE BACK!" He hoarsely screamed, his voice cracking on the last word. He watched the ball hit the wall, the impact leaving a fist- sized dent in the plaster, before dropping to the floor and rolling under the bed.
His knees gave out and he sank onto the bed, dropping his head into his hands. "I want my life back." His voice was a whisper; he allowed the tears to silently fall.
THE WHITE HOUSE- OFFICE OF THE CHIEF OF STAFF, LEO MCGARRY MONDAY 8 PM
"Josh doesn't want to return to work."
"What?" The disbelief in C.J.'s voice spoke for everyone gathered in Leo's office.
"Did he come right out and say 'I don't want to come back'?" Sam sank into a chair, feeling as if he'd been punched.
"Not those words, exactly, no." Leo moved to lean against his desk and studied the four staffers gathered before him.
"He's tired, Leo. He just got out of the hospital." Toby waved his pen as he spoke. "He's got walking pneumonia and asthma. His psyche was just paraded through the media and his sanity questioned. I certainly don't blame him for wanting some time to just rest at home." At the end of his rant Toby glanced at Donna.
The young woman stood by the closed door, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her thin chest, as if to protect herself. Her body language revealed the awkwardness of the situation: an assistant included in a senior staff meeting. Her eyes wandered about the room, observing each person. Her face was firmly set, and clearly not in support of what Toby was saying.
"It's been a rough few weeks. Josh has been the center of media attention for several weeks. It's been five days since Lillienfield apologized and crawled back under his rock. Josh deserves some time to himself." C.J. crossed her long legs and shifted on the couch. "I'm with Toby on this."
Leo shook his head and heaved a sigh in disagreement. "Look at what he's been through these last few weeks. Think about what Toby just said. I've known Josh Lyman for a long time. He's never shied away from anything in his life."
"This is his life." The others looked at Donna in surprise when she interrupted Leo. "I'm just saying, politics, the White House, this administration; it's who Josh is." She shook her head in sadness. "Leo's right. Josh doesn't want to come back to work and Lillienfield has succeeded in destroying him."
"We need Josh Lyman if we have any hope of reelection. We need him heart and soul, not a timid shadow of who he used to be. Something has to be done." Leo held the gaze of each of his staff and drew encouragement from the looks of resolve, mixed with worry, on each of their faces. Lillienfield was the least of their worries right now. They had a new, more difficult mission; they had to save Josh Lyman from himself.
GEORGETOWN- JOSH LYMAN'S APARTMENT TUESDAY, MID-MORNING
Sam Seaborn knocked one more time before fishing his key ring from his pocket. He fumbled awkwardly through the keys on the ring with his left hand, dropping them twice before finding the right key and letting himself in. He quickly pulled the key out of the lock and picked up his briefcase. Walking into the dim apartment, he kicked the door shut behind him and called out to his best friend.
An eerie silence greeted him. "Josh?" He called again as he set his briefcase on the floor. The lights were off in the apartment and the curtains drawn across the windows partially blocking the bright late spring sunshine.
Sam looked at his watch to confirm it was indeed 10:00 am, not trusting any of the clocks in the apartment. He knew that Josh was expecting him. Leo had confirmed that at the impromptu late night staff meeting. He also knew that Donna had spoken on the phone with Josh earlier that morning. Sam wandered down the hall to the closed bedroom door and knocked tentatively.
"Josh? Man, I wish I could sleep in until 10 and blow off MY meetings." Sam tried to keep his voice light as he hesitantly pushed open the door.
If he were truly honest with himself, he'd admit that he was absolutely terrified of what he might find behind that closed door. He was worried about Josh. Leo's own concern and comments had done nothing to alleviate their fears that despite the physical healing, Josh was not doing well.
The bedroom was dark and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust. Josh was stretched out on his stomach, sound asleep, his breathing audible and just a little faster than normal. Sam was loathe to wake him, knowing just how precious untroubled sleep was for Josh. He stood in the door way watching his friend, feeling like a bit of a voyeur, yet relieved.
It was only when Josh began to stir several minutes later that Sam moved from the door way to sit on the edge of the bed. "Hi." He spoke softly.
Josh groggily opened his eyes to peer at Sam briefly before closing his eyes and rolling onto his back with a groan. "You're here." His voice was gravelly with sleep and too much coughing.
"Yeah. It's 10." Sam fiddled with his sling, suddenly feeling nervous. "How are you doing? Did you sleep last night?"
"I think it was still night when I fell a sleep, mom." He growled in response.
That brief glimpse of the 'old Josh' was enough to assuage much of Sam's fear and uneasiness. "Well, as directed by Leo, I am here to bring you up to speed on Peterson and 482."
Josh groaned and pulled the pillow over his head.
"Come on, Josh. You don't even need to get dressed. You can work in your pajamas."
The only response was a muffled "Go away."
Getting nowhere coddling Josh, Sam switched tactics. He flicked on the bed side lamp, pushing the darkness to the corners of the room. "You've got to get up. You're not my only appointment today, you know." His gaze shifted around the room as he spoke, taking in the quintessential Josh reflected in the décor and clutter. He froze when he eyes fell on the rather noticeable dent in the wall. He felt his blood run cold. "Josh?" He was unable to keep the fearful tremor out of his voice.
"Hmm?" Josh pulled off the pillow and partially opened one eye to look at him.
"What. what happened to." he gestured toward the damage, unable to speak around the lump in his throat. His heart pounded in fearful anticipation of the answer.
Josh didn't need to look to know the cause of Sam's agitation. He rubbed his hands over his face. He would never be able to move beyond his past with his friends. "Baseball." He dropped his hands to his sides. "I swear."
Sam could only nod. Relief flooded through him until he turned and saw the anger, disappointment and defeat reflected in Josh's eyes. His heart sunk, and not knowing how to deal with Josh's feelings, or even his own, he turned their focus to safer topics.
"So..." The nervous tremor was still evident in his voice. "About Peterson."
The emotion in Josh's eyes went darker; angrier? Sam wasn't sure and it unnerved him.
"Yeah. Give me a minute, will ya? I'll be right out."
Sam held his friend's gaze for a moment, still trying to sort out what was going on , when the memory of the previous night's staff meeting came back to him. "Okay, I'll, ah, just be out there." Sam waved towards the living room as he stood to leave the room, pulling the door partially shut behind him.
Sam was standing in front of the bookcase, lost in thought, when Josh stumbled out of the bedroom. "I forgot you had this picture." Sam commented as he picked up the framed photo from a shelf and turned toward his friend.
Josh flopped down on the couch and propped his feet on the coffee table. He cocked his head to the side in an unvoiced question.
Sam turned the photo toward Josh. "It's the night of the election. I think Donna took it. What a night!" He smiled at the memory as he looked again at the picture.
"Do you ever regret this?"
"What?" Sam looked up in surprise. He found Josh had slumped lower on the couch, head tipped back and eyes closed.
"You were about to be made partner. You'd be making a lot more than you are now. You were going to get married." Josh paused, swallowing painfully. "Don't you ever regret leaving all that? Don't you ever wish I'd never come to get you? Don't you ever wish you'd said no?"
"Josh." Sam looked down at the photo in his hand. Staring back at him, grinning like Cheshire cats, were he and Josh; arms around each other's necks and fingers held up in the "V" for victory sign.
He dropped wearily to the couch next to his friend, still looking at the photo. "What's really going on?" He turned his head and studied Josh, taking in the pale skin and dark circles under his eyes.
Josh didn't respond immediately. He coughed a few times before speaking. "Peterson." He waved his hand weakly before him, as if brushing away the previous conversation. "I don't want to make you late for your next meeting. Talk to me about Peterson."
~~tbc~~
GEORGETOWN- JOSH LYMAN'S APARTMENT MONDAY EVENING 7 P.M.
Josh stretched out to his full length, relishing the freedom of movement afforded by the absence of the tangle of I.V. lines, oxygen tubes and monitor wires. The familiar comfort of his own mattress supported his tired body. He cautiously pulled a deep breath, filling his aching lungs before slowly releasing the air and ending with coughing. The familiar scents of his home comforted him and he allowed his mind to wander. Sleep slowly descended upon him, his peaceful slumber jarred awake by the simultaneous pounding on his door and ringing of his doorbell.
His first thought was that Donna would answer the door and chastise the violator for interrupting his much needed rest. As he gained more coherency, he remembered he had sent a protesting Donna home less than an hour ago. He groaned, pushed himself up and padded on bare feet across the floor. He opened the door to reveal a worried Leo. Josh sagged against the door yawning. He was frustrated at how the short trek across his apartment had left him exhausted and out of breath.
"Hey." His voice rasped. "What are you doing here?"
"Didn't Donna tell you I was coming over?" Leo asked, still standing in the doorway.
"Yeah," Josh closed his eyes trying to remember the conversation.
~~ "Donna!" Josh whined. "You need to rest, too."
"Fine. I'll go. Just remember that Leo is coming to see you at 7."
"Why?"
Donna sighed and looked at Josh. "He wants to talk about your return to work."
Josh's eyes widened, a hint of alarm in his voice. "He does?"
"Yeah. What, did you think you were on permanent vacation here?"
"Nno.." He stuttered, still stunned. "I hadn't really thought about it." ~~
"So are you going to let me in?"
"Huh? Oh, sorry." Josh broke out of his reverie, moved away from the door and motioned Leo into the apartment.
Leo sauntered to the couch and dropped down heavily, rubbing a hand over his face. "How are you feeling, Josh?"
Josh moved to settle into the chair across from Leo. "Relieved to be out of that prison."
Leo chuckled and shook his head. "You never were one for inactivity." His comment elicited a smile from his deputy's drawn features. "Any way, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Josh's smile disappeared, not without Leo taking notice. "You're going to work with Sam on the Peterson thing and on 482. Toby can bring you up to speed on his meeting with Gillette and the highway bill. I think Sam has the community enrichment bill wrapped up, but you need to check with him."
Josh fidgeted in his chair, distractedly fingering the hem of his t-shirt. As Leo spoke, the knot in his stomach grew along with the rising panic in his chest. He fought to quell the unexplained fear that the thought of returning to work created in him. Josh realized his boss had stopped speaking and looked up to find piercing blue eyes scrutinizing him. "I thought I had resigned." His voice sounded weak to his own ears.
"In your own words, you 'serve at the pleasure of the President' and neither he, nor I accepted your resignation."
Josh dropped his gaze, swallowing the lump that had mysteriously formed in his throat.
"Sam will come by tomorrow to begin bringing you up to speed. You'll need to check with Donna about when Toby will be by. Your doctor has cleared you for half days, starting Thursday. We'll play it by ear, but I'd like you to start taking meetings again by the end of next week." Leo kept a steady gaze on his young deputy, taking note of his quickening breath and escalating restlessness.
Josh became increasingly uncomfortable under Leo's scrutiny. He pushed himself up, as quickly as his exhausted body would allow, and began pacing the living room. "Yeah, okay." He tried to think how to distract his boss, get him off the topic of returning to work, but what he considered to be a sharp political mind was failing him. He had lost his ability to misdirect, and he clenched his teeth in frustration. Josh was aware of Leo's eyes following him, evaluating him, and it made him want to jump out of his skin.
His pacing led him to the window and he sagged against the wall, looking outside with unseeing eyes. "Look Leo, I'm really beat and Donna will have my head if I don't get some sleep." He paused, trying to suppress the urge, but coughed a few times anyway. When he'd regained his breath, he spoke again. "If you don't mind seeing yourself out." Josh waved vaguely toward the door. He risked a brief, furtive glance at the older man before stumbling down the hall to the safety of his bedroom.
Only after Josh closed the bedroom door behind him did Leo move. For a brief moment he considered following the younger man, pressing him to reveal what he was thinking and why he was so gun shy about work. He quickly brushed the foolish thought aside and strode across the room to the front door. He knew his deputy. Recent events had rocked Josh to his very core and if they had any hope of keeping the White House, Josh needed to be rebuilt, and quickly.
Leo withdrew a cell phone from his pocket as he descended the stairs from Josh's building. "Margaret, I want Senior Staff in my office in half an hour. No, don't call Josh, but I want Donna there. Thanks."
After closing the bedroom door behind him, Josh flopped across his bed. He listened intently for the muffled sound of the front door closing and latching. When he heard the telltale click, he let out the breath he'd been holding; and immediately wished he hadn't held it. Coughing wracked his thin body. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly to his chest, curling into a ball. The coughing intensified as did the pain in his chest.
It took several minutes for the coughing to subside and several more for him to regain his breath. Josh remained curled in the fetal position, eyes closed, listening to his own ragged breathing.
"Damn it." He rasped. "I am NOT going to cry."
His entire body ached with tension.
"DAMN IT!" He yelled at the empty room, straightening out and rolling onto his back. "I'm not a frightened little kid. Why the hell am I scared to go back to work?"
Josh rolled off the bed and onto his feet. He began slowly pacing the room, frustrated, but not wanting to drive himself into another attack. He plucked his baseball from his dresser top and absently tested the weight of it in his hand. Tossing the ball back and forth between his hands, he resumed his pacing and began talking out loud.
"They should have let me resign. That wasn't fair. They're committing political suicide by keeping me around. And why? Pity? That must be it."
Josh passed by the end of the bed, stumbling slightly as his foot caught in the bed spread which had fallen to the floor. He dropped the ball in his effort to maintain his balance and it rolled away from him. He cursed under his breath as he scooped up the wayward ball and resumed his pacing and tossing.
"I'll only drop the ball again. I'm a liability. The resident nutcase. It's only their pity that causes them to keep me around. 'Poor Josh, got shot. It caused him to unspool. Keeping him around is the least we can do.' I wonder how C.J.'ll spin it. Sam and Toby are clever, they'll think of something."
Josh knew he was being irrational, but he didn't care. He paused at the foot of his bed, and then suddenly hurled the baseball at the wall. "I WANT MY LIFE BACK!" He hoarsely screamed, his voice cracking on the last word. He watched the ball hit the wall, the impact leaving a fist- sized dent in the plaster, before dropping to the floor and rolling under the bed.
His knees gave out and he sank onto the bed, dropping his head into his hands. "I want my life back." His voice was a whisper; he allowed the tears to silently fall.
THE WHITE HOUSE- OFFICE OF THE CHIEF OF STAFF, LEO MCGARRY MONDAY 8 PM
"Josh doesn't want to return to work."
"What?" The disbelief in C.J.'s voice spoke for everyone gathered in Leo's office.
"Did he come right out and say 'I don't want to come back'?" Sam sank into a chair, feeling as if he'd been punched.
"Not those words, exactly, no." Leo moved to lean against his desk and studied the four staffers gathered before him.
"He's tired, Leo. He just got out of the hospital." Toby waved his pen as he spoke. "He's got walking pneumonia and asthma. His psyche was just paraded through the media and his sanity questioned. I certainly don't blame him for wanting some time to just rest at home." At the end of his rant Toby glanced at Donna.
The young woman stood by the closed door, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her thin chest, as if to protect herself. Her body language revealed the awkwardness of the situation: an assistant included in a senior staff meeting. Her eyes wandered about the room, observing each person. Her face was firmly set, and clearly not in support of what Toby was saying.
"It's been a rough few weeks. Josh has been the center of media attention for several weeks. It's been five days since Lillienfield apologized and crawled back under his rock. Josh deserves some time to himself." C.J. crossed her long legs and shifted on the couch. "I'm with Toby on this."
Leo shook his head and heaved a sigh in disagreement. "Look at what he's been through these last few weeks. Think about what Toby just said. I've known Josh Lyman for a long time. He's never shied away from anything in his life."
"This is his life." The others looked at Donna in surprise when she interrupted Leo. "I'm just saying, politics, the White House, this administration; it's who Josh is." She shook her head in sadness. "Leo's right. Josh doesn't want to come back to work and Lillienfield has succeeded in destroying him."
"We need Josh Lyman if we have any hope of reelection. We need him heart and soul, not a timid shadow of who he used to be. Something has to be done." Leo held the gaze of each of his staff and drew encouragement from the looks of resolve, mixed with worry, on each of their faces. Lillienfield was the least of their worries right now. They had a new, more difficult mission; they had to save Josh Lyman from himself.
GEORGETOWN- JOSH LYMAN'S APARTMENT TUESDAY, MID-MORNING
Sam Seaborn knocked one more time before fishing his key ring from his pocket. He fumbled awkwardly through the keys on the ring with his left hand, dropping them twice before finding the right key and letting himself in. He quickly pulled the key out of the lock and picked up his briefcase. Walking into the dim apartment, he kicked the door shut behind him and called out to his best friend.
An eerie silence greeted him. "Josh?" He called again as he set his briefcase on the floor. The lights were off in the apartment and the curtains drawn across the windows partially blocking the bright late spring sunshine.
Sam looked at his watch to confirm it was indeed 10:00 am, not trusting any of the clocks in the apartment. He knew that Josh was expecting him. Leo had confirmed that at the impromptu late night staff meeting. He also knew that Donna had spoken on the phone with Josh earlier that morning. Sam wandered down the hall to the closed bedroom door and knocked tentatively.
"Josh? Man, I wish I could sleep in until 10 and blow off MY meetings." Sam tried to keep his voice light as he hesitantly pushed open the door.
If he were truly honest with himself, he'd admit that he was absolutely terrified of what he might find behind that closed door. He was worried about Josh. Leo's own concern and comments had done nothing to alleviate their fears that despite the physical healing, Josh was not doing well.
The bedroom was dark and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust. Josh was stretched out on his stomach, sound asleep, his breathing audible and just a little faster than normal. Sam was loathe to wake him, knowing just how precious untroubled sleep was for Josh. He stood in the door way watching his friend, feeling like a bit of a voyeur, yet relieved.
It was only when Josh began to stir several minutes later that Sam moved from the door way to sit on the edge of the bed. "Hi." He spoke softly.
Josh groggily opened his eyes to peer at Sam briefly before closing his eyes and rolling onto his back with a groan. "You're here." His voice was gravelly with sleep and too much coughing.
"Yeah. It's 10." Sam fiddled with his sling, suddenly feeling nervous. "How are you doing? Did you sleep last night?"
"I think it was still night when I fell a sleep, mom." He growled in response.
That brief glimpse of the 'old Josh' was enough to assuage much of Sam's fear and uneasiness. "Well, as directed by Leo, I am here to bring you up to speed on Peterson and 482."
Josh groaned and pulled the pillow over his head.
"Come on, Josh. You don't even need to get dressed. You can work in your pajamas."
The only response was a muffled "Go away."
Getting nowhere coddling Josh, Sam switched tactics. He flicked on the bed side lamp, pushing the darkness to the corners of the room. "You've got to get up. You're not my only appointment today, you know." His gaze shifted around the room as he spoke, taking in the quintessential Josh reflected in the décor and clutter. He froze when he eyes fell on the rather noticeable dent in the wall. He felt his blood run cold. "Josh?" He was unable to keep the fearful tremor out of his voice.
"Hmm?" Josh pulled off the pillow and partially opened one eye to look at him.
"What. what happened to." he gestured toward the damage, unable to speak around the lump in his throat. His heart pounded in fearful anticipation of the answer.
Josh didn't need to look to know the cause of Sam's agitation. He rubbed his hands over his face. He would never be able to move beyond his past with his friends. "Baseball." He dropped his hands to his sides. "I swear."
Sam could only nod. Relief flooded through him until he turned and saw the anger, disappointment and defeat reflected in Josh's eyes. His heart sunk, and not knowing how to deal with Josh's feelings, or even his own, he turned their focus to safer topics.
"So..." The nervous tremor was still evident in his voice. "About Peterson."
The emotion in Josh's eyes went darker; angrier? Sam wasn't sure and it unnerved him.
"Yeah. Give me a minute, will ya? I'll be right out."
Sam held his friend's gaze for a moment, still trying to sort out what was going on , when the memory of the previous night's staff meeting came back to him. "Okay, I'll, ah, just be out there." Sam waved towards the living room as he stood to leave the room, pulling the door partially shut behind him.
Sam was standing in front of the bookcase, lost in thought, when Josh stumbled out of the bedroom. "I forgot you had this picture." Sam commented as he picked up the framed photo from a shelf and turned toward his friend.
Josh flopped down on the couch and propped his feet on the coffee table. He cocked his head to the side in an unvoiced question.
Sam turned the photo toward Josh. "It's the night of the election. I think Donna took it. What a night!" He smiled at the memory as he looked again at the picture.
"Do you ever regret this?"
"What?" Sam looked up in surprise. He found Josh had slumped lower on the couch, head tipped back and eyes closed.
"You were about to be made partner. You'd be making a lot more than you are now. You were going to get married." Josh paused, swallowing painfully. "Don't you ever regret leaving all that? Don't you ever wish I'd never come to get you? Don't you ever wish you'd said no?"
"Josh." Sam looked down at the photo in his hand. Staring back at him, grinning like Cheshire cats, were he and Josh; arms around each other's necks and fingers held up in the "V" for victory sign.
He dropped wearily to the couch next to his friend, still looking at the photo. "What's really going on?" He turned his head and studied Josh, taking in the pale skin and dark circles under his eyes.
Josh didn't respond immediately. He coughed a few times before speaking. "Peterson." He waved his hand weakly before him, as if brushing away the previous conversation. "I don't want to make you late for your next meeting. Talk to me about Peterson."
~~tbc~~