Chapter 12
Time passed quickly after the kids returned to school. Aurora became a mastermind at avoiding contact with Sirius. Things seemed so quiet now that the house was filled only with adults. Remus, Molly, and Arthur were in and out of Number 12, Grimmauld Place enough to save Aurora from having to spend evenings alone with Sirius.
Despite how clever Aurora thought she was being, Sirius realized what she was doing. He soon realized that sometimes he was able to catch her eye and she would hold his gaze for a few moments. But, it would be hours after such an incident before she would even speak to him. He wondered if she realized how he felt each time their eyes met; Sirius pondered whether her face became warm, and her legs became weak.
She had promised both he and Remus that she would tell Harry the truth soon. Remus pointed out that she was under enough pressure right now, so that he, Sirius, would not add any to her. Remus understood. Remus saw it all in his childhood friend's eyes. Remus knew that Sirius loved her just as he had loved her fifteen years ago.
Aurora busied herself at night by trying to figure out what words she would use to tell Harry that she was his godmother. How could she explain to him why she let him suffer in some muggle's home rather than stay with her? Would he forgive her when he discovered that she wasn't around to take him in? What would his reaction be when he found out that Dumbledore had considered her for his guardian, that is until she vanished?
Two weeks ago, Remus had promised to accompany her to Hogsmeade to see Harry. Aurora knew that she could not back down. After discussing it over and over, both she and Remus decided they would pick a weekend far enough away from the Christmas holiday that Harry would have time to calm down and digest everything she had to tell him. Aurora feared that he would be so angry at her news that Harry would refuse to stay at the headquarters during Christmas. Then Sirius would blame her.
She wished that Sirius could go with her but she knew better than to ask. Not because he would so no, but because he would say yet. When you are a wanted mass murderer, you can't exactly walk the streets of Hogsmeade, but Sirius Black was stupid enough to try it.
On that morning, she tried to act as if this day was no different than any other. She dressed and made her way to the kitchen to try and eat a bit before she left with Remus. As she sat in the kitchen, she munched on buttered toast, not really tasting anything. Sirius walked in and gave her a wan smile.
"Feeling alright?" he asked. She nodded unable to speak, her throat felt as if it were encircled with a steel band. Aurora knew he could see her hands trembling. "Calm down, Aurora it will be fine. Harry is a good kid."
"I can't calm down," she whispered. "I can only imagine what his reaction will be; he is a normal teenager. He is supposed to get angry at anything as it is; how will he react when he finds out I deserted him?"
"Harry was very forgiving to me," Sirius told her. "I have no reason to doubt that he would show you the same forgiveness."
"I have a reason why," she ranted slightly. "You have three very good reasons for not looking after Harry: life imprisonment, the Dementors, and Azkaban. I have none of those reasons. The only explanation I can even offer him is that I was scared."
"You were only eighteen, three years older than Harry is now," he said. "We were all just kids, Aurora." She shook her head slightly as if to make all the bad memories vanish. He put an arm around her shoulders to give her an awkward hug. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she saw that it was almost time to meet Remus. Aurora took a deep breath to calm herself.
"I best be going," she told Sirius. "I'm supposed to meet Remus in front of Honeydukes in about twenty minutes."
"Good luck," Sirius replied. She walked out of the kitchen and apparated as she approached the front door. Her oldest habit, he thought. She never could apparate if she were standing still. She seemed to think she needed to get a good start or she could not do it properly. It was just one more of the things that never change, Sirius realized with a wry grin.
Aurora saw Lupin leaned against a banister outside the sweet shop. He was watching a poster of Sirius snarl and try to fight his way out of the wanted poster. The only wolfish trait Remus showed today was that he sensed Aurora before she even spoke. He turned and raised his brows slightly. She gave him a slight wave and climbed the steps to where he stood.
"The students have not arrived yet," Remus informed her. "Harry and the rest should be here shortly. Not really his best side, eh?" Aurora was taken aback for a moment until she realized that he was talking about Sirius's "wanted" poster.
"Not exactly a glamorous shot, I agree," she said. "He is such a pain, Remus, I don't know how you do it."
"Well, to be honest, the thought crosses my mind about once a week how much he is worth and what a bloody pain he really is," Lupin teased, "but I can't bring myself to turn him in.yet. How are things with you, by the way? Feeling better, I hope."
"Somewhat," Aurora answered. "I definitely have been sleeping much better."
"Good," Remus replied. "How are things with Sirius?"
"Civil," Aurora told him.
"Nothing more than civility?" he asked.
"That was all a long time ago, too much time has passed," she said.
"Time may have passed but I can still remember how intensely you loved each other," Remus told her. "Do you want me to believe that you do not still love Sirius Black? Aurora, remember who you are talking to! It's me, Moony. I was there during it all. I was even the one who finally ordered Sirius to ask you to that dance. He had pined away over you for so long and we were all sick to death of it. You may not realize it, Rori, but there was three month period where everything you did was perfect, at least according to Padfoot."
"I never knew you were the one who pushed him to ask me out," she said. "I always assumed that if anyone played a part it was James."
"Not in love, Sirius saw how much James had succeeded in nearly blowing his chance with Lily," Remus explained with a smile. "He discreetly sought my advice when it came to the one girl that mattered, you." Aurora blushed and turned her head to escape Remus's inquisitive manner. She noticed a group of students wearing the familiar Hogwarts uniform.
"They're here, Remus," she sighed. "Do you see Harry?"
"No, but I think I see Hermione's hair," Lupin remarked. "That means that Harry and Ron cannot be far behind. Sure enough, Harry soon followed suit. As usual, Aurora got the same ache she always felt when she saw the strong resemblance between father and son. "Come, Aurora, it's time." Together, they walked down to catch Harry's attention. At the sight of his former professor, Harry smiled but as he spotted Aurora, a look of worry crossed his face.
"Professor, I mean Remus, what are you doing here? Aurora, is something wrong? Is Si-I mean Snuffles okay?" Harry questioned them without taking a pause.
"Relax, Harry," she told the boy. "Everything is fine. I just need to talk to you." Harry looked more confused than ever.
"Well, I shall leave you two alone to chat," Remus said nonchalantly. "Perhaps we can all get together for a butterbeer before you leave, Harry." Harry nodded, still not sure what was going on. As Remus walked away, Aurora turned to face Harry.
"Let's take a short walk, shall we?" she asked.
"That's fine," Harry replied. "So how is everything at the headquarters?"
"Everything is going just fine," Aurora answered him as they made small talk.
"Are you better?" he asked. Aurora felt touched that he would care and she smiled at him and nodded to him. "How's Snuffles?"
"Testy as usual," she said. "You know how dogs get when they have been cooped up too long." Harry laughed at her comment and she relaxed a little. "Harry, there is something I need to tell you. I don't know any easy way of explaining this." Harry looked up at her and they stopped walking. "You know that Sirius is your godfather. He was James's choice automatically, of course. The moment Lily found out she was pregnant, James pegged Sirius to be your godfather. They were like brothers."
"I guess my mum didn't think Sirius could handle the responsibility," Harry remarked. "I would have thought that she would have pushed for Remus."
"I think she knew that it was Sirius's spot and she realized that she could not change that," Aurora told him. "But Lily did do her very best to balance the choice." Aurora saw the confusion in his eyes. He had no clue where this was leading; he was definitely more James that Lily. "Your mum made a choice also, Harry."
"My mum picked another godfather?" he asked.
"No, a godmother," she told him. "I know no one ever told you. I only hope you don't become angry. There is so much explaining, Harry, so much."
At first her words seem to confuse him even further until something finally clicked in Harry's mind. "It's you," he whispered. Her eyes teared up and she nodded.
"Harry, I am so sorry," she told him as her voice broke. "I can't blame you if you hate me forever. "I already hate myself. I should have been there for you. I would like nothing more than to try to be a godmother to you, if you can see past my horrid mistakes." She wiped her eyes quickly and looked the young man before her in the eye. His face was blank and she saw no reaction from him.
"I don't hate you, Aurora," he finally told her. "Just as I didn't hate Sirius. Nothing turned out as it should have and it's because of Voldemort. I don't hate you, I hate him. I would be honored to have you in my life, just as my mum and dad intended for you to be."
She smiled at him and realized that Harry's eyes were a tad bit glassy also. Of course, no fifteen year-old boy wants someone to notice that they are crying, she reminded herself. She reached her arms out and Harry reached for her too. She hugged her godson with all the emotion inside of her. Silently, she thanked her stars that he had inherited his loyalty from James and his understanding from his mum. Aurora made a promise to the same heavens that she would do everything to be there for Harry for the rest of her life.
Time passed quickly after the kids returned to school. Aurora became a mastermind at avoiding contact with Sirius. Things seemed so quiet now that the house was filled only with adults. Remus, Molly, and Arthur were in and out of Number 12, Grimmauld Place enough to save Aurora from having to spend evenings alone with Sirius.
Despite how clever Aurora thought she was being, Sirius realized what she was doing. He soon realized that sometimes he was able to catch her eye and she would hold his gaze for a few moments. But, it would be hours after such an incident before she would even speak to him. He wondered if she realized how he felt each time their eyes met; Sirius pondered whether her face became warm, and her legs became weak.
She had promised both he and Remus that she would tell Harry the truth soon. Remus pointed out that she was under enough pressure right now, so that he, Sirius, would not add any to her. Remus understood. Remus saw it all in his childhood friend's eyes. Remus knew that Sirius loved her just as he had loved her fifteen years ago.
Aurora busied herself at night by trying to figure out what words she would use to tell Harry that she was his godmother. How could she explain to him why she let him suffer in some muggle's home rather than stay with her? Would he forgive her when he discovered that she wasn't around to take him in? What would his reaction be when he found out that Dumbledore had considered her for his guardian, that is until she vanished?
Two weeks ago, Remus had promised to accompany her to Hogsmeade to see Harry. Aurora knew that she could not back down. After discussing it over and over, both she and Remus decided they would pick a weekend far enough away from the Christmas holiday that Harry would have time to calm down and digest everything she had to tell him. Aurora feared that he would be so angry at her news that Harry would refuse to stay at the headquarters during Christmas. Then Sirius would blame her.
She wished that Sirius could go with her but she knew better than to ask. Not because he would so no, but because he would say yet. When you are a wanted mass murderer, you can't exactly walk the streets of Hogsmeade, but Sirius Black was stupid enough to try it.
On that morning, she tried to act as if this day was no different than any other. She dressed and made her way to the kitchen to try and eat a bit before she left with Remus. As she sat in the kitchen, she munched on buttered toast, not really tasting anything. Sirius walked in and gave her a wan smile.
"Feeling alright?" he asked. She nodded unable to speak, her throat felt as if it were encircled with a steel band. Aurora knew he could see her hands trembling. "Calm down, Aurora it will be fine. Harry is a good kid."
"I can't calm down," she whispered. "I can only imagine what his reaction will be; he is a normal teenager. He is supposed to get angry at anything as it is; how will he react when he finds out I deserted him?"
"Harry was very forgiving to me," Sirius told her. "I have no reason to doubt that he would show you the same forgiveness."
"I have a reason why," she ranted slightly. "You have three very good reasons for not looking after Harry: life imprisonment, the Dementors, and Azkaban. I have none of those reasons. The only explanation I can even offer him is that I was scared."
"You were only eighteen, three years older than Harry is now," he said. "We were all just kids, Aurora." She shook her head slightly as if to make all the bad memories vanish. He put an arm around her shoulders to give her an awkward hug. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she saw that it was almost time to meet Remus. Aurora took a deep breath to calm herself.
"I best be going," she told Sirius. "I'm supposed to meet Remus in front of Honeydukes in about twenty minutes."
"Good luck," Sirius replied. She walked out of the kitchen and apparated as she approached the front door. Her oldest habit, he thought. She never could apparate if she were standing still. She seemed to think she needed to get a good start or she could not do it properly. It was just one more of the things that never change, Sirius realized with a wry grin.
Aurora saw Lupin leaned against a banister outside the sweet shop. He was watching a poster of Sirius snarl and try to fight his way out of the wanted poster. The only wolfish trait Remus showed today was that he sensed Aurora before she even spoke. He turned and raised his brows slightly. She gave him a slight wave and climbed the steps to where he stood.
"The students have not arrived yet," Remus informed her. "Harry and the rest should be here shortly. Not really his best side, eh?" Aurora was taken aback for a moment until she realized that he was talking about Sirius's "wanted" poster.
"Not exactly a glamorous shot, I agree," she said. "He is such a pain, Remus, I don't know how you do it."
"Well, to be honest, the thought crosses my mind about once a week how much he is worth and what a bloody pain he really is," Lupin teased, "but I can't bring myself to turn him in.yet. How are things with you, by the way? Feeling better, I hope."
"Somewhat," Aurora answered. "I definitely have been sleeping much better."
"Good," Remus replied. "How are things with Sirius?"
"Civil," Aurora told him.
"Nothing more than civility?" he asked.
"That was all a long time ago, too much time has passed," she said.
"Time may have passed but I can still remember how intensely you loved each other," Remus told her. "Do you want me to believe that you do not still love Sirius Black? Aurora, remember who you are talking to! It's me, Moony. I was there during it all. I was even the one who finally ordered Sirius to ask you to that dance. He had pined away over you for so long and we were all sick to death of it. You may not realize it, Rori, but there was three month period where everything you did was perfect, at least according to Padfoot."
"I never knew you were the one who pushed him to ask me out," she said. "I always assumed that if anyone played a part it was James."
"Not in love, Sirius saw how much James had succeeded in nearly blowing his chance with Lily," Remus explained with a smile. "He discreetly sought my advice when it came to the one girl that mattered, you." Aurora blushed and turned her head to escape Remus's inquisitive manner. She noticed a group of students wearing the familiar Hogwarts uniform.
"They're here, Remus," she sighed. "Do you see Harry?"
"No, but I think I see Hermione's hair," Lupin remarked. "That means that Harry and Ron cannot be far behind. Sure enough, Harry soon followed suit. As usual, Aurora got the same ache she always felt when she saw the strong resemblance between father and son. "Come, Aurora, it's time." Together, they walked down to catch Harry's attention. At the sight of his former professor, Harry smiled but as he spotted Aurora, a look of worry crossed his face.
"Professor, I mean Remus, what are you doing here? Aurora, is something wrong? Is Si-I mean Snuffles okay?" Harry questioned them without taking a pause.
"Relax, Harry," she told the boy. "Everything is fine. I just need to talk to you." Harry looked more confused than ever.
"Well, I shall leave you two alone to chat," Remus said nonchalantly. "Perhaps we can all get together for a butterbeer before you leave, Harry." Harry nodded, still not sure what was going on. As Remus walked away, Aurora turned to face Harry.
"Let's take a short walk, shall we?" she asked.
"That's fine," Harry replied. "So how is everything at the headquarters?"
"Everything is going just fine," Aurora answered him as they made small talk.
"Are you better?" he asked. Aurora felt touched that he would care and she smiled at him and nodded to him. "How's Snuffles?"
"Testy as usual," she said. "You know how dogs get when they have been cooped up too long." Harry laughed at her comment and she relaxed a little. "Harry, there is something I need to tell you. I don't know any easy way of explaining this." Harry looked up at her and they stopped walking. "You know that Sirius is your godfather. He was James's choice automatically, of course. The moment Lily found out she was pregnant, James pegged Sirius to be your godfather. They were like brothers."
"I guess my mum didn't think Sirius could handle the responsibility," Harry remarked. "I would have thought that she would have pushed for Remus."
"I think she knew that it was Sirius's spot and she realized that she could not change that," Aurora told him. "But Lily did do her very best to balance the choice." Aurora saw the confusion in his eyes. He had no clue where this was leading; he was definitely more James that Lily. "Your mum made a choice also, Harry."
"My mum picked another godfather?" he asked.
"No, a godmother," she told him. "I know no one ever told you. I only hope you don't become angry. There is so much explaining, Harry, so much."
At first her words seem to confuse him even further until something finally clicked in Harry's mind. "It's you," he whispered. Her eyes teared up and she nodded.
"Harry, I am so sorry," she told him as her voice broke. "I can't blame you if you hate me forever. "I already hate myself. I should have been there for you. I would like nothing more than to try to be a godmother to you, if you can see past my horrid mistakes." She wiped her eyes quickly and looked the young man before her in the eye. His face was blank and she saw no reaction from him.
"I don't hate you, Aurora," he finally told her. "Just as I didn't hate Sirius. Nothing turned out as it should have and it's because of Voldemort. I don't hate you, I hate him. I would be honored to have you in my life, just as my mum and dad intended for you to be."
She smiled at him and realized that Harry's eyes were a tad bit glassy also. Of course, no fifteen year-old boy wants someone to notice that they are crying, she reminded herself. She reached her arms out and Harry reached for her too. She hugged her godson with all the emotion inside of her. Silently, she thanked her stars that he had inherited his loyalty from James and his understanding from his mum. Aurora made a promise to the same heavens that she would do everything to be there for Harry for the rest of her life.