Sorry for the delay!
I was so encouraged by all those nice reviews. Thanks to Andi, Kay, Jessica (aww, that was so kind!), Harm Marie, Kathryn, mabby, SilverRain4, Kathleen (that's the nicest compliment one can get, I think!), Stef (yummy, whipped cream on Spikey ;-)), magikangel13 (yeah, you were right with your 'earshot'-guess!), he he, gip! (plenty of Anya in this chapter!), JnR 4eva (hope you continue giggling!), Jenny, duj, Culf, fangface Andrea, Samaelle, Loki and thayett.
Um… most of you wanted more S/B, which I can totally understand cause I'm a hopeless shipper, too. Unfortunately, there'll be no S/B in this chapter, and I honestly don't know if I can manage to get them together in some way later on without making them even more ooc as they are now… We'll see.
But I'm really having fun writing this, and as long as you're having fun reading this, I'll be happy!
And the silliness continues…
Chapter 5 – The truth will set you free
Willow could really be scary if she chose to. She rarely ever raised her voice at all, and this sudden yelling and swearing was very atypical and reason enough for all of them to gather around the table and be quiet.
"Er… maybe I should use my authoritative voice more often…," Willow muttered, astonished at their immediate obedience. Searching for some kind of reassurance, she looked at Tara, who was wetting her lips with her tongue in a very distracting way.
"Yeah, darling, you really should. You know it makes me all hot and bothered when you assert your dominance," Tara said huskily.
Patches of red were gradually forming in Willow's face, partly due to the unpleasant task ahead, namely to explain her theories on what caused all of them to behave so strangely, and partly because of Tara's unusually self-confident way of expressing her feelings towards her girlfriend. Willow was used to Tara being quite creative and straightforward when they were alone, but this was clearly different.
"Hello?" An irritated voice interrupted Willow's thoughts. "Do you expect us to sit here and wait until you're done daydreaming? I've really got better things to do than watching two women stare at each other dreamily while I don't get any," Xander complained.
Giles glanced at Xander incredulously. "Frankly, I don't understand how you manage to think about nothing other than the various physical experiences you would like to have," he began, slurring just a little bit due to the scotch he had already consumed. "When I was your age and had to get rid of all that restless energy that seems to drive you to molest every female you spot, I thought of other opportunities to achieve that goal. I indulged in sports, and, admittedly, in some demon-conjuring. But I can't recommend the latter, as it tends to cause problems that have unexpectedly wide-spread consequences…" Giles didn't really address Xander anymore, but was rather rambling to himself.
Spike cackled, and buried his head in his hands for a few moments. When he had apparently recovered, he said with a nasty smirk on his face, "Well, we could all have guessed that part of Giles's personality had been shaped by the lack of certain 'physical experiences'," there he made air-quotes, "In his youth, but to hear him admit it…"
Their bickering was interrupted by a booming eerie voice which seemed to echo through the whole room.
"By the wrath of Belzebub! If thou do not keep silence now, I shall take thee with me into the darkest depths of my kingdom, where thou shall suffer torments thy little mind cannot begin to comprehend!"
Startled by that sudden outburst, all of their heads turned into the direction the voice had come from, and they froze. Dawn seemed to be floating about two feet above the ground, her arms outstretched, her hair billowing behind her as though stirred by an invisible wind and her eyes rolled so far into the back of her head that only the whites were visible.
Xander was the first to react and now it was his turn to roll his eyes. "Taking part in a Reagan-lookalike-contest, Dawn? Couldn't think of something even more unoriginal, could you?"
Spike, who apparently felt that Dawn had addressed him, stood up angrily and raised his head to talk to her in a voice which was somewhat less menacing than he had intended it to be, "You talking to me? Helping your sister humiliate me, are you. Well, sod that. I've been to hell already, thank you very much, and you can't intimidate me in the slightest with threats of sending me in some teenager-hell. What's that supposed to look like, anyway?" he provoked, "All diaries with hearts on them and rooms decorated in pink plush, smelling of flowers?"
"Yeah, whatever, let's turn back to the problem at hand, shall we? But I appreciate the effort, Dawn," said Willow, giving the unhinged-looking Dawn a grateful smile. To Tara and Buffy, who were busy pulling Dawn back onto her chair, she said, "And as soon as we're all ready, I can finally say what I've been wanting to say for almost an hour!" At those last words, she had to restrain herself from shouting again; the whole situation was visibly grating on her.
"Honey, you shouldn't keep experimenting with 'Darkest Magick'," Tara said reproachfully to Dawn, whose eyes had at last rolled back into their usual position. But the starry-eyed look she sported now wasn't really a huge improvement to the demented expression she had worn before.
Feeling that she had to add her two cents, Anya said with an earnest voice, "Yes, Dawn, that greenish complexion doesn't fit very well to your otherwise youthfully attractive appearance!"
"Now that we've solved all the most urgent problems," Willow began, looking piercingly at each of them in turn, daring them to say something else, "Let me explain. Buffy, do you remember when, about two years ago, you had that fight with that demon and got some of his goo on your hand?" Buffy replied with an irritated expression on her face that simply said 'duh'. Realizing how stupid she must have sounded just now, Willow elaborated.
"I mean that incident with the psychic demons, you know? When one aspect of the demon was transferred to you?" At Buffy's nod, Willow continued, "I don't really know how I thought of this theory, but it's the only one we've got at the moment, so it'll have to do for now." She cleared her throat, preparing for the somewhat complicated and admittedly far-fetched idea she was about to explain. "Well, technically, Anya's not a demon anymore. But none of us can argue that, in certain respects, she has kept some of her demonical qualities." Giles hiccupped, as though to agree with Willow's statement, raised the bottle he was still clutching and mumbled something that sounded like "Cheers to that!"
Ignoring him, Willow searched for signs of dawning comprehension in the faces of her audience. Unsurprisingly, she found none. Sighing, she went on, "So, Buffy got the mind-reading abilities of the whatchamacallit-demon because she got in contact with his bodily fluids, right? Now Anya's got the first cold of her human life and is distributing generous amounts of her bodily fluids among us!" The only reaction she got were some pairs of furrowed eyebrows, bored looks and Dawn's inhumanly evil expression.
After a beat, Anya exclaimed indignantly, "I don't exchange bodily fluids with anyone but my Xander!" She grabbed possessively at her fiancé's arm.
Exasperated, Willow yelled, "Goddess! Has Anya's virus also affected your brains? Ok, I'll try to speak very slowly: Anya has quite a direct and uninhibited way with words, hasn't she? And now that all of you have come in contact with her snot," that earned her a hearty "ew" from Buffy and Tara, "You also say what's on your minds without thinking!"
Another moment passed in silence, then Anya said, grinning proudly, "Hey, that's actually kinda… nice!"
Tbc
All right, the next chapter will probably be the last one before everything slowly returns back to normal. So, is there anything special you'd REALLY like to see happen? Like, Giles running around the Magic Box in just his Y-fronts? (no, that's not gonna happen! :-) )
I've got my own ideas about that, of course, but I'm curious about your suggestions.