One day, upon waking up, Rufus realized that he had lost something very important to him…

Something that symbolizes his manhood.

Something that makes him what he is!!!!!!!!!!

His *tooooooot*

Hey, why'd ya censor that! It's not gross!

*Ahem*

Anyway, since the censors are against us though there's nothing wrong with saying *tooooooo* (not again…), we just have to bear with them. Hopefully, they'd let us say the word later on at the end of this fic so that you wouldn't get confused.

Rufus instantly got up from his bed and rushed to the mirror, checking his reflection. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?! WHERE'S MY *TOOOOOOT*!" he cried out loud in annoyance.

Dark Nation woke up from his screaming. "Meowr?" She looked up at her owner… and hissed. "MEOWR!!!! *You look and smell strange! Who are you and what have you done to Rufus?!*"

Rufus raised his hands to his kitty. "Don't! I'm Rufus! Can't you recognize me?" he asked.

"My Rufus has a *toooot*! You don't have it!" Dark Nation thought to herself as she continued to hiss at Rufus.

Unfortunately, Rufus got drunk last night and ended up sleeping naked, so when Dark Nation began to chase him around the room, in all his glory, President Rufus rushed out of his own bedroom into the hallway.

"KYAAAAAH!"

Rufus turned red upon seeing Scarlet. The Head of the Weapon's Department apparently was carrying some paperwork but she accidentally scattered them around when she dropped them so that she could cover her eyes and turn away from the horribleness of it all before grabbing her mobile phone and made a call. "Tseng! One of your Turks here is roaming around ShinRa naked!" she said with a trembling tone.

"Who?" Tseng asked from the other line.

"Bloody hell, Scarlet! It's me, Rufus!" he wanted to say out loud, but realizing that she wasn't able to recognize him, he just decided to keep quiet about his true identity to spare himself the shame and embarrassment. With that, he proceeded back to his own door and tried to open it, but the evil kitty had locked it from inside.

"NOOOOOO!" Rufus screeched angrily.

Not knowing what else to do, he picked up some of the paper Scarlet dropped and covered himself best as he could. Then, he ran from his shrieking/frantic/shocked/etc executive.

"Gotta get some clothes…" Rufus muttered to himself as he made his way to the elevator and just decided to go to his own office on the 70th floor. Upon arriving there, he had to crawl on the floor so that his secretary wouldn't see him…

He successfully reached his own office room and shut the door angrily.

"Damn… how long am I going to stay here naked? I'm beginning to get cold…" he thought miserably before thinking of going to the telephone and make a phone call to Heidegger. The fat guy wouldn't answer the call.

"DAMN! He's gonna get a salary deduction for this!" he snapped before trying the other numbers.

At that precise moment, his friends the AVALANCHE rebel group crashed through his window.

"FOO'! WE GOT YA NOW, ShinRa…" Barret began fiercely, but trailed off.

Along with Barret were Cloud, Aerith, Yuffie, Vincent, Cid Highwind, Tifa and Red XIII.

Aerith screamed and covered her eyes before hiding behind Cloud, who was gaping at Rufus unbelievably.

Cid Highwind began laughing, while Yuffie was guffawing…

Red XIII's jaw dropped, so did Barret.

Tifa covered her furiously blushing face.

And Vincent… regarded this briefly before watching Rufus think of what to do next… and told Rufus, "Nice. What happened to your *tooooot*?"

Silence.

Rufus blushed angrily. "Get outta here! All of you!!! Out! Out! Out!" he shooed them away with his free hand, while his other hand grabbed a folder and covered what needed to be covered (and since he's facing them, you know what it is).

They didn't move.

"Okay, I'll step down from ShinRa, just get out of here!!!!!" Rufus yelled angrily.

Barret, Red XIII and Cid Highwind got out, laughing strangely, leaving the others still staring at him (except for the girls).

"Cloud, let's get out of here…" Aerith muttered.

Cloud was still staring at Rufus. "Man, why are you naked?" he asked.

"Shut up, Cloud Strife! Get out of here!" Rufus snapped angrily.

"Hehehe! You're naked! And without your *toooot* too!" Cloud apparently didn't get what Rufus was trying to say.

"You…" Rufus began, but was cut off by a familiar noise. "What the…"

"Hey, looky Prez! A chopper's flyin' out your window! Heeheehee!" Yuffie said, jumping up and down excitedly while pointing at the chopper.

"Okay, AVALANCHE! The Turks are here ta kick you out of here!" Reno's voice came out of a megaphone.

"Oh my god…" Rufus mumbled to himself.

"Hey, who's that one over there? …. Hey, hey, hey!!! Naked!"

Elena shrieked and covered her eyes, turning away from Rufus.

"That must be the guy that Scarlet mentioned streaking!" Tseng yelled amidst the commotion as the male Turks jumped out from the chopper and landed inside the President's Office.

Rude stared at Rufus. "Hey, how come he doesn't have *tooot*?" he asked out loud.

"GET OUT OF HERE! ALL OF YOU! OUT! OUT! OUT!" Rufus snapped angrily.

"Meowrrrrr…."

Rufus stiffened. "Uh-oh…" he turned to the door and there was Dark Nation with an angry look on her face.

The kitty pounced at him.

He ran off from Dark Nation and rushed out of his office, the kitty still chasing him.

Silence.

"Hey, what happened to Rufus's hair?" Tifa asked finally after overcoming her shock.

Hmm… what did you think it was, huh???? =D

Yeah, he lost his hair.