Well, this didn't turn out as I had planned it. It's a little too similar to the last one for my liking, and it's certainly not the best thing I've written. I liked the song, though, and my muse kept bugging me until I wrote it, so, here it is. I already have a song for the next installment. If you want an update, read and review! (Even constructive negative reviews are appreciated!)
Disclaimer: Young Wizards is Diane Duane's, and the song, If I Am, is by Nine Days.
*~*~*
So, you're standing on a ledge,
It looks like you might fall.
So far down,
Or maybe you were thinking about jumping.
Baby steps, Rodriguez, baby steps, Kit repeated to himself. But she--they--had been making so much progress!
Nita? Kit asked yet again. Though he knew she was awake, and was certain she could hear him, Kit received no answer. He had called her this morning, but he not even asked his question before she made some intangible comments and hung up. He sighed, and laid the coordinates for her backyard.
Nita's father answered the door upon Kit's knocking. Harry Callahan had the appearance of a man who had seen better days. Though he was dressed and clean-shaven, his eyes were bloodshot and his hair was heavily streaked with gray. Upon seeing Kit, he attempted a small smile on his tired and worn face.
"I was just headed to the shop, Kit," he stated. "I assume you're looking for Nita. She's upstairs in her room. Good luck," he sighed, the smile fading.
"Thanks," Kit responded, taking in the deep wrinkles imbedded in Harry's face. Kit patted Harry's shoulder, feeling a small amount of power leave him as he performed a minor strengthening spell. Kit didn't use these spells often, especially on non-wizards, but Harry definitely looked like he needed a bit of a boast.
Now you could have it all,
If you learned a little patience.
"Nita?" Kit asked, knocking on her bedroom door. He heard shuffling inside, but go no response. "Nita? I'm coming in..."
Nita's eyes were also bloodshot. She glared at him for a moment before flinging herself into the adjourning bathroom.
"Nita!" Kit called, sighing. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing! Go away!" came the reply from the bathroom.
Kit clinched his hands, biting back harsh words. Patience, Rodriguez, he lectured himself, This is going to be a long day.
For though I cannot fly,
I'm not content to crawl...
"Won't you just talk to me?"
"There's nothing to talk about!"
"So you've locked yourself in a bathroom for nothing?"
There was no reply. Kit crossed the room, kindly asked the bathroom door to unlock, and felt the tumbler shift as he turned the knob.
"Nita..."
She glared at him again, and then accused, "He sent you after me didn't he?"
"The Lone Power?" Kit questioned, confused. It was the first "He" that came to mind.
"No!" scoffed Nita, "My father."
So give me a little credit,
Have in me a little faith.
"No one sent me after you, Nita. I want to help you. Do I have to have an ulterior motive to care about you?"
I want to be with you forever,
If tomorrow's not too late...
For a moment Kit was afraid she was going to transit out of the bathroom.
That's the trouble with being in love with a woman wizard, thought Kit, When they get irrational or mad at you, its nearly impossible to get them to stay in one place long enough to work it out.
"I'm not being irrational," Nita spat.
Kit looked at her sharply, wondering just how much she had overheard.
"I'm sorry," Kit apologized, knowing he'd get nowhere with Nita this angry. "I'm just worried about you. Won't you tell me what's wrong?" Kit placed a careful hand on her shoulder. She flinched, but didn't pull away. He led her to the bathtub and sat on the edge beside her.
But it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say.
"Everything slipping away," Nita said after a few minutes. "It's not working. I've been trying, Kit, you know I have."
"I know," Kit responded soothingly, trying to figure out what she was talking about.
"No matter how hard I try, it doesn't help. Everything is slipping away from me. I'm so far behind in school. I'll never catch up. I've never failed a test before, Kit. Now, I've failed two. I can't even do the simplest wizardry. Dairine won't talk to me, and now Dad's mad at me, too," Nita was crying by now. Kit gave her a reassuring squeeze with the arm that was still around her shoulders. "It doesn't matter what I try to do, it doesn't work. I might as well give up. Everything I held to, everything I always counted on--knowledge, wizardry, and my family--has let me down."
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises today.
"What about me?" Kit asked, pulling her closer. "Have I let you down?"
If I am another waste of everything you dreamed of, I will let you down...
If I am only here to watch as you suffer, I will let you down...
"I'll only pull you down with me," Nita whispered, trying to shrug out of his gentle hold.
Kit let her go, but lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him.
Nita was ill prepared for the intense emotion in his glaze. She wanted to look away, but couldn't bring herself to it.
"Hey, we agreed to do this together, remember?" Kit said quietly. "I want to help you, but you have to let me, okay?"
So you're walking on the edge,
And you wait your turn to fall.
"But don't you understand, Kit? You can't help me."
But you're so far gone,
That you don't see the hands upheld to catch you.
"Why the hell not, Nita?" Kit demanded, but his anger was not directed at her. It was directed at the One who was causing her so much pain.
"Don't get huffy with--"
"I'm not," Kit interrupted, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm just so frustrated with Him, and I want to do something about it, but I can't. Not without you. And you can't fight him until you resolve this trouble within you. I want to help you do that."
And you could find the fault,
In the heart that you've been handed.
"Why are you still here, Kit? Why don't you just leave me be?" Nita asked.
Kit couldn't tell if she was being malicious, or just questioning. I love you...
But he didn't say that. Instead, he took a safer route. "The Powers made us partners. Who am I to change Their will?" Then, with a rush of courage, Kit asked, "Do you want me to leave?"
Nita didn't answer, but turned away from him.
For though you cannot fly,
You're not content to crawl.
"So, that's it? You just want to give up?" Kit's voice broke. "This isn't the Nita Callahan I know. This isn't the Nita who volunteered to be the Silent One, the Nita who traveled halfway across the galaxy to save her sister, the Nita who faced the Lone Power head on, or the Nita who gave everything to try to save her mother. What happened to that Nita?"
But it's always too late when you've got nothing,
So you say.
"She died," Nita muttered. "He killed her when He took her mother."
"He didn't kill her," Kit replied, tucking an unruly strand of hair behind Nita's ear as he spoke, "He just wounded her temporarily."
But you should never let the sun set on tomorrow,
Before the sun rises today
If I am another waste of everything you dreamed of, I will let you down...
If I am only here to watch as you suffer, I will let you down...
"Please don't give up. We can get through this. Use me, Nita. That's what I'm here for. Remember? You're the impulsive partner, and I'm the solid one. It's caused us trouble before, but here I think it will help now. Without insulting me, pulling away, or changing the subject, how can I help you? What exactly is troubling you?"
The answers we find,
Are never what we had in mind.
"You mentioned school earlier," Kit prompted.
"I missed so much the last couple a weeks... what, with her being so sick, her funeral... and here lately I haven't been all there..." Nita rambled, "I'm so behind in algebra and in chemistry... I don't understand it..."
"Go in and talk to your teachers. Ask for help. Or we can do it together," Kit suggested. "I understand most of it. Thermochemistry has me thrown, but I can do the rest. Go on."
Nita didn't speak for several minutes. Kit waited, wanting answers, but now wanting to push too far.
"I was fighting with Dad earlier," she said finally. "I tried to transit to Copernicus, and I... couldn't. It just... didn't work."
"Did you check the manual?"
"Not yet... Dad and I were 'discussing' things still, and then you came..."
"Maybe you were just distracted at the time. Check the manual," Kit advised, "and if it doesn't help, we'll go see Carl and Tom. Now what wrong between your family?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Nita said.
"You certain?" Kit prodded. "You know you can tell me anything."
"I know, just... not now. I'll tell you later, okay? I need to... digest a few things first."
So we make it up as we go along...
I won't mention tomorrow.
And we won't make those promises that we can't keep...
"All right," Kit nodded, immensely curious about the argument. "You gonna to be okay?"
"I think," she stated. "Let's take this one day at a time."
"Good idea." After a moment, Kit slipped his arm around Nita, meeting no resistance.
I will never leave you. I will never let you down.
"Kit?" He looked up at her. She continued, "Thank you."
"For?"
"Putting up with me. You have so much more patience than I have. If I were you, I would have given up on me, and left me to fend for myself weeks ago."
"I'll never give up on you, Nita, even when you've given up on yourself."
I will never leave you.
"I'm quite hard to get rid of," Kit affirmed. "I intend on sticking around for awhile."
"Good," Nita smiled, "I don't want to get rid of you, no matter what I might have spat earlier. Forgive?"
I will never let you down.
"Of course."
They locked glazes. Nita smiled again.
She's so beautiful, Kit thought, leaning closer. This is it. After this, there's no turning back.
Kit closed his eyes, and leaned even closer towards her slightly parted lips.
*~*~*