One day, upon waking up, Tseng realized that he had lost his mole.
"Oh. My. God," Tseng thought in bewilderment. He checked out his Wutaian-made hand mirror to make sure if he was imagining things again or not.
No mole there.
"Tseeeeng!" he shrieked to himself. Why the mole? The mole was what made him a respected person in his native homeland! It wasn't just a change in appearance for him, it was a change in social status and tradition!
At least that was what he babbled on later to his fellow Turks.
"Turks! What do you suggest we do about this predicament?!" Tseng asked with a panicked tone.
The other Turks were busy staring at his forehead.
"AAARGH! You stupid Turks! Stop staring at my forehead!" Tseng screeched hysterically, making Elena, Rude and Reno jerk.
Reno snickered. "Hey, boss! Your mole's gone! What happened to it?" he asked.
Tseng frowned at him. "I don't know." He replied miserably.
"Uhm… heehee… Boss Tseng, I think that isn't really a big problem." Elena said.
"Oh yeah?! So you think that having salary deductions from President Rufus is more of a big problem than this one! I NEED THAT DAMN FRIGGIN' MOLE!" he reasoned out frantically.
"What do you need that mole for, anyway?" Reno asked lazily.
"It makes me for who I am!" Tseng said.
They were interrupted when Heidegger entered. "Gyahahahaha…" he stopped laughing and stared at Tseng. "Oh, so you have a new Turk? How come I didn't know? Where's Tseng?" he asked.
"TSEEEEEENG!!!!! It's meh!!!!!" Tseng shrieked with his Wutaian accent slipping.
Heidegger snorted. "Liar." He pointed out.
"Huh?" Tseng was surprised.
"I know Tseng when I see him! He's got that insect embedded permanently on the middle of his forehead!" Heidegger pointed out before laughing.
"It's not an insect, it's a mole!" Tseng corrected, feeling so impatient with his boss.
"Gyahahahahahahahaha!" Heidegger just laughed. "Of all the places where you can find a mole, why in there?" Heidegger asked.
"Uh-oh…" Rude, Reno and Elena just rushed out of the Turks' Lounge, knowing the danger awaiting inside.
Tseng's nostrils flared, his face turned red and he started shrieking in another language unknown to Heidegger.
Heidegger stared strangely at Tseng. "Uhm… okay, you violent Turk, just tell Tseng that there will be a parade later on around Midgar. You Turks should stand around President Rufus because you will be his personal bodyguards today!" he said before exiting.
"Urgh… I am Tseng, eedeeyot!" (Translation: "Urgh… I am Tseng, idiot!")
Rufus climbed on his float. "All right, I'm ready for the parade, Heidegger. Where are the bodyguards? I trust you got the Turks to do it…" he said.
"Gyah… Tseng, Reno, Rude, Elena and a new Turk would be in charge of the bodyguard duties, sir," Heidegger replied.
Rufus raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Another new Turk? You seen him?"
"Gyah… I think he's related to Tseng. Got his looks and temper."
The President flipped his hair. "I don't know what is it with these Wutaians…" he said snottily.
"Yeah, you're half Wutaian too, President…" Heidegger thought, thinking about Rufus's surname.
The parade music began to play and Rufus felt so ridiculous. It was the music played during his welcoming ceremony in Junon.
"Where are the bodyguards? They're late?" he snapped at Heidegger.
"Here ya go, boss! This'll be yer temporary mole," Reno said as he and Elena tried to super-glue a dead black fly on Tseng's forehead.
"This is a stupid idea… why put a stupid carcass on my forehead! Where'd you get that?" Tseng asked.
"Trash can with the biodegradable stuff from the kitchen… with fish scales and chicken bones and stuff." Rude replied.
"WHAT?!" Tseng demanded.
They all heard the parade music.
"OH NO!!! We're late!" Elena rushed out of the waiting area, leaving them behind.
"Wait up!" Reno and Rude went after her, leaving Tseng there, looking frustrated.
"They should've just used black felt pen! Idiots…" Tseng rushed out.
Rufus was already glaring at him impatiently. "It's about time!" he snapped.
"Sorry, sir!" Tseng apologized with a sheepish look on his face.
"Stupid Wutaian Tsengker…" Rufus muttered before facing the audience.
The float began to move.
Heidegger whispered to Rufus, "Wave at the people!"
Rufus faked a smile at everyone but didn't wave.
The people cheered.
They could hear some squeamish young ladies screaming Rufus's name.
Rufus flipped his hair and flashed his most handsome smile at the young ladies.
They reached Sector 7 and Heidegger signaled the Turks to move closer to Rufus. "AVALANCHE is here, they might throw some tomatoes at him or do something stupid." He instructed.
The Turks obeyed, but Tseng was rather hesitant. "Oh no… I hope they don't really do that… if they throw something at us and it hits my head! The fly might fall!" he thought silently.
And yeah, the whole gang was there.
"Oh no… here they are…" Tseng muttered to them.
"What?" Rufus asked.
"N…nothing, Sir." Heidegger said, not wanting to worry Rufus.
But the President was stubborn, scanning the whole area… and while doing so, his gaze passed by Tseng's forehead and something caught his attention. "Bloody hell, what is that?" he demanded.
"Wha?" Tseng asked.
"That thing on your head…" Rufus pointed out.
The audience noticed what President Rufus was looking at and turned their gazes to Tseng.
Tseng turned crimson. Especially when he heard some guy remark, "Must be caused by Mako mutation… these ShinRa people are crazy, like I told ya before, junior…"
"Well? What is it? Your horrible mole-thing is ruining my parade!" Rufus demanded.
And Heidegger gasped. "YOU ARE NOT TSENG!!!!! YOU'RE AN IMPOSTOR!" Heidegger pushed Tseng off the float, but Tseng caught hold of Rufus's jacket and so eventually, he dragged the blonde guy with him off the float, landing on Cloud Strife.
"NO! YOU STUPID WUTAIAN TSENGKER!" Rufus snapped angrily at Tseng.
The others watched unbelievably as the "mole" moved and flew away.
Rude raised his eyebrows. "Reno, it was still alive," he declared.
"Oh man…" Reno muttered, rushing off from the float, with Rude and Elena following from behind him.
"Need help?" Tifa and Aerith helped Rufus up.
Cloud snorted. "I think I'm the one who needs help here?!" he demanded, since he was the one under Rufus.
Rufus smiled mockingly at him. "Sorry," he said as he got up, and rushed over to Tseng and collared him. "You…" he began.
"S-sir… I can explain!" Tseng said with a panicked tone.
Rufus raised his eyebrow. "Hey… you're not Tseng," he said.
"Huh?" Tseng wondered.
"No mole…. Heidegger was right, for once! You stupid Wutaian Tsengker impostor!!!" Rufus growled. "Your stupid antics made me look stupid in front of the little people!"
"But, but, but I'm Tseng!! Tseng is I!!! TSEEENG! Yu hab to beleeeb me! (translated: You have to believe me!)" His Wutaian accent slipped out again.
"He does sound like Tseng… but where's the mole?" Aerith whispered to Tifa.
"I thought that it looks kinda funny… maybe Tseng just attached a fake mole on his forehead all his years at ShinRa, and for some reason he forgot to put on a fake mole today?" Tifa whispered back to Aerith.
"Heehee! Maybe he ran out of ink on his black felt pen or something!" Yuffie joked.
The three girls began to laugh, making the others wonder.
"Great… now they're laughing at me…" Rufus thought miserably.
And because of the commotion Tseng had caused, Barret and the others were able to kidnap Rufus ShinRa… and Heidegger and the other executives gave Tseng a horrible sermon afterwards…
And when Rufus was already in the AVALANCHE base, he said he didn't want to go back to ShinRa anymore because everyone there is an idiot and he doesn't want to die just because of their stupidity.
And that was pretty much how ShinRa Inc fell.
Bah.
And all because Tseng lost his mole one morning.
-end!... for now. ;-)-