Legolas woke up. A cold cloth was on his forehead – where was he? He tried to sit up, but his arms won't hold him up, even for couple of seconds. He sank into the soft bed, sighing.
"Are you alright, Prince Legolas?" said a gentle voice. Legolas turned his head towards the direction which the voice was coming from. His eyes widened.
He was somewhere in Rivendell, but that wasn't the point. In front of him stood a beautiful woman – elf, obviously. Her raven hair was long and shiny, her eyes deep, calming blue. She was tall and slender, just like a lily… in fact, like Aredhel Ar-Feiniel…
"You're beautiful, my lady. I say in earnest." Legolas whispered. The woman smiled.
"Although it may be a lie, Prince, I still thank you for it. I'm Luinlothwen." The woman smiled. Her smile was dazzling.
Legolas fell into slumber peacefully, Luinlothwen's eyes the last image in his mind.
"He's not doing good."
"No." Feanor (A/N: I'm getting tired of putting dots on e's, so I won't. Ta ta.) observed next to his great great great granddaughter. "My Mary-Sue-der isn't working! By Aule!"
"Legolas sure looks happy." Haldir commented. Elladan nodded.
"Maybe Legolas belonged there, among the Mary-Sues. Maybe we should just lock this telephone booth…"
"A MARY-SUE-DER!" protested Feanor's angry voice.
"Shut up." Elladan said to his ancestor. "What I was saying is that, maybe we should lock this telephone booth and leave."
"Good riddance," was all Mithiel said. She was something quite close to a Mary-Sue, except for one thing – her temper exceeded her great great great grandfather. By a lot. Which was exactly why Elladan married her, much to the curiosity of all. And Legolas always drove her batty, who drove someone else batty instead.
The three plus the Feanor and his sons stared into the box again.
"They say that you were treated by Lady Luinlothwen," Elladan said to Legolas. "The most beautiful of all creatures ever to grace the Earth!"
"I don't say that. I know Luthien Tinuviel was the first, maybe second is Grandmother…"
An angry hiss came from Feanor.
"What?"
"SHE DIDN'T GIVE ME ONE GODDAMN HAIR! I ASKED FOR ONE, AND SHE REFUSED, WHILE SHE GAVE THAT DWARF…"
"How did you know this?" Haldir asked.
"Never you mind." Feanor brushed it off. "Anyways, my point is, I don't like my niece."
"We know that." Mithiel snapped. "Now do shut up."
I never knew that, Legolas thought. But she was beautiful.
"Duh. She's a Mary-Sue. Mary-Sue never has a bad hair day." Maglor whispered. Feanor and Mithiel slapped him.
"She's the best healer, she is the most beautiful of all, and she is the princess of Rivendell, daughter of…"
"The nonexistent monarch of Rivendell." Elladan muttered.
"Elros, who left a daughter before he went into the world of men. My cousin, yet so distant. Legolas, you are honored."
Never did Legolas say to anyone that he was enchanted by Luinlothwen, and she to him. From the first moment they loved each other –
"How?"
and their pursuit of love would bring hope to the world. Legolas knew that this would be difficult, attaining her, but he would do it. And she would be his.
"This sounds like a bad mix-up from Dragonlance."
"You read it?!"
"Duh." Celegorm snorted. "It's good."
"The world's going to end." Elladan whispered. "Celegorm the Slow finally pointed something out before anyone else."
It was when Luinlothwen and Legolas were alone in a room –
"What were they doing, alone in a room?"
when Arwen Undomiel came in.
"Greetings, Arwen." Luinlothwen stood up. "You look fine, just as always."
Before Luinlothwen could open her mouth to say the next word, Arwen threw a dagger into Luinlothwen's chest.
Legolas wailed, then forgot about Luinlothwen, and walked off to find something to eat.
"YES! It's WORKING!" Feanor danced.
"Your machine always makes the Mary-Sues die in a bloody way, father." Amrath scrutinized.
"GO ARWEN! GO SISTA!" Elladan screamed in a most un-elfish way. Elladan and Feanor took hand in hand and started to dance, disco-style. Just then, Legolas crawled out, looking fatter than ever.
"The setting is a wrong choice." Legolas commented. "Rivendell? I would be fatter than ever!"
"You are." Caranthir hissed sardonically. Legolas started to wail, which sounded like a hypersonic bat-killer. The elves all lied on the ground and started to roll in agony. It took a muffin (produced from Maglor's pocket – it was rather squashed) to silence Legolas' wailing. The elves got up.
"My beloved dies before I even get to marry them or have a kiss." Legolas whined. "This isn't fair." Elladan and Feanor started to dance again.
"Try… again." Feanor suggested. His eyes were sparkling in a way that must have sparkled when he first created the Silmarils. He danced on.
"I'm getting tired," Mithiel said suddenly. Opening the door of Mary-Sue-der, she pushed Elladan and Feanor – yes, both – into the box.
A/N: I received a letter from my girlfriend that this is starting to sound like "Game of the Gods" by Limyaael. This is totally unintentional, and I apologize to Ms. Limyaael if I offended her in any way. I just don't like Mary-Sues. And yes, I sound not-masculine. My girlfriend's editing this, so I won't have typos. Thanks.
TribalButterfly: Thanks for encouraging comments! I do have another novel, but it is a typical Mary-Sue. I borrowed "Mithiel" from my girlfriend, who is a LoTR/Dragonlance/Forgotten Realms RPer.
Rlenavampyre14: Thanks! It's pretty hard to intentionally write something "funny". Yes, Legolas would have a lot of troubles. He can't just be a super-duper elf forever.
Silver Chaotic of Randomia: Thanks! I'm trying to write one chap a week.