Disclaimer:  I do not own Harry Potter, or any other fictitious characters mentioned.


Author's Note:  This is one of those "One-Shot" fics…so let me know how you like it.

The Audition




I was sitting on one of the many folding-chairs in the waiting room.  There were a lot of people sitting around conversing with one another, or just practicing lines to themselves.

I started to rub my forehead, a habit that I have picked up, and began reciting my own lines in my head.

The waiting room was bright...a bit too bright.  There was an annoying humming noise in the background.  Plus all the 'chit-chat' and buzzing voices around me just irritated me to the point of a migraine.


The door--that was the entrance--was thrown open and a man in a Shakespearean costume dramatically stumbled in through the entrance.  The guy-in-tights got down on one knee and bellowed deeply,


"…And all our yesterdays have lighted fools--the way to dusty death.  Out, out, brief candle!  Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more: it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."


Everyone, except for me, started applauding and cheering.  The new guy pulled off his cap with a feather stuck on top, and started to bow to everyone.

"That was G-g-g-r-r-r-e-a-a-a-t-t!!!"

I turned to the direction of where that had yelling had come from.  Sitting in a chair, in the far right corner--why hadn't I noticed…that…before?--was a tiger wearing a bright red scarf with Tony embroidered on it.

That triumphant shout, from 'Tony-the-tiger' had silenced the room, only momentarily.

Not long after, the buzzing and talking indicated that everyone had picked up from where they left off.


"Well that was short lived," squeaked a--house elf?--sitting to my right.

"Dobby?" I asked, though there was no resemblance.

"No, Papa Smurf's the name," it replied, taking off its' red hat.

"Oh," I replied, scooting my chair away from the blue Smurf.

I started to scoot my chair to my left, when I suddenly bumped into something.  As I turned to apologize, I gasped at the creature I saw.

Curled into the chair, with yellow eyes and gray, scaly skin, was the most horrid thing I've ever laid my eyes upon--besides Voldemort, that is.


"My Precious, O my Precious--shut up Sméagol," it murmured to itself.


"I'll just be going then," I said, standing up.

I backed up and tripped over something, resulting with me landing right on my bum.


Everyone simultaneously--it seemed--turned their heads and stared at me. There were a few muffled chuckles.


"Oh, hardy-har-har," I sneered at everyone.

I hate it when people make me the center of attention, good or bad.

I didn't have to worry about being the center of attention for long, because suddenly everyone's attention was diverted--once again--to the entrance of the waiting room.

Two guys and two girls had run into the room.


One of the guys asked, "Scooby-Doo, where are you?"


"R-r-over r-r-ere," replied a—dog with a speech impediment?—from the floor, where I had just been sprawled out.   

I can't believe I just tripped over a talking dog.

I stood up and brushed myself off.  I walked towards an empty chair, when a door, across the room from the entrance, opened.

"Mister Harry Potter, we are ready for your audition," an elderly lady called, stepping out so that--Santa Clause?--could step out.

Santa bounded across the room, shaking the floor with each step.  That old man would definitely benefit from losing a few pounds.


I made my way across the room, nearly tripping on--oh what was that dog's name--Scoopy-Poo?--but I caught myself, and proceeded to walk up to the elderly lady.

Haven't I seen this woman before? Think Harry, think.


"Good day, Mister Potter.  Please, follow me," the elderly lady replied.

We walked down a long hallway, with different shaped doors on either side.  Now, when I say different shaped, that's precisely what I mean.  There were round doors, short doors, tall doors, and even a door shaped like a star.


As we walked, I racked my brain trying to figure out where I've seen that elderly lady before.


Purple dress, white hair, glasses--was that a yellow canary perched on her shoulder?


The canary saw me staring at it and smirked, "What, a putty-tat got your tongue?"


"Tweety," the old woman said sharply. "Behave yourself."


"I'm sowwy, Gwanny," Tweety said shamefully to Granny.

Tweety turned to me and stuck out its tongue.  I glared back, sticking out my tongue.


Granny stopped abruptly in front of a large, oak door at the end of the hallway.


"Here we are.  There are four judges.  Try to keep your audition short, five minutes should be adequate."  Granny looked at me, and a look of pity crossed her features.

"Don't be nervous, boy," she tried to comfort me, and patted my back.  "Come along, we're on a schedule."

She opened the door and moved to let me walk through.


I walked in, the door slamming shut behind me.  I turned to see what was in front of me, but was temporarily blinded by spot lights being turned on, light blaring straight into my eyes.  In an attempt to help me see better, though I must say it didn't really help, I covered my face with my hands.


"Come on boy, we don't have all day!"  someone shouted.


Why is there an echo in the room? Am I standing on a stage of some sort?  I thought


I took a couple of steps forward, my shoes clicking on the floor with each step.


"Uh--my name is--" I stammered, but I was cut off.


"We know your name Mister Potter," a different voice shouted.


"Oh, right then," I replied nervously.

Then I asked, "Could someone please get that light off my face?  I can't see a thing."


"I told you that spot-light was a bad idea, Mickey," I heard someone say.


Suddenly, the spot-light was clicked off.  My eyes fluttered, trying to adjust to the darkness.  Finally, when my eyes adjusted to my surroundings, I looked around.

I was on a stage, and in the audience were four--animals? A mouse, a duck, a rabbit, and cat sat together in a far back row.

"Hello, Mister Potter," the mouse squeaked, sounding like its' nasal passage was clogged.

"My name is Mickey. This is Donald Duck, Bugs Bunny, and the Cheshire cat," the mouse said, gesturing to the other three judges.

"Well *smack-smack* what's up doc?" Bugs Bunny asked.

"What my friend means is, what piece will you be performing for us today young man?" the Cheshire cat drawled, sounding eerily similar to my arch nemesis, Draco Malfoy.

"Well—I--that is to say—um--I have something original," I stuttered.

Why am I all of a so nervous?


"Okay," Donald quacked with a—lisp?  "Let's hear it."


"Okay, well I have to get into character," I said, slightly embarrassed.

I walked from one end of the stage to the other, with my head bowed.  Finally, I stopped and looked up.


"No, I am the-boy-who-lived.  Not the-boy-who-lived-to-die," I said calmly.

I pretended like I was walking towards someone, keeping my eyes focused ahead of me.  I started circling the imaginary "someone."

Finally, I said with as much angst as I could muster, "I'm tired.  I'm tired of failing to defeat you every year, usually towards the end of my school year.  Not to mention, always with my trusty sidekicks Ron and Hermione by my side."

I grabbed my wand, and pointed it to the imaginary person I had circled.  With fire in my eyes, I screamed, "Avada Kedavra!"  

A green jet of light shot out towards the spot where the imaginary person was supposed to be. There was some smoke, and when it cleared, there was a scorch mark on the floor.

By this point, I was breathing hard and I had started to perspire.

Loud applauding broke the silence.

Finally, the Cat purred, "Ver-r-r-y good, Mister Potter."

"Yeah, doc *smack-smack* great performance," Bugs Bunny said in between bites off his carrot.

"Here, here," Mickey cheered.


"That was G-g-g-g-r-r-r-r-e-a-a-a-t-t!!!" Tony-the-tiger shouted.

Wait, where did he come from? Before I could ask, the tiger ran out of the room.

Out of nowhere, a band had set up their instruments on the stage, right next to me. The performers were three women dressed in cat suits.


"Josie and the Pussy Cats," the lady in the front sang.

"Long tails, and ears for hats," the lady playing a guitar sang.

"We know just where it's at," the lady on the drums sang.

"Josie and the Pussy Ca-a-ts," the three women chorused together.


"Okay, where did you three just come from?" I asked the girl-band, feeling a little delirious.  "And where did that damn tiger run off to?"

Seemingly ignoring me, Mickey Mouse stood up and shouted, "Mister Potter, you got the part!  Congratulations!"

Overcome with joy, I started to jump up and down with glee.  The three ladies joined me, and we started spinning in a circle.  I let go, and we all collided with the floor, laughing hysterically.


"Mister Potter," a voice not sounding like Mickey, said.

"Mister Potter," the voice had some edge to it, this time.


"MISTER POTTER!" the voice yelled directly into my ear. "Please wipe that stupid grin off your face!"

I immediately realized that I was in double Potions, on a Friday afternoon.  Also, I realized that I had been daydreaming and had no clue as to what was going on in class.


"Now that I have your full attention Mister Potter, can you name the uses for a Jobberknoll feathers?"


"Argh," I groaned.  

Reality was such a cruel, cruel thing.


~~The End~~