Color of Distress
Disclaimer – Still not mine…. And I have included a bit of a poem, "Requiem," by Robert Louis Stevenson in this chapter. So that is his as well, and not mine.
A/N: About 2 weeks left before the Two Towers!!! (runs out and calls 20 people to announce it.) Sorry…ahem. I'm just a bit excited. I was trying to update faster, but a math and history test crept up upon me unnoticed… so… I had to deal with that first. I nearly died. ^_^ Anyway, here's the next chapter!
Chapter 2 – "I am immortal!"
Legolas stood before Galadriel, shifting uncomfortably and glancing everywhere but at her.
"Prince of Mirkwood, why is your heart so heavy and face so long?" Galadriel asked in her pleasing voice.
The question was met with sullen silence.
Celeborn sighed. "I believe that Legolas has told Gimli that he is troubled by the sea-longing."
If this surprised Legolas, he didn't show it. "You have been eavesdropping." He said quietly.
Galadriel and Celeborn allowed this comment to pass. "Is this true?" she asked.
"No." he answered quite simply, and without any emotion. "I did not want to trouble Gimli." He raised his clear eyes to finally meet Galadriel's. "And I do not wish to trouble you either."
"It is kind of you to think that way," Galadriel said, and laid a hand on his shoulder. "But you should know that I would like to be troubled with this, if only to help you."
"You cannot help me." It came out coldly. Legolas flinched inwardly as he allowed the voice to respond for him. He felt weak inside, and thought he might collapse.
That is correct. You are now beyond hope.
"What is this new voice?" Galadriel asked suddenly. "You are not beyond any hope, son of Thranduil."
"So you now eavesdrop on my thoughts, too." Legolas whispered, backing away. "I shall find no peace here, knowing that spies are about me."
"These thoughts are not your own." She stated, studying him intently with ancient eyes. "So I therefore have not looked in on your thoughts."
She lies…
But they are a part of me… are they not my own?
She lies….
She would not lie.
And how would you know this?
She would not lie!
Legolas smiled vacantly to hide his fear. The voice was louder, more insistent, more difficult to counter by himself.
"I would not lie to you, Legolas." Galadriel said at last. "And I am glad you think so. You will fight his voice until it is naught but a whisper, and I will think of a way to help you, for I have no answers right now. You are strong, even though this haunts you, and I believe you will defeat this."
You cannot defeat yourself.
Forgetting his usual demeanor of calmness, he looked at Galadriel with terrified eyes as he heard it said, which was quickly replaced by a look of complacency. Legolas bowed his head to her, and left the room, suppressing shudders.
She watched him leave with a troubled air. "I am worried." she turned to Celeborn. "Make sure someone is always with him… I fear that the voice will fill his head if he is left alone with his thoughts."
Legolas was in no hurry to make his way back to his friends, knowing that they would keep pestering him with questions and worried looks. He moved slowly, and any passing elf might have thought he was taking in the sights of Lothlorien luxuriously. However, they did not see his face, how his eyes were filled with despair as he fought with his inner self.
He walked blindly down a long flight of stairs, wondering detachedly how he could be so angry and frightened at the same time.
"They see everything here," he said, trailing his fingers over the gilded railing. "Everything… and my thoughts…" He became silent as he heard footsteps draw near.
"Ah, Legolas!" Aragorn appeared before him around the curve of the staircase. "I was looking for you."
"No doubt to worry over me needlessly," Legolas muttered, walking past him.
Aragorn caught his arm and made him stop. "It is not needlessly," he said firmly, and went on. "You hide behind a cold mask, and are not yourself." He shook the elf gently to make sure he was still listening. "I am your friend. Tell me what it is, and you had better not say it is the sea-longing."
Legolas looked into Aragorn's eyes.
I should tell him.
He will think that you are quite mad.
But maybe I am….
"And if I told you, Estel, that I am not ready to reveal it, what would you say?" he asked softly, shaking free of Aragorn's hold.
"I would tell you to take your time, but that too much time might endanger you more." Aragorn said, sighing heavily.
"I am not endangered by anything!" Legolas burst out crossly. "Not by you, not by anyone, and not by myself!"
Especially by myself…
"You are blinded by your own immortality." He stated lowly, taken aback by Legolas' outburst. "Have you looked into a mirror recently? Your eyes are bitter, your face is drawn, and you act as if you are not in this world!"
"I mourn for Mithrandir." He responded coldly, not looking back at Aragorn. "Perhaps you think my cheeks should be pink with life and my eyes sparkling during this time. However, I do not."
"It is more than his death!" Aragorn strode over until he was in front of Legolas. "Stop making excuses. I am trying to help you."
"I am sure you have already spoken with Haldir and Celeborn." Legolas said, so quietly that Aragorn almost missed it. He turned around and pierced Aragorn with a look of disdain. "Have they told you that I did not want, nor need, help?"
He stepped around Aragorn and did not look back.
Legolas glumly nodded his thanks as a female elf handed him a pitcher of wine. He hadn't meant to snap at Aragorn so, but did not think it was necessary for him to apologize. It would be too awkward, and Aragorn believed that something was not right in his head, anyway.
He sat a bit apart from the rest of the fellowship and poured himself some of the drink, catching the scent of fragrant fruits and honey. He took a large sip and watched Gimli snore loudly as the rest slept, smiling a bit in spite of himself.
He poured another glass, drinking it thoughtfully, and took out his long silver knife. As he was whetting it, he took a breath and began singing a soft, lilting song.
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold---
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by---
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
A demon? Legolas chuckled. Maybe…
If only they knew what possesses me…
Do not act superior.
You do not know what possesses yourself.
Legolas felt a twinge on his hand and looked down. He had cut himself while sharpening his knife. He touched his finger with his other hand as the crimson blood dropped, standing up in disbelief.
"No," he whispered. "I have not injured myself in years. This is impossible."
You see now, Prince of Mirkwood… you are not immortal.
He began to laugh tentatively at that. "You cannot fool me. I am an elf." Legolas said loudly. "I am immortal."
So you are…. so you think… would you like to learn about mortality?
His heart jumped. What did he mean… what did… I… mean…
You will see.
Drink now. Do not let all the wine go to waste.
Drink….
Legolas moved farther from the wine jug, holding his ears with his hands. "Leave me!" he cried. "I do not want to hear you anymore!"
Drink!
"No." he said, and began to shake when he realized he was sobbing.
We shall see….
"I did not know how bad this was."
Legolas groggily recognized Haldir's voice, sounding so solemn.
"He would not let us help him."
Was it Aragorn now?
"Why… why?"
Gimli's voice was so sad and remorseful….
"Legolas is strong."
The lady's voice, strong and clear.
He pondered these drifting voices in an unconscious state, floating in an out of an empty dreamland that was painted red. His mind was unusually quiet and restful, as that voice was absent and not taunting him. Maybe Galadriel got rid of it…. she promised to find a way…
And what was it that Haldir said? How bad this was. I do not… I do not understand… nothing is bad… but what if there is orcs? Was that what Haldir meant? Was there a battle?
Screaming.
I remember the screaming… someone was screaming… there was a battle! If there are orcs, then I must fight. How did the orcs find their way into Lothlorien?
Why is Gimli so sad? Did someone die? The orcs must have gotten someone!
What did Aragorn mean… did I already fight the orcs? I would not have refused help if there were many.
He vaguely felt something warm touch his lips and slide into his mouth, followed by whispered voices and a consuming black nothingness.
Legolas moaned imperceptibly and opened his eyes with a great effort. His vision was filled with Gimli's tired face looking down at him.
"You had me worried, elf." He grunted, cracking a solemn smile, and moved back. "Aragorn, look, Legolas has awoken."
"Estel…" his voiced cracked, and water was brought for him. "Where…" Legolas shut his eyes as the overwhelming urge to vomit came over him. He wanted to weep. He felt like he had broken into several pieces, and all his muscles were limp and exhausted.
"You are still in Lothlorien." came Aragorn's reply. "We have stayed with you for over a day now… how are you feeling?"
"I think I might spew up all my insides right now." He managed to say, trying to smile but failing miserably.
"That would be the effect of all that wine you drank." Haldir commented, coming to stand by the bed.
"I drank two glasses." Legolas disagreed, his face turning a notch paler, until his skin appeared to be almost translucent. "Surely an elf has much more tolerance than that."
"Two glasses?" Gimli repeated, raising his eyebrows. "My dear Legolas, it is said that you downed the entire pitcher and called for more!"
The room spun around him. "What…" Legolas focused his uneasy eyes on the ceiling. "I… I had two glasses while I whetted my knife!"
The room went uncomfortably silent.
Ashen, his voice trembled as he spoke. "What happened?"
There was still a foreboding hush.
"Tell me!" Legolas' eyes were now panicked as he sought answers. He felt hot tears of dread forming in his eyes.
I will not cry in front of them!
He gathered his strength and lifted his hand to quickly wipe eyes when he stopped in horror. Each of his fingers were wrapped several times in linen bandages, moving all the way up to his elbows. Legolas let his arms fall limply back down.
"How did this happen?" he demanded, searching their faces for answers.
"Do you not remember?" Gimli asked, finally breaking the silence.
"No…" He looked helpless. "Unless it was… was it the orcs?"
"The orcs?" Aragorn said, confused, glancing at Haldir. "What orcs?"
"There was a battle here with orcs, was there not? I heard the screaming." Legolas began to feel calmer.
"There were no orcs, nor a battle." Haldir said quietly.
"Then how…" Legolas whispered, eyes glassing over. "How…"
There was silence in Lothlorien, except for his cries that pierced the still air as he began to remember.
To be continued…
Well, I think this was slightly longer than the first chapter. Lots of thanks to all my reviews. It was kind of weird, because I was on MSN while all the reviews came in at once, so that little box kept popping up at the corner.
Houki: Why is Legolas acting all weird?? Hee hee, that'll come soon.
Cry: Fade?? Nononononononono!! Don't! I hope you liked this chapter!
Gemstone: the extended version was absolutely awesome. I loved the whole Lembas and gift giving-scene, and when Legolas was like "Why don't I doubt that? to Gimli, I was nearly jumping for joy.
Sirithiel: I had so many problems trying to spell your name from memory… it was quite funny, actually. ^_^
Thaurvingwen: No, I couldn't do that to our favourite elf. He'll stay faaaaaaar away from bridges.
Astariel: Yeah, the 'tis and nays…. *grins* I couldn't hold myself back. But I'll remember that, thanks for telling me!
Grey-companion: I did, in fact, keep writing. ^_^ And I think I'll continue for a while more, unless I get mass e-mails telling me to stop.
Heatherpadawan: Yep, I think you did say you wanted more.
Vana Everyoung: I haven't yet figured out yet why I'm making poor Legolas suffer. And yes, he is suffering… the things I do to my favourite characters…. *goes of sighing*
Dreamkeeper: All these urgent messages about continuing made be continue… (well, I already was planning on it, I wouldn't stop halfway) but it was supposed to be out later. Good job, you stirred me into action!
Mei: I suppose you want to see what happens next this time as well…. Okay… just a little hint if it wasn't already obvious… *coughs* flashbacks!
Okay, I think that's all 11 reviewers I've got down. Thank you all very much! The next chapter will be up sooner, as these reviews have *gasp* motivated me into writing furiously away. And by the way, has anyone realized what the color of distress was?