Color of Distress

Disclaimer –  Lord of the Rings was never mine, and will never be mine.

A/N: This chapter took awhile to update, but I was trapped in the miserable throes of writer's block. But seeing the Two Towers must have jump-started my brain, so here it is. (By the way, was Legolas absolutely amazing in the movie? And he spoke more in elvish. And he… never mind. I won't say more in case I spoil the movie for you, if you haven't seen it.) Orlando Bloom rocks. I was so excited to see him up on the big screen that I was so tense and nervous before the show. It was crazy. I alternated between laughing and screaming hysterically and sobbing inconsolably throughout the whole movie. I think I'll see it again. Sorry about this long and irrelevant note, I have no idea what I'm doing right now.

Chapter  5 - " It cannot come back."

Legolas had his eyes closed as Aragorn and Gimli finished telling him about what they said. However, they did not tell him about the nwalya faire, as Galadriel requested. Legolas plucked at the smooth blanket that covered him.

"I do not remember much of what you tell me," Legolas said finally, opening his eyes. He then looked down at his bandaged hands. "But now you know…"

"You need not be ashamed." Aragorn said firmly. "There are only four of us here who are aware of what has happened, and you know that you can trust us."

Gimli nodded vigorously in agreement while Haldir and Galadriel looked on. 

"But I still do not want the rest of the fellowship to know." Legolas said softly. "A weak elf… I no longer deserve to be a part of you."

"What nonsense are you going on about?" growled Gimli. "You're just as deserving as the rest of us. And, mind you, you are not weak."

He gave a small smile to Gimli, the first real smile he had in days. " Thank you for your confidence in me." Legolas said, and sat up slowly with effort. "If only I could think that as well."

"You do not disgrace our race, Legolas. You do us credit." Galadriel said, looking at him intently. "I will leave you three alone now." She stopped by the doorway with Haldir, but turned around to look Legolas directly in the eyes. "You are strong." She said in elvish, and stepped out of the room.

Legolas pushed the blankets off his legs and began to stand up. Aragorn caught his elbow as he stumbled. Both Aragorn and Gimli were surprised to see tears of frustration well up in his eyes.

"Something else must be wrong with me," Legolas said forlornly as he looked out the window, steadying himself on the sill. "The voice may be gone, but I do not feel better."

Gimli looked at his feet guiltily. "Well, Haldir did say you drank too much wine."

"It is not my body that troubles me. It will recover soon enough." He replied. " But I feel dulled, like when the moon is veiled by thick clouds and the light cannot shine through."

Aragorn saw that Legolas was right. He was already less pale, and his movements more graceful, but his face was gaunt and his eyes were disturbed. "Do you want to sleep some more?"

"No…" Legolas replied. For a moment, his eyes shone with an inner fire. "I will get dressed, and then you will show me the trees."

"The trees?" Aragorn repeated. "Why would you want to go there?"

Legolas turned back around to them. "I want to see what I have done." He said hauntingly. "What horrors I have committed to this realm."

"Nay, you don't want to go there, Legolas." Gimli said. "And besides, it matters not."

"It matters to me."

"I will not take you there." Aragorn said, crossing his arms over his chest. "And you cannot go in your condition."

"I have no condition, and you cannot tell me what to do." Legolas said heatedly, his eyes flashing. "If you will not take me, then I will go by myself." He pulled on his shirt, uncaring of his arms. He then strode to the bed, sat down, and began lacing up his boots.

"Oh, come on, elf." Gimli argued uncomfortably. "Wait a day or two until you're feeling better."

Legolas stood up stubbornly by the door, and gave him a piercing look. "In a day or two, it will be washed away by either the rains or the elves. Then I will never know what had taken me over. Or wasn't that what you intended?"

"Legolas, do not be angry with us." Aragorn said, trying to pacify his worked up friend.

His cheeks were pink with fury. "Do not speak to me as if I were a child!" he shouted. "I know what I need to do, but all you two do is try to stop me.  You say you are helping me, but I think you are hindering me!"

Legolas swung around and left them in a heavy silence. Then they sighed and went after him.

He could not think. It was not as if he was too tired or confused for contemplation, it was that his mind was just blank. There was no voice either, but he had no thoughts of his own. Nothing came as he strode to the woods.  A sort of empty buzzing filled his head, irritating and scaring him at the same time.

"This is far worse than the voice," he whispered, unable to take pleasure in the bright sun.

Legolas stumbled along, trying to form a coherent thought.

Aragorn had caught up to him. "Legolas…." He saw the elf's pained expression and sighed inwardly.

"What has happened to me?" he asked immediately, so worried that forget his previous fight with the man.

"What do you mean?" Aragorn replied carefully.

"I told you and Gimli before I felt that something more was wrong with me. I could not explain it then, but now I think I know what it is.  Words come to my lips normally, but I cannot form my own thoughts."

Aragorn tried not to look away from Legolas. "Maybe you're still in shock."

"Perhaps." He said doubtfully. Legolas' face cleared after a moment. "But I trust you, Estel. If you say that I am in shock, then I am in shock."

Aragorn looked at Legolas' completely trusting face and bit his lip, feeling terrible about lying to his friend. "Of course. And if you are so determined to go to the woods, then I will come with you. And Gimli too."

As if on cue, Gimli came jogging up to them and looked from Aragorn to Legolas nervously. Aragorn smiled to him imperceptibly, shaking his head to tell him that the argument was forgotten.

"Thank you," Legolas said distantly, turning around to look over the tops of the trees. "But I have to do this by myself."

Gimli looked surprised by this, but nodded his assent. 

He moved silently between the bushes and trees, his heart thumping wildly. Legolas now found that he could force his mind to think if he focused on it enough. It took a huge effort, but being able to think quietly was something he treasured, especially when he was out alone. However, Legolas' thoughts were far from pleasant, but were interrupted by soft giggling and some hushed voices.

Legolas leaned against an oak, hidden by its shadows, and listened to the elves that were speaking while they worked.

"… of course, the Lady wants to keep this quiet. Doesn't want people to find out what's happened."

"She is really worried, you know. Have you seen her recently?"

"I wonder why he did it."

"Perhaps the prince wanted attention."

"But to go this far…there had to be more to this."

There was a derisive snort. "Aye. Being a king's son was not attention for him, so he went out and tried to get some more."

"I do not think that Legolas would do that. Actually, I heard that he was driven mad with grief over the death of Mithrandir."

"Mad enough to try to paint our woods red with his blood?"

They laughed again at this.

Legolas slowly slid down to the base of the tree and buried his head in his knees, shutting his eyes tight.

They think that I am crazy…

He stood up and decided to just go back to Aragorn and Gimli. Legolas took only a few steps when he stopped, frowning.

Why should I be afraid of what they have to say?

Legolas turned around abruptly and strode purposefully into their midst. There were three elves, one male and two female, and they all looked extremely embarrassed while bobbing their heads to him in acknowledgement.

One the females were clutching a sponge, while the other held out a basin of bloodied water. The male was halfway up a tree with a piece of cloth.

"I've come to see what I've done here before you wash it all away," Legolas said stolidly. The three looked around at each other, looking nervous.

Finally, the male shrugged.

Legolas nodded at them coldly and moved a few paces away from them. He could feel their eyes following his movements, and hated it.

If they were not watching him, Legolas would have fainted dead away. Instead, he clenched his fists into tight balls and forced himself to read what he had written. He felt bile rising in the back of his throat and pushed it down, shaking.

I would rather pass on than linger here with this torment… I wish to be free…

I am immortal no longer….

The world swirled around him, making him dizzy. He anxiously shook it off and began to head back, ignoring the strange stares that the elves were giving him.

Aragorn and Gimli were waiting in the room Haldir had given to Legolas.

"How will we give him the rest of that…Nee… oh never mind. I'll never be able to say it. The rest of that potion, anyway." Gimli asked while he paced in circles around the room.

 "Drop it into his food or drink, I suppose." Aragorn answered. "I doubt he would take it willingly. The elves like to have their own thoughts."

"The dwarves like to have their own thoughts as well." Gimli announced, stopping his pacing.

"The dwarves would not have very many intelligent thoughts, however." Legolas quipped at he entered the room. Aragorn was visibly relieved that Legolas had not overhead the beginning of their conversation.

Gimli good-naturedly ignored the remark and studied Legolas. He seemed a bit agitated, but looked like he was recovering overall.

"So, when are we moving on?" Legolas asked.

"Are you okay?" Gimli asked uncertainly. He was afraid that Legolas would snap them, like when he did before when Gimli mentioned his health.

"Yes."

"Truly?" Gimli ventured.

"Truly, my friend."

"Then we will leave tomorrow. We cannot linger here too long." Aragorn said.

"I will sleep with the rest of our friends tonight." Legolas announced. "It would seem odd to them if I spend all the nights away. They will think something is wrong."

Gimli grinned mischievously. "Or they will think that you have found a woman here!"

That left Legolas speechless, and he began to turn red.

Aragorn began to laugh. "He got you there, Legolas."

Legolas shook his head and smiled. "I think it will be a long while yet before I find a woman, Gimli. However, it will be longer still before you find one!"

Gimli roared with laughter. "Ah, elf. For someone whom my kind has held a grudge against for so long, you are really quite funny."

As the night went on, his mind became clearer and clearer, until the point where he no longer had to take the effort and focus to be able to think. Legolas sat on a bench, alert and wide awake, and watched his friends sleep.

"I will thank Galadriel for curing me of this." Legolas said aloud to himself as he tilted his head back to watch the stars. He traced a familiar constellation with a slender finger, now healing quickly.

I am sorry, Mithrandir, that I could not help you further…

But I will not grieve like this for you any longer.

The elf sat in the starlight and made his peace with the death of his friend, singing him a final lament.

And in the shadows of his mind, a darkness stirred again.

A soft cloak was pinned underneath his chin as he stood with the rest of the fellowship. Galadriel now moved to each of them, speaking with them and handing them gifts.

"For you, Legolas, is the bow of Lorien, worthy of our woodland kin." She held the bow out to him.

Legolas took the bow silently, examining its carved details. He held it up against himself and drew it, testing its strength. Legolas looked up into her eyes as she smiled at him.

I do not think we will meet again, Legolas, until we cross the sea and leave middle earth, which may still be several years to come.

Thank you for helping me.

I have not helped you as much as you seem to believe. You are a warrior, and if it ever strikes you again, you will fight it without me. And then you will see how much you did with only the help of your friends.

"But it will not come back?" Legolas asked quietly.

"I cannot promise you that it will not." She replied, placing a hand on his shoulder. " But you will win this fight."

Legolas wanted to say more, but she moved on. He tried to push down his rising fear, and began a chorus in his head to focus on.

It cannot come back.

It will not come back.
I am cured of it.

Legolas……. It was only a whisper, dancing around his determined chant. And it frightened him, until he became lost inside himself, unaware of his surroundings.

It cannot come back.

I will not let it come back!

Legolas….

Outwardly, Legolas appeared to be almost normal, as he stood rooted to the ground, staring straight ahead, his fingers clutching the bow.

You will not come back.

Legolas…..


               

To be continued….. (Yep, I decided to continue it into the second book, and not just end it at Lothlorien. The problem is, I haven't read the second book, so I guess I'll be doing it based on the movie.)

Again, if you'd like me to send you an e-mail when I update the fic, just let me know.

A big thank you to all of my reviewers, you guys are the best! And here are my chapter 4 reviewers….

Lady Daine: Everyone always DOES beat up the poor elf. I have to get out of Legolas angst. But it's always so appealing……

Houki: Well, I decided to throw in Aragorn and Gimli into the mix 'cause they're all a lot more buddy buddy in the Two Towers. But if you like it, even better!

Cheysuli: One thing I absolutely refuse to think is that Legolas could have been taken over by the ring. I suppose it is possible, but dang it, I need to believe that Legolas is above that. And that is why Legolas will not taken over the ring. Whew, that was quite emphatic of me. ^_^

Crys Ritter: Oh lord, that is hilarious. I do the "preciousss" thing whenever my friends try to touch any of my LOTR stuff. They find it quite frightening.

Wicked Misty: Well, it is a Legolas angst fic…combined with me as the author… there is still a lot more in store for Legolas. *bangs head on keyboard* Why did I get into Legolas angst in the first place?!?!?!? *wails* The poor elf!!

Vana Everyoung: *gasp* No internet access??? I would absolutely die, not being able to catch up on my Orlando Bloom news. (Really interesting review, by the way.)

Leap of Fate: The writing in blood thing took me awhile to come up with, and I was pretty happy with it. Now I have to figure something else that Legolas will do, although nothing strikes me at the moment. *sighs and goes of muttering*

Soulsearcher- arbariel: I really need to go back and edit my stuff, but I'm just so lazy…. Fiirmo meant something like mortal…. I remember now. I just had Legolas cry out about immortality and mortality.

Analorien: Slash was never my cup of tea either. Thank the heavens that the first slash I stumbled upon was tastefully done.

Innocent/Poetic Muse: Yep, I'm too lazy to type up muse twice.

Mainecoon: Yay! Another non-slash supporter! And why the rendezvous with the wall?

Lirenel: The Two Towers was awesome!! I love the part where…. darn.*sighs* I don't want to say anything in case I wreck a scene for someone… *duct tapes my mouth shut*

Muchacha: *continues banging head on the keyboard.* I need to join some sort of support group to get me off Legolas angst… he shouldn't have to suffer, even if it's just in writing!!! Ahem. I am so sorry about that.

And just a final note. This chapter was kind of boring, but it was a transitional sort of chapter. Bear with me, I need to shake the dust bunnies from the writer's block out of my head.