Disclaimer (Since I forgot it last chapter): I don't own any of the characters you recognize, though I wish I did, I could pay back student loans! (

Chapter 2

Lily was curled up on the purple sofa wrapped in a blanket James had given her. It was jewel toned and green, and James had told her it reminded him of her eyes.

She hadn't moved since Gwen had escorted her home and that had been hours ago. Thoughts of James were running rampant through her head. The day they met, the day, or days, he asked her out, the day she realized her feelings towards him had changed, their first kiss, the day he asked her to be his girlfriend, graduation, the day he proposed. The memories they shared were abundant, and it seemed to her like every important event in her life, James had been a part of. Or maybe it was just that nothing else in her life seemed as important as James.

James. Caring, gentle James. Jokester and Marauder extraordinaire, Prongs. Her dream wedding that was no longer going to take place. Her wedding. She didn't have the strength to call her guests and tell them what had taken place. She halfway hoped they would just read it in the Daily Prophet tomorrow and know not to come to the church.

Lily's fireplace suddenly roared to life and she saw Sirius' head poke through the flames. He took a long look at her. "Then it's true," he said, stepping all the way through the flames. "He's really disappeared?

Lily nodded.

"Never thought it would be Prongs," Sirius said, more to himself than to Lily as he sat down at the other end of the sofa.

Lily didn't look at him. She didn't need to have him look at her with those sad eyes. "Rupert said they were targeting him. What would the Death Eaters want James for?" She continued, though her voice had gotten incredibly quieter. "What would Voldemort want James for?"

Sirius shrugged, "James is a powerful wizard, Lily."

"He's only been an Auror with the Ministry for six months, Sirius. His superiors are more powerful than he is. Hell, Rupert is more powerful than James is." Lily's voice had been steadily rising throughout the conversation, and was now yelling. He had gotten her riled up. "James is reckless!"

"Lily, would you be saying he was reckless if he would have come home last night? Would you be doubting his power if he'd come home?"

Lily paused. A tear fell from her eye and she made no move to wipe it away. She was quiet before she spoke again. "I want to know where he is. I want to know that he is safe. That he is okay. That he's not hungry, or cold. I just want him to know that he is loved."

Sirius reached over to Lily and took her hand in his. "He'll always know that, Lily. There is no love greater than yours for him, or his for you."

Lily squeezed Sirius' hand and attempted a smile, but she couldn't manage it.

"It's okay," Sirius said, noticing her sorry attempt. "It will take time."

Lily leaned over and kissed Sirius' cheek before resting her head on his shoulder.

"So where are you keeping your list?" he asked, looking around the room.

"List?"

"Yeah, you know, the list of those coming to the wedding?"

"Oh." Lily laid back down. "I think it's on the desk over there. Why?"

Sirius stood up. "Someone has to owl all those people and let them know the wedding is.postponed until further notice.

Lily slowly sat up and stared at Sirius as he rummaged through her paperwork. He picked up a picture of Lily, James, and him and stared at it a moment before setting it down and continuing his search.

"Sirius," Lily whispered, more than a little choked up. "How are you doing this? He's your best friend, I know this must be affecting you."

Sirius returned to where Lily was seated and knelt in front of her. He moved his hand to caress her cheek and wiped away her tears with his thumb. "Lily, it wouldn't do either of us any good to both be in shambles right now. This is your turn to.mourn."

Lily pushed his hand away violently. "I am not mourning," she spat, her eyes ablaze, "I would be mourning if he were dead, but he is NOT dead."

Sirius remained calm. "I'm sorry. You know I was never was much for words. It's your turn to come to terms with this, and I'm here to see you through it. When you're ready to take care of me, I promise that you'll see what a wreck I am."

She let out a small giggle through her tears and wiped them away hastily. "You are too good to us, Sirius."

He stood back up, "I know. But what are friends for?"

Sirius was walking back towards the table when two loud cracks made him whirl around.

Remus and Peter were standing in the living room. Remus ran to Lily and held her. "I'm so sorry," he whispered in her ear.

Peter hadn't moved. His eyes were glazed over. He looked ready to crack. He's always idolized James. "So, out leader, the original marauder has vanished. I hope this is his idea of a really great prank." He paused and looked around the house without ever moving. "James," he yelled, "You can come out now, James."

He waited dutifully, but James didn't come. Lily broke away from Remus and approached Peter. He was so vulnerable, so weak. He was everything that she was. She stood in front of him, and he stared into her eyes with a semi- hopeful look.

"He is coming, right?"

Lily shook her head before grabbing Peter's hand and dropping to the floor. Lily and Peter cried together with Remus and Sirius watching over them, trying to be strong for everybody.

The sun shone brightly over London, and Lily was late. She was always late.

It had been two years since James had vanished, and despite the Ministry's best efforts, neither hide nor hair of him had been found. They no longer had the resources available to look for him, and even though they knew he was still alive, due to some Ministry secret they wouldn't reveal, they had moved his case to the Department of Mysteries where it was bound to sit untouched for years. There were thousands of mysteries that had entered the department ahead of James.

Lily had retreated from the wizarding world sometime after James had gone. She could no longer stand the pitying glances she received wherever she went. And that was just half of it. She always had people pointing at her and whispering behind her back when they thought she couldn't hear them. But she could hear them, and she always heard the same thing, "There does that poor mudblood whose fiancée 'disappeared' two days before their wedding. They say he got cold feet, but I think he was ashamed to have proposed to a mudblood."

She had been unable to deal with it any longer. She had grown to hate the wizarding world, and magic. It had taken James from her. She saw no advantages to anything that was responsible for taking your loved ones away. So, she'd made the decision to return to the muggle world. Mathilda set her up with a muggle publishing company, but made Lily promise she'd come work for Nickels' House, if and when she returned to the magic world.

Lily thought the chances of that happening grew less and less with every passing day. She did, however, venture to Diagon Alley once a month to meet up with Remus, Peter, or Sirius. It had been their one stipulation if she were to be a muggle again. She couldn't deny them the chance to see her. She didn't think she would have survived without them.

They were her only remaining ties to the world that she had called home for so long. She had long ago packed away her wand and all her magic books. She had denounced Hogwarts, and lived like a 'normal' girl again.

She was due to meet Sirius today. It had been months since they had seen each other. Sirius had been rather busy with some new business venture.

Twenty minutes late, Lily finally made it to the Leaky Cauldron and collapsed into the chair next to Sirius after giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

"You're twenty minutes late."

"Are you surprised?" she smiled.

"Good point. I knew you'd be late. I planned for it. I just got here five minutes ago."

She swatted him on the arm. They sat next to each other in silence. Today was two years to the day since James disappeared. They hadn't talked about him for a while. He didn't know if he should bring him up.

Lily was playing with a strand of hair, looking at Sirius. He seemed to be wrestling with his inner self. They didn't have much to talk about; they kept in constant communication with daily owls. He knew about her muggle college and her social life, and she knew about his. There was only one thing they rarely talked about anymore.

She spoke. "It's okay. We can talk about it if you want to."

He relaxed and looked at her concerned. She had spent the first month and a half after James' disappearance crying non-stop. And then she had stopped. She had removed all of his pictures, and boxed up all of his belongings, and she had stopped crying. She had stopped talking about it, and more surprising, she had moved out of their house and into muggle London. She kept their house; she just didn't live there anymore. She didn't do magic anymore either. If James' name were brought up in conversation she'd ignore it and go about her business.

Sirius watched her as she beckoned the bar keep and ordered a butterbeer for each of them and a shot of firewhiskey for herself.

Sirius cocked an eyebrow.

"I said we COULD talk about it. I didn't say I WANTED to talk about it." She downed the shot as soon as it hit the table. "I've missed that," she said, licking her lips.

"How are you, Lily?"

"I'm fine.I'm doing. Nothing is the same anymore. Nothing has meaning anymore. I'm surviving. I hate talking about this, I feel so whiny and dependent. I was my own person before he came along, why can't I be my own person now?"

Sirius was trying his best to be calm. She shouldn't feel like this. She shouldn't feel guilty for being depressed. "You don't have to feel bad, Lily."

She ran a hand through her hair, a trait she'd adopted from James. "Don't you think I know that, Sirius? I just don't know what to feel anymore. I'm making baby steps though, I swear. I've stopped wearing my ring, but I can't even look at another guy without feeling guilty. I want more than anything to be able to move on, but on the other hand, I don't want to move on at all."

Sirius clasped her hand into his own. "It's okay, Lily."

"It's not okay. I want him back. I love him more than anything. I want to know if he's dead or alive, or hurt. I want to know if he has a new life, if he's moved on-" Lily's tone had dramatically increased and the other bar patrons were staring at her.

Sirius was growing uncomfortable. He almost wished he hadn't said anything at all. Everything Lily had been keeping bottled inside for the better part of a year was pouring out. He felt guilty. He wanted to drown at her voice; she was surfacing all of the feelings he felt as well. He couldn't take it anymore. "Lily, just stop," he yelled.

She hushed immediately and stared at him, shocked.

"We all miss him. We all want him back. We're all struggling with this. I want my best friend back," he murmured before collapsing, sobbing, into Lily's arms.

"It will be okay, Sirius," she whispered, hugging him tightly. "We will get over this, I promise."

Author's note: Thanks to all those who reviewed, you're the reasons why this chapter is up as soon as it is. And James, or is it just someone who looks like him, will be making their grand appearance next chapter!