Color of Distress
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any character within it. As well, I should add my own disclaimer and say that my computer is liable to crash on me any time that may result in delayed updates. The all-knowing computer nerd father is still nursing it back to health!! Just joking. My dad is not a nerd, he just works with computers, and so I have lovingly named him 'computer nerd.'
A/N: It's been forever! We-ell, just two weeks actually. But go on and read first, I'll explain later.
Chapter: Goodness, I've forgotten what chapter were on. Let's try again.
Chapter 17 – "Then find me."
Gimli felt apprehensive as they searching for fresh signs of the hobbits in the forest and jumped at every rustling leaf and creaking branch. He nervously sidled up and stayed closed to Legolas, and although the elf seemed increasingly preoccupied of late, Legolas noticed this and sent Gimli a quizzical look.
"I thought I saw something here." Gimli offered in a half-hearted explanation
Aragorn, who had gone slightly ahead of them, returned. "I will go ahead to look for them." He announced. "There is little enough for me to see, and while I'd appreciate your help…"
Gimli grinned slightly. "I understand. We'd only be in your way." He said, and promptly said down, stretching himself out. "Don't you worry about us, we'll just wait here for you."
Legolas sat down next to Gimli, not bothering to protest, and Aragorn, seeing that he had their agreement, hurried off.
The dwarf was suddenly startled by the sound of a dry branch falling off of a tree. "These woods are evil." Gimli said ominously.
Legolas considered this. He leaned forward to a tree, peering at it with wide eyes. "I do not think so. This place is old, full of malice, but not directed towards us. But there is more in the air here. It is so thick and tense that I can hardly breathe."
"It's just stuffy in here." Gimli replied, fanning himself vigorously.
Legolas suddenly found that his eyes were wet with tears. "I could have been happy here, if I had come in a time of peace." All he yearned for now was a safe, peaceful place for him to spend time in; he didn't want to fight anything, including the voice anymore.
Gimli heard the passion in which Legolas said that in, and not knowing how to comfort his friend, he patted Legolas' knee awkwardly. "And you probably would have been happy here." He agreed, and realizing he had just made things worse, ploughed on. "Although I would not have been. But you see, I am happy that you are here with me. Before this journey, if someone had said to me I would be a friend to an elf, I would have scorned him. You comfort me."
Legolas listened to Gimli little speech, and smiled warmly at the dwarf, feeling much better about everything. "And you comfort me." He replied, wishing he could let Gimli know the extent of his own dependence on his presence.
They sat resting in companionable, if not a bit embarrassed silence.
Gimli cleared his throat. "And though the fact that you are here makes me feel much safer in this forsaken place, I think it best that you keep your bow ready. As for myself, my axe is prepared to strike a blow in a moments notice." He glanced up at the tree they were under. "Of course," he said, correcting himself, "I will not use it on any tree here. I just fear that the old man will return, and we should be prepared."
The sound of footsteps arrived with Aragorn, who came smiling. "I have found some small tracks, and although they are two days old, we can still follow them." He led them to a river and pointed out some footprints. "If indeed the hobbits were here, they would naturally follow the course of the river."
At length, they came to a steep face of rock with steps leading up the side. Here the forest appeared less dark and oppressive, and thin shafts of sunlight filtered down through the branches.
"Let's climb up to the top." Legolas said suddenly. "I want to breathe fresh air again." They began climbing up. Legolas moved gracefully and nimbly, Gimli rather clumsily, but Aragorn was unusually slow and was inspected the surface for more traces of the hobbits.
When they were at the top, their eyes could barely take in all the sights. The forest stretched in all direction except for east where the plains were visible; the sky was a clear, pale, blue, and the air was crisp and fresh. Legolas breathed in deeply, feeling awash with a strange sort of relief and tenderness for Middle Earth.
What do you hope to learn?
Legolas started with fright and bumped into Gimli, who saw that his eyes were wide and fearful. The elf sat down, leaning against the rock shelf, and breathing hard and fast. He shut his eyes, willed for it to go away, and opened his eyes once more.
I'm still here. Answer the question.
Aragorn and Gimli had now knelt down by Legolas, whose movements had become erratic.
"Legolas, is it the voice?" He vaguely heard Gimli's urgent question, and saw his panicked face through tears of desperation.
Tell them and you all die.
He began shaking violently, biting his tongue hard to prevent himself for blurting out the truth. Legolas didn't care for pride or dignity anymore, but curled himself into a ball, trying to make himself small as possible, trying to detract attention from himself. Yet, at the same time, Legolas was furious at being degraded by something immaterial.
Why did you come to me?
It just happened to be convenient. I suppose you were merely in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Legolas let out a cry of rage that startled even Aragorn and Gimli. A matter of convenience. It was that which had caused him so much distress and suffering. He saw his friends speaking to each other worriedly and it made him more incensed still. They had to take care of him and watch him so because of it. A sob of sheer rage wrenched itself from his throat, and he began crying.
So many have helped me, and I have caused so much trouble for them. And this is because for…for your own sordid amusement.
Well, actually, yes. It was obviously enjoying itself. Its voice took on a new quality, smoother, sly, and more dangerous.
I hate you.
"It comes in attacks now." Aragorn said to Gimli. He wanted to put his arms around Legolas, but was afraid that Legolas would not be able to recognize him.
Gimli was pale. "I didn't think to say anything to you before, but it came also at Amon Hen. But Legolas recovered quickly that time." He looked hard at Legolas, as if he could transfer his strength to him. "This is far worse."
"What did you do back then?"
Gimli faltered, because the idea seemed foolish and irrelevant now. "I…I was really just horsing around. I yelled into his ear and kept told the voice to go away. And I suppose it did, because Legolas became better."
Aragorn reached out and touched Legolas' arm, who recoiled from the touch and whimpered something incoherently. Aragorn sighed heavily, and deep creases appeared on his forehead. "We cannot do that this time." He said, withdrawing his hand. "And we promised Legolas not to use anymore of Galadriel's potion." He hit the ground with a fist in frustration. "I don't know what to do."
"We shall just talk to him, and he will have to hear us over that…demon." Gimli said simply. "We can drown it out."
In Gimli's determined eyes, Aragorn saw all the devotion and caring he held for Legolas, and felt humbled. He felt ashamed that he had been ignoring Legolas for the past few days because he was so concentrated on finding the hobbits so that he could ease his guilt. And he let Legolas go on without rest or sleep, and it was no wonder to Aragorn that Legolas was in the state he was in right now.
"Lasta o ammen, Legolas." Aragorn said softly. (Listen to us, Legolas)
Gimli had no idea what Aragorn said, but encouraged by Aragorn's hope, he began as well. "Legolas, do not listen to that thing. Listen to us, your friends."
"Carú estel i lamath." (Do not trust the voice)
"Be strong. Fight it."
"Istach den furu."
Carú estel i lamath.
Be strong. Fight it.
You know it lies.
Legolas clutched his head. There were three voices now, and they all became one large mass of babbling noises. Snatches of words drifted out at him meaninglessly and pounded at his head. He sobbed hard, concentrating all his energy on tuning all noise out until he came upon a sense of silence within himself.
Yet it was not completely silent. He heard the loving nickering of a horse, the wind brushing through many leaves, and the sound of a soft cloak being swept over the floor in Mirkwood. Legolas heard the things in nature that he loved and knew best. And then there was the sound of laughter. It was not the chilling snigger of the voice, but his father's warm laughter, entwined with a friend's. His father's laugh died out, leaving only a single voice.
"Ai, Thranduilion, isgar naegra-daer." (Son of Thranduil, you have suffered much.) "Nin-al hanya sin." (I did not expect this.)
Then Legolas felt ashamed, because from the tone of the voice he knew that it was never expected that a prince should fall victim to such a malady.
"Yana im-man thela. Is-al garo raika." (That is not what I meant. You are not to be blamed.)
"I need you here." Legolas whispered.
"Taare tuuva-nin." (Then find me.)
Gimli was cross, not with Legolas, but that their attempt at bringing him back was not succeeding. But he felt his heart was breaking. The elf was curled up in a corner, crying wildly, and it pained him to see such a noble creature behaving like a trapped animal that has lost hope at life. He knew Aragorn felt the same way; Gimli had seen how he had avoided looking into Legolas' painfully thin face.
Gradually, the crying stopped except for an occasional shiver. Legolas had gone into some kind of trance, which made Gimli nervous.
Aragorn spoke first. "Do you think he will attack us again?" his asked quietly.
Gimli wished he knew the answer, but answered solidly as he could. "No." he said firmly. "Or he'd better not. You promised to take his life if he tried." He smiled wanly. "And I would in turn kill you if you tried."
Aragorn shook his head listlessly. "I know I promised that, and I keep my vows, but I had to break only one…but I cannot. Did you not promise to make the decision when the time came?"
"That is what I said." Gimli admitted. "Why do you ask?"
"Because the time might be now." Aragorn said. He looked away and blinked hard, clearing his tears so Gimli would not see.
"It will not be now. " Gimli answered stolidly. "And the time for me to choose will never come."
They both had a shock and moved closer to Legolas when they heard him murmur.
"I need you here."
Aragorn and Gimli turned to each other. "Is he speaking to us?" Gimli said, encouraged.
"I suppose so. We are the only ones here."
"We are here, Legolas." Gimli reached out to touch Legolas' arm, and the second he did, the elf's eyes flew open and stared back at Gimli, and then at Aragorn.
Legolas stood up without a word and looked out far into the forest, his blue eyes intense and probing. "Look!" he cried softly after a moment.
Gimli and Aragorn went to stand on either side of him after exchanging a glance. Aragorn wondered how Legolas could return to normal so quickly, and if it was a trick the voice was playing on them.
"Look at what?" Gimli said.
"In the trees."
"I do not see anything." He complained. "I have not the eyes of an elf."
"Quietly." said Legolas, pointing. "He is moving from tree to tree."
Aragorn looked, and saw an old man dressed in ragged grey robes. He walked bent over a rough staff, and his stride told that he was weary. He was filled with a strange sense of expectancy and tension, and the three held their breaths as the old man began making his way towards them.
Gimli stared with wide eyes, and then tugged on Legolas' sleeve, unable to contain himself. "Get out your bow!" he hissed. "Be ready! It is Saruman, I tell you! Hit him before he speaks, or he will cast a spell on us!"
Legolas seemed reluctant to do so, but took out his bow and Gimli's urging. He did not see any reason in fitting the bow into the arrow, and held it tightly in his hand. He was tense with anticipation, and watched the man together with Aragorn.
Aragorn's thoughts were racing. If it were Saruman, then they were as good as dead. But his instinct told him there was more, and he trusted his gut feeling. And it perplexed him that Legolas should regain his senses and spot the man when he was shaken to the core not minutes before. There was more to this mystery, he was sure.
"Legolas!" Gimli's voice rose, panicked. "Why are you waiting? What's the matter with you?"
Legolas did not answer, and watched the man still, intent and suspenseful. He finally shook his head mutely, and his face did not give away the torrent of emotions that was pounding away inside of him.
Taare tuuva-nin…
"We will not shoot an old man who is not prepared and unaware of out presence." Aragorn said quietly.
Gimli was completely bowled over and mystified, and gaped open mouth as the stranger quickened his pace towards the foot of the rock wall without warning. With a subtle movement, he looked up, while the three looked down. They stood like that for a moment.
A hood that threw shadows over him covered the man's face, over the hood was a wide-brimmed hat, and they could only see the end of his nose and his beard. However, Aragorn was quite sure he caught a glimpse of a pair of bright, intelligent eyes within the hood.
"I should like to speak with you." The stranger said. "Shall I climb up, or will you come down?"
The three stared back in silence, and the man began climbing up with incredible swiftness.
Gimli at last found his voice, and it was rough. "Now! Legolas, shoot him now!"
The old man seemed to be slightly vexed. "Did I not say I merely was going to speak with you? I say, Master Elf, put that bow down."
And Legolas, who still stood transfixed, let the bow slide from his hands harmlessly to the floor. Gimli reached for he axe immediately, when the man turned to him.
"Master Dwarf, take your hand away from your axe, or at least until I finish speaking."
Gimli felt his hand fall irresistibly to his side, and he stood still, indignant and afraid.
The old man sprang closer, and Aragorn saw that he was mistaken in thinking the stranger was weary, because he now moved nimbly. While he moved up the rock shelf, Gimli thought he caught a glimmer of white underneath the grey robes, and instantly connected it with Saruman.
He took in a breath sharply, and it echoed in the silence.
The man stopped a few feet away from them, leaning on his staff, and put his head forwards out of the hood, peering at them. "Well, I say, this is odd. Hardly anyone travels here. And to see and elf, man and a dwarf! Strange, I say. Quite strange. What are you doing in these parts?"
"It seems like you know Fangorn well." Aragorn said suddenly.
The man shrugged. "Not as well as some. I come here now and again."
"Well then," Aragorn said crisply. "Might we now what you would like to speak with us about? For the morning wanes and we are running an urgent errand. And may we know your name?"
"I have already said what I wanted to speak about. What are you doing here?" The man repeated. He laughed softly, and it sent a chill through Aragorn, like the sharp coldness of a winter's morning.
Legolas, however, leaned forwards slightly, listening with strained ears.
"And as for my name, I believe you know it, or at least have heard it before, I think. Yes, you do know my name." His eyes glittered. "Now, tell me about your journey."
The companions did not volunteer a word, but Legolas' face was strange with a yearning.
"Luckily, I already know of your errand." The stranger noted their started looks and continued. "You are looking for some hobbits. Why are you so surprised? The hobbits have indeed come this way. They were here the day before yesterday and met someone unexpected. Does that reassure you?"
"Where are they?" Aragorn asked coldly.
"I can tell you about that if you like. But your errand isn't as important as you thought before. Now, let us sit down and talk amongst ourselves." The man turned away to go sit on a pile of rocks, and once he did, the three lost their complacency and stirred.
Legolas picked up his fallen bow, Aragorn drew his sword warily, and Gimli placed his hand on the handle of his axe again. The man did not notice, and busied himself by sitting down. And when he did, the companions saw that under his grey robes were white robes.
Gimli could not hold his tongue. "Saruman!" He roared, leaping with his axe in hand. "Tell us what you have done with my friends, otherwise, I shall have to take your head off!"
The old man leapt to his feet in an instant and his tattered robes flung off, revealing shining white garments. He raised his staff and Gimli's axe flew harmlessly on the ground. The hilt of Aragorn's sword blazed with an intense heat, and he had to drop it.
"Legolas!" Gimli cried, terrified. "Legolas, do something!"
Legolas swiftly fitted a bow into his arrow, but paused for a split second, thinking about the consequences of his action. The man simply exuded a mysterious air that Legolas felt that he knew. But Gimli's urgent shouting pushed him on, and he shot the arrow when it flew straight up in the air and disappeared.
The three stared at him again. His hair was as white as the snow on the highest mountain, and under his thick brows were two wise, sparkling eyes. They could feel the power coming from the man; it rolled over them like waves.
Legolas' heart was suddenly light, because he now knew who was standing before him. The beginning of his torment was a lie.
"Mithrandir! Mithrandir!" He cried with shining eyes.
"Well met, I say. It is nice to see you again, Legolas."
"Garo-im tuuva." (I have found you.) Legolas said in his heart, with every bit of earnestness and delight he could muster. Gandalf somehow knew what he said, and acknowledged it with the slightest of nods and a warm smile.
Gimli and Aragorn gazed at Gandalf, and they looked as if they could hardly believe their eyes. Between wonder, joy, and fear, Aragorn tried to find some words.
"Gandalf!" he exclaimed, smiling like he hadn't in days. "Gandalf! You have returned to us when we had nearly no hope left!"
Gimli, stunned into silence, shaded his eyes from the white light and sank to his knees, ashamed of his assumption that Gandalf was Saruman.
"Gandalf?" the old man repeated, a misty look in his eyes. "Yes, that was my name. Gandalf." He wrapped his grey cloak back around himself and the white light stopped shining. Gandalf stepped back down off the rock and laid a hand on Gimli's head. His eyes cleared and his voice became the same as their dear friend and guide. "Why, my good Gimli, get up. There's no need to feel bad. For none of you have done any harm to me, and indeed, no weapon you possess can. Be merry, for we have met again, just as the great storm approaches!"
The dwarf looked up and laughed. "But you're all in white!"
"I am white, and I am like Saruman as he should be now." Gandalf said. "But come now, tell me about what you have been doing. I have gone through fire and water since we parted, but we are together again. Tell me of yourselves!"
Legolas listened contentedly as Aragorn and Gimli told Gandalf their tale, occasionally adding in what he had to say. He believed down to his core that Gandalf would cure him, and felt that he was half cured, anyway. It began with the thought that Gandalf had died, but Gandalf had not fell. It was false. Thranduil, Galadriel, Haldir, Gimli, and Aragorn were all right.
Smiling serenely, feeling finally at peace, Legolas began humming a childhood song about the spring. Aragorn laughed in surprise, for suddenly it seemed like the elf no longer carried a heavy burden, and all signs of weariness and fear had been erased from his face.
Gimli felt happy as well, for he had not seen Legolas in such a light mood since the Caradhras, and had missed the banter they had exchanged during the long hours of traveling. He felt that Gandalf's returned had cured Legolas, but to be sure, they would speak with Gandalf about it at a later time.
Ethuil i nestradren an rhîw naergon… (Spring is the cure of the winter's lament...)
Gurenl lhain an-i tolo o calad… (My heart eases with the coming of light…)
Ananta pân ethuil innas gwanno ilû... (Yet every spring must end in time…)
To be continued….
Ahhh, yes! To be back and writing! It feels wonderful. Now for my explanation of my prolonged absence. So you all know that I took a break off writing for the week of Easter, and I fully intended to update as normal the week after. But on Tuesday when I go to finish up the chapter, the computer gets hit with a virus that a friend sent to me by accident. (Never go to feetman dot com. I don't even want to write it out.) Then Windows won't start up, and when it does, all my documents have been completely wiped out, and my father had to re-install everything. Thank god for backup on FF.net, or I would have lost everything.
Well, I back up and running, and I felt so bad I had to double dose on the chapter. Or nearly double dose it, anyways. Heh. This is odd. As I type this, I have new reviews coming in, and just in time, too.
Thanks to: Legolasluver, Musicgrl, Wandering-ranger, Imirie, Aniviel Freespirit, Purple, Regina Bean, Kaimelieamin, Lineral, Colleti, Legolasluver, Imaginator, LegolasLover2003.
Soulsearcher-arbariel: IF and WHEN he breaks, I think there'll be a massive horde of girls surrounding him, spoon feeding him chicken noodle soup and hugging him to make him feel better. And I know I'll be there for sure. ^_^ And I'm not sure if Torture-the-Elf has contacted you, but how's the idea of writing a fic with us?
Dreamkeeper: All these kisses from Legolas is making me woozy…*faints from delight*
Merrylyn: I have just read your entire review aloud, not stopping for breath once, and it nearly killed me. I love it. Elf kissing is better than caffeine and sugar put together, and it's so darned addictive…
Liana Dimnauriel 1.0: What on earth is the 1.0 for?? I've been puzzling over it, and I still haven't figured it out! But I'm glad you liked the fic!
Erhothwen: …. Oh my. Legolas is turning into Road Runner, and I quote "Legolas: Meep! *hides behind Thwen*. Should I be worried??? ^_^
Stary Night: Yesss!! Serious discussion about some points in the fic. *puts on serious glasses* Okay. After reading this chapter, it might not matter to you anymore, but whether it'll affect Legolas in the future will remain to be seen. I suppose Legolas should have told Aragorn and Gimli, but I was thinking about how vulnerable he was at that point, how afraid. I would have personally glued my mouth shut if I were that position. And the whole problem with the suicide thing is that is has a tendency to be romanticized in fic, and it would so nicely go with the idea of a noble Legolas. But what I just said doesn't mean anything, because I will not have Legolas die.
Aithne: Well… happy belated birthday!! I suppose the extended chapter is another reason why this chapter is longer than normal!
Lady-Daine: No no, I have nothing against the book in French. I'm supposed to be bilingual by now, and I'm just NOT, and the idea of reading Les Mis in French is very very very intimidating to me right now.
Torture the elf: I'd LOVE to write a fic with you!!! We'll discuss some details later…. *begins plotting*
Well, that's it for this week, and I will update for sure next week if it kills me.