Part 13
Damn the man, whatever he said he always had to make it sound like a veiled threat. Crichton stewed for a little longer after Crais had left in the galley.
He had to give it to him though, he had to reconcile with Aeryn, one way or another, and even if he didn't want to stare at Crais' face while he spoke to her, it would be better done now.
Crichton stood up from the table and asked Pilot, "Pilot, where is Aeryn?"
"The Observation Deck, Commander."
"Thank you, Pilot."
When Crichton entered the Observation Deck, Crais was looking out at the stars. Not in Crais' usual mode, hands clasped behind his back, but the way Aeryn looked at the stars, almost as if she saw them for the first time. Crichton smiled.
He stepped up to her, and noticed that the tunic was still left open. It was Aeryn, all right.
"Isn't it beautiful, John," her melodious voice said softly without her turning to him.
"Yes, Aeryn," he said softly, his eyes closed, "Almost as beautiful as you are." He could picture her smiling at that remark.
She continued softly, "It will only be another few arns, John. I had not wanted this to happen, not like this anyway. It feels lonely without you but I can understand myself and Crais better now. Talyn was very helpful in showing me that, Crais was very helpful too..."
Crichton hung his head. "And he wasn't." He longed to take her into his arms but he wasn't going to embrace Crais, no way. He moved closer, put his hand on the point of her shoulder, and applied a gentle pressure, turning her around. They stared into each other's eyes, and John focused on the spirit he saw therein.
"Aeryn, I'm sorry. I've been acting like such an idiot. I know how lucky I am to have you. I know that I should be able to trust you... I do trust you. I don't trust *him*. And I think I envy him, the things he's shared with you, the time he had with you when I wasn't there, and I could only imagine what might be happening.
Crais always knows how to push my buttons. I don't know why I let him. But I don't want to lose you.
I can't promise you that tomorrow I'll never do a stupid thing again. Hell, I can pretty much guarantee that I will. But as long as you're at my side, as long as you're still my guiding star..." His voice trailed off.
Aeryn brought her hand up and placed it Crichton's cheek. Too late she realised that it was Crais' hand that was touching Crichton's cheek and she drew back, "Sorry, I forgot. John, I know you are going to make mistakes and more than just a few. I have come to expect them." She smiled at him.
Crichton resisted the urge to look away from Crais... her.
She continued, "You will not lose me, John. Why would I leave you? I love you. I want to be with you. I want you by my side too, don't you realise that?"
She looked out at the stars, "That's why I did what I thought was right. I envy Crais too, but for different reasons. He always seems so strong, so confident. Always knows what to do, right or wrong. I wanted to be stronger and more confident for you. I had thought it would be no more than a simple mind experience, not a full mental transfer."
She looked back at him, "I want this to end soon too. I think that I know now what drives Crais, some part is still residual in this mind. I know his strengths and his weaknesses. It might take me a while to adapt to it. To become as strong as I set out to be."
She turned away from him again and Crichton detected a softening in Crais' features. The stern face looked dreamier, "I also know that what I did was wrong. It was unfair to take by force, for there is no other word for it, the thoughts of another. I hope Crais... and you can forgive me for it."
She turned to him and the face grew sad, "You say you envy Crais, but it should be he that envies you. His life is very lonely. Sometimes I believed or wanted to believe that he chooses it to be that way. That is not so. You have friends, you have me; we have each other and every one else aboard Moya. Since childhood, Crais had only his brother Tauvo. You never meant to harm Tauvo, much less kill him. Even so, you deprived Crais of all he had in his life. In the kind of way that we all have each other, Crais has no one. No rational, sentient creature should be condemned to live like that regardless of how solitary a nature it has.
Talyn is the most amazing creature. I love him as a friend and brother; I almost love him as though he were my child. But "having" Talyn is not like having a relationship with another of your species, or even a similar species. Every physical entity wants and needs contact, at least sometimes.
I don't know how Crais has been able to go on all this time. In a way, being in his body has brought that home to me, the way you've avoided contact with this flesh, as though it were something poisonous or contagious.
All the nights that you and I have shared with each other, he has spent alone."
Crichton felt ashamed and looked at the floor. Aeryn had been right. It was true, Crais had harmed them one way or another in the past for various reasons and although he was one of them now, in a twisted sort of a way, they had always treated him with distrust and avoidance, punishing him for what he or the Peacekeepers had done to them.
Crichton knew that he was one of the worst offenders, always making fun of him, throwing his distrust in his face, even in the past day. Crais had only shown respect and understanding for Aeryn, yet, Crichton had made plain his suspicions every microt of the day.
He looked at... Aeryn, "You are right. I am a jerk. I don't think I could go on as Crais did... does. I would have gone fahrbot within a monen if it had been me alone on Talyn. Maybe that is part of the reason we do that to Crais. He has been on Talyn for cycles and is still sane. At least I hope he is."
He stepped forward and laid a tentative hand on Aeryn's... Crais' shoulder, "I will try and change that, once you are both back... but he can be so infuriating sometimes." He dropped his hand from the shoulder he was holding.
Crichton heard Aeryn's voice softly say, "Oh, I think we can all be infuriating at times." He could hear the laughter in that voice before their eyes even met.
"Yeah, well, my boy Crais takes pride in being the best at whatever little endeavour he takes a notion to try. Ok, Aeryn, you do have a point as usual. Can we just hold off with the New Year's resolutions till tomorrow?"
"And how shall we spend the rest of this day?"
"Well, since I seem to be batting 1000, what would you suggest? As you say, you're the one stuck in someone else's body. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, we hope. Seems like a shame to waste it changing the oil in your prowler or re-cleaning every pulse weapon on Talyn and Moya." Crichton turned more serious, "Aeryn, how do you want to spend the next 12 arns?"
The grin on Crais' face was totally out of place and Crichton had to shake his head to dispel the picture.
Aeryn stepped closer and it was Crais' hand which was put on Crichton's shoulder, the grin had not left the face. Aeryn purred in a sweet voice, "I could give you the workout of a lifetime and you could get to... try and hit Crais."
Crichton looked shocked. In workouts, Aeryn still beat him. He had seen their exercise this morning, with her in Crais' body he wouldn't stand a chance! He didn't fancy the idea of getting the Hezmana beat out of him.
"Uhrm... can't you think of something less... strenuous for Crais' body?" *Like a game of checkers* he thought.
"I don't think Crais would mind seeing you try," she purred softly.
"But I would," countered Crichton.
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Part 14
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"Hmmm..." said Aeryn thoughtfully, "Let me think. It would be a shame to waste the experience of finding out what a male body is capable of. How about a lap around Moya? See who's the fastest? This body feels as if it is built to release a lot of energy." She flexed the muscles in her hands.
The thought was tempting to Crichton and he HAD asked her what she wanted to do. Besides, Crais had a stockier build and Crichton had always fancied himself a good runner. It was also a less painful option to her earlier suggestion.
"Okay," he conceded, "One lap around Moya."
She smiled and took off Crais' tunic. For Crichton's benefit, she flexed the muscles in Crais' shoulders and arms.
The first stretch, they ran nearly side-by-side. Aeryn was feeling the way Crais' muscles responded to her command to run. It felt good! The body was supple and the muscles powerful. It felt so different from her own body, she smiled. She hardly had to exert herself to build up the speed to run next to John.
Once she had more control over Crais' muscles, she gathered speed and lengthened her strides. It now felt more comfortable than the shorter strides she used in her own body. She was running ahead of Crichton now and was still breathing quite evenly.
The others on Moya watched the race, even Crais looking up from what he was doing. A smile danced on Aeryn's features. They all moved into position to see the end of the race.
Even though the "lap" around Moya was actually a truncated version (a true lap from stem to stern would have qualified as a marathon), this race was still no sprint.
It turned out that although the Sebacean body was older even after accounting for the difference in life spans, and Crichton's body type was closer to that of the ideal runner, the two were well matched. They were never very far from each other, and the short lead that Crais' body established was conserved for most of the distance.
Neither spoke to the other; they both were taking the challenge very seriously. Still, after they had settled into a rhythm, they both found that they were enjoying the challenge they presented to their own bodies as much as the one they offered to each other.
Crichton remembered his college days, when he had tried out for the track team. He'd had enough speed then that he could have done well if only he had been willing to devote more of his time to training. That hadn't been his focus though. He'd kept physically fit, he knew he had to if he wanted to be a shuttle jockey like his father, and it came naturally anyway. His priority, though, was the sciences, and something had to give. So the running had remained a hobby, not an obsession.
As they got closer to the finish, the two runners wound up very close to each other. Both seemed to find an extra reserve of energy somewhere. Each put on an extra burst of speed.
D'Argo and Chi lounged against a control panel, rooting Crichton on. Crais sat, back to a bulkhead, silently watching the runners' approach, an enigmatic smile on his face.
Even Rygel leaned forward on his sled. After all these cycles, he had become more resigned to the limitations of the Hynerian form, but some days, he still envied the others their bodies' physical power and mobility. Well, there were always advantages and disadvantages. Their physical edge hardly made up for his intellectual superiority.
The observers watched as the human slowly made up the short distance between them. They were racing neck and neck, with only inches to separate them as they approached the "finish line", a length of cable that D'Argo had thrown down on the deck near the point that the race had started.
As they crossed over, Crichton leaned forward. The plane of his body crossed over just a fraction of a second before that of the Sebacean, had he not stretched out his body so, there might have been another dispute in the making regarding who had actually won the contest.
They slowed down, laughing, and Aeryn fell into John's arms. In the excitement of the moment, Crichton didn't even flinch from the contact. After a moment, he realized whose body he was embracing, but by that time he was gazing into the eyes, which, although deep brown, still projected the soul of the woman he loved.
They separated, John looking a bit foolishly embarrassed.
The others rushed to congratulate them. Aeryn also offered congratulations to Crichton. "I demand a rematch. Next time, I'll use your technique and lean forward too."
Crichton laughed and said "Ok, but not today. I'm going to sit down and take five. I'm beat"
"I thought I got beaten. Do humans run races backwards too? And five what?"
That occasioned another round of laughter.
Crichton looked more seriously at "Crais". "Hey, you didn't let me win, did you? Naw..."
"Of course not. No self respecting Sebacean would do that. That would be degrading to both parties."
Crais' and Aeryn's eyes met. Later on, he would comment, "Aeryn Sun, that was an interesting choice of contests. We both know you would never fail to do your best to prevail. However, that did not prevent you from choosing an endeavour in which your opponent had as many advantages, and as much chance to be victorious, as possible."
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Part 15
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D'Argo proposed that since for the moment, no crisis presented itself and even his repairs of last night seemed to be holding, the crew take time out for a little celebration. Chiana had some ideas regarding setting out a table of their provisions, fortunately they had freshly provisioned Moya from the planet down below.
Crais followed the others to the galley. Somehow he envied their camaraderie. After the race Crichton seemed more comfortable with the thought that Aeryn was in Crais' body and now talked amicably to her. He still didn't want to walk too close to her but he seemed to have accepted that it was not Crais he was talking to. *Cleverly done, Aeryn* thought Crais.
Rygel noticed that Crais was the last in line and moved over to Aeryn's body. "Do you think Aeryn would have let John win deliberately," he whispered in a conspiring voice.
Crais looked at him, "No she wouldn't."
"Could you have beaten him?"
"Yes," replied Crais with calm conviction, "Fortunately, Aeryn was unfamiliar with my body but she did nearly get the most out of it."
Rygel looked at him with a questioning frown, "You seem quite happy with the outcome, even if she didn't win?"
Crais smiled a little secretively, "I am Rygel. It was the best outcome."
Rygel shook his head, even after all these cycles he still found it hard sometimes to understand Crais. He had thought that Crais would be upset that the Human had beaten him, well his body anyway, even by a fraction. He moved forward to be with the others.
.
Crais mused over his own words. Yes, he had been happy... for Aeryn. The race had brought Aeryn and Crichton closer together again while she was in his body. He realised Crichton's worth as a mate to Aeryn and she had needed his acceptance and his nearness.
She had been unhappy with the way Crichton had reacted to her over the past arns. She had become used to being close to him. She was not used to the distance Crais was always treated to by Crichton.
Crais sighed. Although the experience had been... was still interesting he would be glad when he was back in his own body. The way the arms moved past the sides, it didn't feel right. Or how the chest stuck out when he walked with his normally straight back. He could feel that her hips were not used to his heavier steps and he had to plant his feet differently to compensate.
He still couldn't resist the habit of stroking his goatee and it felt strange to touch a smooth skin. Earlier, when he was doing some maintenance before the race began, he had been aware how much smaller her hands were compared to his, and he had dropped the tools a couple of times.
On the other hand, her eyesight was slightly better than his. His eyesight was always better in subdued light but hers was much better in brighter light.
They had reached the galley and Crais stopped his musing. He hoped they weren't going to ask him to join the cooking, at least if they wanted to survive his cooking skills.
.
Crichton turned around to him, "Hey, Crais, get over here and dig in before Rygel gets it all", Crichton quipped as he approached the Sebacean. The friendly smile on his face almost extended to his eyes; at least there was no hostility to be found there.
It turned out that the table held quite a variety of foodstuffs.
D'Argo grinned and called out, "We might as well take advantage while we have a fresh supply down planet. We've spent too much time rationing ourselves when we weren't near any food sources. We can always make a final supply run before we leave here.
"It looks like today may be one of the good days, and we've had too few of those to suit me."
The table held a variety of dishes and everyone was finding something they particularly enjoyed.
Crichton didn't move away. Munching on a handful of small globes of a reddish fruit and looking frankly at "Aeryn", he said, "maybe we're all learning something today. Maybe we all need to spend a little more time together getting more used to each other."
Chiana had gone over to talk to "Crais". She seemed as much at ease with the situation as any of them, but then of course, she was always the one ready for a new adventure.
Crais fervently hoped that if they needed to return to the planet at all, it was only for more provisions and not because of anything more critical, like a little "out of body" problem.
He wondered how the transfer back to their own body would be done. Would it just "slip" in, as it done almost half a solar day ago? Or would they have to go down to the planet to "finalise" it.
He would have to ask her about that if they could find some time together. Crais ate his food with meticulous care and munched it slowly. They were used to seeing him do it, but it was different to see "Aeryn" do it.
Crichton moved over and looked at Crais' plate, "You always eat this slow... Crais? You won't stand a chance with Rygel at the table at this speed."
Crais stopped eating, "Crichton, how I eat should not concern you." Crais changed his voice to soften his remark, "I like to taste my food. When I'm back on Talyn, it is mainly food cubes. Remembering what real food tastes like is part of my joy when I am on my own."
Crichton was surprised that Crais so readily admitted to some of his little habits. Was this a side effect of the body-swap?
Crichton pushed a bit more, "How do you experience Aeryn's body?"
Crais turned to him and "Aeryn's" eyes looked a bit at a loss, "The female body is not as comfortable as my own. Aeryn's body is strong enough but her balance feels all different. I hope this will be over soon."
"So do I," replied Crichton softly.
Crais looked over at Aeryn in his own body and saw that she was having a wonderful time. His facial muscles must have been working harder than ever at laughter. He smiled and wondered if Aeryn had ever realised how much fun she was having with the crew on Moya?
Crichton, meanwhile, examined "Aeryn's" visage more closely than he had done so far. He saw the same face he had loved for cycles now, the strong, honest, generous features that were not especially what would generally be called pretty, but somehow instead qualified as beautiful. Those features were less animated now, more controlled, more serious, less easily and obviously read, but they were still Aeryn's.
Crais' first response had been the more conventional, expected one. Crichton found himself sympathising with Crais regarding his usual diet. After all this time in the Uncharteds, he still found food cubes to be something that kept a body alive and functioning, but not something that he really thought of as "food". He was still as likely as not to be found playing with his food cubes, building them into geometric or Erp-meaningful shapes, or seeing how high he could stack them before the whole little edifice would collapse. They might keep the body going, but they did nothing for his aesthetic senses: the taste, the sheer visual pleasure of beholding the colors and shapes, the feel of the texture his tongue would touch as he ate "real" food, the sometimes mouth-watering smells that could entice his appetite.
Still, it was interesting that Crais' reaction was to slowly savour and enjoy the food, rather than to take advantage of the opportunity by wolfing down as much as he could and as hastily as possible. He found that he approved, and smiled (to himself, he thought).
Crais had watched Crichton's reaction, had seen the smile appear on his face and had surmised what the thought behind it was. The Jhumon's face was so easy to read and he wondered if Aeryn thought so too.
He took a little more of the Tharkalian stew and placed some Savorian eels on the side. The food was disappearing fast but Crais didn't mind. He had taken as much as he wanted and the others could eat more than they needed, if they so wished.
He looked over at Aeryn again and he was proud of her. Not that he would openly admit to that. As he had said, so long ago now, she could be more and she had proved him right. Her easy banter with Chiana, her gentle admonishing of Rygel. She had even made Ka D'Argo laugh with her while occupying his body.
Why she thought she had to be as "strong" as he was, he could not understand. Her strength was not in control; her strength lay in making people at ease. Leadership knew many forms. His had been born from the Peacekeepers, from Command. Hers was more like a gentle persuasion without being soft. Once she came to realise this, maybe then she could believe in herself.
Crais sighed. He envied her as well. It would have been "easy" to have been alone, to be without friends or allies and yet, here she was, surrounded by friends, surrounded by people who loved her. He wondered, what would he have been or done had he been surrounded by friends, if their roles had been reversed? Would his solitary nature have allowed him to accept them as readily as she had done?
Crais did not realize it, but his usual control over his expression was not quite so automatic in Aeryn's body.
Crichton might have been human, but he was no dummy either. He had noted the glances at "Crais", the approving smile, the sigh, a ghost of what almost appeared to be a wistful look on Aeryn's countenance. Did he really see that, or was it just his imagination? He thought back to what Aeryn had said earlier about how Crais had lived apart, alone. Lonely? Ex-Ex-Peacekeeper Captain Bialar Crais? Well, truth was stranger than fiction, he guessed.
Meanwhile, Crais was pondering just how easy it was to be alone, without friends or allies. Maybe it wasn't quite that easy. But it had been necessary. Hadn't it?
He returned his attention to the eels.
Crichton placed the last piece of fruit at the head of Crais' dish as an offering. "Chiana says these are called "tari fruit". They're native to the planet below us. They're really very good, very sweet, but with just a bit of a bite. Sorta like a mad scientist managed to smash together some really sweet giant red blackberries with cranberries. Except, they don't really look like either. They look more like mutant plums, actually. Here, try one."
Crichton gave him an almost apologetic smile, and got up to join Aeryn. "Be back in a sec."
Crais looked up at Crichton. The translator microbes didn't always do a perfect job. Sometimes it seemed that the human took it as his duty to prove that day in and day out.
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Crichton walked over to where Aeryn was deep in discussion with Chi...
"...you could always try the Delvian Blue," Crichton heard Chiana say. Crichton found it quite amusing to hear them discuss clothes. Aeryn discussing it would be a novelty in itself, seeing "Crais" tackling that problem was simply a miracle and a smile crept over his face. He tried to keep the laughter in.
"Crais" looked up and saw how Crichton tried to control the mirth on his face, "John? What's wrong?"
"Aeryn" looked at the scene that was played out at the other end of the table. Crais had just been about to bite into the offered piece of fruit and was wondering why Crichton was trying to suppress his laughter.
"John," Aeryn asked again and a look of worry flitted past Crais' features.
"Sorry, Aeryn but the idea of Crais discussing dresses..." Crichton couldn't keep his laughter from exploding. The tears of laughter were streaming down his face.
Aeryn was not amused. What she had been discussing with Chiana was not a matter of mirth. She got up from the table. She had only wanted to stop him laughing uncontrollably and had grabbed him by the front of his shirt, lifting him to face her. She had forgotten that she was still in Crais' body and lifted him off the ground. In shock she let go of him and he fell in a heap on the floor.
"I am sorry, John.... I had not realised... I didn't want to...." with a distraught look on Crais' face she ran out of the galley.
"Aeryn" put the piece of fruit back on his plate, leaned his elbow on the table and let Aeryn's head sink back against it. He sighed. Would the Jhumon never learn?
He stood up and moved over to Crichton to help him up but Crichton shook his hand away. A look of sadness passed Aeryn's features, "Crichton, she didn't mean to do that." After a short and uncomfortable pause, "She didn't mean to hurt you physically or otherwise, and she didn't mean to push you away. This has been hard on all of us. Maybe it has been most difficult for you." Crais didn't know what else he could, or should say, or indeed, whether he had already said too much.
Chiana chimed in, "Yeah, Crichton, Aeryn and I were having a serious conversation, you know? This was really important to her. Too important, if you ask me. I think that everyone here needs to lighten up a little. That's why D'Argo and I set up this little get-together, so we could all relax a bit. We depend on each other too much to be at each other's throats over something like this."
D'Argo came over and offered his hand to Crichton. "John, it's all right. I know it's hard, but Aeryn's under a lot of pressure. Hezmana, we all are.
She's probably feeling guilty, and worried about what's going to happen when the 24 arns are up. She shouldn't. We'll all back her up. She should know we're all there for her, and you and Crais, but it's probably eating at her anyway. She's been there for us enough times."
Crichton took hold of the Luxan's large hand, and let himself be pulled to his feet.
He looked at the people gathered around him and he admitted to himself that he had acted like a jerk.
Everyone had been trying very hard to behave as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened to ensure that nobody felt too uncomfortable, yet, here he was making a big deal of it time and again.
"Thanks, Big D, but I think she was right in doing that to me. I needed a shake up, I guess," he grinned ruefully while he massaged his backside.
He looked over at Aeryn... Crais who, as always, stood apart from everyone else. When Crichton had accepted D'Argo's hand to help him up, Crais had moved back to the spot where he had been seated. He took the fruit off the plate where he had left and bit into it. The joy, which came over Aeryn's face was something that cheered Crichton up. All of a sudden, he was glad he had saved that piece of fruit for Crais.
Aeryn's taste in flavours ran more to the tangy fruit, Crais' to the sweeter varieties. After Crais took another bite, he looked at Crichton, then nodded and smiled. Crichton felt better.
Damn the man, whatever he said he always had to make it sound like a veiled threat. Crichton stewed for a little longer after Crais had left in the galley.
He had to give it to him though, he had to reconcile with Aeryn, one way or another, and even if he didn't want to stare at Crais' face while he spoke to her, it would be better done now.
Crichton stood up from the table and asked Pilot, "Pilot, where is Aeryn?"
"The Observation Deck, Commander."
"Thank you, Pilot."
When Crichton entered the Observation Deck, Crais was looking out at the stars. Not in Crais' usual mode, hands clasped behind his back, but the way Aeryn looked at the stars, almost as if she saw them for the first time. Crichton smiled.
He stepped up to her, and noticed that the tunic was still left open. It was Aeryn, all right.
"Isn't it beautiful, John," her melodious voice said softly without her turning to him.
"Yes, Aeryn," he said softly, his eyes closed, "Almost as beautiful as you are." He could picture her smiling at that remark.
She continued softly, "It will only be another few arns, John. I had not wanted this to happen, not like this anyway. It feels lonely without you but I can understand myself and Crais better now. Talyn was very helpful in showing me that, Crais was very helpful too..."
Crichton hung his head. "And he wasn't." He longed to take her into his arms but he wasn't going to embrace Crais, no way. He moved closer, put his hand on the point of her shoulder, and applied a gentle pressure, turning her around. They stared into each other's eyes, and John focused on the spirit he saw therein.
"Aeryn, I'm sorry. I've been acting like such an idiot. I know how lucky I am to have you. I know that I should be able to trust you... I do trust you. I don't trust *him*. And I think I envy him, the things he's shared with you, the time he had with you when I wasn't there, and I could only imagine what might be happening.
Crais always knows how to push my buttons. I don't know why I let him. But I don't want to lose you.
I can't promise you that tomorrow I'll never do a stupid thing again. Hell, I can pretty much guarantee that I will. But as long as you're at my side, as long as you're still my guiding star..." His voice trailed off.
Aeryn brought her hand up and placed it Crichton's cheek. Too late she realised that it was Crais' hand that was touching Crichton's cheek and she drew back, "Sorry, I forgot. John, I know you are going to make mistakes and more than just a few. I have come to expect them." She smiled at him.
Crichton resisted the urge to look away from Crais... her.
She continued, "You will not lose me, John. Why would I leave you? I love you. I want to be with you. I want you by my side too, don't you realise that?"
She looked out at the stars, "That's why I did what I thought was right. I envy Crais too, but for different reasons. He always seems so strong, so confident. Always knows what to do, right or wrong. I wanted to be stronger and more confident for you. I had thought it would be no more than a simple mind experience, not a full mental transfer."
She looked back at him, "I want this to end soon too. I think that I know now what drives Crais, some part is still residual in this mind. I know his strengths and his weaknesses. It might take me a while to adapt to it. To become as strong as I set out to be."
She turned away from him again and Crichton detected a softening in Crais' features. The stern face looked dreamier, "I also know that what I did was wrong. It was unfair to take by force, for there is no other word for it, the thoughts of another. I hope Crais... and you can forgive me for it."
She turned to him and the face grew sad, "You say you envy Crais, but it should be he that envies you. His life is very lonely. Sometimes I believed or wanted to believe that he chooses it to be that way. That is not so. You have friends, you have me; we have each other and every one else aboard Moya. Since childhood, Crais had only his brother Tauvo. You never meant to harm Tauvo, much less kill him. Even so, you deprived Crais of all he had in his life. In the kind of way that we all have each other, Crais has no one. No rational, sentient creature should be condemned to live like that regardless of how solitary a nature it has.
Talyn is the most amazing creature. I love him as a friend and brother; I almost love him as though he were my child. But "having" Talyn is not like having a relationship with another of your species, or even a similar species. Every physical entity wants and needs contact, at least sometimes.
I don't know how Crais has been able to go on all this time. In a way, being in his body has brought that home to me, the way you've avoided contact with this flesh, as though it were something poisonous or contagious.
All the nights that you and I have shared with each other, he has spent alone."
Crichton felt ashamed and looked at the floor. Aeryn had been right. It was true, Crais had harmed them one way or another in the past for various reasons and although he was one of them now, in a twisted sort of a way, they had always treated him with distrust and avoidance, punishing him for what he or the Peacekeepers had done to them.
Crichton knew that he was one of the worst offenders, always making fun of him, throwing his distrust in his face, even in the past day. Crais had only shown respect and understanding for Aeryn, yet, Crichton had made plain his suspicions every microt of the day.
He looked at... Aeryn, "You are right. I am a jerk. I don't think I could go on as Crais did... does. I would have gone fahrbot within a monen if it had been me alone on Talyn. Maybe that is part of the reason we do that to Crais. He has been on Talyn for cycles and is still sane. At least I hope he is."
He stepped forward and laid a tentative hand on Aeryn's... Crais' shoulder, "I will try and change that, once you are both back... but he can be so infuriating sometimes." He dropped his hand from the shoulder he was holding.
Crichton heard Aeryn's voice softly say, "Oh, I think we can all be infuriating at times." He could hear the laughter in that voice before their eyes even met.
"Yeah, well, my boy Crais takes pride in being the best at whatever little endeavour he takes a notion to try. Ok, Aeryn, you do have a point as usual. Can we just hold off with the New Year's resolutions till tomorrow?"
"And how shall we spend the rest of this day?"
"Well, since I seem to be batting 1000, what would you suggest? As you say, you're the one stuck in someone else's body. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, we hope. Seems like a shame to waste it changing the oil in your prowler or re-cleaning every pulse weapon on Talyn and Moya." Crichton turned more serious, "Aeryn, how do you want to spend the next 12 arns?"
The grin on Crais' face was totally out of place and Crichton had to shake his head to dispel the picture.
Aeryn stepped closer and it was Crais' hand which was put on Crichton's shoulder, the grin had not left the face. Aeryn purred in a sweet voice, "I could give you the workout of a lifetime and you could get to... try and hit Crais."
Crichton looked shocked. In workouts, Aeryn still beat him. He had seen their exercise this morning, with her in Crais' body he wouldn't stand a chance! He didn't fancy the idea of getting the Hezmana beat out of him.
"Uhrm... can't you think of something less... strenuous for Crais' body?" *Like a game of checkers* he thought.
"I don't think Crais would mind seeing you try," she purred softly.
"But I would," countered Crichton.
.
Part 14
.
"Hmmm..." said Aeryn thoughtfully, "Let me think. It would be a shame to waste the experience of finding out what a male body is capable of. How about a lap around Moya? See who's the fastest? This body feels as if it is built to release a lot of energy." She flexed the muscles in her hands.
The thought was tempting to Crichton and he HAD asked her what she wanted to do. Besides, Crais had a stockier build and Crichton had always fancied himself a good runner. It was also a less painful option to her earlier suggestion.
"Okay," he conceded, "One lap around Moya."
She smiled and took off Crais' tunic. For Crichton's benefit, she flexed the muscles in Crais' shoulders and arms.
The first stretch, they ran nearly side-by-side. Aeryn was feeling the way Crais' muscles responded to her command to run. It felt good! The body was supple and the muscles powerful. It felt so different from her own body, she smiled. She hardly had to exert herself to build up the speed to run next to John.
Once she had more control over Crais' muscles, she gathered speed and lengthened her strides. It now felt more comfortable than the shorter strides she used in her own body. She was running ahead of Crichton now and was still breathing quite evenly.
The others on Moya watched the race, even Crais looking up from what he was doing. A smile danced on Aeryn's features. They all moved into position to see the end of the race.
Even though the "lap" around Moya was actually a truncated version (a true lap from stem to stern would have qualified as a marathon), this race was still no sprint.
It turned out that although the Sebacean body was older even after accounting for the difference in life spans, and Crichton's body type was closer to that of the ideal runner, the two were well matched. They were never very far from each other, and the short lead that Crais' body established was conserved for most of the distance.
Neither spoke to the other; they both were taking the challenge very seriously. Still, after they had settled into a rhythm, they both found that they were enjoying the challenge they presented to their own bodies as much as the one they offered to each other.
Crichton remembered his college days, when he had tried out for the track team. He'd had enough speed then that he could have done well if only he had been willing to devote more of his time to training. That hadn't been his focus though. He'd kept physically fit, he knew he had to if he wanted to be a shuttle jockey like his father, and it came naturally anyway. His priority, though, was the sciences, and something had to give. So the running had remained a hobby, not an obsession.
As they got closer to the finish, the two runners wound up very close to each other. Both seemed to find an extra reserve of energy somewhere. Each put on an extra burst of speed.
D'Argo and Chi lounged against a control panel, rooting Crichton on. Crais sat, back to a bulkhead, silently watching the runners' approach, an enigmatic smile on his face.
Even Rygel leaned forward on his sled. After all these cycles, he had become more resigned to the limitations of the Hynerian form, but some days, he still envied the others their bodies' physical power and mobility. Well, there were always advantages and disadvantages. Their physical edge hardly made up for his intellectual superiority.
The observers watched as the human slowly made up the short distance between them. They were racing neck and neck, with only inches to separate them as they approached the "finish line", a length of cable that D'Argo had thrown down on the deck near the point that the race had started.
As they crossed over, Crichton leaned forward. The plane of his body crossed over just a fraction of a second before that of the Sebacean, had he not stretched out his body so, there might have been another dispute in the making regarding who had actually won the contest.
They slowed down, laughing, and Aeryn fell into John's arms. In the excitement of the moment, Crichton didn't even flinch from the contact. After a moment, he realized whose body he was embracing, but by that time he was gazing into the eyes, which, although deep brown, still projected the soul of the woman he loved.
They separated, John looking a bit foolishly embarrassed.
The others rushed to congratulate them. Aeryn also offered congratulations to Crichton. "I demand a rematch. Next time, I'll use your technique and lean forward too."
Crichton laughed and said "Ok, but not today. I'm going to sit down and take five. I'm beat"
"I thought I got beaten. Do humans run races backwards too? And five what?"
That occasioned another round of laughter.
Crichton looked more seriously at "Crais". "Hey, you didn't let me win, did you? Naw..."
"Of course not. No self respecting Sebacean would do that. That would be degrading to both parties."
Crais' and Aeryn's eyes met. Later on, he would comment, "Aeryn Sun, that was an interesting choice of contests. We both know you would never fail to do your best to prevail. However, that did not prevent you from choosing an endeavour in which your opponent had as many advantages, and as much chance to be victorious, as possible."
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Part 15
.
D'Argo proposed that since for the moment, no crisis presented itself and even his repairs of last night seemed to be holding, the crew take time out for a little celebration. Chiana had some ideas regarding setting out a table of their provisions, fortunately they had freshly provisioned Moya from the planet down below.
Crais followed the others to the galley. Somehow he envied their camaraderie. After the race Crichton seemed more comfortable with the thought that Aeryn was in Crais' body and now talked amicably to her. He still didn't want to walk too close to her but he seemed to have accepted that it was not Crais he was talking to. *Cleverly done, Aeryn* thought Crais.
Rygel noticed that Crais was the last in line and moved over to Aeryn's body. "Do you think Aeryn would have let John win deliberately," he whispered in a conspiring voice.
Crais looked at him, "No she wouldn't."
"Could you have beaten him?"
"Yes," replied Crais with calm conviction, "Fortunately, Aeryn was unfamiliar with my body but she did nearly get the most out of it."
Rygel looked at him with a questioning frown, "You seem quite happy with the outcome, even if she didn't win?"
Crais smiled a little secretively, "I am Rygel. It was the best outcome."
Rygel shook his head, even after all these cycles he still found it hard sometimes to understand Crais. He had thought that Crais would be upset that the Human had beaten him, well his body anyway, even by a fraction. He moved forward to be with the others.
.
Crais mused over his own words. Yes, he had been happy... for Aeryn. The race had brought Aeryn and Crichton closer together again while she was in his body. He realised Crichton's worth as a mate to Aeryn and she had needed his acceptance and his nearness.
She had been unhappy with the way Crichton had reacted to her over the past arns. She had become used to being close to him. She was not used to the distance Crais was always treated to by Crichton.
Crais sighed. Although the experience had been... was still interesting he would be glad when he was back in his own body. The way the arms moved past the sides, it didn't feel right. Or how the chest stuck out when he walked with his normally straight back. He could feel that her hips were not used to his heavier steps and he had to plant his feet differently to compensate.
He still couldn't resist the habit of stroking his goatee and it felt strange to touch a smooth skin. Earlier, when he was doing some maintenance before the race began, he had been aware how much smaller her hands were compared to his, and he had dropped the tools a couple of times.
On the other hand, her eyesight was slightly better than his. His eyesight was always better in subdued light but hers was much better in brighter light.
They had reached the galley and Crais stopped his musing. He hoped they weren't going to ask him to join the cooking, at least if they wanted to survive his cooking skills.
.
Crichton turned around to him, "Hey, Crais, get over here and dig in before Rygel gets it all", Crichton quipped as he approached the Sebacean. The friendly smile on his face almost extended to his eyes; at least there was no hostility to be found there.
It turned out that the table held quite a variety of foodstuffs.
D'Argo grinned and called out, "We might as well take advantage while we have a fresh supply down planet. We've spent too much time rationing ourselves when we weren't near any food sources. We can always make a final supply run before we leave here.
"It looks like today may be one of the good days, and we've had too few of those to suit me."
The table held a variety of dishes and everyone was finding something they particularly enjoyed.
Crichton didn't move away. Munching on a handful of small globes of a reddish fruit and looking frankly at "Aeryn", he said, "maybe we're all learning something today. Maybe we all need to spend a little more time together getting more used to each other."
Chiana had gone over to talk to "Crais". She seemed as much at ease with the situation as any of them, but then of course, she was always the one ready for a new adventure.
Crais fervently hoped that if they needed to return to the planet at all, it was only for more provisions and not because of anything more critical, like a little "out of body" problem.
He wondered how the transfer back to their own body would be done. Would it just "slip" in, as it done almost half a solar day ago? Or would they have to go down to the planet to "finalise" it.
He would have to ask her about that if they could find some time together. Crais ate his food with meticulous care and munched it slowly. They were used to seeing him do it, but it was different to see "Aeryn" do it.
Crichton moved over and looked at Crais' plate, "You always eat this slow... Crais? You won't stand a chance with Rygel at the table at this speed."
Crais stopped eating, "Crichton, how I eat should not concern you." Crais changed his voice to soften his remark, "I like to taste my food. When I'm back on Talyn, it is mainly food cubes. Remembering what real food tastes like is part of my joy when I am on my own."
Crichton was surprised that Crais so readily admitted to some of his little habits. Was this a side effect of the body-swap?
Crichton pushed a bit more, "How do you experience Aeryn's body?"
Crais turned to him and "Aeryn's" eyes looked a bit at a loss, "The female body is not as comfortable as my own. Aeryn's body is strong enough but her balance feels all different. I hope this will be over soon."
"So do I," replied Crichton softly.
Crais looked over at Aeryn in his own body and saw that she was having a wonderful time. His facial muscles must have been working harder than ever at laughter. He smiled and wondered if Aeryn had ever realised how much fun she was having with the crew on Moya?
Crichton, meanwhile, examined "Aeryn's" visage more closely than he had done so far. He saw the same face he had loved for cycles now, the strong, honest, generous features that were not especially what would generally be called pretty, but somehow instead qualified as beautiful. Those features were less animated now, more controlled, more serious, less easily and obviously read, but they were still Aeryn's.
Crais' first response had been the more conventional, expected one. Crichton found himself sympathising with Crais regarding his usual diet. After all this time in the Uncharteds, he still found food cubes to be something that kept a body alive and functioning, but not something that he really thought of as "food". He was still as likely as not to be found playing with his food cubes, building them into geometric or Erp-meaningful shapes, or seeing how high he could stack them before the whole little edifice would collapse. They might keep the body going, but they did nothing for his aesthetic senses: the taste, the sheer visual pleasure of beholding the colors and shapes, the feel of the texture his tongue would touch as he ate "real" food, the sometimes mouth-watering smells that could entice his appetite.
Still, it was interesting that Crais' reaction was to slowly savour and enjoy the food, rather than to take advantage of the opportunity by wolfing down as much as he could and as hastily as possible. He found that he approved, and smiled (to himself, he thought).
Crais had watched Crichton's reaction, had seen the smile appear on his face and had surmised what the thought behind it was. The Jhumon's face was so easy to read and he wondered if Aeryn thought so too.
He took a little more of the Tharkalian stew and placed some Savorian eels on the side. The food was disappearing fast but Crais didn't mind. He had taken as much as he wanted and the others could eat more than they needed, if they so wished.
He looked over at Aeryn again and he was proud of her. Not that he would openly admit to that. As he had said, so long ago now, she could be more and she had proved him right. Her easy banter with Chiana, her gentle admonishing of Rygel. She had even made Ka D'Argo laugh with her while occupying his body.
Why she thought she had to be as "strong" as he was, he could not understand. Her strength was not in control; her strength lay in making people at ease. Leadership knew many forms. His had been born from the Peacekeepers, from Command. Hers was more like a gentle persuasion without being soft. Once she came to realise this, maybe then she could believe in herself.
Crais sighed. He envied her as well. It would have been "easy" to have been alone, to be without friends or allies and yet, here she was, surrounded by friends, surrounded by people who loved her. He wondered, what would he have been or done had he been surrounded by friends, if their roles had been reversed? Would his solitary nature have allowed him to accept them as readily as she had done?
Crais did not realize it, but his usual control over his expression was not quite so automatic in Aeryn's body.
Crichton might have been human, but he was no dummy either. He had noted the glances at "Crais", the approving smile, the sigh, a ghost of what almost appeared to be a wistful look on Aeryn's countenance. Did he really see that, or was it just his imagination? He thought back to what Aeryn had said earlier about how Crais had lived apart, alone. Lonely? Ex-Ex-Peacekeeper Captain Bialar Crais? Well, truth was stranger than fiction, he guessed.
Meanwhile, Crais was pondering just how easy it was to be alone, without friends or allies. Maybe it wasn't quite that easy. But it had been necessary. Hadn't it?
He returned his attention to the eels.
Crichton placed the last piece of fruit at the head of Crais' dish as an offering. "Chiana says these are called "tari fruit". They're native to the planet below us. They're really very good, very sweet, but with just a bit of a bite. Sorta like a mad scientist managed to smash together some really sweet giant red blackberries with cranberries. Except, they don't really look like either. They look more like mutant plums, actually. Here, try one."
Crichton gave him an almost apologetic smile, and got up to join Aeryn. "Be back in a sec."
Crais looked up at Crichton. The translator microbes didn't always do a perfect job. Sometimes it seemed that the human took it as his duty to prove that day in and day out.
.
Crichton walked over to where Aeryn was deep in discussion with Chi...
"...you could always try the Delvian Blue," Crichton heard Chiana say. Crichton found it quite amusing to hear them discuss clothes. Aeryn discussing it would be a novelty in itself, seeing "Crais" tackling that problem was simply a miracle and a smile crept over his face. He tried to keep the laughter in.
"Crais" looked up and saw how Crichton tried to control the mirth on his face, "John? What's wrong?"
"Aeryn" looked at the scene that was played out at the other end of the table. Crais had just been about to bite into the offered piece of fruit and was wondering why Crichton was trying to suppress his laughter.
"John," Aeryn asked again and a look of worry flitted past Crais' features.
"Sorry, Aeryn but the idea of Crais discussing dresses..." Crichton couldn't keep his laughter from exploding. The tears of laughter were streaming down his face.
Aeryn was not amused. What she had been discussing with Chiana was not a matter of mirth. She got up from the table. She had only wanted to stop him laughing uncontrollably and had grabbed him by the front of his shirt, lifting him to face her. She had forgotten that she was still in Crais' body and lifted him off the ground. In shock she let go of him and he fell in a heap on the floor.
"I am sorry, John.... I had not realised... I didn't want to...." with a distraught look on Crais' face she ran out of the galley.
"Aeryn" put the piece of fruit back on his plate, leaned his elbow on the table and let Aeryn's head sink back against it. He sighed. Would the Jhumon never learn?
He stood up and moved over to Crichton to help him up but Crichton shook his hand away. A look of sadness passed Aeryn's features, "Crichton, she didn't mean to do that." After a short and uncomfortable pause, "She didn't mean to hurt you physically or otherwise, and she didn't mean to push you away. This has been hard on all of us. Maybe it has been most difficult for you." Crais didn't know what else he could, or should say, or indeed, whether he had already said too much.
Chiana chimed in, "Yeah, Crichton, Aeryn and I were having a serious conversation, you know? This was really important to her. Too important, if you ask me. I think that everyone here needs to lighten up a little. That's why D'Argo and I set up this little get-together, so we could all relax a bit. We depend on each other too much to be at each other's throats over something like this."
D'Argo came over and offered his hand to Crichton. "John, it's all right. I know it's hard, but Aeryn's under a lot of pressure. Hezmana, we all are.
She's probably feeling guilty, and worried about what's going to happen when the 24 arns are up. She shouldn't. We'll all back her up. She should know we're all there for her, and you and Crais, but it's probably eating at her anyway. She's been there for us enough times."
Crichton took hold of the Luxan's large hand, and let himself be pulled to his feet.
He looked at the people gathered around him and he admitted to himself that he had acted like a jerk.
Everyone had been trying very hard to behave as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened to ensure that nobody felt too uncomfortable, yet, here he was making a big deal of it time and again.
"Thanks, Big D, but I think she was right in doing that to me. I needed a shake up, I guess," he grinned ruefully while he massaged his backside.
He looked over at Aeryn... Crais who, as always, stood apart from everyone else. When Crichton had accepted D'Argo's hand to help him up, Crais had moved back to the spot where he had been seated. He took the fruit off the plate where he had left and bit into it. The joy, which came over Aeryn's face was something that cheered Crichton up. All of a sudden, he was glad he had saved that piece of fruit for Crais.
Aeryn's taste in flavours ran more to the tangy fruit, Crais' to the sweeter varieties. After Crais took another bite, he looked at Crichton, then nodded and smiled. Crichton felt better.