Part 28
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Meanwhile in Crais' room, Aeryn watched as her body finally stirred. She sat up straighter, waiting for Crais to fully swim back up to consciousness.
She couldn't help smiling fondly. Such a mass of contradictions! So dear to her.
As Crais' eyes finally opened, she gave her...his hand a squeeze and asked, "How are you feeling?" She loosened her grip, but continued to hold his hand, massaging it lightly.
After a brief moment, he focused on her, and returned her smile.
"Much better, Officer Sun."
A small pause, and he added, as much to himself as to her, "We're alone?"
He rearranged himself slightly on the bed, raising himself up to a nearly sitting position. He still looked very tired.
"The others are waiting for us in the galley, but there's no great rush. If you wish, I can leave in a bit, and bring you back something to eat. You should get your rest, after what you've just been through."
Crais answered her, "I would like to eat something, later. I could do with some water at the moment."
She handed him the glass of water and he drank of it thirstily. He smiled at her, "I apologise if I do not return your body in a better shape than when you left it."
"You did what was necessary, Crais."
He nodded and stared at his glass, "Your body should be fine. I can't feel traces of the toxins remaining, just a general tiredness which should pass soon."
"That should be all right Crais, don't worry..." Aeryn started.
"I should have remembered I was not in my own body," Crais said with a frown, "I didn't and thereby jeopardised you in the process."
"Moya's problem warranted quick thinking. You did that, and thereby saved us."
"Still..." He lay back again, "Thank you for staying."
Her eyes grew softer and her voice gentler, "It was my pleasure, Crais. You don't have to be alone, however much you want us to believe that." She remembered how his hand had held onto hers when he slipped into sleep. Not a grip but a gentle search for contact.
His smile was shy. She liked the softening of his mood. It was rare that she... any of them ever saw that. She had noticed that the same look came over him while he Talyn were conversing with each other. They had a bond which none of the others could understand nor generally tried very hard to understand.
And then she remembered his face, his whole demeanour when he had been forced to shut down Talyn's higher functions to save the youngster from himself. The grief and loneliness had almost been palpable.
Afterwards, when she and Crichton had been alone, Crichton had told her that he thought that Crais had put on a display for their benefit. She knew better.
It must be terrible for Crais at this moment to be separated from the one he considered his only friend, yet he faced it bravely.
Crais' eyes continued to meet hers, but there was no challenge or threat in them.
"Aeryn, I know that these last arns are putting a strain on your relationship with Crichton. I did not intend that. I have tried to, as the Human might say, mind my own business, when I have been aboard Moya. I regret any difficulty that my presence has caused you."
"Crais, any so called difficulties that Crichton and I have experienced have been my fault, not yours.
For that matter, Crichton is far from blameless.
Don't worry. You have always acted much more honourably toward me than John has ever been able to give you credit for. He has to see that, sooner or later. This nonsense has gone on long enough."
"If I do take up the offer to stay on Moya while Talyn goes off on his own (he struggled to control a renewed sense of near panic as he faced this prospect again), do you really believe that the others will truly accept my presence?"
As he asked this question, he heard a voice shouting from some deep recess of his mind, *What if he doesn't come back? What if he leaves me here forever?* It took all of his will to ignore those questions, and to keep his attention focused on the woman sitting beside him.
Aeryn smiled at Crais, "Yes, they will accept your presence. We just have to get used to you being here for longer than a Solar day. We have to get used to you not slinking back off to Talyn."
He winced, "I don't slink..."
"Yes you do. You normally stay long enough to exchange information, have a repast, maybe even stay over for a night before you move back to Talyn."
"I don't want to be in the way of everyone."
Aeryn's smile softened, "You are not, Crais, believe me. I know you find it hard to believe, especially when the others are having their fun, but we have come to look forward to your visits. I know you like to keep to yourself and that the others sometimes see that as sulky, but they'll get used to it."
Crais took a deep breath. The prospect of staying on board Moya with hardly a place to be alone was daunting and yet he also felt a longing. The little voice gnawed at the back of his head "no Talyn to find refuge on*.
Aeryn guessed the reason for his silence and laid a hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry, Crais. He'll be back, and happier, too."
Crais did not feel as confident of this as Aeryn was, but most of him -the better part of him- did not see that there was very much he was going to be able to do about it.
It occurred to him that he and Talyn enjoyed (he was suddenly startled to realize that maybe endured was sometimes the more accurate description) an emotional feedback between each other. How had he affected Talyn? Just how much had his social inhibitions reflected themselves in the Leviathan's behaviour?
The question of how much Talyn's social backwardness had affected his own behaviour skittered through his psyche, but he resolutely did his best to ignore that whole issue.
"Let us hope you are correct, Aeryn. In any case, I owe it to Talyn to give him the opportunity to go out on his own."
Aeryn could not help seeing the worry in his eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed and took her own hand in hers, "Crais I know you are apprehensive about what is about to happen. But it will be better for both of you. He will be happier to have mated and you will be happier knowing that you do not have to live alone."
The panic was back in Crais' eyes. He knew that his present condition due to the Velum vapours might be the cause of this. His body... Aeryn's body still felt weak and it was affecting his judgement. He tried to rationalise it but failed, "I know Aeryn. It is what I keep telling myself. But what if Talyn runs into trouble? Or into a fight with too many ships to handle or..."
"Crais! Stop doing this to yourself. Stop tormenting yourself with situations, which will probably never happen. He'll be fine. Believe in him and yourself."
She noticed a small sheen of sweat on his... her brow. "You are still not well and maybe the effect of the vapour has blown this all out of proportion." She dabbed his forehead with a damp cloth.
Crais brought a hand up to his brow and sank lower down onto the bed. "Perhaps you are right but..."
"No "buts", you rest a little while longer. I will not leave you on your own."
Crais could hear the sense in this. He lay back down and closed his eyes for a moment, or so he thought.
Aeryn was not surprised to observe that he was almost immediately asleep again. Good. It was probably the best thing for him.
Aeryn sat in the chair near the bed and observed her own form and the man inside. She remembered what Crais had said about his link with Talyn. She wondered how strongly the two were linked and how much were Crais' thoughts and how much Talyn's.
Crais had only rarely displayed signs of panic; it was so out of character. On the other hand, Talyn was more prone to it, though he normally had Crais' calming influence to help him get over it.
Yet, when it came to a short separation from Talyn, Crais was irrationally worried. This was not Crais' normal emotional pattern. A frown appeared on "Crais'" brow.
If... when Crais came on board Moya, they would have to watch him closely for a little while. He might display his worries openly and he would hate that, she knew that too, but when he did, he might become a bit too testy. Not a good prospect if left unchecked...
She leaned back in her chair, and while she worried about her friend and former Commander, she drifted off to sleep.
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Part 29
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Meanwhile Crichton had gotten tired of sitting alone in the galley with nothing to do.
He occasionally still teased Aeryn about the regular -sometimes it seemed almost constant-maintenance she performed on her prowler.
Truth to tell, he also was in the habit of using the Farscape 1 module's hangar bay as a refuge when the stress of life at this end of the galaxy became too overwhelming, and he needed some time alone.
He decided that he might as well occupy himself with something useful, such as the modifications that he and Aeryn had started installing to the module's long range scanning system. He snorted at that idea. As though what his ship had now could even properly be called a long range scanning system. Even he had slowly, albeit reluctantly, come round to admitting the worst shortcomings of the Farscape mod.
He remembered the first cycle or so that he had spent on Moya. The derision that greeted his ship had not been laced with affectionate teasing then. The others had seemed honestly horrified and a bit bewildered that any sentient would willingly trust life and limb to the primitive, crude (to them, and he would have frelling near died before admitting it, but now in many ways, even to him) vessel.
He pulled open the panel that he and Aeryn had been working behind just yesterday, and realized that he hadn't brought over the testing device needed for the next step.
He called for the DRD he'd named "Blue" so long ago. It, along with 1812, had a personal relationship with Crichton that astounded the others on Moya. His friends had a hard enough time in the beginning treating Moya and her Pilot as "equals". For the longest time, they had been unable to decide whether the human's attitude toward the DRDs had been a sign of an intellectual or mental defect.
As he waited for the DRD to bring him the equipment, he called out, "Hey, Pilot, any word from Aeryn yet? How are things going in Crais' room?"
Pilot answered ~Both Captain Crais and Aeryn are asleep, Commander. They are resting at the moment. Captain Crais seems to be doing better~
"That's good to hear, Pilot. How's Talyn?"
Pilot was quiet for a moment, ~He misses Captain Crais and is worried about him. He knows that the Captain will be in touch with him soon and has accepted this. Moya and I have kept him updated. He... understands~
"Thank you Pilot."
~You're welcome Commander~
Crichton waited for the DRD's. Yes, they had finally told Talyn what had happened but they had forgotten that the little gunship and Crais shared a strong bond. Had forgotten that Talyn was not just a ship but a worried youngster too. It was so easy to forget. At least Pilot had kept him informed. God knows what Talyn might do if he wasn't kept updated.
Blue bumped his foot, trying to draw attention, "Sorry, Blue, I was lost in thought."
The DRD bleeped happily and lifted one of his maintenance tentacles to give him his device. "Thank you blue." The little DRD scuttled off.
Crichton straightened up, tapping the device on his hand. Yet, he treated the little DRD's almost as sentient beings. Why did he keep forgetting that the Leviathans were sentient too? More sentient even?
He placed the testing device in his ship and headed for Crais' room. He had to talk to Aeryn... and Crais.
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As Crichton neared the entrance to the chamber, he slowed down. He wanted to know whether either Aeryn or Crais, or both, had reawakened. He was ashamed to admit it, but if the two occupants were involved in a discussion, he wanted to hear what he could of it before he interrupted them.
He heard absolutely nothing other than the same hums, beeps and murmurs that one always heard aboard Moya. After all, she was a living ship.
He peeked into the room. Crais was either sound asleep or once again passed out on the bed. Crichton could not help staring at the female figure, which somehow even now was still obviously essentially the ex-Peacekeeper captain, not the woman he loved beyond hope.
He couldn't help thinking that he had never seen Crais look so peaceful, so *innocent*. (Had he been his alter ego, the other-John Crichton, he would have recognized the same look, from a time onboard Talyn when the captain had donated engrams in an attempt to stabilize the little Leviathan.) Somehow, he knew that the explanation was not merely that Crais' consciousness was residing in his lover's body.
Crais' body sprawled in a chair next to the bed. Just by its position, it gave the impression that it had collapsed in exhaustion, partly physical, in part mental and emotional.
Yet they both looked so at peace.
The human found that he did not wish to awaken either of them. He sat down on the floor nearby, leaning back against a chamber wall. He resorted to one of his favourite positions, drawing his knees up against his chest and folding his arms around them. He closed his eyes briefly also, so that he could rest for just a moment.
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Part 30
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A couple of arns passed before Crais stirred awake. For a brief moment he was disoriented and it bothered him. His Peacekeeper training had taught him to be instantly alert when waking up or even before waking up. It had kept him alive while he was a Peacekeeper and he had kept up the practise. Then he remembered. The Velum vapours and his talk to Aeryn.
He looked to his side and saw his own sleeping form in the chair next to the bed. Aeryn needed her sleep too. He watched his own form asleep. Not many were given the opportunity to look at oneself while being unaware of it.
Aeryn had curled up in the chair, her head resting on one arm, which was propped up on the armrest. Crais smiled, his body looked... feminine in that position. Somehow Aeryn had been able to establish some of her movements on his body.
Crais looked around the room and thought he could see the top of Crichton's short hair just at the edge of the bed. He shifted position slightly and seeing Crichton asleep it confirmed it.
He got up without making a sound. It had been a practise he had developed over many cycles. There were not many people who could hear him approach, unless he wanted to. His stealth had kept many young cadets on their toes. Unless you saw the Captain approach you never knew when he was there.
He left both Aeryn and Crichton asleep while he left the room. Outside he had to lean against the bulkhead momentarily but then pushed off to the workout area he had preserved for himself. He wanted to purge Aeryn's system as soon as possible of any remaining vapours and going through the Srrrt'tgh was one of the fastest ways to do so.
Even in his weakened state, Crais managed to make his way down the corridor to his practice area without disturbing Aeryn or the Human.
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At first, his progress had been slow and a bit unsteady. The further he travelled on, however, the more recovered he felt. He would concentrate on a slow, careful, but precise rendition of the srrt'tgh. The ritual was renowned for being not only physically, but spiritually cleansing.
He set himself up to begin the rite. The first stage was easy. He shed his clothes to the bare essentials. Had he been in his own body he would have taken his shirt off too but being that he wasn't he left it on, just in case someone walked in on him.
First he expelled as much breath as he could in explosive gasps. He went to the next stage when he started to feel light-headed. Then he performed the Panthak-regime at such extreme slowness that each muscle could be felt to strain. He went through all 55 positions, using almost every muscle in the body.
Instead in speeding up he sat down cross-legged at the last movement, his back straight and took deep short breaths, then expelled it fast. Slowly his mind started to calm down and he closed his eyes, becoming aware of every part of his... Aeryn's body. Could almost feel each droplet of blood run through his body. It was time to now review his mind and moving all thoughts to the recesses of his mind, while his body prepared itself for the next stage. As he sat very still, he emptied all thoughts from his mind. As he did, he began to feel the tensions that had been building up so unbearably start to melt away. He relaxed as only those trained in the highest spiritual forms of the martial arts could do.
Rather than feeling drained either physically or emotionally, a deep sense of peace came over him. He bathed himself in that luxurious sense of tranquillity, of rightness. All of the muscles, which might otherwise have begun to feel abused instead relaxed, and he felt physically refreshed and invigorated.
The relaxation sent him into a dreamy, euphoric state. His breathing became deep, his heart rate became almost too slow to measure.
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In the meantime Crichton had woken up and had noticed the empty bed. Aeryn was still asleep, the poor girl. Crais could only be in one place. His strides brought him quickly to Crais' workout area.
Crichton looked through the window inside the room and saw Aeryn... Crais sit on the floor. His body strangely rigid and at the same time relaxed. He found it difficult to explain.
He entered and walked over to Crais. He was hardly breathing and it looked as if he was unconscious. Crichton's hand moved to Crais' shoulder, to touch him.
Crais reached over... the movement was almost a blur... and, grabbing Crichton's arms, pulled him down onto the floor with a thump.
Crichton crash landed next to the body of Aeryn, not seriously hurt, but dazed.
Crais seemed to rouse at this. He "came to", eyes flickering, attention focused on the Human at his side. He somewhat idly studied the figure, so nearly Sebacean in form.
Crais, however, had enough experience with Crichton to be well aware just how alien he was.
"Aeryn" sat back and Crais replied calmly, "I apologise but one should not interrupt someone in their meditation." He tried to link body and mind again. He was still a bit dazed.
"Crais, it almost looked as if you had a stroke, were dead. Meeting your maker in the sky. I was only trying to..."
"..help," concluded Crais, "No I wasn't dead I was meditating. It is dangerous to interrupt someone in the Srrr'gh. I could have killed you."
"Yeah, you're right there," Crichton rubbed his arms, he could still feel Crais' strength flowing through Aeryn's body, "Next time put a sign on the door. Do not disturb."
"I will keep that in mind Crichton," Crais aid and stood up, "Maybe you want to help me with the last stages."
Crichton frowned "And that is?"
Crais smiled at the Human.
He found himself enjoying Crichton's confusion. On the other hand, he supposed the Human gained points for once for trying to be concerned and helpful.
Crichton continued to look at him, waiting for an explanation of what would be expected of him.
Crais decided that it would be unworthy of him to toy with the Human any longer.
"I will explain while we go," said Crais, "I can finish the Srrr'gh on my own but it is better performed with two. You will have to mirror my moves. You think you are up for it Crichton?"
Crichton remembered the blur-like movements he had seen in the morning, "I'm not sure..."
"We will start slowly," said Crais helpfully, "If it will go too fast for you at any stage, you will just step away and I will conclude it myself."
"Ill give it a try," replied Crichton.
Crais smiled and "Aeryn" moved about a couple of paces away from Crichton.
He closed his eyes and tried to empty his mind as much was possible.
Crichton thought, "Now that is what I call slow."
When Crais reopened his eyes they were slightly dazed. He started to go through the first movements very slowly. Crichton had no trouble keeping up in the early stages. It reminded Crichton of the Tai Chi dance on Earth.
Crais sped up the pace now, performing the same series of exercises but at a more rapid pace. An observer would have noticed no difference in the precision of his movements.
Crichton, however, was another story. He did his best to follow the Sebacean's lead, but found himself struggling to manage a clumsy approximation of the movements. To his credit, he did not give up; he did his best to follow along. He devoted every bit of his concentration to this; later on, he would mentally compare the exercise to the tai chi that he had seen his sister Olivia practice some years ago.
After the second set was completed, Crais began one last repetition of the movements. Within moments, Crichton found himself hopelessly lost and nearly in a tangle of limbs on the floor. He stepped back and watched the graceful and powerful dance that Crais performed.
Crais had been happy that Crichton could stay part of the distance with him but he had seen some of the clumsy movements out of the corner of his eyes. He did not let it break his concentration and when Crichton had fallen on the floor Crais neatly sidestepped him.
His concentration grew deeper and his movements became almost a blur, yet they were still the same movements of attack and defence with slight variations but only one versed in the discipline would have noticed it.
Never before had Crichton seen Aeryn move so fast and he realised that Crais must have held back his strength and fighting expertise when he either fought Aeryn or himself.
He wouldn't be surprised if Crais could run at a wall, walk a few paced on it and then summersault back on his feet.
Finally Crais slowed his movements until he came to a complete standstill. He was barely out of breath but a fine sheet of sweat had formed over Aeryn's body.
When he walked up to Crichton he was breathing easier and his rigid posture was back. He laid a hand on Crichton's shoulder, "Thank you for trying to keep up with me as long as you could. Aeryn's body should be fine now."
Crais turned and pick up the towel to dry himself. He turned to Crichton and extended a hand toward the Human.
"It seems that in the near future I am likely to find myself spending an extended period on Moya. I thank you for your invitation.
Perhaps I can offer you something in return. If either you or Aeryn wish, it would be my pleasure to teach you the sshr'gh. It is not only revered by Sebaceans as the purest form of martial art; it also benefits both one's spiritual and physical health.
There is no shame in your failure to complete the exercise. For one who is not trained, you actually did quite well to follow for as long as you did. You showed natural aptitude as well as physical ability."
Crichton was surprised by Crais' praise. Not only was he not used to hearing it from Crais directed to him, the man was just sparse in giving praise, apart to Talyn, to anyone at any given time. "Ah... well...Thank you," stammered Crichton.
"Your welcome," said Crais offhandedly while he was towelling the sweat off Aeryn's body. He walked to the refresher.
"Uhm... where are you going Crais?"
"To refresh myself. You don't want Aeryn to come back into a smelly body?"
"No but..."
"I will not look Crichton. Will that satisfy you," Crais asked wary.
"Sorry Crais, didn't mean that. I just..."
"I understand Crichton. I won't be long." Crais walked off, leaving a confused John Crichton.
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Part 31
He came back shortly and Aeryn's face looked flustered, Crais said, "Shall we go to my room? I assume that Aeryn is still resting there."
Crichton looked closely at Crais. He thought that something about Crais seemed odd, but he wasn't sure what exactly what was going on, and he didn't want to start a new round of hostility and misunderstanding.
"Sure, Crais. I left Aeryn asleep. She's been through the mill, and I didn't want to disturb her."
The Human continued to direct occasional sidelong glances at Crais as they left the hangar and started to make their way down the corridor. He was trying very hard not to be conspicuous about it.
Crais had noticed the sideway glances Crichton was giving him. Finally he stopped walking and turned to Crichton, "What is wrong Crichton? You look as if I have sprouted three horns on the top of my head."
"No, it's just that... Forget what I said."
"You haven't said anything Crichton. Is there something wrong with Aeryn's body?" Crais was worried now.
"You don't feel odd?"
"No, other than.... No, I feel all right. Why? Should I feel strange?"
"No, it's just that... well, the expression on your face...I was just wondering if you were feeling any differently yet.
"I know it hasn't been a full 24 arns yet since the change, but I guess none of us knows quite what to expect. These priests of Lachmon--do you really think they were straight with Aeryn? Do you think they'll keep their word?"
"Crichton, none of us know that. I admit that I would never have made the agreement with them that Aeryn did. However, since I have left Peacekeeper ranks, I have seen many things that have surprised me. I am no longer sure what I should expect of these priests.
Once upon a time, I would have...well, this is not once upon a time.
It was shocking to me that Aeryn trusted this man. I cannot explain why she would have done such a thing."
Now it was Crais giving Crichton the sidelong look.
"However, I have generally found Aeryn's judgement and instincts to be worth heeding. I am willing to wait out this solar day and see what befalls. It will be time enough tomorrow to consider our next step."
Crichton stopped Crais in his progress to his room by stepping in front of him and placing a hand on his shoulder. Crais looked at it and a raised eyebrow appeared on Aeryn's features. Out of habit Crichton dropped his hand.
He smiled sheepishly, "Once I told you that you hadn't changed and for a long time I believed that. I'm not so sure anymore. You have changed much. And I am not only talking about you and Aeryn swapping bodies."
Crais kept his eyebrow raised, his head slightly canted, was there something like an amused smile showing through? It must have been a trick of the light, when Crichton looked closer the smile was gone.
Crichton continued, "The Crais I knew would still believe that others were inferior species, would think that I was an inferior species and would probably only come to our aid if it suited his plans."
For a brief moment a sparkle of anger burned in the dark eyes but as quickly as the smile had disappeared so it was with the sparkle. "You really believed I only rescued you and the others all this time for my own purposes? You might have been right to some point but it had become second in my thoughts whenever I raised the issue to myself and now that priority is completely gone. You forget I am linked to Talyn? His foremost thought was to safeguard his mother and to do so he had to safe those on her."
Crais' dark eyes locked onto Crichton's, "At some point, quite early on as a matter of fact, Talyn's and my goals merged. I had... have turned to the old Codec of the Peacekeepers, before it became twisted and corrupted by the New breed of Peacekeepers. You and Moya are part of my... our vow of protection."
This time the amusement was unmistakable, "Yes, I have changed Crichton but maybe not in the way you think I have changed. I am a Peacekeeper as a Peacekeeper was supposed to have been. I live by my own Codec now, as it should have been. Will you despise me for that?"
Crichton did not know if he was more surprised by the answer, or by the question. He was even more surprised to find that he accepted Crais' answer as the truth.
He had not been witness to the struggles between Crais, Talyn and the others when they were separated from Moya before the destruction of the Command Carrier, it was the 'other' John Crichton who had. Afterwards, Crais and Talyn had visited Moya, but only occasionally. They tended not to stay very long, and even then, Crais himself had shown a real talent for disappearing back to Talyn long before the youngster was ready to leave his mother's side.
This explanation, however, fit perfectly into the tales Talyn had told Moya and Pilot, some of which had been relayed to everyone onboard the mother Leviathan.
Crichton found himself suddenly face to face with a Bialar Crais unlike any that he had ever encountered before, and not because of the physical form he was wearing.
As he thought this, he heard a little voice at the back of his mind say, *Johnny Boy, now that's not exactly true.*
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Meanwhile in Crais' room, Aeryn watched as her body finally stirred. She sat up straighter, waiting for Crais to fully swim back up to consciousness.
She couldn't help smiling fondly. Such a mass of contradictions! So dear to her.
As Crais' eyes finally opened, she gave her...his hand a squeeze and asked, "How are you feeling?" She loosened her grip, but continued to hold his hand, massaging it lightly.
After a brief moment, he focused on her, and returned her smile.
"Much better, Officer Sun."
A small pause, and he added, as much to himself as to her, "We're alone?"
He rearranged himself slightly on the bed, raising himself up to a nearly sitting position. He still looked very tired.
"The others are waiting for us in the galley, but there's no great rush. If you wish, I can leave in a bit, and bring you back something to eat. You should get your rest, after what you've just been through."
Crais answered her, "I would like to eat something, later. I could do with some water at the moment."
She handed him the glass of water and he drank of it thirstily. He smiled at her, "I apologise if I do not return your body in a better shape than when you left it."
"You did what was necessary, Crais."
He nodded and stared at his glass, "Your body should be fine. I can't feel traces of the toxins remaining, just a general tiredness which should pass soon."
"That should be all right Crais, don't worry..." Aeryn started.
"I should have remembered I was not in my own body," Crais said with a frown, "I didn't and thereby jeopardised you in the process."
"Moya's problem warranted quick thinking. You did that, and thereby saved us."
"Still..." He lay back again, "Thank you for staying."
Her eyes grew softer and her voice gentler, "It was my pleasure, Crais. You don't have to be alone, however much you want us to believe that." She remembered how his hand had held onto hers when he slipped into sleep. Not a grip but a gentle search for contact.
His smile was shy. She liked the softening of his mood. It was rare that she... any of them ever saw that. She had noticed that the same look came over him while he Talyn were conversing with each other. They had a bond which none of the others could understand nor generally tried very hard to understand.
And then she remembered his face, his whole demeanour when he had been forced to shut down Talyn's higher functions to save the youngster from himself. The grief and loneliness had almost been palpable.
Afterwards, when she and Crichton had been alone, Crichton had told her that he thought that Crais had put on a display for their benefit. She knew better.
It must be terrible for Crais at this moment to be separated from the one he considered his only friend, yet he faced it bravely.
Crais' eyes continued to meet hers, but there was no challenge or threat in them.
"Aeryn, I know that these last arns are putting a strain on your relationship with Crichton. I did not intend that. I have tried to, as the Human might say, mind my own business, when I have been aboard Moya. I regret any difficulty that my presence has caused you."
"Crais, any so called difficulties that Crichton and I have experienced have been my fault, not yours.
For that matter, Crichton is far from blameless.
Don't worry. You have always acted much more honourably toward me than John has ever been able to give you credit for. He has to see that, sooner or later. This nonsense has gone on long enough."
"If I do take up the offer to stay on Moya while Talyn goes off on his own (he struggled to control a renewed sense of near panic as he faced this prospect again), do you really believe that the others will truly accept my presence?"
As he asked this question, he heard a voice shouting from some deep recess of his mind, *What if he doesn't come back? What if he leaves me here forever?* It took all of his will to ignore those questions, and to keep his attention focused on the woman sitting beside him.
Aeryn smiled at Crais, "Yes, they will accept your presence. We just have to get used to you being here for longer than a Solar day. We have to get used to you not slinking back off to Talyn."
He winced, "I don't slink..."
"Yes you do. You normally stay long enough to exchange information, have a repast, maybe even stay over for a night before you move back to Talyn."
"I don't want to be in the way of everyone."
Aeryn's smile softened, "You are not, Crais, believe me. I know you find it hard to believe, especially when the others are having their fun, but we have come to look forward to your visits. I know you like to keep to yourself and that the others sometimes see that as sulky, but they'll get used to it."
Crais took a deep breath. The prospect of staying on board Moya with hardly a place to be alone was daunting and yet he also felt a longing. The little voice gnawed at the back of his head "no Talyn to find refuge on*.
Aeryn guessed the reason for his silence and laid a hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry, Crais. He'll be back, and happier, too."
Crais did not feel as confident of this as Aeryn was, but most of him -the better part of him- did not see that there was very much he was going to be able to do about it.
It occurred to him that he and Talyn enjoyed (he was suddenly startled to realize that maybe endured was sometimes the more accurate description) an emotional feedback between each other. How had he affected Talyn? Just how much had his social inhibitions reflected themselves in the Leviathan's behaviour?
The question of how much Talyn's social backwardness had affected his own behaviour skittered through his psyche, but he resolutely did his best to ignore that whole issue.
"Let us hope you are correct, Aeryn. In any case, I owe it to Talyn to give him the opportunity to go out on his own."
Aeryn could not help seeing the worry in his eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed and took her own hand in hers, "Crais I know you are apprehensive about what is about to happen. But it will be better for both of you. He will be happier to have mated and you will be happier knowing that you do not have to live alone."
The panic was back in Crais' eyes. He knew that his present condition due to the Velum vapours might be the cause of this. His body... Aeryn's body still felt weak and it was affecting his judgement. He tried to rationalise it but failed, "I know Aeryn. It is what I keep telling myself. But what if Talyn runs into trouble? Or into a fight with too many ships to handle or..."
"Crais! Stop doing this to yourself. Stop tormenting yourself with situations, which will probably never happen. He'll be fine. Believe in him and yourself."
She noticed a small sheen of sweat on his... her brow. "You are still not well and maybe the effect of the vapour has blown this all out of proportion." She dabbed his forehead with a damp cloth.
Crais brought a hand up to his brow and sank lower down onto the bed. "Perhaps you are right but..."
"No "buts", you rest a little while longer. I will not leave you on your own."
Crais could hear the sense in this. He lay back down and closed his eyes for a moment, or so he thought.
Aeryn was not surprised to observe that he was almost immediately asleep again. Good. It was probably the best thing for him.
Aeryn sat in the chair near the bed and observed her own form and the man inside. She remembered what Crais had said about his link with Talyn. She wondered how strongly the two were linked and how much were Crais' thoughts and how much Talyn's.
Crais had only rarely displayed signs of panic; it was so out of character. On the other hand, Talyn was more prone to it, though he normally had Crais' calming influence to help him get over it.
Yet, when it came to a short separation from Talyn, Crais was irrationally worried. This was not Crais' normal emotional pattern. A frown appeared on "Crais'" brow.
If... when Crais came on board Moya, they would have to watch him closely for a little while. He might display his worries openly and he would hate that, she knew that too, but when he did, he might become a bit too testy. Not a good prospect if left unchecked...
She leaned back in her chair, and while she worried about her friend and former Commander, she drifted off to sleep.
.
Part 29
.
Meanwhile Crichton had gotten tired of sitting alone in the galley with nothing to do.
He occasionally still teased Aeryn about the regular -sometimes it seemed almost constant-maintenance she performed on her prowler.
Truth to tell, he also was in the habit of using the Farscape 1 module's hangar bay as a refuge when the stress of life at this end of the galaxy became too overwhelming, and he needed some time alone.
He decided that he might as well occupy himself with something useful, such as the modifications that he and Aeryn had started installing to the module's long range scanning system. He snorted at that idea. As though what his ship had now could even properly be called a long range scanning system. Even he had slowly, albeit reluctantly, come round to admitting the worst shortcomings of the Farscape mod.
He remembered the first cycle or so that he had spent on Moya. The derision that greeted his ship had not been laced with affectionate teasing then. The others had seemed honestly horrified and a bit bewildered that any sentient would willingly trust life and limb to the primitive, crude (to them, and he would have frelling near died before admitting it, but now in many ways, even to him) vessel.
He pulled open the panel that he and Aeryn had been working behind just yesterday, and realized that he hadn't brought over the testing device needed for the next step.
He called for the DRD he'd named "Blue" so long ago. It, along with 1812, had a personal relationship with Crichton that astounded the others on Moya. His friends had a hard enough time in the beginning treating Moya and her Pilot as "equals". For the longest time, they had been unable to decide whether the human's attitude toward the DRDs had been a sign of an intellectual or mental defect.
As he waited for the DRD to bring him the equipment, he called out, "Hey, Pilot, any word from Aeryn yet? How are things going in Crais' room?"
Pilot answered ~Both Captain Crais and Aeryn are asleep, Commander. They are resting at the moment. Captain Crais seems to be doing better~
"That's good to hear, Pilot. How's Talyn?"
Pilot was quiet for a moment, ~He misses Captain Crais and is worried about him. He knows that the Captain will be in touch with him soon and has accepted this. Moya and I have kept him updated. He... understands~
"Thank you Pilot."
~You're welcome Commander~
Crichton waited for the DRD's. Yes, they had finally told Talyn what had happened but they had forgotten that the little gunship and Crais shared a strong bond. Had forgotten that Talyn was not just a ship but a worried youngster too. It was so easy to forget. At least Pilot had kept him informed. God knows what Talyn might do if he wasn't kept updated.
Blue bumped his foot, trying to draw attention, "Sorry, Blue, I was lost in thought."
The DRD bleeped happily and lifted one of his maintenance tentacles to give him his device. "Thank you blue." The little DRD scuttled off.
Crichton straightened up, tapping the device on his hand. Yet, he treated the little DRD's almost as sentient beings. Why did he keep forgetting that the Leviathans were sentient too? More sentient even?
He placed the testing device in his ship and headed for Crais' room. He had to talk to Aeryn... and Crais.
.
As Crichton neared the entrance to the chamber, he slowed down. He wanted to know whether either Aeryn or Crais, or both, had reawakened. He was ashamed to admit it, but if the two occupants were involved in a discussion, he wanted to hear what he could of it before he interrupted them.
He heard absolutely nothing other than the same hums, beeps and murmurs that one always heard aboard Moya. After all, she was a living ship.
He peeked into the room. Crais was either sound asleep or once again passed out on the bed. Crichton could not help staring at the female figure, which somehow even now was still obviously essentially the ex-Peacekeeper captain, not the woman he loved beyond hope.
He couldn't help thinking that he had never seen Crais look so peaceful, so *innocent*. (Had he been his alter ego, the other-John Crichton, he would have recognized the same look, from a time onboard Talyn when the captain had donated engrams in an attempt to stabilize the little Leviathan.) Somehow, he knew that the explanation was not merely that Crais' consciousness was residing in his lover's body.
Crais' body sprawled in a chair next to the bed. Just by its position, it gave the impression that it had collapsed in exhaustion, partly physical, in part mental and emotional.
Yet they both looked so at peace.
The human found that he did not wish to awaken either of them. He sat down on the floor nearby, leaning back against a chamber wall. He resorted to one of his favourite positions, drawing his knees up against his chest and folding his arms around them. He closed his eyes briefly also, so that he could rest for just a moment.
.
Part 30
.
A couple of arns passed before Crais stirred awake. For a brief moment he was disoriented and it bothered him. His Peacekeeper training had taught him to be instantly alert when waking up or even before waking up. It had kept him alive while he was a Peacekeeper and he had kept up the practise. Then he remembered. The Velum vapours and his talk to Aeryn.
He looked to his side and saw his own sleeping form in the chair next to the bed. Aeryn needed her sleep too. He watched his own form asleep. Not many were given the opportunity to look at oneself while being unaware of it.
Aeryn had curled up in the chair, her head resting on one arm, which was propped up on the armrest. Crais smiled, his body looked... feminine in that position. Somehow Aeryn had been able to establish some of her movements on his body.
Crais looked around the room and thought he could see the top of Crichton's short hair just at the edge of the bed. He shifted position slightly and seeing Crichton asleep it confirmed it.
He got up without making a sound. It had been a practise he had developed over many cycles. There were not many people who could hear him approach, unless he wanted to. His stealth had kept many young cadets on their toes. Unless you saw the Captain approach you never knew when he was there.
He left both Aeryn and Crichton asleep while he left the room. Outside he had to lean against the bulkhead momentarily but then pushed off to the workout area he had preserved for himself. He wanted to purge Aeryn's system as soon as possible of any remaining vapours and going through the Srrrt'tgh was one of the fastest ways to do so.
Even in his weakened state, Crais managed to make his way down the corridor to his practice area without disturbing Aeryn or the Human.
.
At first, his progress had been slow and a bit unsteady. The further he travelled on, however, the more recovered he felt. He would concentrate on a slow, careful, but precise rendition of the srrt'tgh. The ritual was renowned for being not only physically, but spiritually cleansing.
He set himself up to begin the rite. The first stage was easy. He shed his clothes to the bare essentials. Had he been in his own body he would have taken his shirt off too but being that he wasn't he left it on, just in case someone walked in on him.
First he expelled as much breath as he could in explosive gasps. He went to the next stage when he started to feel light-headed. Then he performed the Panthak-regime at such extreme slowness that each muscle could be felt to strain. He went through all 55 positions, using almost every muscle in the body.
Instead in speeding up he sat down cross-legged at the last movement, his back straight and took deep short breaths, then expelled it fast. Slowly his mind started to calm down and he closed his eyes, becoming aware of every part of his... Aeryn's body. Could almost feel each droplet of blood run through his body. It was time to now review his mind and moving all thoughts to the recesses of his mind, while his body prepared itself for the next stage. As he sat very still, he emptied all thoughts from his mind. As he did, he began to feel the tensions that had been building up so unbearably start to melt away. He relaxed as only those trained in the highest spiritual forms of the martial arts could do.
Rather than feeling drained either physically or emotionally, a deep sense of peace came over him. He bathed himself in that luxurious sense of tranquillity, of rightness. All of the muscles, which might otherwise have begun to feel abused instead relaxed, and he felt physically refreshed and invigorated.
The relaxation sent him into a dreamy, euphoric state. His breathing became deep, his heart rate became almost too slow to measure.
.
In the meantime Crichton had woken up and had noticed the empty bed. Aeryn was still asleep, the poor girl. Crais could only be in one place. His strides brought him quickly to Crais' workout area.
Crichton looked through the window inside the room and saw Aeryn... Crais sit on the floor. His body strangely rigid and at the same time relaxed. He found it difficult to explain.
He entered and walked over to Crais. He was hardly breathing and it looked as if he was unconscious. Crichton's hand moved to Crais' shoulder, to touch him.
Crais reached over... the movement was almost a blur... and, grabbing Crichton's arms, pulled him down onto the floor with a thump.
Crichton crash landed next to the body of Aeryn, not seriously hurt, but dazed.
Crais seemed to rouse at this. He "came to", eyes flickering, attention focused on the Human at his side. He somewhat idly studied the figure, so nearly Sebacean in form.
Crais, however, had enough experience with Crichton to be well aware just how alien he was.
"Aeryn" sat back and Crais replied calmly, "I apologise but one should not interrupt someone in their meditation." He tried to link body and mind again. He was still a bit dazed.
"Crais, it almost looked as if you had a stroke, were dead. Meeting your maker in the sky. I was only trying to..."
"..help," concluded Crais, "No I wasn't dead I was meditating. It is dangerous to interrupt someone in the Srrr'gh. I could have killed you."
"Yeah, you're right there," Crichton rubbed his arms, he could still feel Crais' strength flowing through Aeryn's body, "Next time put a sign on the door. Do not disturb."
"I will keep that in mind Crichton," Crais aid and stood up, "Maybe you want to help me with the last stages."
Crichton frowned "And that is?"
Crais smiled at the Human.
He found himself enjoying Crichton's confusion. On the other hand, he supposed the Human gained points for once for trying to be concerned and helpful.
Crichton continued to look at him, waiting for an explanation of what would be expected of him.
Crais decided that it would be unworthy of him to toy with the Human any longer.
"I will explain while we go," said Crais, "I can finish the Srrr'gh on my own but it is better performed with two. You will have to mirror my moves. You think you are up for it Crichton?"
Crichton remembered the blur-like movements he had seen in the morning, "I'm not sure..."
"We will start slowly," said Crais helpfully, "If it will go too fast for you at any stage, you will just step away and I will conclude it myself."
"Ill give it a try," replied Crichton.
Crais smiled and "Aeryn" moved about a couple of paces away from Crichton.
He closed his eyes and tried to empty his mind as much was possible.
Crichton thought, "Now that is what I call slow."
When Crais reopened his eyes they were slightly dazed. He started to go through the first movements very slowly. Crichton had no trouble keeping up in the early stages. It reminded Crichton of the Tai Chi dance on Earth.
Crais sped up the pace now, performing the same series of exercises but at a more rapid pace. An observer would have noticed no difference in the precision of his movements.
Crichton, however, was another story. He did his best to follow the Sebacean's lead, but found himself struggling to manage a clumsy approximation of the movements. To his credit, he did not give up; he did his best to follow along. He devoted every bit of his concentration to this; later on, he would mentally compare the exercise to the tai chi that he had seen his sister Olivia practice some years ago.
After the second set was completed, Crais began one last repetition of the movements. Within moments, Crichton found himself hopelessly lost and nearly in a tangle of limbs on the floor. He stepped back and watched the graceful and powerful dance that Crais performed.
Crais had been happy that Crichton could stay part of the distance with him but he had seen some of the clumsy movements out of the corner of his eyes. He did not let it break his concentration and when Crichton had fallen on the floor Crais neatly sidestepped him.
His concentration grew deeper and his movements became almost a blur, yet they were still the same movements of attack and defence with slight variations but only one versed in the discipline would have noticed it.
Never before had Crichton seen Aeryn move so fast and he realised that Crais must have held back his strength and fighting expertise when he either fought Aeryn or himself.
He wouldn't be surprised if Crais could run at a wall, walk a few paced on it and then summersault back on his feet.
Finally Crais slowed his movements until he came to a complete standstill. He was barely out of breath but a fine sheet of sweat had formed over Aeryn's body.
When he walked up to Crichton he was breathing easier and his rigid posture was back. He laid a hand on Crichton's shoulder, "Thank you for trying to keep up with me as long as you could. Aeryn's body should be fine now."
Crais turned and pick up the towel to dry himself. He turned to Crichton and extended a hand toward the Human.
"It seems that in the near future I am likely to find myself spending an extended period on Moya. I thank you for your invitation.
Perhaps I can offer you something in return. If either you or Aeryn wish, it would be my pleasure to teach you the sshr'gh. It is not only revered by Sebaceans as the purest form of martial art; it also benefits both one's spiritual and physical health.
There is no shame in your failure to complete the exercise. For one who is not trained, you actually did quite well to follow for as long as you did. You showed natural aptitude as well as physical ability."
Crichton was surprised by Crais' praise. Not only was he not used to hearing it from Crais directed to him, the man was just sparse in giving praise, apart to Talyn, to anyone at any given time. "Ah... well...Thank you," stammered Crichton.
"Your welcome," said Crais offhandedly while he was towelling the sweat off Aeryn's body. He walked to the refresher.
"Uhm... where are you going Crais?"
"To refresh myself. You don't want Aeryn to come back into a smelly body?"
"No but..."
"I will not look Crichton. Will that satisfy you," Crais asked wary.
"Sorry Crais, didn't mean that. I just..."
"I understand Crichton. I won't be long." Crais walked off, leaving a confused John Crichton.
.
Part 31
He came back shortly and Aeryn's face looked flustered, Crais said, "Shall we go to my room? I assume that Aeryn is still resting there."
Crichton looked closely at Crais. He thought that something about Crais seemed odd, but he wasn't sure what exactly what was going on, and he didn't want to start a new round of hostility and misunderstanding.
"Sure, Crais. I left Aeryn asleep. She's been through the mill, and I didn't want to disturb her."
The Human continued to direct occasional sidelong glances at Crais as they left the hangar and started to make their way down the corridor. He was trying very hard not to be conspicuous about it.
Crais had noticed the sideway glances Crichton was giving him. Finally he stopped walking and turned to Crichton, "What is wrong Crichton? You look as if I have sprouted three horns on the top of my head."
"No, it's just that... Forget what I said."
"You haven't said anything Crichton. Is there something wrong with Aeryn's body?" Crais was worried now.
"You don't feel odd?"
"No, other than.... No, I feel all right. Why? Should I feel strange?"
"No, it's just that... well, the expression on your face...I was just wondering if you were feeling any differently yet.
"I know it hasn't been a full 24 arns yet since the change, but I guess none of us knows quite what to expect. These priests of Lachmon--do you really think they were straight with Aeryn? Do you think they'll keep their word?"
"Crichton, none of us know that. I admit that I would never have made the agreement with them that Aeryn did. However, since I have left Peacekeeper ranks, I have seen many things that have surprised me. I am no longer sure what I should expect of these priests.
Once upon a time, I would have...well, this is not once upon a time.
It was shocking to me that Aeryn trusted this man. I cannot explain why she would have done such a thing."
Now it was Crais giving Crichton the sidelong look.
"However, I have generally found Aeryn's judgement and instincts to be worth heeding. I am willing to wait out this solar day and see what befalls. It will be time enough tomorrow to consider our next step."
Crichton stopped Crais in his progress to his room by stepping in front of him and placing a hand on his shoulder. Crais looked at it and a raised eyebrow appeared on Aeryn's features. Out of habit Crichton dropped his hand.
He smiled sheepishly, "Once I told you that you hadn't changed and for a long time I believed that. I'm not so sure anymore. You have changed much. And I am not only talking about you and Aeryn swapping bodies."
Crais kept his eyebrow raised, his head slightly canted, was there something like an amused smile showing through? It must have been a trick of the light, when Crichton looked closer the smile was gone.
Crichton continued, "The Crais I knew would still believe that others were inferior species, would think that I was an inferior species and would probably only come to our aid if it suited his plans."
For a brief moment a sparkle of anger burned in the dark eyes but as quickly as the smile had disappeared so it was with the sparkle. "You really believed I only rescued you and the others all this time for my own purposes? You might have been right to some point but it had become second in my thoughts whenever I raised the issue to myself and now that priority is completely gone. You forget I am linked to Talyn? His foremost thought was to safeguard his mother and to do so he had to safe those on her."
Crais' dark eyes locked onto Crichton's, "At some point, quite early on as a matter of fact, Talyn's and my goals merged. I had... have turned to the old Codec of the Peacekeepers, before it became twisted and corrupted by the New breed of Peacekeepers. You and Moya are part of my... our vow of protection."
This time the amusement was unmistakable, "Yes, I have changed Crichton but maybe not in the way you think I have changed. I am a Peacekeeper as a Peacekeeper was supposed to have been. I live by my own Codec now, as it should have been. Will you despise me for that?"
Crichton did not know if he was more surprised by the answer, or by the question. He was even more surprised to find that he accepted Crais' answer as the truth.
He had not been witness to the struggles between Crais, Talyn and the others when they were separated from Moya before the destruction of the Command Carrier, it was the 'other' John Crichton who had. Afterwards, Crais and Talyn had visited Moya, but only occasionally. They tended not to stay very long, and even then, Crais himself had shown a real talent for disappearing back to Talyn long before the youngster was ready to leave his mother's side.
This explanation, however, fit perfectly into the tales Talyn had told Moya and Pilot, some of which had been relayed to everyone onboard the mother Leviathan.
Crichton found himself suddenly face to face with a Bialar Crais unlike any that he had ever encountered before, and not because of the physical form he was wearing.
As he thought this, he heard a little voice at the back of his mind say, *Johnny Boy, now that's not exactly true.*