Part 32
.
He flashed back to his meeting with this man shortly before the Command Carrier was destroyed. He had been astounded then at the Bialar Crais he had faced, the ex-Peacekeeper Captain who had spoken so matter-of-factly about the horrors the universe faced if Peacekeepers -his own kind- gained control of such a monstrous weapon. The man who, even though he had somehow managed to cheat death, had most certainly been willing to meet it face to face.
When, some time later, Talyn had reappeared somewhat the worse for wear but alive and with his Sebacean pilot still alive too, Crichton had felt strangely cheated as well as confirmed in his earlier judgement. *See, he didn't really mean to die to save the known universe. He had something up his sleeve as usual. I was right the first time*
He had felt both relieved, and disappointed. He hadn't been able to decide which he felt more ashamed of.
Then had started the stories of rescues of people in terrible danger, of entire colonies sometimes. On a few occasions, those stories had been confirmed on the streets of various commerce planets they had visited on supply runs. They spoke of the mysterious Captain and his even more mysterious ship, but Moya and her people had not a doubt in their mind who those stories were really about.
It took only seconds for these thoughts, and more, to run through Crichton's head.
.
"No, Crais, how could I? How could any of us? Although you're playing a dangerous game there.
"You might be the most honourable of men (whew! Where did that thought come from?) but if Sebaceans are anything like humans, it can be a tough row to hoe to resist temptation. Some of the worst excesses that my kind ever committed originated with worthy intentions that went terribly wrong.
It's like you said before when you were explaining about the priests of Lachmon--either from their side, or from the Peacekeeper point of view."
Crais cocked an eyebrow at Crichton, "I am well aware of the dangers that come with power. I am well aware that the need to tell others what is best for them is inherent in us all. I have had experience first hand. And I have made it my Vow not to fall into that trap again. In my rise to power I lost my brother, even before you ran into him. My rise had been construed to keep him safe and where did it get him? I have lost more to ambition than you will ever know Crichton. I will not make that mistake again. Rest assured."
Crichton realised one thing, if nothing else, Crais' Vow was sacred to him. He said nothing and listened to what Crais further had to say.
Aeryn started pacing, five steps to the wall, five steps back but the way she paced was characteristically Crais', "It is also one of the reasons no one knows our names. Partly because Talyn and I still don't feel safe from the Peacekeepers and want to stay "dead" in their eyes. Partly because I don't want to hear our... my name hailed through the Uncharted Territories."
He looked up, "Part of the temptation is to hear your name reverberate in praise wherever you go. Obscurity offers more than protection. Protection against one's self is the best safeguard."
"Yes, sometimes I have thought to raise the Peacekeepers again, as they should have been but I also realise it is fraught with danger of history repeating itself."
Crichton was astounded by what he was hearing, but could not detect a false note in Crais' entire conversation. In fact, he almost got the impression that the Sebacean was directing his speech as much now to himself as to the human.
"You know, Bialar, I've caused a lot of death and misery since I travelled through that first wormhole and found myself on this side of the universe, but your brother was a special case.
I mean, he was the first person whose death I was ever responsible for. Never mind that I didn't mean to cause it, couldn't have done anything to prevent it, totally didn't have the power to undo it. It...he...was still on my conscience, and in a way that the others never were.
I don't even know how many deaths I've caused. I stopped trying to count a long time ago. I couldn't keep track anymore if I wanted to."
Crichton looked away for a moment. "And I don't want to."
Crais hesitated for a microt before responding: "You were responsible for his death. But so was he. So was I. There is no way to untangle these things.
I long ago faced that. When I told you long ago that I no longer blamed you, no longer held you responsible, I meant it.
As to the other deaths on your conscience, you can neither ever hope to accurately count their number, nor balance those scales. How many have you saved? The ramifications of your actions down the years are unknowable.
You can only do what you think best now, and leave the rest be."
They stood for a few microts, alternately looking at each other, and then away.
.
Crais broke the silence. "I believe that we were on our way to my room to check on Officer Sun's condition. Shall we?"
Crichton nodded and soon they entered the room. Crais found Aeryn asleep in the same position he had left her in and absent-mindedly Crais wondered if his body would have a crick in the neck when it woke up. Exercise would take care of that.
Aeryn woke up when the two approached her. She smiled at them in her half awake state. Then her eyes opened wide when she saw herself standing in front of her. She looked at them and to the bed as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
"Crais you are up!"
"So it seems."
"Are you feeling better?"
"Much better!"
"It must be that gggghah!-thingy he was doing," said Crichton helpfully.
"Shrrr'gh," Crais corrected him, "Yes, it did help purging the vapour and getting the body back in shape."
"Thank you Crais."
"You're welcome."
"Can we skip with the Mutual Appreciation Society," said Crichton while he received two sets of raised eyebrows, "What's the game plan?"
Crais looked at Aeryn and back at Crichton, he took up his normal Captaincy-stance. Crichton still couldn't accept to see Crais' mannerisms expertly performed by Aeryn.
Crais said, "First we get out bodies back. Then I will speak to Talyn. I will let him go an find a female Leviathan and during that time I will stay on board Moya." He had said it calmly as if it was the most natural thing to do.
"You're willing to let Talyn go?"
"For a brief time, yes."
"What happens if Talyn doesn't come back?"
The ghost of death was visible on "Aeryn's" face and the real Aeryn could almost kick Crichton.
Crais felt the rising tide of panic, but ruthlessly squelched the voice that nibbled at the edges of his mind.
With a visible effort, he managed to compose himself, although the effort it took him to do so was painfully apparent to all.
"Talyn is a sentient being. He is not a thing that I own. He is my comrade, my friend."
Crais' eyes locked with Crichton's, "He will be my judge. No one else."
After a short pause: "I will accept whatever verdict he hands down."
Crais felt weaker than he had at any time since the destruction of the Command Carrier. He sank down onto the bed.
Aeryn sat beside him on the bed, "Frell, Crais, you are not recovered yet. You rest." She glared at Crichton.
Crais shook Aeryn's head, "I am all right. It's just a passing weakness." He admitted to himself that he had never been able to cope with strong emotions that well and that his temper had been renown. The emotion of losing Talyn was just something that was very hard to bear. Normally performing the Shrr'gh helped him get his bearings, get his mind in order, it had not worked this time.
For all his bravado, the thought of losing Talyn permanently was a drain on him. Aeryn had already helped convince him that Talyn would come back and he had drawn strength from it but now the doubts were back.
"Hey, Crais, I didn't mean to imply that Talyn doesn't come back. I am sure that he will but..."
Aeryn growled at him, "John, shut up!"
"I was only trying to..."
Crais stood up abruptly from the bed and without saying anything had brushed past Crichton and left his room.
.
Part 33
.
Crichton looked stunned, "What have I done?"
Aeryn looked at him and echoed him. "Yes, Crichton, what have you done?"
The look she gave him contained equal shares of disbelief and disgust.
"You really didn't even mean to bait him, did you? Much less wound him in what may be his only vulnerable spot. What do you call it? His chilly heel?"
The look that the human gave her only confirmed this.
"Aww, Aeryn, isn't he overreacting, at least a little?
"Do you seriously think that Talyn is just going to wander off and leave him here forever? Not that it wouldn't be our luck..."
He watched the ever more exasperated look on "her" face.
"Come on, don't you think Crais is going just a little bit overboard with this? You've been joined to Talyn. Would it be your guess that our Boy Wonder is just going to up and leave Batman in the lurch?
"We never could keep those two separated, and they've only grown closer and closer together as far as I can see."
Aeryn responded: "That may be, but you know that Talyn is Crais' weak spot. Remember earlier, when you accused Crais of always... I believe that "twisting the knife" is how you referred to it. Well, what about you? Don't you take every opportunity to do the same?"
"But Aeryn, you know I don't mean it." His voice, and then his gaze, trailed away.
"It's 'Achilles' heel'"
Aeryn glared at him, "No, of course you didn't mean it. You just won't let it drop. Crais just made the decision to let Talyn find a mate of his own, in the belief that he stands in the way of Talyn's happiness. It was a hard decision for him."
"But we know it is better for Talyn..."
"Yes, and Crais realises this..."
"So, what's the problem?"
"Talyn and Crais have never been separated for a long period of time from each other. This experience will be traumatic for both of them. They depend on each other in more ways then we or even they realise. You did not feel the anxiety of Talyn when earlier in the day he could not "feel" Crais anymore. They will understand that a short separation will be to their benefit, the actual execution of the plan will hurt them both."
"Still think it is an overreaction on Crais' part," shrugged Crichton, "Hey, the two will be reunited soon enough. After Talyn has found a little girlfriend to make hay with. Crais just wants attention."
"Aeryn's" nostrils flared, "You know Crais despises to have attention drawn to him. You really don't understand, do you John?"
Crichton cocked his head and sneered.
"Let me put it this way," Aeryn dropped her voice to an angry whisper, "Suppose I said to you that I was going to leave with Crais on Talyn for an indefinite period, maybe even cycles but I will come back, eventually or maybe not. How would you feel?"
"That's different," Crichton squirmed. He was uncomfortable with the way the conversation was turning. He looked up at her, "This is just a hypothesis, isn't it? You're not really thinking..."
"I might," she said with conviction.
"But baby..." Crichton squirmed visibly now.
"Now you feel a little how Crais feels, think about it John," she stood up and made for the door.
.
Crichton could not believe how the conversation had turned, and how quickly. He truly had not meant to seriously wound Crais -he would never have even thought he could- just to tease him a little.
How tangled together could three people's emotional lives possibly be?
The image that Aeryn had implanted into his mind -of her leaving with Crais promising to return "someday"- shook Crichton. He could not help reliving how badly things had gone after the destruction of the Command Carrier.
Aeryn had left Moya for a lengthy period afterwards. He would never forget her telling him that she could not bear to stay and lose John Crichton a second time. Those were some of the worst moments of his life, rivalling the torture that Scorpius had put him through, even though this pain had been emotional rather than physical.
He had never forgotten the pain, and the months of wondering what had happened to her -had she left him to go and meet up with Crais?- then the seemingly endless period of reconciliation after her eventual return.
Crichton hung his head in shame. Aeryn had hit the nail right on the head. Her words made him realise what he had just done to Crais. He could now understand the pain and the anguish he had piled on Crais' head by his comments, whether he had done it deliberately or not.
Talyn was to Crais as Aeryn was to him, maybe even more so. He lifted his head and saw "Crais" leaning against the doorjamb, his arms akimbo and the blue eyes observing him.
"Sorry, Aeryn I do understand what you're saying."
"It is not me you should apologise to or try and comfort. You have hurt him. If you want to make amends, talk to Crais."
"What can I say?"
"I leave that to you John. You have such a way with words."
"But Aeryn..."
Aeryn turned and progressed at a quick and determined pace down a corridor, completely ignoring the Human's very existence.
.
Part 34
.
Crichton decided that it might be better to let her go for the moment. *One crisis at a time*, he thought.
He started off to search for Crais. He headed first in the direction of the hangar again (he was beginning to think of it as the "Bialar Crais Memorial GGGrgh-gr Whatever Hangar).
Halfway there, he stopped. No, that wasn't where he should look to find the Sebacean. *Lets see, if I were a Crais, where would I be?*
He turned around and headed for Crais' bed chamber. When he reached the entrance, he noted the soft glow of lighting, although he heard not a sound.
He was about to just stick his head past the surface that functioned as a door, and then thought better. He cleared his throat, knocked on the "door", and waited. No answer, no sound at all.
After a few moments, he knocked again, and peeked gingerly in.
"Yo, Crais..."
He saw the Captain, the thought quickly ran through his head that Crais still was very much a captain, only now he was Captain of a very unique Leviathan rather than a standard issue Peacekeeper Command Carrier.
The Captain in question was seated on the edge of his bed, cradling his neural transponder in both hands -graceful, long female hands now- slowly, almost idly caressing it. He seemed utterly lost in thought, although he could hardly have failed to hear Crichton's call.
Crichton tried again, "Yo, Crais, I came to apologise."
Crais still did not acknowledge his presence, he was deep in thought or appeared to be so.
Crichton stepped closer, "What I said earlier... I didn't mean to... well... I had not realised you would take it so hard."
Crais kept silent.
"Hey, don't worry, your boy will return. I'm sure of that. You two are like two peas in a pod. What I said..."
"I heard what you said Crichton," Crais' voice was soft, calm, "and I know there will be a high probability that he will return to me after he has... uhm... found a mate."
Crichton grinned, "See. Once you look at it, its not so bad."
"I also realise that he might be gone for a long time and might not even come back," a visible shudder went through Aeryn's frame.
"Crais don't go that route, man. You have to stay positive. He will return, you'll see," worry creased Crichton's face when he looked down at the bend head of Aeryn. Crais had not once looked up.
"No, I have to consider the other option too and if that happens, then so be it. He is a Leviathan, a living creature. He should be free," Crais swallowed deeply, "He is also my friend and companion. I love him like a... son. If he needs to go away I should let him go. I have no right to stop him. I will leave the choice to him." His shoulders sagged.
It was a difficult realisation but Crais knew that he loved Talyn as a parent loves his child and for that would accept that he would one day go away. It still hurt to admit that.
Crichton sat next to Crais on the bed and laid a hand on his shoulder...
That got no reaction from the Sebacean either way, which worried Crichton even more. The gesture was meant to comfort, but Crichton would have understood even if Crais had shrugged his hand off his shoulder, or, heaven help him, reacted more physically.
It occurred to Crichton that not only would he not be likely to avoid damage if Crais took physical exception to him, but that he himself was not likely to be able to make himself fight back.
What was he supposed to do? Haul off and slug the woman he loved? It was her body that he was seeing.
He wasn't interested in getting into a physical fight anyway. He really hadn't meant to seriously upset Crais.
"Well, it is a parent's job to raise the children entrusted to their care so that they're able to function on their own, and then to let them go. Although I've known more than one set of parents who've complained (more jokingly than not, of course), that they can't seem to get rid of their kids... they keep coming back like bad pennies."
Crais looked at the Human in a combination of disgust and disbelief.
"Do not these so-called parents treasure their offspring?"
"Of course they do, Crais. But it's a parent's job to raise their children, and then let them go. The fact that their children can go off on their own is proof that they succeeded in the most important role they'll probably ever have.
"Don't Sebaceans do the same thing? They must...oh. You were the oldest, and you left your family when you were still very young. You probably didn't get to see a lot of that, did you?
"Well, it is normal. It's the right thing. Ees they're job. That's not to say that kids, no matter how old they are, aren't likely to consider their parents' home to be their home too for life, no matter how old they are."
Crichton grinned. "You know, pop over without warning, complain about how the new curtains Mom put up in their old bedroom are too frilly, raid the fridge and leave bowls with left-over popcorn all over, take over the TV in the living room and sit up till the middle of the night watching 'The Thing From Outer Space'. "
He still was getting barely a reaction. He turned more serious, utterly serious.
"You know what else, Crais? If something ever happened that you were permanently separated from Talyn, you really would have a home with us, for as long as you could stand us, not just till we could find a place to dump you.
What D'Argo said earlier about us being there for you. He meant it, and he spoke for all of us.
Not that that's going to happen...Talyn abandoning you, I mean. No way."
Crichton didn't know it yet, but Aeryn had made her way to the chamber too, and was listening to every word.
.
He flashed back to his meeting with this man shortly before the Command Carrier was destroyed. He had been astounded then at the Bialar Crais he had faced, the ex-Peacekeeper Captain who had spoken so matter-of-factly about the horrors the universe faced if Peacekeepers -his own kind- gained control of such a monstrous weapon. The man who, even though he had somehow managed to cheat death, had most certainly been willing to meet it face to face.
When, some time later, Talyn had reappeared somewhat the worse for wear but alive and with his Sebacean pilot still alive too, Crichton had felt strangely cheated as well as confirmed in his earlier judgement. *See, he didn't really mean to die to save the known universe. He had something up his sleeve as usual. I was right the first time*
He had felt both relieved, and disappointed. He hadn't been able to decide which he felt more ashamed of.
Then had started the stories of rescues of people in terrible danger, of entire colonies sometimes. On a few occasions, those stories had been confirmed on the streets of various commerce planets they had visited on supply runs. They spoke of the mysterious Captain and his even more mysterious ship, but Moya and her people had not a doubt in their mind who those stories were really about.
It took only seconds for these thoughts, and more, to run through Crichton's head.
.
"No, Crais, how could I? How could any of us? Although you're playing a dangerous game there.
"You might be the most honourable of men (whew! Where did that thought come from?) but if Sebaceans are anything like humans, it can be a tough row to hoe to resist temptation. Some of the worst excesses that my kind ever committed originated with worthy intentions that went terribly wrong.
It's like you said before when you were explaining about the priests of Lachmon--either from their side, or from the Peacekeeper point of view."
Crais cocked an eyebrow at Crichton, "I am well aware of the dangers that come with power. I am well aware that the need to tell others what is best for them is inherent in us all. I have had experience first hand. And I have made it my Vow not to fall into that trap again. In my rise to power I lost my brother, even before you ran into him. My rise had been construed to keep him safe and where did it get him? I have lost more to ambition than you will ever know Crichton. I will not make that mistake again. Rest assured."
Crichton realised one thing, if nothing else, Crais' Vow was sacred to him. He said nothing and listened to what Crais further had to say.
Aeryn started pacing, five steps to the wall, five steps back but the way she paced was characteristically Crais', "It is also one of the reasons no one knows our names. Partly because Talyn and I still don't feel safe from the Peacekeepers and want to stay "dead" in their eyes. Partly because I don't want to hear our... my name hailed through the Uncharted Territories."
He looked up, "Part of the temptation is to hear your name reverberate in praise wherever you go. Obscurity offers more than protection. Protection against one's self is the best safeguard."
"Yes, sometimes I have thought to raise the Peacekeepers again, as they should have been but I also realise it is fraught with danger of history repeating itself."
Crichton was astounded by what he was hearing, but could not detect a false note in Crais' entire conversation. In fact, he almost got the impression that the Sebacean was directing his speech as much now to himself as to the human.
"You know, Bialar, I've caused a lot of death and misery since I travelled through that first wormhole and found myself on this side of the universe, but your brother was a special case.
I mean, he was the first person whose death I was ever responsible for. Never mind that I didn't mean to cause it, couldn't have done anything to prevent it, totally didn't have the power to undo it. It...he...was still on my conscience, and in a way that the others never were.
I don't even know how many deaths I've caused. I stopped trying to count a long time ago. I couldn't keep track anymore if I wanted to."
Crichton looked away for a moment. "And I don't want to."
Crais hesitated for a microt before responding: "You were responsible for his death. But so was he. So was I. There is no way to untangle these things.
I long ago faced that. When I told you long ago that I no longer blamed you, no longer held you responsible, I meant it.
As to the other deaths on your conscience, you can neither ever hope to accurately count their number, nor balance those scales. How many have you saved? The ramifications of your actions down the years are unknowable.
You can only do what you think best now, and leave the rest be."
They stood for a few microts, alternately looking at each other, and then away.
.
Crais broke the silence. "I believe that we were on our way to my room to check on Officer Sun's condition. Shall we?"
Crichton nodded and soon they entered the room. Crais found Aeryn asleep in the same position he had left her in and absent-mindedly Crais wondered if his body would have a crick in the neck when it woke up. Exercise would take care of that.
Aeryn woke up when the two approached her. She smiled at them in her half awake state. Then her eyes opened wide when she saw herself standing in front of her. She looked at them and to the bed as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
"Crais you are up!"
"So it seems."
"Are you feeling better?"
"Much better!"
"It must be that gggghah!-thingy he was doing," said Crichton helpfully.
"Shrrr'gh," Crais corrected him, "Yes, it did help purging the vapour and getting the body back in shape."
"Thank you Crais."
"You're welcome."
"Can we skip with the Mutual Appreciation Society," said Crichton while he received two sets of raised eyebrows, "What's the game plan?"
Crais looked at Aeryn and back at Crichton, he took up his normal Captaincy-stance. Crichton still couldn't accept to see Crais' mannerisms expertly performed by Aeryn.
Crais said, "First we get out bodies back. Then I will speak to Talyn. I will let him go an find a female Leviathan and during that time I will stay on board Moya." He had said it calmly as if it was the most natural thing to do.
"You're willing to let Talyn go?"
"For a brief time, yes."
"What happens if Talyn doesn't come back?"
The ghost of death was visible on "Aeryn's" face and the real Aeryn could almost kick Crichton.
Crais felt the rising tide of panic, but ruthlessly squelched the voice that nibbled at the edges of his mind.
With a visible effort, he managed to compose himself, although the effort it took him to do so was painfully apparent to all.
"Talyn is a sentient being. He is not a thing that I own. He is my comrade, my friend."
Crais' eyes locked with Crichton's, "He will be my judge. No one else."
After a short pause: "I will accept whatever verdict he hands down."
Crais felt weaker than he had at any time since the destruction of the Command Carrier. He sank down onto the bed.
Aeryn sat beside him on the bed, "Frell, Crais, you are not recovered yet. You rest." She glared at Crichton.
Crais shook Aeryn's head, "I am all right. It's just a passing weakness." He admitted to himself that he had never been able to cope with strong emotions that well and that his temper had been renown. The emotion of losing Talyn was just something that was very hard to bear. Normally performing the Shrr'gh helped him get his bearings, get his mind in order, it had not worked this time.
For all his bravado, the thought of losing Talyn permanently was a drain on him. Aeryn had already helped convince him that Talyn would come back and he had drawn strength from it but now the doubts were back.
"Hey, Crais, I didn't mean to imply that Talyn doesn't come back. I am sure that he will but..."
Aeryn growled at him, "John, shut up!"
"I was only trying to..."
Crais stood up abruptly from the bed and without saying anything had brushed past Crichton and left his room.
.
Part 33
.
Crichton looked stunned, "What have I done?"
Aeryn looked at him and echoed him. "Yes, Crichton, what have you done?"
The look she gave him contained equal shares of disbelief and disgust.
"You really didn't even mean to bait him, did you? Much less wound him in what may be his only vulnerable spot. What do you call it? His chilly heel?"
The look that the human gave her only confirmed this.
"Aww, Aeryn, isn't he overreacting, at least a little?
"Do you seriously think that Talyn is just going to wander off and leave him here forever? Not that it wouldn't be our luck..."
He watched the ever more exasperated look on "her" face.
"Come on, don't you think Crais is going just a little bit overboard with this? You've been joined to Talyn. Would it be your guess that our Boy Wonder is just going to up and leave Batman in the lurch?
"We never could keep those two separated, and they've only grown closer and closer together as far as I can see."
Aeryn responded: "That may be, but you know that Talyn is Crais' weak spot. Remember earlier, when you accused Crais of always... I believe that "twisting the knife" is how you referred to it. Well, what about you? Don't you take every opportunity to do the same?"
"But Aeryn, you know I don't mean it." His voice, and then his gaze, trailed away.
"It's 'Achilles' heel'"
Aeryn glared at him, "No, of course you didn't mean it. You just won't let it drop. Crais just made the decision to let Talyn find a mate of his own, in the belief that he stands in the way of Talyn's happiness. It was a hard decision for him."
"But we know it is better for Talyn..."
"Yes, and Crais realises this..."
"So, what's the problem?"
"Talyn and Crais have never been separated for a long period of time from each other. This experience will be traumatic for both of them. They depend on each other in more ways then we or even they realise. You did not feel the anxiety of Talyn when earlier in the day he could not "feel" Crais anymore. They will understand that a short separation will be to their benefit, the actual execution of the plan will hurt them both."
"Still think it is an overreaction on Crais' part," shrugged Crichton, "Hey, the two will be reunited soon enough. After Talyn has found a little girlfriend to make hay with. Crais just wants attention."
"Aeryn's" nostrils flared, "You know Crais despises to have attention drawn to him. You really don't understand, do you John?"
Crichton cocked his head and sneered.
"Let me put it this way," Aeryn dropped her voice to an angry whisper, "Suppose I said to you that I was going to leave with Crais on Talyn for an indefinite period, maybe even cycles but I will come back, eventually or maybe not. How would you feel?"
"That's different," Crichton squirmed. He was uncomfortable with the way the conversation was turning. He looked up at her, "This is just a hypothesis, isn't it? You're not really thinking..."
"I might," she said with conviction.
"But baby..." Crichton squirmed visibly now.
"Now you feel a little how Crais feels, think about it John," she stood up and made for the door.
.
Crichton could not believe how the conversation had turned, and how quickly. He truly had not meant to seriously wound Crais -he would never have even thought he could- just to tease him a little.
How tangled together could three people's emotional lives possibly be?
The image that Aeryn had implanted into his mind -of her leaving with Crais promising to return "someday"- shook Crichton. He could not help reliving how badly things had gone after the destruction of the Command Carrier.
Aeryn had left Moya for a lengthy period afterwards. He would never forget her telling him that she could not bear to stay and lose John Crichton a second time. Those were some of the worst moments of his life, rivalling the torture that Scorpius had put him through, even though this pain had been emotional rather than physical.
He had never forgotten the pain, and the months of wondering what had happened to her -had she left him to go and meet up with Crais?- then the seemingly endless period of reconciliation after her eventual return.
Crichton hung his head in shame. Aeryn had hit the nail right on the head. Her words made him realise what he had just done to Crais. He could now understand the pain and the anguish he had piled on Crais' head by his comments, whether he had done it deliberately or not.
Talyn was to Crais as Aeryn was to him, maybe even more so. He lifted his head and saw "Crais" leaning against the doorjamb, his arms akimbo and the blue eyes observing him.
"Sorry, Aeryn I do understand what you're saying."
"It is not me you should apologise to or try and comfort. You have hurt him. If you want to make amends, talk to Crais."
"What can I say?"
"I leave that to you John. You have such a way with words."
"But Aeryn..."
Aeryn turned and progressed at a quick and determined pace down a corridor, completely ignoring the Human's very existence.
.
Part 34
.
Crichton decided that it might be better to let her go for the moment. *One crisis at a time*, he thought.
He started off to search for Crais. He headed first in the direction of the hangar again (he was beginning to think of it as the "Bialar Crais Memorial GGGrgh-gr Whatever Hangar).
Halfway there, he stopped. No, that wasn't where he should look to find the Sebacean. *Lets see, if I were a Crais, where would I be?*
He turned around and headed for Crais' bed chamber. When he reached the entrance, he noted the soft glow of lighting, although he heard not a sound.
He was about to just stick his head past the surface that functioned as a door, and then thought better. He cleared his throat, knocked on the "door", and waited. No answer, no sound at all.
After a few moments, he knocked again, and peeked gingerly in.
"Yo, Crais..."
He saw the Captain, the thought quickly ran through his head that Crais still was very much a captain, only now he was Captain of a very unique Leviathan rather than a standard issue Peacekeeper Command Carrier.
The Captain in question was seated on the edge of his bed, cradling his neural transponder in both hands -graceful, long female hands now- slowly, almost idly caressing it. He seemed utterly lost in thought, although he could hardly have failed to hear Crichton's call.
Crichton tried again, "Yo, Crais, I came to apologise."
Crais still did not acknowledge his presence, he was deep in thought or appeared to be so.
Crichton stepped closer, "What I said earlier... I didn't mean to... well... I had not realised you would take it so hard."
Crais kept silent.
"Hey, don't worry, your boy will return. I'm sure of that. You two are like two peas in a pod. What I said..."
"I heard what you said Crichton," Crais' voice was soft, calm, "and I know there will be a high probability that he will return to me after he has... uhm... found a mate."
Crichton grinned, "See. Once you look at it, its not so bad."
"I also realise that he might be gone for a long time and might not even come back," a visible shudder went through Aeryn's frame.
"Crais don't go that route, man. You have to stay positive. He will return, you'll see," worry creased Crichton's face when he looked down at the bend head of Aeryn. Crais had not once looked up.
"No, I have to consider the other option too and if that happens, then so be it. He is a Leviathan, a living creature. He should be free," Crais swallowed deeply, "He is also my friend and companion. I love him like a... son. If he needs to go away I should let him go. I have no right to stop him. I will leave the choice to him." His shoulders sagged.
It was a difficult realisation but Crais knew that he loved Talyn as a parent loves his child and for that would accept that he would one day go away. It still hurt to admit that.
Crichton sat next to Crais on the bed and laid a hand on his shoulder...
That got no reaction from the Sebacean either way, which worried Crichton even more. The gesture was meant to comfort, but Crichton would have understood even if Crais had shrugged his hand off his shoulder, or, heaven help him, reacted more physically.
It occurred to Crichton that not only would he not be likely to avoid damage if Crais took physical exception to him, but that he himself was not likely to be able to make himself fight back.
What was he supposed to do? Haul off and slug the woman he loved? It was her body that he was seeing.
He wasn't interested in getting into a physical fight anyway. He really hadn't meant to seriously upset Crais.
"Well, it is a parent's job to raise the children entrusted to their care so that they're able to function on their own, and then to let them go. Although I've known more than one set of parents who've complained (more jokingly than not, of course), that they can't seem to get rid of their kids... they keep coming back like bad pennies."
Crais looked at the Human in a combination of disgust and disbelief.
"Do not these so-called parents treasure their offspring?"
"Of course they do, Crais. But it's a parent's job to raise their children, and then let them go. The fact that their children can go off on their own is proof that they succeeded in the most important role they'll probably ever have.
"Don't Sebaceans do the same thing? They must...oh. You were the oldest, and you left your family when you were still very young. You probably didn't get to see a lot of that, did you?
"Well, it is normal. It's the right thing. Ees they're job. That's not to say that kids, no matter how old they are, aren't likely to consider their parents' home to be their home too for life, no matter how old they are."
Crichton grinned. "You know, pop over without warning, complain about how the new curtains Mom put up in their old bedroom are too frilly, raid the fridge and leave bowls with left-over popcorn all over, take over the TV in the living room and sit up till the middle of the night watching 'The Thing From Outer Space'. "
He still was getting barely a reaction. He turned more serious, utterly serious.
"You know what else, Crais? If something ever happened that you were permanently separated from Talyn, you really would have a home with us, for as long as you could stand us, not just till we could find a place to dump you.
What D'Argo said earlier about us being there for you. He meant it, and he spoke for all of us.
Not that that's going to happen...Talyn abandoning you, I mean. No way."
Crichton didn't know it yet, but Aeryn had made her way to the chamber too, and was listening to every word.