A/N: A quick note to Dan and Renee: I do want to see Niles cry. How often do you see any men cry these days? They've all been convinced that it's not a masculine thing to do. Most of the fanfic process depends on interpretation. My interpretation of Niles is that he's emotionally stiff in order to keep appearance, but when he's by himself, he lets go...
"I'll forget you
The more you stay inside of me, the weaker I grow
I'll forget you
Tomorrow I will turn and let you go
I'll grow colder
I'll lose myself in anything but you now
For there is nothing I can do now...but forget "
Frank Wildhorn/Nan Knighton, I'll Forget you
I've made a very stern resolution, as of late. I'm going to...forget about her. It's going to be hard, of course, because every time I even see a woman that isn't Daphne, comparisons jump into my head, and I always end up thinking any other woman is pond scum when put against the beautiful physical therapist I've been in love with all these years...
But I've met a girl, again. A girl who doesn't remind me of Daphne at all. A girl to take my mind off of Daphne... Poppy is, simply put, somewhat smitten with me. I have no idea how it happened. I was introduced to her, and suddenly she began spouting compliments and flirtations... I don't know how it happened, but I like it.
She's interested. Maris wasn't. Daphne isn't.
And now I've got Poppy... Attractive, charming, alluring Poppy. And she likes me, which seems to be a first. She's partially intellegent, too, which is a bit more than I could ever say for Kit. Kit was fun. But Poppy... Poppy's extraordinary.
Oh, why am I kidding myself?... She's a Barbie doll.
...I don't understand it. Every time. Every damn time there's a woman that isn't Daphne, she's dull, strange, emotionally barren... I manage to find fault with every single one of them, whether I announce it to the world or simply keep it to myself. They're all imperfect... Maybe because I can have them.
I often spend time wondering if my love for Daphne is nothing more than a lust for something I can't have. Is it just that her fair skin and dark eyes are so enchanting because I don't wake up to them each morning? Because my fingers haven't gotten lost her her hair? Because I've kissed her once, and it was the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced? ...Am I addicted to a wanting? One desperate idea that the most beautiful woman I've ever seen is the only one who can make me happy...
And then, there are times when she opens the door to me, her eyes glowing with an inner light and her smile ensnaring my heart that I know this can't possibly be a case of desire, because I don't want her. I need her...
Daphne is like oxygen. From the moment you take your first breath, you can't help needing it to survive. Those days when she answers the door, I inhale as deeply as I possibly can by watching her. Listening to her. Delighting myself with the thought that she's happy... And when I leave, I exhale. Then the world always seems to become a much darker place.
Lack of oxygen can cause a person to asphyxiate...
Daphne was with Donny, sharing a meal at some little café she didn't remember the name of. The food was excellent, and Donny was being quite the gentleman... But something was troubling her. Something she had heard on the radio that day.
She had been listening to Dr. Crane's show while she did the laundry, carrying a little radio that clips onto one's pocket and has headphones. And just as she was finishing a load, a caller named Alvin was announced. Alvin sounded an awful lot like the younger Dr. Crane...
Dr. Crane and his brother had been having several late-night phone conversations lately, although Daphne could never tell what they were saying... every word of it was in French. She had supposed, at the time, that it must be something terribly private if they didn't want eavesdroppers... both she and Mr. Crane had a record for exactly that.
She was very distracted, and Donny was noticing. She just couldn't stop thinking of Alvin, and the younger Dr. Crane, and the phone, and the possibilities...
Oui, Niles... Je comprends complètement... Oui... Mon Dieu, je ne vois aucune raison pour celle! Je jure, je ne dirai pas un mot à Daphne. Puits, J'apprécie que vous voulez discuter vos problèmes avec moi, mais il est tard, et je suis fatigué... Et Niles, ne s'inquiètent pas trop. Vous oublierez Daphne dans votre propre temps...
But no. Dr. Crane was her very good friend, and if he was interested in her, he would certainly say so. He had always been very open with her. That was one of Daphne's favorite things about him.
And yet...
Oui, je sais que vous avez besoin de Daphne... Je sais qu'il est aussi important que l'oxygène...
And yet, one can never really be sure, can one?... How unsettling.