Final Sun 9
(The GS cast is lounging around my living room, scarfing Doritos, playing Dynasty Warriors, and generally hanging out. The author storms in.)
Author: Alright, everyone! I've decided that in order to compete with the other people on the forum, we need to do a parody of a popular video game or movie. Seeing as at any other time, you never pull your weight, you'll be acting out Final Fantasy 9!
(Dead silence)
GS cast: WHAT?!?
Author: Shut up and let me decide who does what. Hmmm…… we'll need a main character…
Isaac: I don't believe we ever agreed to doing this.
Author: You people hang around the house, eat all my snacks, cause endless messes with your training sessions, I think it's time you started pulling your weight around here.
Mia: He's got a point there.
Garet: Mia! Who's side are you on?
Mia: Not yours. (sticks tongue out at him)
Author: Enough of this. Everyone, form a line!
Felix: But I've nearly beaten my high score for this level!
Author: Or I sic Dullahan on you.
Felix: Now that you mention it, I feel that lining up won't be any problem at all!
Author: Good boy. Now the main character of Zidane Tribal will be…
Isaac: (elbows Felix and smirks)
Felix: (growls)
Author: Ivan!
Isaac: What?
Felix: Ivan? Why?
Author: Because I want him to be matched up with Sheba, who's princess Garnet.
Isaac: Why not have me as the main character, and Mia as the princess?
Felix: Or me as the main character, and Sheba as the princess?
Author: Because I think Ivan deserves some time in the spotlight, and there's no way I'm going to turn this into a Lighthouseshipping fest.
Felix: (grumbles) I jumped off a freakin' lighthouse for her, and she abandons me for that runt…
Jenna: C'mon, bro. You know that the author's a die-hard Windshipper.
Felix: That doesn't change the fact that Sheba herself likes Ivan too! Without the stupid author's prompting!
Author: (coughs) If we're done with the angst, can we move on? The captain of the guard will be… Garet!
Garet: No way! Why do I have to play the part of some big, stupid, clumsy knight?
Jenna: Maybe because in real life you're big, stupid, and clumsy?
Garet: (growls) Jenna, for the love of my life, you can be a huge pain sometimes.
Jenna: (smiles and hugs Garet) I know.
Author: Moving on… the part of the soulful Black Mage will be played by…
Isaac: Oh, this is gonna be good.
Author: Isaac!
Isaac: (eyes bulge out) WHAT?! But-but-but-but-but-but-but-but-
Author: If you're finished with your impression of a motorboat, can we continue?
Isaac: But… I'm tall! Vivi's a short runt with no face! Why can't Ivan play him?
Ivan: Are you implying I'm short?
Isaac: Ivan, you ARE short. Deal with it.
Ivan: (sighs) I hate my stupid height deficiency.
Sheba: (kisses Ivan) I still love you anyway.
Felix: (starts shaking dangerously and growls)
Author: Right! Next, the part of Freya Crescent will be played by… Picard!
Picard: Surely you jest! Freya's a female! I'm a male to the core!
Author: So? Both of you are fighters that left your hometown, returned in need, and fight tons of bad guys. And both of you are really formal too.
Picard: …
Mia: (giggles) Next will be Quina. I wonder which poor sap will have to play her.
(……)
Mia: Why is everyone staring at me? Oh, no. No. I refuse! I will NOT play the part of some retard who can't string together words to form a comprehensible sentence! NO!
Author: (grins) Too bad. You have to.
Mia: You and what army?
Author: Me and Dullahan, Carl, and Calis.
Calis Wraithson: Leave me out of this.
Author: Whatever. You're playing Quina whether you like it or not. Anyway, next, the part of hyperactive Eiko will be played by young Link from Ocarina of Time.
Link: Huh? Why me?
Author: First, Jenna, the only available female left, is too old. Second, you're male, so that cuts out the Ivan/Sheba/whoever triangle.
Felix: I wouldn't be too sure of that…
Author: And, the last of the heroes, the sullen loner known as Amarant Coral, will be played by Felix!
Felix: (brightening up) I get to beat the tar out of Ivan? Sweeeet…
Author: Felix, you're supposed to lose.
Felix: (cracking knuckles) Where does it say we have to keep to the script?
Author: Whatever. Now, for the villains… the part of Kuja will be played by… Alex!
(Alex, and the Proxians teleport in, confused)
Saturos: Dammit, Alex! I knew we couldn't trust you with the Teleport Lapis! But nooo… you said you could handle it. You said it was no big deal! You-
Alex: Shut up.
Author: Ivan! Seal Alex's psynergy! Now!
Ivan: Bind!
Alex: Drats.
Author: How nice of you to join us. Anyway, as I've just said, we're doing a Final Fantasy 9 parody, and Alex here will be Kuja.
Alex: What? I refuse! I-
Agatio: Hey, sounds like fun.
Saturos: What?
Agatio: Prox is safe, bro. We don't need to worry 'bout the Lighthouses anymore. Time to have some fun!
Saturos: … Fine.
Alex: And if I refuse?
Author: Then the big headless knight behind you Formina Sage's you into next week.
Alex: I… see…
Author: Good. Now, the part of Garland will be played by Agatio.
Agatio: Who's Garland? And why does his name sound like a bunch of flowers?
Author: You'll find out soon enough. The part of Lani the bounty hunter will be given to… Karst!
Karst: A bounty hunter, hm? Seems to be not a bad role.
Author: Good. You're about the only person happy with your role. Next, the undefeated general of Tolbi, will be played by Jenna!
Jenna: Cool! I get to beat the crap out of Isaac for cheating on me!
Isaac: Jenna, cheating on you only counts if we ever HAD a relationship.
Jenna: Whatever.
Mernadi: Odd. I've played Final Fantasy 9 before, and the only available bosses left are… no. No way. No way in all holy hell are we gonna play the parts of-
Author: ^__^ That's right. Zorn and Thorn.
Mernadi: -_-+ Great. I end up sounding like a dyslexic Yoda. This is NOT my day.
Mia: Consider yourself lucky, after what I'm stuck with…
Isaac: Wait, if Jenna's the undefeated General of Tolbi, that means the king is…
Author: That's right. Lord Babi.
Sheba: He's going to be my father?! (faints)
Author: If they're no other questions, we'll begin tomorrow. (leaves)
Ivan: Sheba! Sheba, wake up!
Isaac: (sighs) We've got a looong week ahead of us…
Garet: Week nothing. We're talking years.
Cast List:
Ivan: Zidane (Do I have to wear a tail?)
Sheba: Princess Garnet ( No, Ivan. I won't wear that dumb jumpsuit)
Isaac: Vivi (I hate this ^%$& role)
Garet: Captain Steiner ( No rusty armor jokes, or so help me I'll…)
Picard: Freya (Alex, stop referring to me as "lady" Picard, if you value your health.
Mia: Quina Quen (I. Hate. My. Life.)
Link: Eiko (I have no idea what's going on)
Felix: Amarant (Is that a bush on this guy's head?)
Jenna: General Beatrix (W00t! I'm stronger than all of you combined!)
Saturos: Zorn (Don't make me wear the dumb clown costume. I beseech you)
Mernadi: Thorn (Hate this role, I do! Crap, I'm starting to sound like him already)
Agatio: Garland (…)
Karst: Lani (Yes! I get to behead random people!)
Alex: Kuja (Hmph. I suppose it's fitting I play the lead villain)
(And with that, everyone leaves with the happy thought that tomorrow, they get to do what they do best : Screw up)