"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
-David Borenstein, January 28, 2000
Well, here's an interesting bit of news: I'm married. Mel and I decided to elope the other day. I don't really know where it started -- she was talking about the two of us living together, and I had decided not to mind the idea so much. And as we discussed it, the both of us got horribly excited... And now I'm a husband. Dr. Mr. Dr. Melinda Karnofsky.
So. Here I am. With my wife. Dr. Mrs. Dr. Niles Crane. We're together, and unless things go terribly wrong, I'll never be alone again; an idea that has turned into a very refreshing...
Oh my God, I'm married! I'm married to Mel! She's right next to me in bed, little mouth sighing as she sleeps the rest of the night away. She doesn't know that I'm about to panic. She doesn't know that I'm lying here, horrified that it's her, and not someone else...
...Am I using her? Using her to fill the hole in my heart, which -- by logic -- won't go away until I'm holding someone else in my arms? Is Mel following in the footsteps of everyone else I've dated since Daphne and Donny became engaged? No... I don't think I could do that to a person, although I wouldn't be surprised if what I am exhibiting at the moment is a rather pathetic case of denial. And people only go into denial when there's something they don't want to admit. In this case, what I suppose I don't want to admit is...
I'm a heartless cad.
Oh my God. I'm a male version of Maris -- thoughtless and cold because I can't have what I want.
Oh my God -- I'm a monster...
Well. Maybe not a monster, per se, but I'm sure as hell not acting like a decent human being.
I should wake her up. I should tell her this was all a mistake, and that she's better off without me, and...
But is that being self-depricating? By proclaiming that I'm weighing Mel down, am I speaking the truth or putting myself down in order to justify my behavior? Am I really a milquetoast of a man who can't express himself and has trouble seeing other people with something he doesn't have? or do I act this way in order to get what I want?
Is Niles Crane really the person that everyone thinks he is?
Am I out of character?