I don't own ff8 but I do like jam!
How do you do this? How do you explain to yourself that death is lingering around someone you care for? Almost care for at least. It's impossible, our minds make it. It can take months for some of us to realize a loved one is really gone, imagine if they were still physically here? Its damn near impossible.
Quistis was sitting at Seifer's bedside grasping his hand. Be it out of pity or real caring she was there now. Seifer was being pulled out of the ER as her and Menka had arrived and had been placed in general care pending the miracle he had no internal bleeding. She looks up sneakily at his face, its almost like he can see her. He's immensely bloody, scratches cover his whole face, none, however, deeper then the symbolic scar on his forehead.
How did he get that? She can't remember it all that well. She recalls him injuring Squall in a mock battle but he never reported the cause of the scar. It's a gundblade scar, it must be from Squall. She sighed thinking of Seifer nursing the wound in private, too damn full of himself to admit he was hurt.
A slight sound resounds from the covered half of the room, then an unidentified voice begins to speak, "Are you his girl," The voice was a little shrill but defiantly female. Quistis slowly got up and walked over to the other bed, dropping Seifer's hand, she saw it was a blonde girl with brown eyes and several small wounds, probably from the wreck.
"No, were you with him in the crash," she questioned and answered all together.
"Yeah, I know, I know, going with a drunk guy in a car, what was I thinking, I've learnt my lesson. He's just so irresistible," she smiled through a missing tooth. Quistis wondered why the hell she got off so easily, a missing tooth, a few stitches? Seifer drew in a loud breath across the room, she jumped and looked back at him.
"Even with his head in the toilette puking up his guts," Quistis added somewhat delayed but still satirically.
"Your not his girl?" the young woman questioned her again, receiving a nod. "So it's safe to tell you my name, you won't hurt me?" another nod, "Its Stacey."
"Stacey," Quistis repeated to herself, she seemed like one of the girls Quistis had always pictured Seifer being with, slightly bimbo like, lacking judgment and repetitive in her speech, "Can you tell me what happened before the crash?"
Stacey looked at her blankly, obviously she had been drunk as well and couldn't recall that much. Quistis sighed and pulled back the curtain that divided the room in two so they could speak. It didn't seem like Seifer would be talking for a while and she needed to remain sane. She reclaimed her seat at Seifer's side and once again picked up his hand. The doctors said stimulation is a good bet in his awakening, and so far he was off the ventilator. Quistis couldn't, however, help cringing and worrying every time he drew in a long gasping breath.
"So, I know this is stupid, but you look kind of like Quistis Trepe. And your friend here, he looks like…like the infamous Seifer," she waited for a response and got only a solemn nod from Quistis. The girl gasped causing Quistis to stare up and see if Seifer had stopped breathing. She slowed her fast breathing quickly and looked over extremely annoyed at Stacey.
She glared at her for scaring her half to death the spoke dryly, "Sorry, you want my life story?"
"Must be better then sitting here watching that tree branch outside my window," Stacey said once again with her perky yet calm tone of voice. She seemed to miss the sarcasm and anger in Quistis voice.
The infamous mistress drew a deep breath and then realized Stacey would never be off her back, so she began to speak, "just don't sell it to a newspaper or anything, okay? And don't tell anyone about Seifer, he's in enough shit." She waited for the absurdly smiley girl to nod. You had to wonder why she was quite so happy with Seifer right there in the room clinging to dear life. "You've probably heard all about it eh? Their stories? Its my own fault, I kind of became a massive recluse after that night. The thing with Squall, that desperate, needy, stupid thing with Squall… I still don't quite get it. It was like this unconditional love, anything with no boundary is stupid. He treated me like shit. He lied and said Rinoa kicked him out and they were getting a divorce and that he loved me more… It was all lies. After that I moved here and found myself working with Seifer. He never changed much, not really, he just got worse and worse at hiding it…" She trailed off in to what seemed like another pause but never resumed speaking. Instead she stared down at Seifer's distressed hand. It was calloused as always, but now it had a slight gash upon it. She had never really appreciated the hard worn hands of a mercenary before, they were all she knew, but now they seemed comforting, like something earned by strength. Her thoughts ran again, and this is the hand with which the Sorceress killed a thousand. She dropped the hand at the shock of the sudden thought and looked up into the bewildered eyes of Stacey.
"You okay," she looked genuinely concerned for Quistis who had suddenly shook and dropped the mans hand looking quite disturbed.
Quistis stared puzzled for a moment then responded, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be…I just hope he'll be okay." If Seifer could sense sound he was smiling inside. If not for the comedy of Quistis simply caring at least for the fact that she cared about him specifically.
"I can tell you all that I remember," Stacey looked at Quistis in a somewhat apologetic way. Quistis nodded.
It had been three hours since Quistis has arrived at the hospital, visibly shaken by the thought of Seifer's condition, and two hours since she had began talking with Stacey, the girl who was in the wreck with Seifer.
"You know what," Quistis couldn't help sighing once more, "I can quite comprehend Seifer trying to cause death to someone who he did not consider a threat. I mean, if he was driving off that cliff, was he really that comprehensive of the situation?"
"I have no idea. I just know it was on purpose. I mean, damn, that cliff was way off the road," she looked thoughtfully down at her hands then smiled, "do you Quistis Trepe, have a soft spot for Seifer?" She seemed happy at the deduction she had made all on her own.
The response was never really resonated from Quistis's voice box but the brunette looked down and half smiled at the floor, clearly sending out the message that there was at least a little truth to the statement. She could, however, not help being angry at Seifer for putting another person's life in grave danger for no reason.
Truthfully what really stopped her from speaking was the loud banging on the hospital room door and the voice with thereafter penetrated its economical timber, "Is this Seifer's room, ya know?" Quistis almost recognized the voice pattern instantly and slowly rose from where she was firmly seated to open the door.
One her way over she heard someone shout, "ANSWER!" She was completely prepared to open the door to Seifer's posse, and she uneventfully did. She half laughed to herself at how many poor patients rooms the pair had probably pounded on before reaching theirs.
Fuijin hadn't changed much, in lieu of a new outfit, a slightly militaristic green ensemble, and slightly longer hair. Raijin however was quite different. He seemed to have long ditched his odd street style for more simple clothes, he however seemed not have lost his penchant for odd colors. His usually dumbfounded face was more grieving then anything and he seemed, older? Yeah, like he had seen more.
The two stood in the hallway staring, shock lacing the air between them and the disavowed mistress. The last person they had been expecting to be at Seifer's side was his 'hated' rebel instructor. However, always quick to adapt to a new situation, the both pushed past her to the broken form of Seifer laying straight back in the hospital gurney farthest from the window.
Quistis followed their wake and let Fuijin take the seat she had been using at his side before Raijin turned to speak to her, "um, instructor? Do you know how bad it is? They didn't tell us, being, ya know, who we are and all."
Quistis gave the usually emotionless man a smile, but her eyes simply would not allow themselves to be pulled into the ordeal, "They don't know if he'll wake up." She watched the two people who had cared, at least in some way, for Seifer throughout the whole ordeal have hope clutched out from beneath them like a rug. "But, there are signs he's doing well; no ventilator, sometimes his hand will twitch a bit. He's been comatose for 8 hours; I only arrived here three hours ago. Apparently he made it off the ventilator somehow before I got here." The week smile tried to persist and survive among the pain, sadness and anger writhing about Quistis's face but failed.
"OKAY?" Fuijin must have noticed the odd look overtaking Quistis's usually overbarren cold face. For someone who barely showed emotion it was quite an overwhelming amount of turmoil to see about her aura.
"I just want him to be okay, I need him to be okay," Quistis withheld tears from plain view, snapping her head in the direction of the door. She could almost feel the sympathetic looks upon her back. She needed to get out of there and think.
A quick glance at a map on the door provided the answer, a meditation garden in the courtyard.
After fleeing the busy room Quistis found herself walking in the direction of the courtyard, following the carefully placed less then ornate signs hanging about the hospital corridors.
The garden was beauty, beauty in a chaotic world, beauty in a strange place. Lush jade plants surrounded several benched areas, each spotted with birds of paradise and random sprinklings of lady slippers. Two of the three areas opened on to a small expanse of flower garden, however one opened on to a small stream. Quistis was drawn towards the white noise immediately and found herself completely ignoring the bench for a seat curled at the waters side, she has so much to think through.
Dear Hyne, why do I keep worrying about Seifer, its all so sudden, her thoughts halted at their own coldness, but she continued to defend them silently to herself, there was a time, several times in fact, that I would have wished nothing more then for Seifer not to have existed. We are no better then the monsters, us mercenaries, kill, wound, defeat. All we tend to think of is the mayhem we can cause, and what for? A few mealy Gil, no life is worth a currency, a paper bill which will burn and crumble and be passed on so instantly. Life is so precious. Why did this never occur to me until now? Many a time I wished to halt my existence, free my soul, damn my soul, whatever be held in the stars.
A tiny voice, maybe it was her conscience, heeded petty advice to itself, You never gave up upon yourself? Maybe you have simply not given up upon Seifer. He is human, he deserves someone to believe he has some good within.
Her main and self directed stream of thought took over once more and began to ponder, Seifer, has anyone ever believed Seifer still had good within? Matron maybe, or was that just true pity to a twisted soul? His friends, they do not care if he is gentle or kind, they just care that he is him and that they have bonded on some level. Last night, when we were having coffee, I saw that…that vulnerability. I was stupid to ignore it, maybe my complete ignorance to the fact that Seifer was lost could have something to do with… Her thoughts were interrupted rather rudely from someone beckoning her name from the main courtyard beyond the shrubs and across the stream. The muffled voice continued to call her.
Slightly angry at the voice for causing her sudden dissention from deep thought Quistis stood and walked slowly out of the closed area and came face to face with Menka who peering through the bushes trying to find her.
The shock of seeing such a warm face almost frightened Quistis who was beginning to think that there was no end to the solitude and fake smiles brought about by so many others' expressions. She smiled without thinking and basked in it when he wrapped her in a warm friendly hug, "sunshine, my you're looking depressively old, its been what? Three hours?" Quistis almost giggled, knowing full well her face looked somewhere between grief, wisdom and desolate hopelessness.
"And you? Thinking you look much better," she looked him up and down, "I know it was early when you got up but blue surf shirt, striped orange cargo pants and green flip-flops? Distress and panic are no excuse for a lack of matching clothing."
When he smiled this time she noticed a slight twinge of sadness underneath the warm natured look. "I was just thinking, do you believe your going to be spending a lot of time here? I mean, until Seifer recovers," he added this is an more stretching tone then anything, like a mother who preaches to a child that their pet with the wandering nature will return.
"Yeah, I mean…I doubt the Fuijin and Raijin will be able to stay long, they have separate lives, families probably," she trailed off at the end of the elongated sentence and waited to hear what Menka had to say. She was tired of being the only one to talk.
"And so, through the magic of persuasion, I have scored you and extended vacation from work with blame placed upon high stress ordeals and caring for a hospitalized person. At least that's what I wrote on the legal note," he smiled in a wonderfully knowing manner and offered an armhole for Quistis to slip her hand through.
"And that is why you're the best boss I have ever had the extreme pleasure of working with," she smiled faintly before linking arms with him. The pair made their way back to Seifer's room, slightly alleviated from the pain the morning had brought.
The oddly radiant couple walked into the stark hospital room causing all conscious occupants to turn in their direction. They all were slightly perturbed and a little dishearten to see that Quistis was not involved with Seifer, but instead with the strange crazy looking man. However that was simply because they were not blessed with the knowledge that Menka was proudly gay and neither of them had any interest in one another besides a beautifully healthy friendship which formed quite quickly. [AN: I always wanted a sweet guy friend who wasn't perverted or always making unfair comparisons, guy you didn't ever have to put up a front for]
Raijin opened his mouth to speak, quickly closing it with a glare from Fuijin who was now holding Seifer's hand quite lightly. To everyone who was aware of Fuijin's odd expressive speech the next phrase was an absolute shocker, "Raijin and I can't stay as long as we planned. We're really sorry." Quistis and Stacey looked towards the source of the soft speech and unexpectedly found Fuijin.
Quistis, who by now was getting more used to shock then a person ever should be, quickly recovered and responded in a soft voice as well, "Don't worry, I'll be able to stay with him." Fuijin gave her a thankful smile, aware of the vulnerability Quistis must of noticed as much as she did when she glanced into Seifer's eyes at a rare weak moment.
Menka gave Quistis a hug and made her promise to visit him, turning swiftly to leave the room masquerading as a menacing clown. Quistis turned to look once more at the extremely damaged Seifer then pulled a chair up next to where Fuijin had transplanted herself and they began to talk.
Seven nights had passed since the rude awakening and crash had taken place. Each night things looked grimmer, statistics grew worse, the silence unbearable. In all truth Quistis had returned to her flat only for an hour at time, to shower, collect mail, petty things she was unable to do at the hospital. She had been eating at the cafeteria constantly and had taken a liking to sleeping outstretched on three aligned armless chairs. She had seen Stacey be released from the hospital, Raijin and Fuijins' departure as well as countless gasping reminders Seifer's condition.
"Hyne this is getting worse, why couldn't life be so simple as to whip out a cure every time someone gets hurt," she of course knew wounds were not as simply dealt with and that injury inflicted by oneself, or another fully competent human being was impossible to simply zap away. Be it the lords way of telling us how our own insignificance and lack of integrity would be the one and only end to us. She squeezed Seifer's hand tightly, almost feeling a bone shift underneath her impressive grip.
If silence could be shattered like a physical piece of glass it would be comparative to the loud rap which was inflicted upon the doors hollow wood seconds after Quistis's violent pressure. She hadn't heard from anyone other then doctors and nurses in days, slipping in and out of the apartments quickly, constantly worried of Seifer's fate and unable to find any substantial ground for her caring. She was still very angry for what he could have caused to Stacey. She yelled a dishearten 'come in' and watched the door smoothly open.
Much to her approval Menka walked in, looking a little cross but not that much worse for wear. Menka gave a sad smile, his eyes giving off a melancholy aura, and floated smoothly toward Quistis.
"You haven't came to visit me," Menka breathed, clearly not ready to explain how worried he was becoming with Quistis's current living conditions.
A slight pain of guilt washed through Quistis's emotionless face only to be blocked half way by Menka's brightened smile. She quickly realized that her lack of ability to keep a promise was not the reason for his apparent mood. A little saddened that she was not missed quite as much as it at first seemed she studied his face, watching it peer down suspiciously at her hand, which was quite firmly attached to Seifer's free limb.
"The doctor said stimulus might help," she renounced quickly, speaking to a friend for the first time in too long.
He gave her a slightly suspicious smile and looked up once again making clear eye contact, "Do you know how he's doing?" He almost physically gave in to the urge to kick himself. Yes, that's great Menka, why not bring up the only thing she's' had to think about for the past seven day.
"His brain has been whacked around quite a bit. Doctors say his chance of making it out is something like 50/50. I know that there lying to me. You think they could've told me, I mean I'm just sitting here alone day after day, trying to scrounge up some hope. I know the nurses said, they didn't know I was listening, chances are more like 20/80." She stopped for a moment and then laughed, "Hyne, Seifer had to mix in all that alcohol just to make the chances worse."
"You do realize that people can be breathing on their own and stay comatose for years before, well, you can't stay here for years," he tried to make it sound light hearted but found himself once again feeling as if he should inflict self mutilation for the harshness of his words.
Suddenly they heard a mumble, no, it was more like a low growl. They both instantly turned to Seifer, the only one they knew who could growl exactly like some obscure cat-monster. The both stared; mouths wide open before Quistis spoke, "Seifer can you here me?"
Notes: SOOOOOOOOOO sorry for how long this stinky chapter took. I kept on going inspired and then losing it verrryyyy quickly….sorry sorry sorry! Sorry about when Quistis goes all philosophical on death even though that's kind of far from what she was originally touching on………………….will update soon, grade ten starts in something like a week