"With all of this I feel now
Everything inside of my heart
It all just seems to be how
Nothing I feel pulls at me at all
Again I wait for this to pull apart
To break my time in two
Another night with her
But I'm always wanting you"
blink-182, All of This
I'm dancing with Daphne.
We finished the rehearsal dinner not too long ago, and upon entering the bar, Donny asked Mel to dance.
Leaving Daphne and I alone. And now we're dancing. Despite the subtle cruelty of it all, this could quite possibly be the best night I'll have in a very long time.
She's wearing a sleeveless blue cocktail dress, and I have a perfect view of the perfect skin of her perfect shoulders. Should I want to, I could shift my head and "accidentally" brush my lips against her lovely neck... A year or two ago I would have jumped at the chance, but now it just doesn't seem necessary. She is engaged, after all, and although I am considered a dear friend, there is little chance we'll ever dance like this again.
I'm not going to ruin the moment. I just wish this song would end with a kiss resembling the one we shared a little over four years ago.
Sometimes I really hate life. Like the night after Dr. Crane and Mel announced that they had eloped: I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I cried. I cried and cried for hours, even after I was sure there shouldn't be anything left in me. I wasn't even sure why I was crying. Just because Dr. Crane was married, and no one seemed to care that I had something to say...
The next day Mr. Crane and Dr. Crane spent several hours in town. I fixed myself a bed on the sofa, opened a box of chocolates that my friend, Charlotte, had given me as a congratulations for getting engaged, watched a Lifetime movie and stuffed my face.
I hate life now, too.
I'm dancing with Dr. Crane's brother.
I just don't understand this. All of those tears, and I convince myself that I don't love him. That whole, hellish day, and I pretend it's just jitters. I hold up just fine, until he takes me in his arms and we dance.
This is different than dancing with Donny. With Donny, I worry about posture, conversation, terms of endearment. With Dr. Crane, I feel the only thing in the world that will make me happy is if we never move. With Donny, I worry about responding to his kisses. With Dr. Crane, I find myself wishing he would give me some to respond to. With Donny, I wonder if I'm making the right decision.
But even standing next to Dr. Crane, I know that I should change my mind. He smells so wonderful, and cares so much, and has the cutest little chuckle when he feels accomplished... and the saddest eyes when something's wrong. Oh God, I want to kiss him...
Donny, I guess, is The Piranha. Dr. Crane will have to be a different version of The One That Got Away.
The thing that worries me a bit, is that you can find more than one piranha. The one that got away is nearly extinct, and usually people have to make up stories about ever having an encounter with one.