7 - Questions Of Loyalty
"It took me a few moments to register what she had said, the subtle emphasis on the word key. I remember looking at her strangely and being plagued by a sudden demon of suspicion. Had Sebastian been telling people? How did Cynthia know we had been making love? Then I forced the thoughts out of my mind - obviously Cynthia just assumed that, and the emphasis on the word 'key' had been my imagination. Of course it had."
Her legs were curled underneath her in a very catlike pose, and she surveyed Albus over the rim of a mug of tea, having just told him all about what she had been remembering out in the garden. He had not batted an eyelid at her awkward rendition of the events that night, only smiled slightly, amused by how tongue tied she was.
"I am well experienced in the ways of the world." Had been all he had said.
"Obviously, Cynthia was right, we had made more than love that night, but I wasn't to really discover that until later that month, when things didn't happen as they should. That first morning was the only time I got sick, and with hindsight I don't think it had anything to do with that, probably some off seafood, or something." She paused for a moment, thinking of the evening that she had found herself in Dumbledore's care, and feeling again the sense of sadness and loss at the hollowness now inside her, of the person she would never know.
"But Cynthia wasn't the only person who was to arouse my suspicion."
Thom winked lewdly at Minerva from across the bar. "How are you and Seb going, eh?" He grinned in a way that made her feel ill, and she turned away from him and made her way outside. She sat down in a swinging chair on the front veranda and pushed with her feet so that it rocked slowly. Her eyes were frozen on a spot on the brick wall across the street. She stared, unblinkingly, her insides churning. Had Sebastian not been discreet about what they had done? Had he betrayed her trust by boasting to his friends of his achievement? How could he do that? Why would he do that? And the key: had what Cynthia said been an accident, or had Sebastian let that slip as well? The feeling of not knowing what to think writhed in her insides. She trusted him, she thought she did, but how had they all of a sudden started to make lewd comments, if he hadn't said anything. Was it possible that others had heard them? Surely not, she didn't think they had made that much noise. But it was possible.
Minerva was dragged from her thoughts by the sound of the hotel door opening, and she smiled when she saw that it was Jeromie.
"Oh hello!" he exclaimed with a smile. "Nice evening," he commented on the warm, heavy, damp air around them, and she moved to one side of the chair as he seated himself beside her. He flipped open a packet of cigarettes and slipped one between his lips, then offered her one. Minerva shook her head - she didn't see how anybody could suck on those things, and wondered why muggles had ever thought that breathing in smoke was an interesting pastime. She said none of this, of course, only watched as Jeromie flicked open a silver cased lighter and ignited the end of the little roll. He took a long drag and breathed a haze of white smoke out into the evening air.
"What are you doing out here all by yourself, anyway?" he asked, giving her a curious look.
Minerva took a deep breath. "Just.thinking."
"Oh yeah? Penny for your thoughts?"
Minerva smiled; she'd never heard that phrase before. "I'm just questioning a few things, that's all. Maybe it's just silly female worries, making things out of nothing, I don't know." She sighed. That was the whole thing with uncertainty, you didn't know.
"You're not getting homesick, are you, after all this time?" he seemed surprised.
"No.no it's not that.though I do miss some of the people I used to know." My wizard friends, she added silently. "No, it's. well, it's Sebastian, really."
"Sebastian?" Jeromie raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I thought you two were really happy."
"We are.well, I think we are.. I thought we were. I don't know."
Jeromie waved the hand that held the cigarette. "No elaboration?"
"Well, you may have heard. that's what I'm worried about, that you heard, that everybody's heard. The other night, Sebastian and I, well, we." she blushed. She was still a girl in many respects, and the words seemed to tie in her throat.
"Did what lovers do?" Jeromie offered casually, taking another drag on his cigarette.
"Yeah," Minerva smiled, liking the way he worded it and the he understood completely without her having to say it. He seemed to be able to read her completely. "And. well. I don't know if I'm imagining it or not, but people keep making comments, just before Thom gave me this horrible wink and made some kind of stupid comment. and I just wonder, how do they know? Has Sebastian been telling people, boasting of his conquest? I just don't know what to think." She turned her head to look at him, resting her chin on one fisted hand. "Have you heard anything? Has he said anything to you?"
Jeromie shook his head. "He hasn't said anything to me, and nor has anyone else. I don't know. Maybe he alluded to it - men are like that, you know - it sounds horrible but we are. Maybe a few cleverly placed winks gave people the idea. we kind of like having others know that we're being successful. I don't think it's a reflection on his feelings for you, though, even if he has said something. It doesn't mean he doesn't respect you, really, just maybe he doesn't quite realise how private you are. You should ask him."
Minerva snorted. "That would be a cheery conversation."
"No but you should." Jeromie insisted. "You're doing adult things now; you need to be grown up enough to talk about them. If you can't talk to him your relationship will fall apart."
Minerva nodded. The truth was, though, that it wasn't the idea of Sebastian mentioning what they had done that upset her so much as the thought that he may have been indiscreet about the key. Of course, she didn't want their activities to become the local gossip, but she could handle that, if she had to. She loved him enough to forgive him for that. But the key was something completely different - the key must remain secret no matter what. She thought, in letting him hold it, in showing him how much she trusted him just by sharing it with him, that he would understand that. Perhaps she had been wrong. Maybe she should just ask him.
"Just say something, Minny. It's bound to unlock a few barriers."
"It took me a few moments to register what she had said, the subtle emphasis on the word key. I remember looking at her strangely and being plagued by a sudden demon of suspicion. Had Sebastian been telling people? How did Cynthia know we had been making love? Then I forced the thoughts out of my mind - obviously Cynthia just assumed that, and the emphasis on the word 'key' had been my imagination. Of course it had."
Her legs were curled underneath her in a very catlike pose, and she surveyed Albus over the rim of a mug of tea, having just told him all about what she had been remembering out in the garden. He had not batted an eyelid at her awkward rendition of the events that night, only smiled slightly, amused by how tongue tied she was.
"I am well experienced in the ways of the world." Had been all he had said.
"Obviously, Cynthia was right, we had made more than love that night, but I wasn't to really discover that until later that month, when things didn't happen as they should. That first morning was the only time I got sick, and with hindsight I don't think it had anything to do with that, probably some off seafood, or something." She paused for a moment, thinking of the evening that she had found herself in Dumbledore's care, and feeling again the sense of sadness and loss at the hollowness now inside her, of the person she would never know.
"But Cynthia wasn't the only person who was to arouse my suspicion."
Thom winked lewdly at Minerva from across the bar. "How are you and Seb going, eh?" He grinned in a way that made her feel ill, and she turned away from him and made her way outside. She sat down in a swinging chair on the front veranda and pushed with her feet so that it rocked slowly. Her eyes were frozen on a spot on the brick wall across the street. She stared, unblinkingly, her insides churning. Had Sebastian not been discreet about what they had done? Had he betrayed her trust by boasting to his friends of his achievement? How could he do that? Why would he do that? And the key: had what Cynthia said been an accident, or had Sebastian let that slip as well? The feeling of not knowing what to think writhed in her insides. She trusted him, she thought she did, but how had they all of a sudden started to make lewd comments, if he hadn't said anything. Was it possible that others had heard them? Surely not, she didn't think they had made that much noise. But it was possible.
Minerva was dragged from her thoughts by the sound of the hotel door opening, and she smiled when she saw that it was Jeromie.
"Oh hello!" he exclaimed with a smile. "Nice evening," he commented on the warm, heavy, damp air around them, and she moved to one side of the chair as he seated himself beside her. He flipped open a packet of cigarettes and slipped one between his lips, then offered her one. Minerva shook her head - she didn't see how anybody could suck on those things, and wondered why muggles had ever thought that breathing in smoke was an interesting pastime. She said none of this, of course, only watched as Jeromie flicked open a silver cased lighter and ignited the end of the little roll. He took a long drag and breathed a haze of white smoke out into the evening air.
"What are you doing out here all by yourself, anyway?" he asked, giving her a curious look.
Minerva took a deep breath. "Just.thinking."
"Oh yeah? Penny for your thoughts?"
Minerva smiled; she'd never heard that phrase before. "I'm just questioning a few things, that's all. Maybe it's just silly female worries, making things out of nothing, I don't know." She sighed. That was the whole thing with uncertainty, you didn't know.
"You're not getting homesick, are you, after all this time?" he seemed surprised.
"No.no it's not that.though I do miss some of the people I used to know." My wizard friends, she added silently. "No, it's. well, it's Sebastian, really."
"Sebastian?" Jeromie raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I thought you two were really happy."
"We are.well, I think we are.. I thought we were. I don't know."
Jeromie waved the hand that held the cigarette. "No elaboration?"
"Well, you may have heard. that's what I'm worried about, that you heard, that everybody's heard. The other night, Sebastian and I, well, we." she blushed. She was still a girl in many respects, and the words seemed to tie in her throat.
"Did what lovers do?" Jeromie offered casually, taking another drag on his cigarette.
"Yeah," Minerva smiled, liking the way he worded it and the he understood completely without her having to say it. He seemed to be able to read her completely. "And. well. I don't know if I'm imagining it or not, but people keep making comments, just before Thom gave me this horrible wink and made some kind of stupid comment. and I just wonder, how do they know? Has Sebastian been telling people, boasting of his conquest? I just don't know what to think." She turned her head to look at him, resting her chin on one fisted hand. "Have you heard anything? Has he said anything to you?"
Jeromie shook his head. "He hasn't said anything to me, and nor has anyone else. I don't know. Maybe he alluded to it - men are like that, you know - it sounds horrible but we are. Maybe a few cleverly placed winks gave people the idea. we kind of like having others know that we're being successful. I don't think it's a reflection on his feelings for you, though, even if he has said something. It doesn't mean he doesn't respect you, really, just maybe he doesn't quite realise how private you are. You should ask him."
Minerva snorted. "That would be a cheery conversation."
"No but you should." Jeromie insisted. "You're doing adult things now; you need to be grown up enough to talk about them. If you can't talk to him your relationship will fall apart."
Minerva nodded. The truth was, though, that it wasn't the idea of Sebastian mentioning what they had done that upset her so much as the thought that he may have been indiscreet about the key. Of course, she didn't want their activities to become the local gossip, but she could handle that, if she had to. She loved him enough to forgive him for that. But the key was something completely different - the key must remain secret no matter what. She thought, in letting him hold it, in showing him how much she trusted him just by sharing it with him, that he would understand that. Perhaps she had been wrong. Maybe she should just ask him.
"Just say something, Minny. It's bound to unlock a few barriers."